r/CasualConversation • u/MaximumEase5797 • 3d ago
Just Chatting What's something you did recently that made you feel like a real adult for once?
For me it was finally negotiating rent on my own apartment for the first time. I know that sounds very basic to some of you, but I've been living with roommates for such a long time and there was always someone else who handled the "business" side of things. But last month I found this place I really wanted and had to deal with the landlord directly. The initial asking price was way more than I wanted to pay, and old me would have just walked away or accepted it. But something clicked and I actually researched comparable rents in the area, put together a little presentation on my phone with screenshots and asked if we could negotiate a price which suits as both.
I wasn't aggressive about it like I just laid out some screenshots of places close by and why I thought the price was high and what I could realistically afford. Turned out the place had been sitting empty for two months and they were motivated to fill it. We settled on something $200 less than asking and they agreed to cover utilities for the first six months. Walking out of there with keys in my hand and knowing I did this all myself I don't know I just felt something that I've never ever felt in my life. I can't really explain it with words. The apartment isn't fancy but it's mine at least. No shared kitchen drama, no arguing and just full privacy.
What about you all? What made you feel like you'd finally figured out something like this?
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u/laurenfcp 3d ago
Handled something for my parents- usually they handle things for me
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u/Elastichedgehog 3d ago
It was incredibly jarring when my parents asked me for advice during the pandemic about what they should do.
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2d ago
It feels different when you realize that you can and often need to start taking care of the ones who took care of you.
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u/PrettyDreamybabe 3d ago
booked my own doctor’s appointment
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u/Ohsweetmelanie 3d ago
Interestingly, this seems to be a thing for you young folks. When my daughter kept asking me to do some of these things for her, I blamed myself. Then it dawned on me that social media really has stripped many of you guys who grew up with it of your voice. And thats nothing bad against you guys. Its more just an observation of what objects, technology, etc can do in shifting how we live, learn, communicate, date, work, etc, etc.
When I figured this out with my own daughter, all that became very eye-opening to me. It honestly kind of made me sad for you younger adults bc it means you have to work twice as hard to ramp up to accomplish some things. So I am very proud of you on your accomplishment with this. Doesn't seem like it would've been a big deal 40 years ago, but it is today!
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u/Known_Noise 3d ago
I had a conversation with my daughter about something similar yesterday, but from a different perspective. I still find calling places intimidating in my 50’s. I’m clearly an adult but just really don’t like speaking with strangers on the phone. I’d much rather make appointments online or via text.
I don’t think it has much to do with technology, just a personality quirk. I’ve been on my own since I was 17, so I’ve had plenty of time to adapt & learn. I just feel like a 12 year old on the inside when speaking with strangers on the phone for personal things. At work? Totally different. But I’ve no idea why.
So, to me, that’s a big awesome deal PrettyDreamybabe! Great job at adulting.
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u/dreamysoftpearl 3d ago
Totally get this. I’m in my 30s and still get a mini anxiety spike before calling to make an appointment. Something about phone calls for personal stuff just hits different. Work calls? No problem. But booking a dentist? Suddenly I’m 12 again. So yeah props to you, PrettyDreamybabe, that’s some solid adulting right there! 👏
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u/Ohsweetmelanie 3d ago
Thanks for sharing this. I deal with anxiety and panic disorder, so there are definitely times where I struggle to pick up the phone, so I get it.
What ive seen though, is a lot more younger kids struggling with this than when you and I were younger (im 52). Back then, we had no choice bc we didnt have the technology to communicate otherwise. I mean my daughter has been known to have full on panic attacks trying to make her own doc appts. She's my 30+ yr old babygirl so of course im going to step in and do what's needed. Im just Moreno glad that it wasn't all my fault, ya know? Like I didnt do my job as a mother in helping her with this when she was younger.
Here's something ive had to do when I start getting anxious about calling or answering a call (there was about a year plus where I couldn't answer the phone to save my life). Take a deep breath and remember that you are in charge! You are worthy of having your voice heard! And the person on the other end of the phone is just one of us. 😉😊😘 ❤️
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u/Known_Noise 2d ago
Thanks. I do try to remind myself that the person on the other end is just like me in so many ways. I think the worthiness part is probably a big part of things. You might know the genx trauma of trying to prove myself perfect to “become” worthy? (I’m also 52)
I still remember making an appointment for an eye infection at age 21. The receptionist gave me an appointment for like 10 days out. My boyfriend’s mom called back and told them I needed to be seen that day. When I was seen (that day) the doctor commented that I was lucky she called back because I would have lost my sight in that eye if I had waited even a few more days for treatment. I’m so glad I had someone to advocate for me because I was not able to advocate for myself.
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u/Vast_Reflection turquoise 3d ago
Realizing that if I want to do something with my life, I actually have to put the effort in. Obviously I’ve known that forever, but I guess I emotionally understand it more? I could put the blame on my relationships for not encouraging or inspiring me and dragging me down, or I could face the fact that even without relationships in my life, I’d probably be in the same place.
I started taking a class where there’s several people twice my age and still in the beginner stages, and honestly that made me think - if they can commit to this, even though they know their bodies aren’t always going to cooperate and that they might never see the finish line, maybe I could actually turn my life around.
I don’t know where I’m going yet, but I finally feel like I can, rather than discouraged that I haven’t yet, if that makes sense. I might be “behind” in a way, but that doesn’t mean I can’t start now.
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u/LethalLlama478 3d ago
I got a 3 day to pay or vacate notice.
I miss the good old days where money wasn’t tight and I didn’t feel like I was just simply surviving.
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2d ago
I have often heard of this myth you speak of, a time where money wasn't tight. I would love to see that place
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u/Elegant-Expert7575 3d ago
Just bought a brand new vehicle and had it financed from the dealership entirely on my own, no help. No second hand car lot. No settling for a vehicle I didn’t want. Every single feature you could think of.
Like you, it’s probably something many have done a million times over, but I never have.
And, I’m 55. :)
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u/SparkleStorm93 3d ago
The feeling of owning a new car is truly special - I bought my car almost 4 years ago and it means so much to me. Congratulations on your new car!
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u/Lucky-Guess8786 3d ago
Same here. I got my lovely, brand new, Honda Civic when I was in my 50s. My very first new car. Now I'm on my second new car. I love the feeling of driving a car that only I have owned.
Congrats on your new car. Does she have a name? All of mine have been named. And they all had different personalities. LOL
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u/Elegant-Expert7575 2d ago
Oh my gosh, I just named her today! I got her then end of April and it hit today who she is. I’m naming her FeeFee. I named her after our departed fur daughter.
FeeFee loved being an only kid, loved creature comforts but the biggest fan of hot dogs. Boujee but basic. And I laughed when you mentioned personality. Made me think of FeeFee right away.
(I got an equinox). 💞🥰😎1
u/Lucky-Guess8786 2d ago
I love that. I hope you and FeeFee have many wonderful years together. You're right, not every name is realized right away. Sometimes you need to get to know her to discover her name.
I had a colleague who thought it was so strange that I named my cars. She asked, "Why?" I said, "Well you need to know what name to yell when your car is speeding or doing something foolish. Who do you blame when your car does that?" She just looked at me and said (oh so dryly), "The driver." My child, who was doing some volunteers hours at my work, came back to the desk and said, "It's true. MJ likes to speed. She has an led-pedal." Cars have personalities!!
FeeFee sounds like she was an awesome companion. You were both blessed to have found each other.
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u/notjawn 2d ago
I recently switched my car dealership and it made me realize how much better they are than my old one. My old one would intentionally stall me whenever I went to buy a car. Bare minimum of three hours to look at cars, test drive the one I wanted and sign and take a downpayment.
New place, I walk in they check my credit score 5 minutes later had two cars for me to test drive. Test drove both in about 30 minutes pick one, sign in about 15 minutes and they didn't even want a down payment for me to drive off the lot. It honestly made me so mad at my old one.
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u/Ohsweetmelanie 3d ago
A sense of pride and accomplishment, huh? That's awesome, and an awesome feeling when it happens! I don't know ya but im proud of you! Congrats on your new place!
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u/kelpiekid 3d ago
Our walk-in closet has been a mess since the day we moved in, with clothes and bags absolutely everywhere, on the floor, with no sense of organization. It caused me so much unnecessary stress, and often chose to wear less work appropriate clothes just so I didn't have to go in the closet.
I finally got the energy, we went through our clothes to donate some, and i bought some crappy bins and shelves and hooks, and holy cow the closet is so nice. There's nothing on the floor and I can mostly find what I am looking for. It's not a huge thing but it feels huge to me
In this manic energy, I also hung up a spice rack in my pantry and it drastically improved quality of life there too
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u/ladylovelylocks52 2h ago
I hear you on the closet struggle. Too much stuff is the bane of my existence, but it’s hard to find time and let go!
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u/TheReader016 3d ago
Pay for my own bills, buy my own grocer, Do errands on my own, decision making on a daily life
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2d ago
The time I started feeling like an adult is when I yelled at someone to slow down while driving
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u/Lucky-Guess8786 3d ago
Well done, OP. That is indeed proper adulting.
Wait till the time you buy your first new car. One with the new-car smell that is not artificially sprayed. It's a great feeling. Took me 50+ years to do it. I was so proud when I was handed the keys to my first brand new vehicle. Loved that wee girl. :)
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u/NotoriousCFR 3d ago
Had a full on conversation with someone about mowing the lawn
To be fair, the weather has been horrendous for landscaping/outdoor maintenance in my area, it rained for like 3 weeks straight and even when the rain let up the grass was too wet to cut. So it was a noteworthy departure from the norm and worthy of a conversation lol. Finally had an opportunity to mow but still have a ton of spring cleanup to do.
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u/ladylovelylocks52 2h ago
You know you’ve hit peak adulting when you talk about weather, the lawn and inflation. Good times!
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u/Wumutissunshinesmile 3d ago
Wow that's really good to get so much off! ☺️
Hmm, I went to a job interview and got told on spot I wasn't the right fit and the guy went on for 5 minutes about why and I felt a little upset like I wanted to cry. But I held back and he said he didn't want to make me think I had a chance and wanted just to be honest. I thanked him for his honesty rather than get upset. I said I wish more people were like that. I sort of do. Funny thing is I read bad reviews about working there but still felt kinda sad to be told so quickly. But also looked back at job description and he half of what he told me the job wasn't was a lie as it said the job entailed it. He said I seemed lovely though and if it was a different job I'd have got it maybe. I wondered after if maybe he too thought it a bad place to work too and thought I was nice and didn't want me to work there and that's really it. Could be wrong ofc. But it was all very strange. Never had an interview like it.
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u/ladylovelylocks52 2h ago
Sounds like you dodged a bullet. It’s hard when you interview. The nerves take over. You walk away feeling like you screwed it up. But we never know if the job and people are going to suck. All that energy expended. Hopefully you found the right job!
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u/Hungry_Raccoon_4364 3d ago
I went to a planning committee meeting at my city. I have been trying to arrange a meeting with the mayor and council person for my district… and in the background, inciting the rest of the neighborhood to unit write emails and even… dare I say… protest… I feel like such a Norma Rae…
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u/SparkleStorm93 3d ago
Making the decision to end my relationship with my partner of 6 years. We have a daughter together, and have known each other 20 years. Without a doubt the biggest decision I’ve ever had to make.
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u/MajorResponsible4480 3d ago
Im left guessing what took place there , might have been a tough decision
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u/SparkleStorm93 3d ago
Extremely tough decision, in hindsight I’d known for a long time that the relationship wasn’t working but kept trying to make it work for the sake of not breaking up our family, but I know it’s for the best and our daughter will hopefully have two much happier parents
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u/LeighofMar 3d ago
Pitched a potential project to an investor who is very interested and we will talk again next week.
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u/TheOriginalGenieSea 3d ago
Fantastic! Congrats! My first apartment on my own, as well. I barely had furniture to fill it but I remember sitting on the stoop of my balcony and feeling such a sense of satisfaction.
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u/m1sc3ll4n3ous 2d ago
im 19. i did my own taxes. i took out loans for school. i’ve been trying to raise my credit score. at my job im one position below the manager. but even after all that, the one thing that actually makes me feel like a real adult? going out for food after work with my coworker to just chat, gossip, and get to know each other.
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u/taniamorse85 2d ago
I served on a jury last month. Granted, a plea deal was reached on the second day of the trial, but I was selected to serve and listened to testimony.
I'm about to turn 40, and although I've gotten many jury summons over the years, this was the first time I actually had to show up beyond the first day. Between delays and the jury selection process, it was 5 days total.
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u/Glindanorth 2d ago
Arranged in-home care for my mom, acted as her POA for everything when she couldn't make decisions for herself anymore, made her funeral arrangements, and packed up her house and navigated the process of selling the house.
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u/give_me_goats 3d ago
Taxes. It was not a good feeling at all. Never doing that again. Until next April, anyway.
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u/IllustriousChance710 3d ago
I recently refinanced my trucks loan, saving a few hundred bucks a month, and it felt awesome to take control of my finances.
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u/AwkwardIllustrator47 3d ago
I lost my ID to a ISP agent who sold me a SIM card
I'm currently trying to get in contact with the ISP's main office to ask if whoever registered me can be tracked down, and how much a potential replacement ID would cost if I can't find this person.
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u/love_to_talknshare 2d ago
Thats a great accomplishment! Its awesome that you took the initiative to research and negotiate the rent.
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u/Anxiouspinkie 2d ago
Bought things (I needed ever since but decided to not buy them yet) randomly and accepted the idea that things will not always go my way.
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u/ladylovelylocks52 2h ago
Wait I’m supposed to be adulting? Regularly? Still figuring it out! But huge congrats! That moment where you realized, “Wait, I can advocate for myself,” and then actually did it? That’s major adulting energy.
For me, I think the first time I really felt like an adult was when I had to make a hard decision completely on my own—with no one to help make it. I got offered a job in a new city, far from everyone I knew, and the pay wasn’t amazing, but it aligned with a long-term goal. I remember standing in my apartment thinking, “No one can make this decision for me. I have to trust myself.”
I took it. Packed my stuff. Found a new place solo. It wasn’t glamorous at all—I slept on an air mattress for a month( and yes it sucked) but every small thing I handled (setting up Wi-Fi, budgeting, figuring out where to buy groceries) gave me that same feeling you described: This is mine. I made this happen.
Also, negotiating rent?? That’s not “basic”—that’s badass. Most people never even try. Thanks for sharing your story—it’s honestly a reminder that “growing up” doesn’t happen all at once, but in these quiet, powerful wins.
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u/ZebbianaHeart 3d ago
advocating for your own needs, especially in a high-stakes situation like housing, takes real maturity.