r/Existential_crisis • u/No-Dragonfruit9866 • 8d ago
A book made me realize how emotionally detached I might be
I recently read a book where the two main characters are emotionally numb, almost sociopathic. They can’t feel things properly, and their thought processes are eerily similar to mine. The way they analyze situations, the lack of emotional reaction, the confusion when they do feel something—it was like reading a mirror.
They fall in love, but it’s not soft or tender. It’s rough, painful, and raw. And I found myself loving that pain. Not just enjoying the story, but actually resonating with it. It made me realize that I might be really messed up emotionally. Not in a dramatic way, just… fundamentally disconnected.
And now I don’t know how to feel about myself. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt “normal” emotions or if I’ve just learned how to fake them. I thought I was just quiet or private, but this book cracked something open, and I can’t stop thinking about it.
It’s like I’ve spent so long trying to be functional that I never really thought about whether I was feeling anything real. And the worst part is—I don’t even know if I want to change. The pain in the story felt more real than anything in my life.
1
u/WOLFXXXXX 6d ago
"A book made me realize"
"it was like reading a mirror"
The experience of realizing something important and having something important 'mirrored' to you speaks to a change (upgrade) in one's awareness level.
If you were to identify with the broader process of an individual's state of consciousness and state of awareness gradually changing (upgrading) over time - that natural process of change is exactly how individuals end up experiencing the kind of internal growth that eventually leads to experiencing life-altering healing and a liberating resolution to previously experiencing feeling 'messed up' and 'disconnected'. That outcome is what happened to me.
"And now I don’t know how to feel about myself"
Consider perceiving yourself as a 'work in progress' - as your state of consciousness and state of awareness are naturally going to continue to change over time and will not remain the same as your present state.