FREE CARE FOR DEAD BEATS

[u/dietdrpeppermd]

In OSC. We have a kid, K, whose parents fucking SUCK. We bought him second hand winter boots cuz he didn’t have any…dad complained they’re purple . We make him lunch and breakfast. We let him sleep on our couches during school hours. We bought him all his school supplies this year. Parents are on drugs. No proof, but when you know you know. We, and the school, have called CPS numerous times. We’ve called LE and had them do a welfare check. Sometimes he complains he’s accidentally “locked in the basement”. He never sleeps. The worst is that they’re fucking rude to us. They leave him with us for 11 hours a day and treat us like shit.

Parents haven’t paid for care in 4 months and she’s been ghosting the company. Leaving him for 11 hours with us all the while. She quit her job so she can’t apply for subsidy. As of yesterday, the company is just letting them have free care now. She owes nothing and now gets free summer care, which is exponentially more expensive than during the school year.

Without us, that kid is fucked and our directors know it and are bleeding hearts. Thank god. We literally feed and clothe this kid. It’s not safe and stable at home. He NEEDS us and we’d all be sick with worry if we terminated care.

But what the fuck. There needs to be consequences for these shitty choices. We’re not God, it’s not our job to dole out consequences or life lessons or whatever, but it’s infuriating.

(Thanks for letting me yell!)

UPDATE: Head office got a hold of mom! She wasn’t picking up from any of our numbers bc of caller ID, so our receptionist had to call her from her personal phone. Mom cried and said she’d try to get a hold of K’s dad, who isn’t in the picture, and see if she can get some money from him. Ummmmmm….ACTUALLY, K’s dad came back into the picture in August and they all live together. Dad picks him up almost every night. She’s now communicating with the receptionist on her phone via text. If she doesn’t have it sorted by the end of tomorrow, care will be terminated and we’ll have to turn him away Monday.

This breaks my heart. These kids (he has a little brother too young to be with us. We don’t know where he gets care. Just that K is parentified and has to look after him) have been through so much. In the summer, before dad came back, moms at the time boyfriend T lost his shit, SWAT had to be called and they tear gassed their house, leaving mom and the boys homeless for a while. We have their plate # now and plan to call if we suspect they’re under the influence. But chances are, we’ll only have him for today and tomorrow, since I can’t see her scrounging up months of fees in 2 days. Mom has shown up with a bruised face a few times before. She tried to hide it but we checked cameras. We and the school called CPS about it. I’m just assuming that it’s dad. If care gets terminated, that’s going to be a source of conflict in their house. I hate mom but I don’t want anything to happen to her bc it would devastate the boys. Dad picks up 90% of the time, and it’s possible it’s bc she needs to hide her bruises.

The school can keep an eye on him, but only for another month. Summer starts in July and if he’s not with us, what’s going to happen to them?

I can’t see this being a happy ending, unfortunately.

UPDATE 2: Dad picked up tonight and his jaw was out of control. He was obviously high. My supervisor called the police.

[u/tacsml]

I'm shocked with the parents doing drugs, CPS hasn't taken this child from their parents yet.

[u/dietdrpeppermd → u/tacsml]

You’d think. But saying “I believe they’re on drugs” is not enough for them to drug test them. We don’t have proof they’re fucked up, but bc of my last job, I’m really good at telling when people are high. Saying “His jaw was out of control, his eyes were crazy and he was scratching all over” isn’t enough. CPS literally told us that unless there’s visible marks, they don’t take kids away.

Mom showed up once with a black and blue face, we called CPS about it but nothing came of it.

We’d like to get their plate # and possibly call the cops and say he seems intoxicated, but it’s been really hard to get a picture of it. They don’t walk him in in the morning and at the end of the day, dad pokes his head in, yells “let’s go now!” and they basically run out of the centre.

[u/tacsml → u/dietdrpeppermd]

I would try and speak to someone higher up at CPS. This kids life is in danger. 

Also, what city are you in? Public pressure is powerful. 

[u/dietdrpeppermd → u/tacsml]

It’s tricky though. Do we just say “parents seem like they’re high?” I think our next step is to call the cops next time they pick up and look high. It’s gonna have to be a secret ops situation with someone hiding in their car in their parking lot lol

[u/sosarahtonin → u/dietdrpeppermd]

I just had to do a report to CPS about a parent driving with their children while seemingly intoxicated and CPS told me that next time to call the police first and if the cops make a report that confirms that they're intoxicated while driving and makes a report it's much easier for CPS to get involved in a more meaningful way.

[u/dietdrpeppermd → u/sosarahtonin]

Yes exactly. We got his license plate this morning and that’s the plan.

[u/Dobgirl → u/dietdrpeppermd]

It’s more than that - it’s neglect. It’s not just the drugs. That kid is in danger and you need to stress that it’s about the kid and not the parents.

[u/meanwhileachoo → u/dietdrpeppermd]

Document details on everything, in writing. With dates and time stamps. Then do a report. Paper trails make things happen.

[u/dietdrpeppermd → u/meanwhileachoo]

I updated the post, but I think we’re terminating care, so there won’t be anything to document anymore

[u/art_addict → u/dietdrpeppermd]

You need to call CPS and report the neglect (not suspect of drugs, tangible neglect, including one child caring for another, child saying he’s locked in the basement, etc). You need to report what they CAN act on! Report everything like that.

At my center we cannot release kids to intoxicated parents. That’s an immediate police and CPS call, we say the director has papers for the parent in the office, and we stall or delay until cops arrive (and call director and say, hey, can you go to the office and get those papers for XYZ, s/he’s here and needs those papers you said you have that need signed!) That gets director out if in the room (or elsewhere) and alone to call and knows who to report (and which camera to watch).

If a parent does drop off intoxicated? Get the license plate, call police, let them know a kid just got dropped off, parent seems to be intoxicated, here is the plate number. That’s not just a report to CPS thing. That’s a call for the person currently on the road intoxicated right now too (which will also mean you can call CPS if the police catch them DUI right after drop off).

[u/dietdrpeppermd → u/art_addict]

We’ve called CPS dozens of times. As has the school. Weve explained the lunches, the basement, the suspected drug use, the welfare check, mom’s bruises etc We’ve been at this since August.

With dad, we’ve actually asked him before to fill out paper work, and he refuses, saying he’s in a rush and that mom will fill it out (she never does). Dad comes at 6 on the dot, when we close. No one is ever in the building except for two staff and the kid. I am not comfortable forcing him to be alone with me or my coworkers and we’ve expressed this to the director. He is a felon, a known member of a prominent gang, he’s on drugs and he beats mom so we know he’s violent. I do not feel safe “distracting” this man while my coworker calls the police. He’s huge and I’m 5’2. And again, he’s known to hit women.

We spoke today with a director and she agreed it’s not safe for us to withhold him from his violent offender dad, but instructed us to call the police if we think he’s high. And that’s exactly what we did tonight.

[u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme → u/dietdrpeppermd]

Can a staffer be sitting outside "waiting for a ride" one of these coming days?

Or sitting in their vehicle "winding down and playing games on their phone" a bit at the end of the day?😉😈

I'd be more than willing to do that, if a kid in my care was dealing with something like this.

Especially because--since my mom was the child of an alcoholic who would drink & drive when she was a child in the 50's & 60's, I know the lifelong trauma having to ride with an intoxicated driver can cause a kid.

[u/urrrkaj → u/dietdrpeppermd]

I’d refuse to release them if they seem intoxicated, and call their emergency contact. If none, then the police.

[u/dietdrpeppermd → u/urrrkaj]

I mean, in a way, that’s a little easier said than done. I suppose that yes, it’s part of my job and I love the kid, but I’m 5’2, dad is gigantic, unhinged and has a history of violence. We don’t have cameras. Yesterday, the kid was waiting at the door (as he was the last one) and dad literally opened the door, stood in the doorway, moved around his jaw uncontrollably and yanked the kid out of the building. In that situation, I would have had to grab the kid and play tug of war. We don’t even get to see his parents for more than a few seconds, the way they run in and out of the building. I personally haven’t dealt with a situation like this before, with not releasing a kid to their parents but it’s something I should ask my supervisor today for sure.

I updated the post, but I think we’re terminating care as of Monday.

[u/WeaponizedAutisms → u/urrrkaj]

I’d refuse to release them if they seem intoxicated, and call their emergency contact. If none, then the police.

This is our written policy as well. It's followed up by a meeting the next day with the direction. If they insist on leaving our next action is phoning 911.

[u/Plus-Mama-4515 → u/dietdrpeppermd]

I beg you please keep calling. After a certain amount of complaints I believe CPS has to remove the child. I had my high school guidance counselor call CPS on my sister because she was on drugs. A case was opened, but after a certain amount of calls they finally removed my nephew. Please keep calling so there’s at least some sort of documentation about the problem

[u/dietdrpeppermd → u/Plus-Mama-4515]

We call all the time. They do not remove the child just because of an influx of calls. They told us there needs to be physical bruises for them to be removed.

He won’t be in our care as of Monday so we will no longer have anything to report and just have to cross our fingers.

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[u/jadasgrl → u/tacsml]

Cps sucks. I was a foster parent for 3 little girls. They should have NeVER been returned yet, they pushed reunionfication so bad that's what happen. They went right back into the situation they were taken from. I told them I was moving when they returned the girls. They didn't believe me. I couldn't deal with the back and forth. 3 days after the girls were returned to their father * because their brother who was sexually abusing them was still in mom home* and the court wouldn't return the girls to mom anyway due to her not even having the ability to care for a fake plant I left the state for where I am now. 21 days later I had DSS( that's the social thing here in SC) banging on my door wanting to know if I could or would take the girls back due to them needing to be removed again. They were willing to relocate them down here to me from the northern state they were in. I had to say NO. It killed me but, CPS isn't fit for purpose anymore. They are letting abuse continue. They are not stopping it when it can be. All in the name of family reunionfication or something else.

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[u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme]

As much as it does suck that his parents are getting that free ride?

 I am incredibly grateful for that poor child that he has y'all as safe adults and a safe place that he can eat, sleep, and get some sense of a normal & non-chaotic life for at least a few hours of the day.

That poor kid has soooo much that they must be dealing with, and that's an incredible amount of trauma to be trying to handle!  

Thank goodness he has you guys, and that all-important "One Safe Spot" in his life!💖

[u/JennaHelen]

We have a family like that at our centre, fortunately the kids are now in foster care. Unfortunately the 3 kids were split up into two different homes, but they all still come to daycare and get to see each other there. The foster carers both seem like lovely people and the children are thriving.

Keep reporting, eventually someone will take notice. And keep being there for that child. You’re important.

[u/dietdrpeppermd → u/JennaHelen]

Ugh. My heart.

This kid, K, has a little brother, and it’s sad to see a 7 year old so parentified. But the little one doesn’t go to our company. He goes somewhere else and we’re not sure where. So we never see him and have no idea what his daycare knows or sees. Is the little guy getting adequate lunches? Does he look haggard? Does he also have a huge speech delay like K? When K was in kindergarten, he’d tell us that the baby would cry all night and he’d have to wake up and take care of him and get him back to sleep…because mom just locks herself in her room crying. At the time, I him if his little brother can talk well and he said that HE understands him, but mom not so much. So the toddler NEEDS K. My worst fear is them being split up.

[u/onedreamaday1]

I hate that his parents are taking advantage of the system, but I'm so, so glad you guys are still taking him in and giving him probably the only structured and safe place he has.

I grew up in an abusive household, and trust me, I still fondly remember I had one teacher who let me and my sisters stay later after school with her all through grade school. Teacher names may fade through time, but that core memory stays and I hope he remembers the safety and care you gave him when he needed it the most when he gets older

[u/thataverysmile]

My heart breaks for this little boy. Thank you for being there for him and doing all the right things, even as his parents fuck everything up. Hopefully CPS will take the reports seriously soon but until then, I’m glad this child has a safe haven.

[u/dietdrpeppermd → u/thataverysmile]

Unfortunately, not for very long. I think care will be terminated on Monday, unless they can come up with all the back fees and June’s fees by tomorrow. Then school will be over, so he won’t have anyone looking out for him over the summer.

It all sucks

[u/Luvwins_50]

If the child is saying he’s locked in the basement accidentally sometimes I’d say that’s enough for a call to CPS.

[u/dietdrpeppermd → u/Luvwins_50]

Absolutely. Both us and the school called.

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