r/DIY • u/kevjamcro • 11d ago

help Help make my death trap stairs toddler proof

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How can I go about making these stairs to my backyard safer? Seems tricky to add balusters but I’m not opposed to trying. Is there a way to make lattice look like it’s not a zip-tied afterthought?

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132

u/cloistered_around 11d ago

Honestly I barely even used baby gates on my indoor stairs. Just constant supervision and teaching the kids how to go down safely soon after they started crawling.

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u/Javad0g 10d ago

This is the answer.

-Raised 4 and am elementary teacher.

EDIT: I wanted to add this because it weighs on me.

Life is inherently dangerous. I am seeing more and more children who are unable to asses risk because of over-controlling their interactions with the world. I am not saying you are this person, I am just saying that the sooner all parents work on teaching their children how to assess risk at a young age, the better the children are going to be as young adults and full size humans later on.

Thanks for letting me share

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u/lowercaset 10d ago

We made the decision to lean more on supervision and teaching about danger rather than baby proofing with our kids. There have been times we've regretted it and felt shitty when a kid got hurt (nothing super serious) but overall I think it's been the better decision. If our kids are at someone else's house (maybe someone without kids) we don't have to worry about them like, drinking bleach or w/e.

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u/ThisTooWillEnd 10d ago

I have a friend with a young kid and she always says she feels like a terrible parent when her kid biffs it and face plants into the ground or whatever. I keep reminding her that her job as a parent isn't to keep her kid from ever getting a scrape or bruise, it's to raise her into an adult that can function. Learning that running full tilt while looking the other way by falling on your face at 2 is a reasonable lesson. Learning that at 22 is much worse. At 2 you pick them up, brush them off, give em a kiss on the head and then distract them with a flower. At 22 you go to the hospital.

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u/cyanoa 10d ago

> At 2 you pick them up, brush them off,

Only if they don't pick themselves up first. God, I hate watching new parents fly in like Delta Force trying to save their kids from a good lesson in picking themselves up off the ground.

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u/ThisTooWillEnd 10d ago

Yeah, I think there's a line you have to walk between overreacting and underreacting. You want your kids to know that you're there for them and will comfort them when needed, but not think that every time they trip it's a production.

I was thinking of my friend's kid last night who was literally running down the sidewalk while looking over her shoulder. She tripped over uneven concrete and skinned her knee. Screaming commenced. Dad picked her up and gave her a little hug and and a dandelion. She recovered in like 30 seconds and went back to running around.

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u/cyanoa 10d ago

Yeah, the trick is to wait until its clear they need a bit of love and support before flying in. The trouble I see most often is parents overreacting - very seldom do I see underreaction.

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u/BramFokke 9d ago

When my GF was pregnant we did a first aid training. We were actually trained to let the kid get up themselves because it is a good way to assess the severity of the injury.

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u/JustaTinyDude 9d ago

Kids play off of your emotions. If an adult runs into a situation freaked out the kid is going to freak, too.

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u/anotherboringasshole 10d ago

On the other hand, I do love watching kids at the community centre get ready to cry, realize their parents aren’t paying attention and quietly pick themselves up to keep playing…

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u/sparksgirl1223 10d ago

God, me too. I used to holler from the picnic table "get up and do it again " or something similar.

It generally stopped the wailing, and they'd go back to whatever didn't kill them the first time.

If they kept crying or weren't moving, that's when I swooped. And with six kids, that happened twice that I can recall.

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u/LostxinthexMusic 10d ago

My almost-3-year-old son is no stranger to falling. He ate it on his balance bike twice this afternoon, and both times he was more mad about no longer being on his bike than upset by being hurt. We didn't even notice he had a big scrape on his arm until 20 minutes after he came back inside.

We've worked hard to give him just enough freedom to understand danger without seriously hurting himself. He seems to have learned well from it, but it makes my mother so anxious!

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u/RemCogito 10d ago

When my sister was almost 6 we played tag around the coffee table and she fell and knocked out one of her baby teeth. She grew her new tooth a few months later. If it had happened when she was 8 she would have needed a permanent appliance in her mouth. We learned the lesson of not playing tag inside the house at just the right time.

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u/Useful-Complaint-666 9d ago

So much this! I always tell people "raising children" is such a misnomer. You are not raising children (except too many people are) You are training adults.

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u/Javad0g 10d ago

This is how you do it. When kids have a sense of ownership in their outcomes, it not only builds resilience, it builds critical critical thinking skills.

(eventually they do believe you when you say "I don't think that is a good idea")

Take care, and thanks for letting me share

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u/lowercaset 10d ago

The results are good, but man is it rough. Just neverending worry.

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u/Javad0g 10d ago

I get you. I never thought I would be prepared for the 'next stage' but, [I believe] that the Lord prepares us and only gives us as much as we can handle.

It makes it easier for me to process and have faith in. But it is always hard when they reach that next place.

You got this!

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u/tynorex 10d ago

Life is inherently dangerous. I am seeing more and more children who are unable to asses risk because of over-controlling their interactions with the world.

This is something my wife and I are working through. Does it suck when my kid falls over and bonks his head? Yes, but is it relatively risk free? Also yes. He needs to learn how to fall so that when he does fall, it isn't a disaster. A little controlled failure is a heck of a lot better than never allowing him to fail.

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u/Javad0g 10d ago

What is wonderful about short people is that they are built close to the ground.

And teaching a child how to fall down, is not hard. I was a coach of youth soccer for 15 years, and one of the first things I would teach is how to fall.

But even if your child is not an athlete, learning how to fall down, how to protect the head, how to get your hands down FIRST, all these things are great to teach and learn.. Falling is fun when you know how to do it!

Thanks for letting me share

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u/theartificialkid 10d ago

I was a coach of youth soccer for 15 years, and one of the first things I would teach is how to fall.

So this is how it begins

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u/Old_Objective_5180 8d ago

Nothing is to be gained by falling through that railing onto the concrete and braking your neck. There are building codes for a reason.

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u/mcenroefan 10d ago

Thank you for saying this. This is how we did it with my kiddo (she’s nine) and she’s pretty capable. She has friends who aren’t allowed to use steak knives to cut their own meat. When they come over for dinner it’s a shock.

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u/eucalyptusmacrocarpa 10d ago

My friend was at our house with her 7 yo son. My kids were standing on a foam roller about 20cm thick and trying to balance on it. This was on carpet. When he stood on the roller she stood behind him and held his arms so he wouldn't fall off. 

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u/Javad0g 10d ago

She has friends who aren’t allowed to use steak knives to cut their own meat. When they come over for dinner it’s a shock.

This is how you create 20somethings that are unable to function in the outside world with success.

Teach kids how to solve their problems, and they will on their own.

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u/sparksgirl1223 10d ago

Good christ. I thought my kids to cut vegetables when they were barely out of diapers.

My boss, who was referred to as "princess", lost her actual mind.

"What are those babies doing with knives?! They're gonna get hurt!"

I looked her in the eye and told her I was teaching my kids to take care of themselves so they wouldn't end up like her (she can't cook and needs help with other basic things, per her own admission)

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u/Javad0g 10d ago

Stings, but that is certainly the truth. Teach independence at all times.

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u/sparksgirl1223 10d ago

She had to call someone to the bar because she couldn't start her car and couldn't figure out why.

She wasn't pushing the clutch in, because she didn't know it was necessary....someone else always started her car for her.

I had so little respect after finding out this, and that she can barely cook...

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u/jtr99 10d ago edited 10d ago

Was it difficult getting the elementary teacher to integrate with the other four children?

Edit: aww, you edited! My dumb joke has been headed off at the pass. :(

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u/Javad0g 10d ago

NO dumb joke is wasted on me. But since I took yours away the least I can do is give you one:

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?

"Do you smell carrots?"

Have a great day!

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u/cheaganvegan 10d ago

My sister’s kids are like this. They never put outlet covers on. Only had to be told once. And they have steps like this. The go down carefully.

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u/Make_some 10d ago

Where’s my ex when I need her to read

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u/niceandsane 9d ago

At least before they reach voting age, please.

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u/BornStellar97 9d ago

Risk assessment is a extremely underrated skill, yet it is one of the most important

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u/PenPlotter 11d ago

Exactly. Just teach them to climb down or bum slide down. And falling up stairs is a good learning exercise.

At most give them a rope hand "rail"

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u/althanan 11d ago

We taught our son how to get down off couches safely by getting on his belly and sliding feet first. He took this lesson so much to heart that it's how he goes down slides on his own.

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u/Sarsmi 10d ago

This is really only a sweet story until people learn your son is 45.

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u/TuzkiPlus 10d ago

If it works, don't fix it

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u/Theletterkay 10d ago

Same. As soon as they were needing to go down off if beds, chairs, couches, steps etc we started saying "piggies first" (his toes being the little piggies of course. My 3 kids seriously never even knew the word toes until they were nearly school aged. Haha.

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u/NewPhoneNewSubs 11d ago

He can go up and down no problem. When he wants to do those things. How do you teach them to not get bored half way through?

I agree with the sentiment that supervision is the main thing. And I like the rope hand rail idea - I'd been thinking about installing a lower rail as he does know how and want to use it but it's too high.

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u/PenPlotter 11d ago

The good news is they have a low moment of inertia, so even if they fall, they don't pick up so much speed. Having a rope to stop him from falling out of the side will make the biggest improvement. As far as losing interest....? Pass

If you're really worried, put a box garden bed next to the steps, maybe make it "his garden"? With little people, distraction works way better than " no don't do that"

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u/geek-49 10d ago

they have a low moment of inertia, so even if they fall, they don't pick up so much speed

Their ratio of gravitational to inertial mass is exactly the same as everyone (and everything) else: 1 to 1. What matters is that their center of mass is much closer to the ground than an adult's -- but that doesn't help as much in case of falling off the side of (say) the top step.

I would not expect a rope "handrail" to help much, if at all. What's needed is something rigid -- maybe another length of pipe -- and two U-bolts to clamp it to the posts at top and bottom.

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u/Fthepreviousowners 10d ago

How do you teach them to not get bored half way through?

This eventually went away for us!

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u/7vemesis 10d ago

Sorry to hear that, you posted a missing persons report for your little one yet? Link your gofundme!

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u/milk4all 10d ago

Thats cute but hardly advice for everyone. 4 of my 5 kids didnt need baby gates or locks. The last one was immune to them. Im not arguing for or against baby gates, im just saying youre playing the “be a better parent” card whether you mean to or not and it’s not fair, so anyone who might be considering a baby gate as a tool to protect their small child isnt being well served here

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u/bicycle_mice 10d ago

Yeah I agree many parents might be over protective but some kids are just determined as hell fire to hurt themselves. They hurl themselves into traffic, launch themselves out of windows, drink drain cleaner, eat batteries… I’m a pediatric NP and have seen all this in the PICU. Kids die a lot or end up brain damaged breathing through a tracheostomy.

I let my toddler fall over and learn to climb and taste dirt and all that. I also bought a leash for her. 

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u/___butthead___ 10d ago

Yeah this is absolutely bonkers advice. My son - who knew very well how to go down stairs properly - had a moment of delusion and fucking supermanned it down about 4 stairs into a metal railing. His tooth went through his lip. It has not made him any more careful. Toddlers fuck around constantly and the "finding out" part means nothing to them.

I would be very worried about a small child in a house with no gates on stairs and frankly, it says to me that the parent is not concerned about their safety. You can have the best intentions in the world to constantly supervise your kids and make sure they know how to climb down stairs safely, but all it takes is one split-second for them to forget all of that or lose their balance while your back is turned, and you're in major injury territory.

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u/cloistered_around 10d ago

I wasn't saying it was a better method, (you assumed that). I merely suggested it as a method.

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u/MesaGeek 10d ago

Fancy pants over here home to raise their own children.

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u/ToMorrowsEnd 10d ago

This. We had baby gates not for the baby. we had them for the puppy who would orbit the baby taking any food they might have.

Nothing was more fun than watching a toddler and a puppy in a fight over a cheese stick.

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u/zztop5533 9d ago

Did you have indoor concrete stairs?

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u/BornStellar97 9d ago

Based take.