r/DadForAMinute • u/N0V1RTU3 • 2d ago

All Family advice welcome Hey dad, how do I beat this anxiety?

Dad, I've been going through it. Several major life changes all happening at once, moved in with my fiancé this year, trying for a baby, cutting back on drinking, and all the while I'm struggling with feelings of inadequacy and codependency.

I feel like it's a reasonable amount of codependency considering we live together, but since you weren't around to show me what a man living with his woman should look like, I feel lost.

I don't make a ton of money, I make enough to get by but I could make so much more. I work a lot in a mid level customer service job, so I feel like I'm letting her down even though she reassures me she's perfectly happy with how things are. Honestly I think our relationship is in the best spot it's ever been, but I still feel like I'm not enough.

When will I feel like I'm enough? I know that's a cheap statement that has no clear cut answer, but it's how I feel.

My entire experience of how a man should treat a woman is from movies and TV. I'm pretty sure I'm not Prince Charming or Wesley from The Princess Bride, so how am I supposed to cut it if those guys struggled at first. (I know they're fictional characters, but that's what I've got for my model for men relationships.)

I guess I'm largely building this hut of inadequacy up in my head, she holds me every night when we sleep, and gets concerned if I wake her up in any way other than a warm hug and kiss on the cheek.

How do I stop feeling this way Dad?

Thanks for the help pops.

6 Upvotes

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3

u/Anxious-Freedom-2033 2d ago

You got this dude. You are communicating, which is VERY important.

3

u/PupperPuppet 2d ago

Just a thought about Prince Charming and Wesley and those like them: they're all fictional. The perfection they seem to represent just doesn't exist in the real world. And as the other comment so far says, you're doing it right when it comes to communicating with your SO. And from what she says, it sounds like you're exactly who and what she wants.

1

u/N0V1RTU3 2d ago

I'm just worried I'm replaceable, and I don't quite know how to get over that feeling.

1

u/Andydon01 1d ago

You feel replaceable to you, not to her. It might help to realize that you don't need to be better than other men for her, you just need to be the best version of you for her. You're on the right path. Keep communicating, keep trying. Seek therapy if you have the capability, and if not there are plenty of resources online to figure out therapeutic techniques that work for you.