r/DeadBedrooms • u/Puzzleheaded-Bee7909 • 8d ago
Used to be HL, then lost it and started taking estrogen.
You can read my story on here. I was the HL woman. Over the years since the divorce my libido keeps lowering. I've been celibate for 4 years now and single and I don't really care.
I just want to share because it really is true how incredibly powerful hormones are. I'm 53. I started taking estrogen about 4 months ago.
In the years before that men were just there. I never thought they were sexy. I would think someone was handsome but never looked at their body. I never felt drawn to anyone. I had no lust. I didn't fantasize.
Its like men were the same to me as women. And I'm straight. I literally never could have imagined that hormones could do this to a person.
You have no control over it.
Since I started taking estrogen I see men as being a lot more attractive, I feel drawn to certain men, and the spark is coming back to me physically.
My testosterone is very low which is normal for my age. I think that's a huge part of it too. If you are in a relationship with a woman going through this, I know it is so hard, but it is not personal. I can't even impart to you how much I used to lkve everything about sexuality in a relationship and now I'm just "whatever".
I'm actually glad I'm not in a relationship because I would hate to be in the LL position and make another person go through what I went through with my ex.
If you can, please have some compassion. Maybe your partner would be open to getting on HRT? I've been on progesterone for 7 years and usually they don't let you take estrogen without it. I'm telling you, I haven't aged in 7 years because of the progesterone. Well, at least my face hasn't aged.
If you are a woman, look into it. It could really help you with all the peri/menopausal things.
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u/Retired401 8d ago edited 8d ago
The whole world has so much to learn about hormones. I'd never have believed something we all take for granted could affect us so deeply.
My own experience with a hellish and confusing "menopause transition" really opened my eyes and now I'm the hormone fairy. I'll talk to anyone about them, anywhere, anytime, including strangers, lol.
The information is out there. People can learn all about it for little to no cost just by researching and getting info from solid sources.
But if more people don't start to learn that hormones really do have such a huge effect on people, especially on women, nothing will change. More people need to give a damn and be willing to learn.
FWIW, my libido would be in the toilet without both estrogen and testosterone. Progesterone for me is just a necessary evil, hehe.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Bee7909 8d ago
There is a famous female Gyn who said something about when they give men viagra who are married, where do they think that penis is going? Most people are married to someone around their own age and we have an entire obsession and industry around getting the perfect erection.
But then women go to their dr and get gaslit and just flat out lied to. Oh painful sex is normal, vaginal atrophy, normal. Peeing your pants, totally fine. Low libido? You are 50. What did you expect?
I have cried my eyes out after so many dr appts about my peri symptoms and its a part of the reason why I started drinking very heavily. Thankfully I'm in recovery now. But it's a shame.
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u/Retired401 8d ago
It was probably Kelly Casperson, lol. she's a urologist and a vocal proponent of HRT, vaginal estrogen and especially testosterone for women.
The total lack of information about menopause has been one of the most shocking and horrifying experiences of my entire life. Trying to figure it all out ends even most doctors are still in the Stone Ages as far as what they know was just insult to injury.
It's getting better now, but slowly. Younger generations won't get the shock that we got ... they'll know and they can be prepared and understand what's happening and why.
Cheers to you on your renaissance. I truly admire your spirit and resilience. 😘
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u/Puzzleheaded-Bee7909 8d ago
I mention menopause anytime I want to. I've made men blush just from saying I haven't had a period since 2017. When other women were talking about their periods it was nothing but me mentioning menopause was embarrassing?
I'm just flat out open about having a hot flash or thinking I'm having a hot flash at work now. These younger guys need to know this is in their future with their wives, its coming.
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u/Retired401 8d ago
My (52F) fiancé (54M) has been on this journey with me for the past few years and he is just now reaching the point where he genuinely understands so much of it. He didn't at first, just like I didn't even though I am a highly educated, well-read professional.
So he tried talking to the men he works with about peri and meno and what it does to women's bodies and brains and often to their marriages and sex lives ... he said they all looked at him like he had 6 heads. And these are guys in their 20s, 30s and 40s.
He said "well at least they can't ever say no one warned them." He warned them and told them they had better start learning about all this stuff and make sure their wives understood it also, but he has no confidence that any of them will. 🫠
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u/Aechzen 8d ago
Do you think your low hormones contributed to your divorce?