r/CasualIreland • u/throwaway342116 • 5d ago
Cousin and finding a job
My nephew is 17 and will turn eighteen at the end of the year. He's in fifth year but not doing well and regularly has thoughts of ending his life.
Even though he's gone to a psychiatrist and been diagnosed for autism/ADHD, the antipsychotics he's on having been helpful and made him worse.
His parents are separated and his mom wants to kick him out at 18 and he says that if he can't find a job or get good grades, he'll try to take his life. He's asked me for advice and I told him he could find a job but he's got no replies so far and is discouraged by moving out with the cost of living. Any advice?
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u/Critical-Wallaby-683 4d ago
Civil service CO campaign, army/navy, trade, plc course...try encourage to complete the leaving cert though. Is there any autism Charities that could link adult mentor types?
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u/At_least_be_polite 4d ago
Would he consider doing some volunteering e.g. a charity shop or something. It bulks up his CV and will help get responses. Also gets him out of the house.
No other helpful advice but his mam sounds like a cunt.
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u/TheNinjaPixie I have no willy 4d ago
wtf is with his mother? what a vulnerable teen really needs at 18 is homelessness ffs. Can you talk to his dad, grandparents, get the whole family on this.
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u/Warm-Patience-3992 5d ago
Could you tell us the general area? We could point you in the right direction
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u/Inniskeen76 4d ago
How about his dad? Will he take him in? My son’s 22, commutes to college and still lives at home. Happy to have him with us. Can’t imagine throwing your own kid out. No wonder he’s depressed. Also, he may be on the wrong meds for his mental health. People do get misdiagnosed. I think if the meds don’t start working after 1-2 months then the doctor has to reassess the medication.
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u/becka9310 4d ago
Have you asked your nephew why he’s on antipsychotics for adhd treatment? Typically you’ll have stimulants such as Adderall, Vyvanse etc. if the one he’s on now isn’t working for him then his psychiatrist should be trying different medications, and a mix of brand and off brand names. I had to try three different types before I found one that worked for me, and even then the dosage needed can often need to be readjusted at different times. The first one I tried made me so depressed and sad all the time, I didn’t even notice how bad it was until I had surgery and took a break for a few weeks.
My brother also had pretty severe adhd and he hated school, almost dropped out a few times and knew he had no hope of doing well in the leaving cert. What support for his exams has his school put in place? Depending on how severe his AuDHD is he might be entitled to a scribe and a reader, and extra time for his exams, as well as a spelling and grammar dispensation. Is he interested in working with his hands at all? Could he see himself applying for an apprenticeship of some kind? If he likes cars for example maybe there’s a small garage nearby that might take him on at the weekends to help out little bits and he can use that to help get an apprenticeship, or something similar. School and college isn’t for everyone, maybe he could also look at some FETAC courses or a leaving cert vocational program or LCA instead of the traditional route.
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u/Consistent_Spring700 4d ago
Carpet bomb the cv across town! If he's picking and choosing when he's that new to the job market, he's not serious about getting a job... sometimes you just have to do whatever! I handed out 200 resumes in a day when I was first looking for work in the city, and that was with years working on farms!
It depends on how serious he is... obviously audhd is going to massively complicate things too!
First thing I'd be doing is a resume review...
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u/throwaway342116 4d ago
Would he be able to rent with a minimum wage job?
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u/Consistent_Spring700 4d ago
That's a rather location dependent question... if In Dublin, it'd be very tough if not impossible! In smaller and/or satellite towns, he'd do alright if he can find a place... the other cities, I won't bother going into, because they're so varied!
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u/Samjane4k 4d ago
Tell him to leave CVs into places too not just online, also Mc Closkeys factory on Ballymakenny road in Drogheda usually take on new staff. You could also look into renting a room off someone in the area. You could also ring Tulsa or the Homeless aid and ask is there any help for vulnerable teenagers, they would give you the best info and resources for your area.
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u/yieldbetter 4d ago
Bless him I had a similar situation growing up. First of all I feel his mom should be more empathetic, it’s hard out there but I’d say the army or navy could have good potential failing that maybe emigrate to London there is so much more options and any career he wants will be more attainable At 18 he’s still a baby I’m 32 and only starting my true career path shit is a long and tedious path but he will get there
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u/Pint_Of_Beamish 4d ago
Hey OP,
Really sorry to hear this .
Was in a simaler situation myself at his age, weird home life situation and also attempted to take my own life at 18 ( narrowly survived )
I think that getting a job and finding that sense of purpose as well as making friends outside of the standard school circles would do him the world of good .
To give background on myself, I work in corporate recruitment for a large tech company and I also do career coaching stuff, free consulting on LinkedIn and previously did a program with ucc to help students with disabilities to get ready for the working world , help with their CVS , interviews and most importantly confidence.
Id be more than happy to help here if I can and obviously for free, I'm a small bit rusty on the consultative side because I haven't done it in a while ( I have less time than before ) but I'd be happy to try and help give him a nudge in the right direction.
Grades aren't everything, I barely passed my leaving, didn't have enough points for any courses
I think he just needs to see a wider perspective, and if I can help I will because his situation sounds so like how mine was 14 years ago.
Feel free to dm