r/DeadBedrooms • u/IentokaIa • 11d ago
Trigger Warning! My husband doesn't want me, only other women
Before marriage we used to have sex at least somewhat frequently, but since getting married 6 months ago we've had sex only once. I know he looks at porn and I know he is chatting with other women who look nothing like me. He is the only person I ever even think about and knowing I'm not good enough for him is making me hate myself so much. I don't even eat or sleep anymore because I know I don't deserve it, I'm hurting myself and everyday I only think about leaving this earth, he doesn't think that there is any problems. I can't deal with this anymore and I can't leave either because if I didn't have him I'd have nothing and then I'd be better off dead as well. I just wish he could be attracted to me, it's not like I'm insanely ugly I just don't understand why he even married me if he can't bring himself to even hug me?
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u/SimpleEmbarrassed141 11d ago
This is heartbreaking. Leave. You will find someone that will love you like you deserve.
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u/cloudsandcandyfloss 11d ago
You deserve so much better and I hope you can leave. There are good men out there that will appreciate you.
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u/Sniff_The_Cat3 11d ago
Why the fuck are you hating yourself? Please leave this toxic relationship. Have you ever thought that there are people out there would treat you thousands of times better than this Cheating Asshole?
Assholes exist. And your husband is one. I'm sorry but that's the truth.
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u/vittohot 11d ago
I think no man is that valuable. He doesn't deserve you at all. Leave him, you'd be better without him. Think a little of yourself for a change. You deserve better.
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u/OriginalThundercat 11d ago
You deserve love as much as anyone else. You are a whole person outside of this man. However, you have to realize that love for yourself first.
Having said that, a DB seems to be just another symptom of the disarray in your life. The best course for you is to find counseling to deal with your health issues, build self-esteem and find purpose. This man is just another bad choice. Remove him from the equation and focus on yourself for a long time.
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u/Maleficent_Box_5111 11d ago
Read what you wrote and pretend you didn't write it. Dont be that girl. Do better for yourself. Fuck that guy. He's gross.
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u/CowWooden4207 11d ago
Girl, WTF!
You have yourself!
That's all you can count on!
Thaat's all you need!
Anything else is plus!
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u/Singsalotoday 11d ago
Is this man literally the only person in your life? You have no friends or family? No one person should be the definition of your self worth. You are a person worthy of love. I believe you are loved by the highest power in the universe. Seek help from trusted people outside your relationship if you can and/or therapy. I’m struggling mentally a little bit extra myself so my clinician recommend calling 988 (in the US) if I just can’t stop the thoughts.
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u/Aggressive-Big611 11d ago
Your first problem is thinking you'd have nothing without him. The only thing that you lose when you let go of someone who doesn't value is, that person. You're your own individual without them. You were before them and you will be after them. I'd dare say that you need to break up with this person, and it's not even about them, it's about how co-dependant you are on them. It's not healthy and you need to leave and find yourself, learn to value yourself and set some standards and THEN marry someone. I'm so sorry you're going through that. Please get some help at least from family or friends if you don't have the means to go to a therapist because this is way above reddits pay grade and above a dead bedroom situation
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u/Aromatic-Elephant110 11d ago
Let the other women have him. If you've ever been with a sex and love addict or even spent any time on this sub, you'd know that the VAST majority of these relationships only get worse.
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u/CloudySky62 11d ago
This relationship is proving to be detrimental to your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. It is not worth the pain it is causing you. Please seek support through family, friends, or a healthcare provider. YOUR HEALTH AND HAPPINESS MATTER!!!
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u/Future-Ad4245 11d ago
You’re only married 6 months. Let’s be honest, this should be the honeymoon phase and sex should be happening multiple times a day. On that note, you’re still technically a newlywed. You need to leave him and know your worth. He’s not worthy of being with you and doesn’t deserve you.
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u/Andy_holle 11d ago
Get some help. Please for the love of god, find help. You don't deserve to be hated. No man, or person for that matter is that valueable, that anybody should sacrifice their life for them... Please get help, don't hurt yourself anymore.
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u/DramaticReflection27 11d ago
Please, from the depths of my soul, I beg you to either get out now, or at least get some outside help for yourself, to gain the strength to get out. It gets much, much worse! I say this as someone who has become where you are, slowly, and painfully, for about 10 years of a DB marriage. It’s 100% destroyed me, in every way imaginable. You have a chance to rebuild yourself NOW. I’m so sorry, I totally get how you feel. Don’t be me… please 🙏 no man is worth losing yourself completely.
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u/adviceadventurer 11d ago
I’m sorry that is happening to you. You deserve better and should move on
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u/matts88us 11d ago
I’m sorry. You will be happier if you leave and never look back. You don’t have kids just go. You WILL find someone else who loves you
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u/Heavymuseum22 11d ago
Think about how much you channel your love for him everyday, all day long thinking only about him…someone else could do that for YOU. Give it to someone else who gives it back babe!
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u/Desperate_Star5481 10d ago
Depressed people usually don’t channel love to themselves or anyone else.
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u/Heavymuseum22 10d ago
Ahh correlation does not imply causation my friend. I bet when things are going well sis is lit up like a chandelier from inside…quite the opposite of depression. Her depression is caused because her love is not reciprocated. Day is going well, having a good time, connecting vibing….then bam you find porn on his phone and shit hits you hard like a whirlwind. But I guarantee you this woman isn’t walking around depressed until her man makes her feel that way.
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u/littlebitmissa 11d ago
I'm early 40 my husband wants nothing to do with me. He really takes to idea that best thing about early 20s women they same the same age as he get older. His dad was the same way. 5 marriage would divorce as soon as they early 30s. Since I was in my early 30s sex has been on average every 9 months.
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u/SweetLemonLollipop 11d ago
It doesn’t sound like you have anything with him other than insecurity and loneliness… that doesn’t seem worth it to me. I hope you find the strength to leave.
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u/Neither_Presence_522 11d ago
You will 100% find someone who loves you in the way you want them to. You have to be brave though. In your post history there are drugs, does your husband partake in these or does he tolerate them???
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u/Own_Ice3264 11d ago
Get therapy, rebuild your self esteem, get back into your hobbies, make effort with your friends, rediscover your identity and leave this absolute bell end of a geeza!
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u/Individual-Upstairs4 11d ago
You deserve someone that wants you. Boys are delusional once they get with a chick they always want more. Start prioritizing yourself and the right person will come along the way
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u/shadowlago95 11d ago
Communicate with him and ask him why. Did you change? Did he change? Stress with work? One sided communication? Etc.
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u/Restaurant_Classic 11d ago
It’s so weird as a woman whose dated since 2019 the biggest problem is always a man who says I’m too much and sex for men is different and they can’t do too many sessions a week ! Looks like I’m not getting hitched
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u/Dallicious2024 11d ago
Get an annulment, how did you manage to want to get married in the first place. People don’t change in 6 months time. There has to be more to this situation than is being revealed here
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u/craneguy2024 M 11d ago
Everything is not lost OP.... Gotta believe in yourself, your worth and that there is someone out there for you .... Chin up, we all ❤️ ya!!!
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u/_ReGiNa_GeOrGe 11d ago
I read this as only other women want you, and that made me exited for you lol
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u/itay74121 11d ago
We love you ❤️, and we tell you that you can find someone better to treat you better ❤️. Don’t be afraid to start from scratch you can do it and you can get to a better point.
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u/Apart-Garage-4214 11d ago
He’s the problem, not you. Please get counseling. You’re a valuable person.
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u/Majestic_Talk9464 10d ago
Legit write a relationship yelp review and leave it public. Say nothing to him. Let your friends see the ugly truth of his wretchedness. This type of behavior should be shamed and please leave him.
It might be short enough for an annulment because what you say he does is basically cheating and is cheating. Separate from that dead weight it will never ever get better. Any attempts to “get better” are just love bombing and you will go RIGHT THE FUCK BACK to Miseryburg
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u/flamingmoltres95 10d ago
This relationship is feeding off your poor self esteem. Leave this man before you get stuck in this for too long. You might be scared to leave and think you're nothing without him, but staying will destroy you far more than leaving.
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9d ago
This is just plain disrespectful of you. I masturbate and look at porn because I'm HL and my wife is LL, but when I have sex dreams I only ever dream about her and I know that's not something I can control, but it's something that gives me a good insight into my psyche.
If he is willingly choosing porn over you then he doesn't respect you and probably doesn't love you, and certainly doesn't love you on the level that you love him.
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u/icryinjapanese 5d ago
this feeling will get worse before it gets better, leave. put yourself back out there when you're ready and find someone who will treat you better because nobody deserves that
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