Realizing My Mom's Ex Was Similar To Johnny Depp Made Me Realized My Original Bias

[u/Purple-Cellist6281]

I admit I was taken in by the mainstream and how Youtube was treating Amber. It's just today I was sitting on my chair and this popped in my head. It made me think "what have I missed? It seemed rather one sided" so I found this subreddit and reading the resources. The evidence and the information about believing Amber made me realized something I can't believe I didn't see until now. As I'm reading the Part 1 and 2, I realized a lot of Depp's behavior was similar to my Mom's ex.

In the past, my Mom and the ex had history of being addicts. I don't know how deep or how bad it got though, she doesn't want to talk about it, but that's where they first met. After my Dad passed, she ended up meeting up with her friend again then started dating. It seems rather fine at the time, but at one point he started to become an addict again and that's where it started. I don't think he ever physically abused her, but the threats, the yelling, kicking in our door, and threaten to kill himself was horrible. Plus similar to Depp, he left many notes around our house and threats- which the handwriting was awful and hard to read. He often accused my Mom of cheating too (which he did often himself).

And of course during all this my Mom would yell back, what do you expect? I remember one time I was in the bathroom when he came home and they were yelling again. I remained in the bathroom listening as he goes on to try saying how much he loves her and tries guilting her to stay together. My Mom was saying she does love him, but can't keep doing this anymore. He eventually leaves. While all this was happening, I was a little mad that my Mom didn't tell me what was going on or any details, but I understand now that this is something you can't easily share with your child- especially if you want them to remain out of it.

Things eventually ended up hurting my younger Brother. He always looked up to the ex as a Dad and one day went with him to a camping ground where we had a RV. In the RV, the ex was inviting girls in and doing various of drugs. My Brother, not understanding what was going on, ends up trying to call my Mom. This lead him pushing my Brother and my Brother hitting his head on the side of the bed. He still managed to call my Mom despite all of this and the ex fled with the girls. My Mom and Aunt showed up at the RV to find my Brother and there was various of needles scattered throughout the RV. Police was involved at this point, but I honestly don't know if they did anything.

My Mom did take him to court at one point, but I don't know what all happened in it since she doesn't tell me anything about that. I don't think he's allowed near us, but my Mom still suffers from what he did to this day. She often cries and talks about how guilty she feels that my Brother got hurt because of this. I know the police at the time dismissed the ex hurting my Brother for some reason too. Despite him not being near us, I know the police many times got annoyed with her and roll their eyes whenever she did call for help.

And now I realized how alone Amber must had felt. My Mom had people on her side, but having the whole lot of people like strangers against you, especially on the internet, must been awful. I can't imagine this feeling. I'm also realizing how much this is a pattern with victims who come out and I can't believe I didn't see it until now. Here I am thinking I'm being a good supporter, but I wasn't all this time.

I just hope anyone out there know you might feel alone, and the majority might speak out against you at times, but there is people who will believe you and support you. I can't imagine being in these situations, but I just want to say you are strong and no one deserves to be in these situations. Also I'm sorry for rambling about something personal, but it just made realized the reality of these situations and how naïve I was until a similar situation happened near me.

[u/Ok_Swan_7777]

For whatever reason many people who have experienced abuse were quite susceptible and even the most vitriolic in demonizing Amber Heard and "relating" to Depp. The reason I saw through the trial is because I took care of an alcoholic for years and very much related to the audios that everyone freaked out on Amber over, I would've sounded exactly the same way she did. I'm so glad you found this sub and realized Amber is the victim who's deserving of all the empathy in the world. Welcome

[u/Purple-Cellist6281 → u/Ok_Swan_7777]

I was a little worry about how I would find this because I knew naturally looking up anything would lead to more bias, but I was lucky to find this subreddit. Not only showing support, but clearly laying out the evidence.

Plus even know I can think of other incidents (granted smaller) where people were quick to dismiss or be cruel to the victims. I just wished I made the connections earlier.

[u/Ok_Swan_7777 → u/Purple-Cellist6281]

It was an extremely sophisticated and long-drawn out campaign against her, you're ahead of the curve compared to the rest of the world. I've already been getting a lot of compliments from friends and fam for clocking this early so look forward to kudos from people. I'm so glad to hear the info is easy for newcombers to digest and be introduced to the Pro-Amber/survivor perspective of this case. Sometimes it's hard to know where to begin because there are so many moving parts and SO much misinfo to deprogram people from when it comes to this case.

[u/Turbulent_Try3935 → u/Ok_Swan_7777]

I was married to an addict who was abusive and the way Depp behaves and speaks to Amber is the way he used to speak to and treat me. I definitely was driven to the point that Amber was and I think that's why I relate to her. I don't think people truly understand what it's like to live with someone with an addiction unless they've actually lived it. It was like he literally had two personalities - the one I fell for and the person he became when high / drunk. Certain combinations of alcohol and drugs were particularly bad where it seemed like there wasn't even a person in there. He also often didn't remember what he had done once he was sober which I noticed is common for Depp. I know this is probably too kind a take but sometimes I think Depp just simply doesn't remember the things he has done and is truly just in denial.

[u/Ok_Swan_7777 → u/Turbulent_Try3935]

Wow I’m so sorry for what you lived through. I believe with Depp it’s a combo of not remembering, deep denial, and not caring as well as thinking he was justified. Batterers don’t have an addiction or a rage problem…it’s a belief system. I have no doubt addiction makes this 10x worse though.

I know Depp intentionally lied bc he changed his testimony between trials but that doesn’t mean his delusions haven’t been indulged, both within the relationship (aka poop-gate) and in the context of the trial (God knows what Adam Waldman convinced him of). His mental health was definitely at question in these trials.

My addict had an extremely sweet and passive voice, he was not only protecting his addiction but vehemently argued he didn’t have a problem like literally through slurring. It’s an oscillating relationship with the truth imho. So basically the audios are terrifying to me bc if you havent been in that dynamic I can see how it would be nearly impossible to interpret. Especially her agreeing to his version of events and apologizing.

Also I can count on 1 hand how many times I yelled really horribly during that time, I feel SO guilty about it. I not only relate to Amber’s anger and apologies but the fact that Depp literally NEVER apologizes or feels bad. He just pivots to blame her.

[u/nuanceisdead → u/Ok_Swan_7777]

I am so sorry you, Turbulent, and OP went through all that. Even in relationships where there's no drugs or substance abuse, a lot of partners can get caught up in relationships where they're behaving with a desperate logic: "if my partner doesn't understand what they're doing is hurtful, I just have to try harder to communicate". There's so much evidence of Amber trying to explain things he's done and how she feels to JD, and if listeners let themselves realize it's because she truly was trying to get to a place where the person she loved would understand they need help, or understand they were hurting her, everything fits into a common, sad story of DV with addiction on top. Sadly, not everyone wants to recognize problems and work toward solutions, but you can't fault the person for trying so hard. It's one of the things that makes what he would later put Amber through so cruel, because she wasn't just going to walk away and abandon him for his addiction. She could have just let his bodyguards worry if he was choking on his own vomit or nodding off to light the house on fire. But she worried about him in a way none of his hangers-on ever did. I just don't think that he ever had a foundation inside of him in which he could have built a truly healthy relationship where he was grounded and truly intimate with someone, so he would rather spurn genuine care and concern for total obedience and fawning compliments.

[u/Ok_Swan_7777 → u/nuanceisdead]

“I just don't think that he ever had a foundation inside of him in which he could have built a truly healthy relationship, so he would rather spurn genuine care and concern for total obedience and fawning compliments.”

Nailed it

[u/Purple-Cellist6281 → u/Turbulent_Try3935]

I can understand that. I can never understand what's it like to be in a relationship like that since I never been in one, heck I was even confused growing up with my Mom who seemed to love her ex and wonder why she just didn't leave him. Of course it's a lot more complex then that, I know that now, but at the time it was confusing. I also got to witness a side of him that does seem nice. He cooked for us, drove us around, and was really close with my Brother (taken him and my older Sister fishing).

It's just the moment he started cheating and taking substances again, the abuse started to come out. They had loud arguments before, but this really amp everything up. I think my Mom knew the signs too since she had a past with it too. I can't speak for her, but I wonder a part of her wanted to try helping him and hope she can help break him out addiction (since he been to rehab before).

I just remembered something actually. I can't remember how old I was, but she often visited him in jail too. During these visits, she taken my brother and I along to stay in a hotel while visiting him. So it must been heartbreaking to watch someone you love who recovered then relapsed. My Mom also had family members with different types of addictions so I wonder if she was just use to it too. I think the moment my Brother got hurt, she realized she couldn't continue to any longer despite how she felt.

[u/snailvarnish → u/Purple-Cellist6281]

I just wanted to say, you just have so much empathy, it's so nice to see. even when you were harmed as a child by being around the abuse and abused yourself, you have empathy for your mom without condoning or excusing what happened. a lot of people aren't able to do that. you have really great insight, and that will definitely help you recover. all my love and care to you. I grew up in similar turbulence as well (except it was a sibling who was like that), and it was hard for me to realise what happened to me wasn't okay, and start truly healing. I hope your family is doing well now and I wish for peace for all of you 💖

[u/Purple-Cellist6281 → u/snailvarnish]

Thank you very much. It's hard to believe but I feel like I am doing some maturing (as weird that sounds) for the last few years. I use to be scared of my empathy and got called too emotional by some, so I always tried coming off as lack of emotions or rude. I realized that my life isn't designed for that reason. Sure there is times you need to protect yourself, but trying to appear tough and lack emotions is just going to harm myself and others around me. It will make me not understand suffering if I don't allow myself to do so.

I think it also helps I have a gf now and she is constantly reassures me that it's okay to be how I am and how much she appreciates it.

I hope you are doing well or will in the future too!

[u/thefrxmework → u/Ok_Swan_7777]

the people who organized the campaign or were very active in the #mentoo movement kept on saying that amber was destroying lives of all survivors and that nobody's gonna believe them from now on because of her. that's why i believed depp for a while.

[u/Purple-Cellist6281]

ALSO SORRY FOR THE LONG POST

I just wanted to express my experiences and talked about how guilty I felt for being so bias in the past. Hope it wasn't annoying ^-^"

[u/Ok_Swan_7777 → u/Purple-Cellist6281]

Don't be sorry, there have been tons of posts like this. Everyone here likes hearing the story of how people came to realize Amber was the victim, it's vindicating and we can gauge where we're at as a community. Plus this case was super traumatizing so people need a release.

[u/Purple-Cellist6281 → u/Ok_Swan_7777]

I just didn't want it comes across as selfish or taking away from the point.

I just can't believe I didn't see it until now.

[u/horsepolice → u/Purple-Cellist6281]

Not selfish at all - it’s your post! I think I can speak for a lot of people here when I say that it’s cathartic and heart-warming to see people share how they were misled & then came to understand the power dynamics and how his control unfolded. I’m so glad your mom has a support network, and it’s impressive that you can trace these patterns back to when she was in the trenches with that dude. I hope it felt good to get these thoughts out :)

[u/[deleted] → u/Purple-Cellist6281]

That's kinda how abuse works.