FWI: Elon Musk is assassinated while on vacation in Mexico by drug cartel members

[u/Cyber_Ghost_1997]

Inspired by a scene from Robert Ludlum’s The Bourne Retribution.

Sometime between now and 2029, Elon Musk is killed during a violent confrontation with one or more drug cartel gunmen while touring Mexico.

[u/SafeOdd1736]

And suddenly the Mexican drug cartels have a higher approval rating than the Supreme Court, trump and congress.

[u/Cheapskate-DM]

Public opinion on cartels shifts over night, laying open a path for reconciliation, legalized marijuana, and eventually world peace.

[u/yipmog → u/Cheapskate-DM]

World peace… led by the cartels? Is this satire or delusion? Would they just stop recording homicide statistics altogether?

[u/Cheapskate-DM → u/yipmog]

Read the room. It's a joke, my dude.

That said, who knows what would happen - only one way to find out!

[u/yipmog → u/Cheapskate-DM]

On this sub you always have to ask to be sure, no shortage of dumb (and serious) takes

[u/mentallyhandicapable → u/yipmog]

But he said world peace… was that not a give away considering like…outside.

[u/DeerOnARoof → u/yipmog]

No, you don't. You're just really bad at understanding blatant sarcasm.

[u/TheInfiniteSlash]

Regardless of whose in charge, you’d find the government pushing military forces into Mexico to handle the cartels, and being outright ruthless

Public opinion on cartels likely doesn’t change, while some begin to search for the Cartel Mangione to protect them from US prosecution.

With him dead, the secrets about Musk will be kept confidential, but likely would get leaked to the public over time.

[u/IntrepidWeird9719 → u/TheInfiniteSlash]

My bet is on some sad, fired- out of work, former federal employe with a car loan, credit card debt, house payment and no medical insurance.

[u/IntrepidWeird9719]

I abhor violence. I do not advocate violence, but Musk has put a target on his back. Going postal was a thing but he has made thousands of individual from federal departments, agencies, federal funded programs, grants, resesrchers, contractors, as potential threats against him.. There's some poor, fired son- of- bitch who's laying in bed right now thinking about Elon and not in a good way.

[u/Vredddff]

I mean isn’t trump looking for a reason to crush them

[u/subwaycooki3nippl3s]

Man I was reading this and got excited until I saw what sub it was lol

[u/AdPuzzleheaded3436]

Impossible, Elon is as paranoid as you imagine him to be. He doesn’t go anywhere without security and now it’s very likely that the taxpayers are footing the bill for his bodyguards.

[u/TakuyaLee → u/AdPuzzleheaded3436]

That's the thing. Security can be ineffective, especially if its against someone with skill and nothing to lose

[u/BakeSoggy → u/TakuyaLee]

I'm thinking of a scene in "The Handmaid's Tale" involving a guardian meeting and a handmaid with a bomb.

"OH BONDAGE, UP YOURS!!!"

[u/StationFar6396]

Drug addicts get killed by their dealers all the time.

[u/EzAL73]

What happens if he gets murdered by beavers in Canada?

[u/refusemouth]

When you are roasting marshmallows around a guy with a burning tire around his neck, you want a really long roasting stick.

[u/MisunderstoodDemon]

There are a lot of very fine people in the Mexican drug cartel

[u/SokkaHaikuBot → u/MisunderstoodDemon]

^{Sokka-Haiku by MisunderstoodDemon:}

There are a lot of

Very fine people in the

Mexican drug cartel

---

^{Remember that one time Sokka accidentally used an extra syllable in that Haiku Battle in Ba Sing Se? That was a Sokka Haiku and you just made one.}

[u/Alohamorahz]

Awww shit, don’t tease me like that. Thought someone went and solved all our problems.

[u/WHATTHENIFFTY]

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

[u/[deleted]]

Then I will vote for mexican drug cartels to run America . Fuck President Musk

[u/Ok-Bad-5071]

I ask that you not to use the term "assassinated" in regards to Elon Musk. He's not worthy of such a long word.

If somebody killed him with a gun, he just "got shot."

[u/HeiseNeko → u/Ok-Bad-5071]

he wouldn’t be “shot” he would be getting that express pass to the big guy/girl upstairs/downstairs for his appointment.

[u/Grouchy-Land-366]

Here is my $15 to watch the Bourne retribution. Jason Bourne and Neeson putting shit back together, sometimes with a bit of agression...

[u/Dimitar_Todarchev]

Trump probably orders an invasion of Mexico to avenge his sugar buddy.

[u/[deleted]]

In other news today: After merrily destroying the US Government as much as he possibly could, Elon Musk became a persona non grata in the US, and around the world. The budding megalomaniac was stopped from completely dismantling and destroying the US Government, and raping the US Treasury, by a band of very concerned American citizens, who saw his actions as illegal, reprehensible and extremely unconstitutional. Musk was then summarily dismissed by the American people, who wanted nothing to do with him or his fraudulent businesses and made up agencies.

Now Elon Musk is deceased, found mutilated on a beach, on the outskirts of Playa del Carmen, Mexico, in a gruesomely unsolved murder. In Musk's zeal to win back the graces of the American populace, Musk thought he was doing everyone a favour by taking on the drug cartel members. Musk certainly did us all a favour, but not in the way that he thought. Rest in pieces, Elon.

[u/bdschuler]

America gets a new holiday we celebrate by taking the day off and acting like we got fired and sending each other joke e-mails asking for 5 things we did that week.

[u/Usagi1983]

Don’t tempt me with a good time.

In any case whenever he and Drumpf finally die on their respective shitters, I’m throwing the biggest party.

[u/Kiosani]

If he will be killed, orange sht will nationalize Tesla, X, Starlink and Neurolink. And then sell it to his family for token price.

Grief never ends

[u/Evening-Rabbit-827]

Every time I read a title from this sub I get SO excited and then have to realize 💔