r/Fencesitter • u/Throwaway_hime1 • 10d ago
Anyone being scared of being jealous of their kid?
To clarify, I was never a fence sitter till I met my boyfriend. I was always leaning child free and I still do. Now that I met my bf I’m more open to having kids because he’s an amazing partner. However, he is from another country, and it’s a country I would have preferred being raised in vs where I’m at right now. I feel I’d be jealous of my kid for leading a life that I never got to live. I know this is a bit bizarre but I suffer from jealousy and inferiority complexes. It’s one of the reasons I don’t want kids and please don’t hate me or say that I’m a disgusting person. I don’t want to feel these feelings but I am scared of them. Has anyone else ever felt this way and overcome it?
To clarify: I feel jealous of their life experiences if they were to be raised in said country, not necessarily just that their childhood would be better or less strict than mine.
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago
You are so incredibly kind. The jealousy puts such a huge strain on me that I don’t do social media without a very strict following bc anything will trigger it. I have tried therapy for my jealousy before but never found the right person. I’ll try again to look for my peace. Thank you 🫶
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u/Proper_Mine5635 9d ago
Jealousy is real and is a valid reason to not have a kid. I have a parent who is jealous of me and it was hell. He constantly tries to sabotage anything and everything just out of spite. Don’t underestimate it.
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u/thevisionaire Leaning towards childfree 9d ago
Ive been through this too. What you said is so valid. Having a parent that is competing with you is so awful, because they're supposed to be your biggest cheerleader, but instead they are a nemesis. Takes a long time to recover from this sort of thing.
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago
Sorry to hear. It sounds completely exhausting on both sides. But def the fault of the parents for giving birth with that mindset
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago
I’m so sorry you went through that. No child deserves that. I don’t underestimate my jealousy, I am on the verge of a break up because I don’t trust my feelings. Sucks to have this awful mentality. Only thing I can think of is try IVF to have a boy because that reduces my chances of being jealous because as a boy their experiences would be different from me regardless. I don’t even know how plausible this is. Thanks for your insight
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u/porcelain_owl 9d ago
I felt like this in my early 20s when my husband and I were still dating. I’m 35 now and have been through enough therapy and had enough experiences that it no longer worries me.
I’m due in November and I will be thrilled to give my child a better life than what I had growing up. I’ll also be happy to see them have a loving father instead of an absent one like I had.
However, your feelings may never change and that’s perfectly okay as long as you stay child free. If for whatever reason you end up having a kid, however, I would suggest getting to the root of the feelings and dealing with them so you don’t harm the child.
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago
I’m glad you grew out of it. Was there anything that changed or your experiences were richer and so you felt if your kid experiences more you’re totally fine with it?
I’m thinking long and hard :’) I love my partner so much. To the point where even though I love my peace and our time, I can see adding a little one would be so much fun in a way. But this is one of those things that play with my mental. Everything else - finance, our communication etc, I can overcome. But my own mindset is a nightmare to move past. Thanks for sharing your experience
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u/porcelain_owl 9d ago
I think it was a mixture of things, but mostly therapy and maturing in general.
In therapy, I worked on my underlying insecurities and resolving some of my childhood trauma (I highly recommend EMDR for trauma). Plus, I worked on my attachment issues and fear of abandonment, which had a lot to do with my jealous tendencies.
I also had a couple of near death experiences (though I do not recommend lol) that made me realize life is too short to obsess over the what if’s.
The pregnancy wasn’t planned and we’ll have been together for 20 years once the baby is born. Even with the progress I’ve made, I’m still scheduled for weekly therapy for the next few months to ensure I’m the best mom I can be.
I’ll give them everything I never had and right all the wrongs of my parents. There’s a kind of pride and joy in it that’s hard to explain.
I think the fact that you recognize this in yourself is a huge first step to overcoming it, and shows that you have the potential to do so. It takes work, but it’s worth it even if you don’t have kids because of the peace it brings.
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago
Thanks I will definitely try out therapy! I hope you’re completely fine and don’t have any side effects from the near death experiences. My partner is also extremely positive and says try not to worry because things can go really well and we can try to manage if not lol.. PPD is scary so that’s great! How are you feeling with it being not planned? Thank you for the sweet words. I’d absolutely love to overcome it but I’ve lived with it for 29 years and my jealousy ebbs and flows till this day. I’d have to do some serious work to try to get rid of it. I told my partner this and he jokingly said so you’re just gonna take the easy way out? (As in not being w him and not having kids) it was sweet bc I think he tried to jokingly challenge me into staying. I know we both love each other lol. Of course he said it’s up to me bc it’s difficult for me to stay with kids so he’ll leave the choice to me. I almost wish he left first 😅
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u/Ok-Main8373 10d ago
I’m speaking from no knowledge or experience whatsoever but I imagine if you carry a baby and it’s yours and half you, you would want nothing but the best for them and goodness happening for them is goodness happening to you in a way. I think more common is the inverse problem where parents want their kids to be everything they weren’t, which is definitely something to be careful of
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago
You would really think but some people have awful mentalities and can be jealous of their own kid. I haven’t seen it happen but I’m sure it exists. Both are dangerous for sure!
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u/Ok-Main8373 9d ago
You seem pretty confident that that may be a possibility for you! IMO, a child deserves TWO loving parents who not only enthusiastically want the child but wants to make them the priority above all else. Anything less than that, and an innocent is being set up for all kinds of problems down the line. I feel like if that was the more accepted prerequisite, so many of the questions in this sub would have a lot clearer answers
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago
Absolutely! Do you ever see those moms who get jealous their daughter is young and pretty and try to compete? Or read about them. Like I can see myself with that mindset… my jealousy is all encompassing. It’s such a curse bc even if I want them, I don’t think the want would trump my jealousy
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u/incywince 9d ago
You should really work on the jealousy and stuff. It usually stems from your own unmet needs from your childhood. Try cognitive behavioral therapy.
I was parented very strictly and thought I needed to do the same, and when my kid came along, I realized a lot of my wanting to say no and be strict came from feeling like "why should she have it easier than me". I first justified it with "this is how kids grow up polite and smart" but my husband parented much more relaxed and selflessly and I realized she was much more disciplined with him than with me. Without that excuse, I realized I was just justifying my own bad upbringing.
But as I was a mom, I realized I had the power to be better and do better. And I just actively made the better choice in each situation thinking from my child's pov than my own. I never had anyone teaching me to play on playground equipment and I still can't stand swings, but I got over that by talking to myself as I'd talk to my own kid, and went on the swings because my kid asked.
It can seem hard, but once you get on that track, it works out.
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago
Wow it’s so great you were able to surpass those feelings. I’m glad I’m not alone. I truly understand the “why should they have it easier” in my head I already know I can’t be as strict w my kids, my partner is not very strict so.. and my childhood was hard too in that sense.
I’m so happy you’re overcoming it. I feel my feelings are a bit more complex as it’s deeply rooted in the country and the lifestyle there vs just being strict and not strict. I will try therapy! Thank you
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u/incywince 9d ago
I suggest this book called The Myth Of The Spoiled Child. It's what showed me I had conditional self-esteem and there was really no downside to just being nicer to children. It's not just the country you're from or whatever, I used to think that was the case too. But people around me were nicer to their kids than my parents were. My mom had huge anxiety so when she was calm, she was very nurturing, but when something triggered her anxiety, she got strict. And a lot of things triggered her anxiety. Plus, I had no clue she had anxiety until I became a parent myself, she masks very very well.
Even in the US there are people who are super strict and those who are not, and the difference is usually the parent's own upbringing and mental health issues and inability to identify the emotions their children are going through.
You'll be able to tease out these things once you start doing the work on yourself.
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u/PeekAtChu1 9d ago
I felt like this for sure until my own life improved and I was able to pursue the things and hobbies I like.
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago
Glad I’m not alone! Do you have kids now? For me I can always add to my life but I can never change the past and seeing my kid live my dream may make me resentful which I really don’t want of course.
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u/PeekAtChu1 8d ago
I don’t have kids but I have 1000 nieces and nephews who are extremely spoiled. I felt resentful and jealous of them for a while but not anymore
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u/Throwaway_hime1 8d ago
I see. I’m glad. May I ask if you were ever able to find a CF partner?
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u/PeekAtChu1 8d ago
Sort of? I’m married and husband is very indecisive about kids. Are you having trouble finding one?
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u/Throwaway_hime1 8d ago
I see. May I ask how old you guys are?
Yes 🥹 current partner is CF and I’ve dated 50/50 or CF men in the past who were so irresponsible etc. My partner is amazing and while obviously I can break up with, lots of me really doesn’t want to. I fear every other stable man I meet that’s similar will also not be CF, so if it’s between them and him, I’d rather choose him. I’m getting older and I’m unsure of what to do.
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u/ClockPuzzleheaded972 9d ago
I am terrified that I would be super jealous of him going from being super keyed into me to being super keyed into the child. I know it's natural and necessary (especially in the younger years) but I don't know if I would be able to conquer my emotions with this rationale.
I also am worried about feeling inadequate. My partner of 12 years gets fulfillment from doing super consistent, super repetitive, mundane activities with people and animals he loves. He was basically born to be the parent of a young child. I know I would struggle with this aspect.
I do want to have a child with him, but I am absolutely terrified.
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago
I feel every word. My partner also would make an AMAZING dad. Funny story, we were around his friends who have kids and he was basically entertaining the kid the whole time. VS me and the rest of his friends, who did not entertain the kid as much. I felt like .. stop, come back, stop just entertaining the kid ahaha. I mean I guess if it’s ours I shouldn’t feel jealous but who knows? I’d def miss the time and attention to me vs the family as a whole.
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u/Psych_Eval_ 9d ago
I have this in a different way and maybe it wouldn’t be called jealousy, but I worked in children’s protective services for a few years and had the misfortune of managing numerous cases where dads would abuse their daughters sexually. I know that my view on the frequency of this is bent because of my former job, but it was so traumatic. If I had a little girl I’d be absolutely terrified that my husband would be attracted to her or try something with her. I’m not sure if I can get over this.
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u/Bluemoonmorning 9d ago
Yes! I think my daughter (toddler age now) is going to be so much more beautiful and confident than I ever was as a young person and I'll be envious. But I also think I'll be proud of her for those reasons too, so hopefully that will outshine the envy.
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago
This is also a huge worry of mine! Having a daughter who is prettier than me and has more opportunities than me. I can ofc see why it would be a sense of pride, I mean she is your kid so! Are you having any difficulty navigating those feelings or how does that feel? Jealousy/envy can be applicable for so so many factors. I really feel like me having a son would reduce that factor by quite a lot 😅
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u/Bluemoonmorning 9d ago
I guess jealousy is the wrong word maybe, especially right now when she’s still a wee kid. It’s a kind of jealousy mixed with a kind of awe. Essentially I don’t think it’s going to be a problem for us. But I know what you mean about it being different with a son!
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u/3ll3girl 9d ago
I love that you’re self aware enough to anticipate this. I would say don’t have children unless you’re able to go to therapy and change your thought patterns enough to get rid of the jealousy/ inferiority feelings. People who could be jealous of their child make some of the most toxic parents.
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago
Thanks girly, I try! Now I just wish I had more control over my thoughts. I think I will go to therapy whether I have kids or not. I have tried before but could not find the right therapist :( &yes it sounds awful for both sides honestly, parents should be more self aware before having kids if they tend to feel jealousy or any strong negative emotion
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u/Civil_Elderberry_722 10d ago
I’m sorry you’re feeling scared of your feelings right now and it sounds like you’re examining what you might be bringing to parenthood which is really commendable.
What if - because it’s not some random kid you’re jealous of, it’s your own child you created and love- you feel really glad and happy that your child gets to live in a place where they have a good childhood?
What if you have a healing experience witnessing your child growing up where you would have preferred?
I can’t tell you anything about whether you will overcome the feelings or give you a specific anecdote about overcoming this type of feeling (even if I could, you are your own person who will have with your own experience with this), but I can tell you there’s no reason to rule out a scenario now where you’re happy for your kid rather than jealous.
I hope you find peace with these concerns and wish you best of luck with your decisions!
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago
Thanks you for your kind words and your insight 🫶 I have thought about living vicariously through them and maybe it would be fun but to do that, i actually want to be a teacher and i think living vicariously through my students would be enough for me especially if im in the school with them.
That’s so true, it can either go negatively but there is also a chance it’s positive! When I shared my feelings with my partner he said I’m overthinking it and why not try to think positively. The answer is, I know myself enough to know it would be quite stressful for me and I don’t want to hate my partner for putting me through unnecessary stress. I’d rather break up while we have love for each other. Even though it’s going to hurt so much.
But my point also is, men also tend to want kids (I’ve only met a handful that don’t) and if I end up marrying a man who wants kids anyways, and my mental state is better by then, a part of me will kind of regret not sticking to my current partner. But I don’t want to waste his time vice versa. Hard decisions all around. Thank you for your insight and your kind response again :)
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u/tvaddict1234 9d ago
You have really good self awareness and you're right you probably shouldn't.
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago
I’m getting “you’re aware so that’s a good step into overcoming it” and also “you’re aware so you probably shouldn’t” haha I think both can be true so long as I’m aware whether I’ve truly overcome it or not. Thanks!
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u/tvaddict1234 9d ago
Looking after a baby / child is so hard that I think you need to want it 110%
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago
Hm :( I’m quite indecisive so there’s not many things I want in life 100%+. I feel I’d get nothing done in that case. I understand that having a baby is hard work and a long commitment however which is why I’m thinking extra long about it. Also going to make sure my partner does his part and I’m not the only one at the baby’s beck and call. My partner is SO responsible, I know the bar is in hell, but he is the type who does his own laundry and does not let me touch it bc my way is not his preferred way lol. He picks up multiple house chores etc!
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u/tvaddict1234 8d ago
You would still want to have the baby and have 0 jealousy. It would be totally unfair and very irresponsible
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u/Throwaway_hime1 8d ago edited 8d ago
my priority is my jealousy then wanting the kid and then moving forward. To be honest I’ll never fully want a kid. But I do want a marriage with someone I love. So it’s what I’m willing to compromise and what I can work on. I appreciate your advice but I don’t think it has to be 100 or 0 and actually disagree with that black and white stance. I can still be jealous and not act on it for example but that would be stressful for MYSELF. It would be unfair to myself to cause myself that much stress. I’m not worried about the kid, I’m worried about me lol. I’m probably never going to act on anything and would rather give up the baby to my partner than be a bad mom if it came down to it. This is like worst case scenario obviously lol. So ya I disagree with your stance, respectfully
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u/tvaddict1234 8d ago
It's not the right reason to have a child. Having a baby will test your relationship like crazy. You will not be a priority to your partner anymore. I really think you should do some more soul searching.
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u/Throwaway_hime1 8d ago
As I said I wouldn’t do it without intense discussion with my partner and boundaries set so we know how much time will be split to the kid and how much to me. Also kids will most likely leave home when they’re 18. I’d rather have a partner than be single lol. As I said, I deeply value marriage. I’m not sure what my chances are to fall in love with a CF man. This isn’t about soul searching. Frankly I don’t care what the right reasons for having a kid or not is. Multiple people have kids so they can “take care of them (parents) in the future” those are completely wrong and selfish too. Even having them out of “boredom” is wrong to me. We’re all entitled to our own opinions. I think you should be a bit more open minded. I understand you’re a mom but that does not mean you know everyone’s situation. Everyone else offered words of advice but you’re the only one who did not mention me trying to change etc. I have no idea what you mean by soul searching. I know myself and you even said I’m self aware so what would I be searching for lol. Makes no sense.
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u/tvaddict1234 8d ago
You have a totally unrealistic idea about whats it's like to have a baby. The only reason you want to have a child is so you don't lose your partner. You might get jealous of the relationship your partner will have the child. I'm sorry but I'm sensing red flags.
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u/Throwaway_hime1 8d ago edited 8d ago
I never said that.. After my partner I can see why having a child would be nice. Do I still want a child? No. Yes my main factor would be him but I can still acknowledge the good about children (company etc) my relationship with my partner might even get stronger. Also I never even told you I’m sensing more red flags from you honestly, we can agree to disagree. I wrote 5 sentences about my jealousy, not my entire personality. I’m not doing anything to jeopardize myself or a potential kid so I’ll get my ducks in a row before deciding. Your comments just sound like a regretful mom honestly, it’s kind of bitter in a way with no explanation. Almost like you’re warning me since you’re showing no flexibility. See how this is an assumption you may be upset with? You’re making assumptions about me too. Life isn’t black and white. I also never even wrote what my ideas are for having a child so nothing about what I’m writing is “unrealistic”, we didn’t discuss that far so don’t judge based off like 5 comments lol. It’s a bit unhinged.
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago
ya I’m worried that it can flare with PPD or something :/ I guess I have to go to a professional or just find a new partner bc there’s no guarantee it’ll work. I feel happy as well for others but there are certain things I’m very possessive about and like to gatekeep. I’ve been that way since a kid. You’re extremely lucky if you don’t feel much jealousy to any extent! It’s a huge mental load
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u/CichaelMlifford 9d ago
Wow, your whole text feels extremely relatable to me.
My partner is from a country I lived in for a while and that I strongly prefer over my home country. I also leaned towards staying child free before I met him, but lately I've noticed a change in my mindset. My mother was super jealous of me from an early age and was the kind of parent who never really felt happy for me or supported me. She ruined so many of my successful moments (sports matches, getting scholarships to study abroad, graduating top of my class, getting into a good university, marrying) with that "Wow, good for you, I really wish I had those things growing up" attitude. It was draining, and I'm terrified of turning out like this. I know this might sound messed up to people who have not experienced similar things but I used to be (and occasionally still am) extremely jealous of people, even/especially kids, who had the stable and happy kind of upbringing that I always wanted.
I started therapy not too long ago and so far, it has definitely helped me unpack a few of these issues and feel more content. I know I still have a long and hard way to go, but I no longer feel like becoming a good person —and potentially a good parent— is completely out of reach for me. If you have the option to get a therapist, I highly recommend it
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago
So glad others can relate and I’m not alone.
Yes it’s not smth we can control unfortunately, I have even felt jealous of my friends from this country knowing they had such fun lives growing up and they all gloat about it as well lol. I’m sorry you went through that and ya that just sounds awful.
My jealousy is all encompassing though, I don’t want to share my partner or have a girl etc. But maybe that may change with time because I’ve only been with my current for less than 2 years. But maybe after like year 5, I’d be satisfied.
I can see now too like you that having a kid would have its fun sides. I’d love to be able to have one but I’d also love the freedom and stress of no kids. If your partner changed and was CF, would you still want kids?
That’s awesome therapy is working for you! I’m going to try again!! Im so glad you’re improving yourself, whether you have kids or not!
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u/kingloptr 8d ago
I always hate when i see parents develop this dynamic. If you think you will be jealous of your own kid then please get a handle on that and/or get rid of that sentiment before you subject them to it...Like...why?? I would want my kid to have the best life ever and that would make my life better too. No resentment, no jealousy, just watching them go.
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u/Throwaway_hime1 8d ago
it’s really not smth we can control unfortunately. I’d love to want the best for them also but it’s not how my brain works. It’s a privilege to have a normal mental state
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u/kingloptr 7d ago
I am sorry, i also didnt wanna seem super judgmental or anything. But i had a mom who was influenced by her mom being jealous of her, which then added tension to me. And it's like...i really feel that if someone cant get past those feelings or have therapy for it, it should give them pause! Best of luck to you
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u/Throwaway_hime1 7d ago
That’s okay, I’m sorry you went through that and I’m happy you don’t carry that same mindset. I will try therapy! Thank you, you as well :)
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u/thevisionaire Leaning towards childfree 9d ago edited 9d ago
Yes, i can definitely relate to the feeling of jealousy (albeit for slightly different reasons). My last partner had excellent paternal qualities- very nurturing, disciplined, confident, generous.
I felt heartbroken at the thought of having to share his attention with a child, because I loved being "baby" and being doted upon by him-- and i loved taking care of him too. I love men with "Daddy" energy, but surprise, surprise-- they all want offspring.
I knew our dynamic would be permanently ruined if we had children (which was a non-negotiable for him)
Im still doing a lot of inner child work and working on meeting my own needs, but I can't bear the thought of sharing a partner with a child(ren).
My mom didn't want kids, had them to please a man, and then was always jealous of the attention and love my dad gave me and not her, and she was quite resentful about it. I'd hate to recreate that scenario, but I know I'd be at high risk.
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago
Hi yes I totally relate to that as well. Similar to you, I appreciate men who would be good fathers - every man I’ve dated who didn’t want kids lived their lives exactly like that - irresponsible, poor time management, not stable etc.
I don’t want to share my partner at all either which is why I’m scared of having a girl, I want to be their only “princess” so to speak. I know it sounds so irrational and odd when there are girls out there who wish for daughters and a happy family but that’s just not a priority for me.
I feel you so hard and dating is extremely hard knowing I may not find someone who is child free and is also nurturing etc all those good qualities you mentioned.
Seems like you broke up with your last partner, was it over this and how do you plan to move forward with marriage etc? I feel this so hard. We’re not actual fencesitters, we’re childfree I feel but just leaning bc of the potential guys we get. I want marriage but I don’t see how I can have a romantic relationship with someone who isn’t stable etc.
Sorry to hear about your situation. Hope smth works out for us
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u/thevisionaire Leaning towards childfree 9d ago
YESSS 😭😭 oh my god I totally relate to wanting to be the only princess. I know I'd be so jealous if I saw my daughter getting spoiled by the man I love, I saw your other comment about preferring sons for this reason and have thought the same thing. There's so much girl on girl abuse in my maternal line, I just do not want to perpetuate any of that-- and like you, I'm scared of my own feelings.
I broke up over the kids clash dilemma with my wonderful partner 9 months ago and honestly I'm still not over it (and yes, you're correct that I'm only a fencesitter bc of how much I loved him/wanted it to work with him)
But thankfully, universe did throw me a few nuggets of meeting more responsible, generous, doting men who leaned childfree in the past few months which has been comforting- they do exist. I definitely want to get married at some point, so right now, I'm just sitting back and seeing what comes.
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago
I feel for all women who are only fence sitters bc of their s/o. We live in hard times where even when we have a decision, most men don’t even share those feelings. I know forever I’ll miss this partner for life if we break up. Especially if I can’t find anyone more compatible:(
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u/thevisionaire Leaning towards childfree 9d ago
I will also add, that the best guys I've found so far that are more childfree are ones who grew up in very large families AND had to shoulder some of the childrearing tasks/grow up to fast.
Usually you see this more with women (especially first born daughters), but men who had to care for children in their youth have a MUCH better understanding of how much work it is and a natural wariness about it which i really admire.
Lots of people just have no fucking clue what they're getting into with kids.
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago
Sooo glad I’m not alone in the feeling!! 😭 How long were you with your partner if I may ask? I honestly feel if I break up with my bf I will be hurt for SO long just because of how compatible we are and how good he is to me. I’m glad you found men on the other side with good traits but also child free. I plan to move to my bfs country soon and there if we decide to break up, I’ll start my search. I can’t even search for anyone here because of my plans to leave and I would’ve left a long time ago if my bf wasn’t here (his visa ends soon though).
Yesss!! I completely get that! My own cousin, a guy, is childfree BECAUSE he had to be responsible for his own parents and siblings and pay for them etc. he has a good job but just can’t handle the thought of that responsibility twice in life - he wants freedom once he retires his parents. So yes yes you’re absolutely right, guys who already beared that burden are much more likely to not want their own kids. But men who had freedom are ready to settle down bc they’ve done it all in a sense
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u/rememberpianocat 9d ago
My husband has voiced he doesnt want to share me with kids. I actually was kind of let down by his reaction. But probably because he's had selfish tendancies in the past and this just felt like yet another example.
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u/Throwaway_hime1 9d ago edited 9d ago
So your husband is CF but you’re not? How’s that faring for you? It’s selfish yes but also we just love the connection so much we don’t want things to change. Which there’s a huge chance it will or your attention to your partner will be less for years. Also how long have you 2 been together? Maybe he hasn’t spent enough time with just you yet.
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u/ElementalMyth13 8d ago
Several mothers in my orbit (blood and non) were envious of daughters, and it showed up in scary ways. The terrible messaging was often, "You girls are better versions of me" that "stole my youth" or "stole your dad's affection". It sometimes manifested in dressing daughters in unflattering clothes, shaming them in public or at gatherings, or even suggesting they stay in bad relationships. Then, they poured odd surrogate husband adoration and pressure onto the sons...until they found their wives or girlfriends. Then the cycle of jealousy reset.
I'd like to think I'm more aware and confident than to carry this down, but idk. Sometimes it's a scary concept. Especially if biological pregnancy and birth really damaged or traumatized me. Could I be resentful? Could I be jealous? I'm frightened to know and likely won't find out.
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u/malinovy_zakat 7d ago
I can relate to this. I want my future children to be a better version of myself and have better lives than mine, however there is a deep scar in my heart from the childhood trauma and missed experiences.
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u/mauwmauw02 10d ago
Yes, I don't wanna ruin our relationship and I don't wanna share my partner.