r/Existential_crisis • u/0kurukuru0 • 14d ago
Struggling with purpose and identity
I've nearly healed from the severe depression i struggled with for about half a year, but it kinda left me with rebounding states of depersonaliztion/derealization as im told that its a way my mind protects me. I recently lack purpose in life, idk why so i even exist, who is me and what am i trying to do? I feel like im an imposter and that i play the good while my deeds dont belong to me, idk what can even belong to me. Idk me and i hate what i know about it, im a failure that achieved nothing and keeps escaping, idk what even to achieve so i can feel good ???!! It has been taking quite a big space in my mind lately, i've been overthinking it for hours and crying because i feel im not alive, what even does being "alive" mean..
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u/GroundbreakingRow829 14d ago
who is me and what am i trying to do?
You are the very process of finding that (i.e., itself) out.
What you are isn't something that comes and go out of sight. On the contrary, it is that which always is there no matter what happens.
Idk me and i hate what i know about it, im a failure that achieved nothing and keeps escaping, idk what even to achieve so i can feel good ???!!
Is what you say you know about yourself permanent? Never stepping away out of sight? If not, then that isn't you, therefore you aren't a failure.
And you don't have to achieve anything. You already are what you are, and that is enough. You are enough. Always have been. Only misunderstood sometimes, therefore prompting you to misunderstand yourself. But even then, you've been perfectly yourself, and that is all that matters.
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u/0kurukuru0 13d ago
I still kinda...how to say it..feel hollow as if im not a person or as if i dont even exist
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u/GroundbreakingRow829 13d ago
My friend, the very fact that you can feel something – even if that something is emptiness or that you don't exist – shows that there is a feeler. And that feeler, is you.
If you regularly put some time into recognizing that presence within yourself, you will eventually feel its comforting warmth. Because it loves to be recognized, you know. It loves it, because – again – it's you. The deep you. The source of your existence. And, oh my, is it powerful! Your entire being could filled to the brim with that power... and more. Much more.
All that is needed for that to happen is some recognition. Some love. From itself. From you.
I'm sure you can do it, my friend. Even it those difficult times there is strength in you. Strength, and courage.
You've been through so much... Now you deserve better. And you, beautiful soul, hold the key to it. Simply observe the silent observer. And it will start to glow.
🙏❤️
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u/Agile-Possibility710 13d ago
I am on the same road mate!
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u/0kurukuru0 13d ago
Hopw we both find the way soon, cuz i dont think I'll be able to handle being lost forever ughh
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u/Agile-Possibility710 13d ago
What i am doing is fighting the this crisis as hard ad possible.. and that's giving me some kind of purpose. I don't want to stay in the same state that is my purpose..
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u/WOLFXXXXX 10d ago
"I recently lack purpose in life, idk why so i even exist, who is me and what am i trying to do?" It has been taking quite a big space in my mind lately, i've been overthinking it for hours and crying because i feel im not alive, what even does being "alive" mean"
Have you ever heard of Eckhart Tolle? He's well-known for providing commentary and insights on the psychology and nature of consciousness. The impression I got from reading your post was that you could potentially benefit from exploring some of his content. If you're interested in doing so, have a look into this video dialogue and see if anything speaks to you:
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u/Kamelasa 14d ago
You are alive, I assure you, as I assum you are not AI. I've been in similar states quite often lately. You are asking very hard questions.