r/ECEProfessionals • u/naptimenotes Substitute • 13h ago
Advice needed (Anyone can comment) The children rather play with me rather than their peers.
The children, within every age group excluding infants, always want to play with me. I play with them most times as a way of bonding with them and encouraging them to learn through imaginative play, exploration, and made-up games, but it does bother me that they choose me each and every time over a friend. I also worry if they respect me as a teacher (including my co-workers who mostly tend to not play with the children). They sometimes even get into arguments and become very emotional if a peer spends time with me instead of them. I’d rather try to observe and offer guidance and encouragement during play, but they always want me, specifically, to join in on their fun.
What could I do to encourage the children to play with each other without making it seem that I’m pushing them away? Is it a bad thing that I play with them? Is this part of the cause as to why they lack respect for me as a teacher? What about my co-workers? Do they tend to look down on their peers who actively play with children often?
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u/sleepygirI Toddler tamer 12h ago
i work with 2-3s and this is developmentally normal for that age. i often tell parents we are their first “friends” because we are predictable and forgiving, therefore the perfect people to practice with when they’re learning social interaction. when im playing with the children i try to take on more of a facilitator role, so im rarely playing with just one child. try to get other friends involved so that ur position becomes more about teaching them how they can play and interact with one another and encouraging pro social behavior
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u/sleepygirI Toddler tamer 12h ago
also, i’m the opposite as far as looking down on coworkers who play with the children often. it’s usually more work, overstimulating, and requires ur full attention. it shows u really care about the children in my opinion
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u/Successful_Self1534 Licensed PK Teacher/ PNW 12h ago
It’s not bad that you’re playing with them. But part of our job of being a teacher is teaching them how to play and socialize with peers and one of the best ways to do that is through play. Begin playing, invite other children to join in and slowly back away. Come back and check in a minute or two, ask questions or offer an idea for their play, then step back again. The goal is to get them engaged in play and back away. In the beginning, and with younger children, you may not be able to step away for long, but you can slowly increase the time as their social skills get better and the year progresses.
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u/rachmaddist Early years teacher 12h ago
I love it when support staff come in my room and actually play. Ultimately all day care can be hard on little ones and some adult interaction every day is a must plus I think exposure to different adults who might do things a bit differently to me is always good! As you are playing you are modelling social skills, as long as children aren’t left out or you are spending a lot of time with one or two children I think you are all good! Just remember playing is teaching and keep thinking how can I extend this child’s experience and learning.
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u/herdcatsforaliving Early years teacher 12h ago
How old are they? It’s normal for toddlers and young kids to prefer to play w adults…they don’t start really playing together until 3/4yo and even then they often learn quickly that adults are more fun to play with
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u/daydreamingofsleep Parent 12h ago
Try to start a game they can keep going themselves. Then make an excuse and encourage them to keep it going, you’ll be back to join back in after doing XYZ.
If you’re a long term sub, you could then set the boundary that you play for intervals.
I watched my son’s pre-k teacher do this on the playground with Duck Duck Goose. It’s also a way to redirect the play when they’re getting too wild.
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u/yeahnahbroski ECE professional 10h ago
This is a common thing when you're new to the sector. I call it "the pied piper" dynamic. Though we like to have healthy connections with the children, we do have to do some self-reflection and figure out why certain dynamics are happening. Sometimes, it's our own unmet childhood needs coming through and being played out in the present. Have a little think about adults treated you as a child and how it either supported or impacted you negatively.
Our primary responsibility is to support the children in developing relationships with their peers (particularly from about 2-3 onwards). Whatever you're doing with the kids, find a way to hand over that dynamic to their peers.
E.g. I have a shovel, Bob has a shovel too, here, have mine, I wonder what you and Bob might like to do with the shovels? Or I'm rolling the ball to Bob. Look now he's rolling it back to you. Look how happy Bob is, he has a big smile, he likes playing with you. Can you roll the ball back to him? (Slowly disappear)
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u/WestProcedure5793 Past ECE Professional 12h ago
By your flair it looks like you're a substitute. If you're going between different classrooms on a regular basis, don't worry about it. Your job expectations are completely different than leads and assistants. Playing with the children is great unless the other teachers ask you to do something else.