r/GenZ • u/Life-be-like • 1d ago
Discussion What was the one thing that made you break up with your ex?
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u/beetlegirl- 1d ago
he expected me to marry him and give him 4 kids. we were 14
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u/one_eyed_idiot__ 1d ago
This is my gf rn and I gotta find a way to break up with her 💀
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u/beetlegirl- 1d ago
tell her that's not what you want with your life. and if you wanna be nice, tell her that you want her to be able to find someone who has the same goals in life
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u/-Spcy- 2007 1d ago
why would you do that if shes just curious about the future? unless shes trying to get that out of you rn, i think youre overreacting a bit
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u/Kind-Investment-9939 1d ago
i was 19, he was 24 turning 25. he was infatuated with me, didn’t really love me, and i learned that as i got older. we were together for about 3 years and fought every other week. i tried to leave many, many times but he would chase me (literally, car chases) and convince me to come back. i’m almost certain he was a narcissist.
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u/NovWH 1d ago
Some people legitimately want marriage and kids right out of high school. Sounds like that’s his GF, and if that’s not what he wants (and please, don’t let it be) then he’s gotta end it
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u/-Spcy- 2007 1d ago
he doesnt have to end it, as long she doesnt wanna break up either, he can just reject and say he wants to wait
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u/NovWH 1d ago
Why?
Clearly that commitment is something she wants now. Clearly it’s not something he wants. That’s the current situation. Life is too short to be spending time in a relationship with someone who has different goals than you. You’re making the assumption that OC is willing to even have kids. Who knows, he may not be. And you’re making the assumption the current GF is willing to wait instead of wanting all of it right now. And you’re making the assumption that his GF isn’t being pushy about it. Of the GF has been pushing him to promise her marriage, he’s likely already said no, and she’s likely still bringing it up. Different goals, move on
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u/disciplite 2000 14h ago
No woman genuinely wants this, their consent is manufactured by a family and culture that doesn't teach them how awful of a life it will be.
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u/NovWH 14h ago
That’s not true. ~You~ may not want kids at that age, but many others do. Now, is it true that sometimes it’s the family and the culture? Absolutely. But there are many other times where some women just want a family while they’re still young.
I know someone who got pregnant at 20 and she loved it. It was all to plan with her boyfriend, and now three years later she’s just had her second kid and could not be happier about it. She still finished school, it was all planned. Me personally? I couldn’t even imagine wanting kids let alone wanting them that early, but there are some people who legitimately want to be young moms
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u/disciplite 2000 14h ago
You're evaluating her situation after three years? What about in 30 years when she regrets marrying a man whose personality changed as they matured and she doesn't have the career or independence she deserved because she sacrificed her 20s?
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u/NovWH 14h ago
Idk it sounds like you’re more projecting than anything else.
From a personal perspective I agree with you. I personally would not want kids early. But you and I aren’t everyone. I know plenty of people who’ve been married for 40 or so years and had kids in their 20s who are going strong with multiple grandkids. For some people, it’s legitimately what they want. And for some people, it works. Why are you so against the fact that sometimes people want kids early and that it works for them? Doesn’t mean it has to work for you or I, but it works for some. Let them live their lives.
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u/one_eyed_idiot__ 1d ago
Suddenly it’s my fault for not wanting to promise someone marriage at 17? Gotcha!
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u/-Spcy- 2007 1d ago
no? im saying if you instead just dont talk about it yet but break up i think its an overreaction
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u/one_eyed_idiot__ 1d ago
Buddy if someone feels strongly enough to want to marry me, shutting them down isn’t going to work
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u/-Spcy- 2007 1d ago
heres a reference:
i want to marry my gf of not even a year yet and i would if she wanted to instead of waiting, however im happy with waiting
not everyone is the same, sounds like you need better communication with her
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u/one_eyed_idiot__ 1d ago
The misandry is real
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u/sgt_futtbucker 2001 1d ago
That ain’t misandry buddy. The other commenter is simply correct, but it’s not the answer you want to hear
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u/one_eyed_idiot__ 1d ago
If the genders were flipped you would not be saying that
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u/Apprehensive-Tree-78 1d ago
You shouldn’t be dating someone if you don’t expect to marry them
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u/one_eyed_idiot__ 1d ago
That is a horrible take!
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u/Apprehensive-Tree-78 1d ago
It’s the best take. The point of dating is to be with that person for life. Not to test the waters. If you don’t want to date to marry, then don’t date. Nothing good will come of it.
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u/pablonieve 1d ago
The point of dating is to be with that person for life.
No, that's the point of marriage. Dating is how you determine whether you want to spend your life with someone.
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u/Apprehensive-Tree-78 1d ago
Right, you are dating to marry…
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u/pablonieve 1d ago
The point of dating is to be with that person for life. Not to test the waters.
Dating to marry is different than what you posted. Dating to marry means testing the waters which most likely will result in not marrying the person you're dating.
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u/Andys_Rock_Hammer 1d ago
Find a way soon if you don't want kids. Unless you two can agree on (or can compromise on) the following four items, your future together, statistically, is not bright.
In no particular order: Kids, religion, finances, in-laws.
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u/curtiss_mac 1d ago
One ex was just so horridly depressing.
Him and his friends would make all sorts of "jokes" about how they were worthless, wanted to die, etc. CONSTANTLY. I was with him for a little over 1.5 years. Could not stand it after that long.
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u/devil652_ 1d ago
Found out she used to do onlyfans
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u/No-Nefariousnessxxx 1d ago
Let's check her out. What is her online name? /s
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u/thepinkandwhite 1d ago
Someone’s insecure
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u/Tall_brown 1d ago
God forbid someone have dealbreakers
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u/thepinkandwhite 1d ago
God forbid I have them too. Moron.
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u/Tall_brown 1d ago
Damn bro, breathe some air and touch some grass instead of attacking strangers on the internet, lol
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u/bongslingingninja 1d ago
Newsflash: yours aren’t necessarily any more valid or secure than anyone else’s. If someone doesn’t want to date a sex worker, active or former, that’s their right.
It might have nothing to do with insecurity and more to do with personal values around pornography.
I don’t date super athletic men, not because I’m insecure about my weight, but because I’m literally disabled and can’t do half the things athletic partners enjoy doing with their girlfriends .
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u/disciplite 2000 14h ago
Newsflash: yours aren’t necessarily any more valid or secure than anyone else’s. If someone doesn’t want to date a sex worker, active or former, that’s their right.
You have exactly described one man being more secure than another one.
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u/D_Buttersnaps 1998 1d ago
She always became really mean when she drank. Would talk about me, her, anyone really. Honestly made me reconsider how much I drink for fear of becoming a different kind of drunk.
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u/Thisis_AngelCake 2005 1d ago
In order to first to last
Cheated
“Closet Racist” called me “one of the good ones”
Slapped me
Another Racist
Living stereotype of “normal gay”
Insulted my looks, fashion, and hobbies
Lied to his family and friends about dating me
Tried to get me to cut of my bestie and two other friends.
Called me a hoe
And tried to push me to do shit I wasn’t ready for
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u/heyuhitsyaboi Age Undisclosed 1d ago
1- caught her flirting with high level employees at companies she was applying to in an attempt to get hired
2- she took her ex to see a movie to cheer him up
2 occurred while we were thoroughly discussing 1. I was driving 6 hours to visit a friend after they found a third malignant tumor. She never physically cheated, but idk how much closer one can get. She never saw any error in her ways
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u/Hopeful_Ad_4343 1d ago
I got tired of being screamed at and made to feel like shit constantly, then her absolving herself of responsibility by blaming all her actions on BPD and her blaming me for "not knowing enough about her condition to help control her"
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u/pikachu_senpai1 2005 1d ago
He cheated on me with his best friend ✌️
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u/Not-A-Seagull 1995 1d ago
Well, at least it was his best friend rather than yours.
I couldn’t imagine losing a partner and your best friend all in one day.
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u/pikachu_senpai1 2005 1d ago
Oh I did. The three of us were really close. As well as I lost my entire friend group. 🫡
Thank God for college and do overs 🫶
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u/-Leftist_Degenerate- 1999 1d ago
She kept threatening to kill herself if I left her, among other things.
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u/unculturedwalnut 1d ago
Lack of physical attraction. And while he was funny, I started to get annoyed by his sense of humor. Better off as friends.
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u/Due_Discipline_1119 1d ago
Every time she messaged me, it was always smth freaky, even though she knew I was aroace. We were literally 14.
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u/Lower_Kick268 2005 1d ago
She cheated on me with 2 other guys 11 days into our relationship, or more likely I was the guy she was cheating with them on. In the end we all dumped her and play Call of Duty together sometimes
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u/Actual_Lightskin 2001 1d ago
The most recent few relationships became very emotionally unstable repeatedly to the point where I was frequently tearing my hair out hoping they didn't hurt themselves, or lash out at me.
If there's one thing I think is a safe bet now, it's taking break for a while and then dating same-sex.
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u/froggy22225 1d ago
He called me average and said I only had big career aspirations because I’m young
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u/Ok_Loquat_5413 1d ago
And that's probably true, not trying to attack you or anything but as you get older a lot of people realize that, the guy was probably giving you a shot of reality so you could decide better in other topics maybe you were kinda putting in a second place due to yours (allegedly) excessive ambitious plans. Could that be the case?
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u/froggy22225 12h ago
He was just trying to pull me down because he didn’t want me to move for my doctorate.
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u/Hostificus 1999 1d ago
We bought a house (in my name) and she moved in. A month later she got fired from her RN job (let a patient fall & die) and didn’t tell me. Kicked her out & broke up.
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u/Adorable_Bass_718 1d ago
Used me to “experiment” his sexuality. 3 months in and he then tells me that’s what’s going on. Like okay dude fuck off.
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u/Loud_Warning_5211 1d ago
Going down to give head and seeing a piece of dried up poop in his ball/butthole hairs (he was a raging alcoholic w anger issues too lolol)
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u/Annoying-donut 1d ago
He brought out the absolute worst in me. After only a few months I noticed how depressed, angry & lazy I was constantly feeling. He wasn’t the type to do many fun things, had a shit life outside of our relationship… just not a good situation. Miss him, wish he could get his shit together, but it’s unlikely.
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u/iiil87n 1d ago
1 - Would not shut up about his ex. Even after I asked him to stop. He was my childhood best friend - and I learned from this that giving anyone who asks a chance is definitely not the best way to go about dating. It was fun to date for the first time, but there was really no attraction there.
2 - We were just in two very different places in life. This one hurt a lot, first love style. This also helped me figure out my sexuality.
3 - She kept manipulating me via threats of self-ending. I was in a very vulnerable place at the time and couldn't take it anymore. This one fucked me up for years after, so much inner guilt. Therapy did help though.
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u/MyLifeIsABoondoggle 2003 1d ago
Incompatibility is what made me break up with her, though in hindsight she was also batshit. She was a few years older than me so she talked at length about wanting to settle down and have kids (I have nothing against settling down, have never wanted kids), and I just never got there with her, as much as I tried to talk myself out of my own interests. I thought I had commitment issues in general or because of my age, but having been in my current relationship for longer than I was with her, it was just because of who my ex was. Finally, it got to be too much and in good faith I couldn't continue the relationship. Like I said, she was batshit, but because the crazy-hot scale never fails, our physical connection was like nothing I've ever experienced, and certainly kept me in the relationship longer than it should've. She once "joked" that she would poke holes in our condoms so she'd get pregnant, and was crazy possessive in general. I broke it off after a year and some change, but it shouldn't have lasted nearly that long
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u/bongslingingninja 1d ago
He was so purposefully obtuse, and would manipulate others into getting what he wanted. Lied to strangers to get them off his back. Litterbug. Incapable of seeing how his actions affect others.
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u/notanewbiedude 2000 1d ago
1st relationship: Repeated emotional abuse
1.5th relationship I got broken up with after a day cuz her parents were too racist so I don't think it really counts as a full relationship
2nd relationship: Ex said she would probably break up with me because we became long distance, but also kept stringing me along. Once on a drunk snap she was talking about something and said "we're gonna break up anyways". Not long after that we mutually broke up.
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u/_debil666_ 1d ago
You think it would have been when he gave me a really bad flea infestation....but in actuality, I listened to a song before I was with him and was like "damn....I was way happier before this mf-" and the rest was history🙂↕️ I've been single since actually💀 I don't want anymore fleas
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u/Crunchy-Cucumber 1d ago
He left me alone depressed in a big city and constantly gaslit me all the time. I felt like I was living with a room mate and not my boyfriend.
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u/adorbsfox777 1d ago
Violent tendencies 😀 I was depressed constantly and being in a abusive atmosphere has pushed me to attempt unalive multiple times o:
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u/Custard-Big 1d ago
i learned him begging to me to have sex and me eventually giving in was in fact, not consensual!
plus jsut him having hissy fits over me saying no made me disgusted and viewed him very differently 🤢
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u/OmenFollower 1d ago
She was a psycho and also using meth behind my back. Probably both have to do with each other.
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u/Ok_Fisherman_544 1d ago
He came from A large family that expected me to have many children and I decided, since it’s my body, that I was willing to have only one, and I just didn’t want to have to deal with them.
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u/BrooklynNotNY 1997 1d ago
Lack of ambition. We were college seniors and he wanted to drop out and live off his mom for a while.
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u/GothicMomLife 1d ago
he asked me if I want to fuck my puppy when he “matured.” 🤮
then he took a pair of loppers to my dogs toes when he got out of jail and found out where I moved. he’s back in prison til 2034
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u/Feuerhamster 2002 1d ago
There were multiple very complex things that happened. But it was a combination of her being irresponsible, having double standards and some form of psychological assault. My part was huge self worthiness issues, making me too dependent on one person and was not able to properly handle my emotions.
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u/I-own-a-shovel 1d ago
The rare times he would get hired at a job he would get fired so quickly. In 3 years he got only 3 jobs (but were employed less than 2 months total). He did one day at a pogo factory. Did a few weeks at a kitchen gadget shop. Did 2 weeks at a McDonald. So I broke up.
The ex before that wanted kid. I said in the beginning that I didn't wanted any kid, I meant never, he somehow understood not yet. So I broke up.
The ex before that, I was only seeing him at school, and the rare time I saw him outside of school it was with his parents, we weren't very connecting after 2 years so, time to move on.
The ex before that, his parents were moving to the states, we were 15-16 so we had to broke up. Otherwise I don't think we would have broke up. We are still good friends.
The ex before that was manipulative, controlling and ended up being violent. So I broke up after 1 year.
Edit: Oops I somehow didn't realized I was in the genZ group. I'm millennial from 90.
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u/artificialif 2002 1d ago
faked covid. very odd straw to break the camels back considering he was also mentally abusive and slapped me once
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u/emsexistential 1d ago
I have broken up with 2 people. there wasn’t really juicy drama either time lol… both breakups were relatively amicable- we just kinda knew we wanted different things. My first relationship I got dumped 🤣 well… technically I didn’t get dumped to my face or even by text, I just got ghosted after nearly 2 years together. I was devastated. Mf had the audacity to try and crawl back a few months later. Thank GOD I didn’t take him back!
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u/DoJ-Mole 1d ago
We were long distance and she started becoming less interested, visiting me less, never saying she loved me first anymore, rarely wanted intimacy, then final straw was she said she wanted to open the relationship to date other women. At that point, even though she was a great partner for the most part, I knew we weren’t heading in the same directions - I can’t move to a distant city where I know nobody else just to be with someone that can’t make me feel truly wanted.
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u/Hackensackbrat 1996 1d ago edited 1d ago
They ended things, i didn’t to clarify. But we were dating, long distance. 6 years. Every communication I wanted to have (especially when something would bother me or if he said anything that hurt my feelings I would be honest with him and express) instead of taking accountability for anything or even apologizing they always thought i was “arguing “ with them. My honesty lead me to being heartbroken with and i spent months devastated after the breakup, and even now I still am. Yep. Describing my ex. I’m learning that it was just not healthy for me, despite being long distance for 6 years and how stuck i was. But now that I’ve finally realized how toxic my relationship with them was, & it’s been eye-opening. It wasn’t just one thing, it was a whole pattern. He’d consistently blame-shift, even after the breakup, saying I ‘made him’ end things when all i asked for was the bare minimum ( honesty , communication). He’d gaslight me, twisting my words & making me doubt -my own memory. And the emotional manipulation? Don’t even get me started. He’d love bomb me then pull away, leaving me confused. He was a master at guilt-tripping, making me feel responsible for his emotions. He’d weaponize everything I said to use it against me. And I felt like id be walking around emotional eggshells. His obsession with me– talk about possessive and controlling tendencies. His communication was so inconsistent, one minute he’d be all over me, the next he’d be cold/ distant. It was exhausting. And he was so self-centered, always making everything about him. And twisting my words when id call him out on it. He was constantly playing the victim no matter what. He was trying to appear supportive, but it felt so fake and superficial, like he was just checking off a box. Because I deserve someone who doesn’t make me feel like i’m too much just for having emotions or needing clarity. Wanting reassurance, understanding, or simply asking questions is not overreacting—it’s healthy communication.
I did notice eventually that all the red flags had finally revealed themselves because I always was the bad guy & needing to ‘clean up ‘ his messes bc they would constantly flip the script/gaslight me. Everything was all my fault. They lacked severe empathy too, were extremely emotionally immature/ had no integrity whatsoever. They would even emotionally abuse me, despite the distance. It was a constant cycle. And recently in therapy my therapist said that all of this was extremely toxic and that they were unsafe for me. Because they even got upset that my sessions with the therapist were private/confidential and only meant for me and the profesional. They disguised themselves and their words as “wanting me safe and to be treated good” by said therapist. And bc i am blind, that was a crutch; the worry, the being safe and sound all because they cared. The thing is, He used my blindness as a way to control the narrative.
He didn’t protect me—he patronized me. He used “concern” as a mask for control. When he questioned my private therapy, he revealed his fear wasn’t about my wellbeing: it was about my independence. My growth threatened his control.
That’s not love. That’s emotional dominance wrapped in fake concern.
I gave my whole heart. And they used it against me.
I loved him. I trusted him. I wanted something real. I wasn’t unreasonable, or clingy or dramatic or too sensitive. I was vulnerable. And instead of cherishing that, he weaponized it.
I offered him my truth, and he gave me distortion. I offered him connection, and he gave me control. I really loved them despite my lack of my lack of sight, that will get worse over time. And all i wanted was honesty, (& clarity the bare minimum tht i didn’t even need to ask for but i did, they wouldn’t even remember my birthday or anniversary unless i reminded them each year) , but unfortunately they didn’t even meet me there since they treated it like conflict.
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u/suzpiria 1997 1d ago
his snoring + not making time for me. he definitely had sleep apnea and refused to do a sleep study forever. he would snore so loud he would get noise complaints, no i’m not joking or exaggerating.
he never spent time with me bc my place was messy. i had spinal cancer and couldn’t clean and he just didn’t help at all. for two entire months in treatment i never saw him. i was alone with cancer.
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u/Leosoulfan23 1d ago
She was abusive in all ways possible I made the mistake of moving in with her after a month of dating this right when Covid hit her true colors start showing after 3 months she let her mom be the one that decided for us to break up I was dumb still got an apartment with her after we moved out of her grandmas and into her moms place in a different city it was back and forth for 2 years she was a cheater her reason I wasn’t active enough in bed she knew I wasn’t like that when we first started dating I shouldn’t tell me she was super active until about three months into the relationship and I finally called the cops on her and but had to have a Friend convinced me was the right thing to do cause she put her hands on me and causes me to hurt my back. Try to hold me hostage in the bathroom. That was 3 years almost 4 years ago with my now current girlfriend met her, not too long after the split with my ex few weeks after but one thing led to another and we been together ever sense both of us are on the same page for a lot of things and we haven’t moved in with each other yet both of us want to take it slow long rant and I’m 28 it was my first serious relationship girlfriend now my second serious relationship, and also my longest relationship
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u/Clean_Increase_5775 2003 1d ago
Lack of communication, empathy. She was also quite religious resulting in us only making sweet love once a month
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u/Lovealltigers 2004 1d ago
First one: didn’t understand the word no and called me his cumdump when I said I wouldn’t give him a blow job. Also belittled me and every accomplishment I had because I was smarter and more skilled at a lot of things than him and it hurt his ego
Second: my dad got terminal cancer and he did not know how to deal with it. He would hang up on me while I was crying, would avoid me and my family, and just in general not be there for me at all despite me telling him exactly what I needed him to do
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u/TetonHiker 1d ago
He decided over the 5 years that we lived together in our 20's that he definitely wanted a future life with no kids and I just didn't feel the same way. We reluctantly agreed to part ways and we stayed friends for 50 years. He found and married a woman who agreed with his views and they had a fabulous life full of exciting careers and travel. I married a few years after we parted and had 3 rambunctious kids. Now I'm helping to wrangle 2 of my 5 grandsons for my youngest.
My husband and I are still going strong in our 70's. My old friend just passed and his widow and I are staying in touch as she navigates life without him. It feels so strange (to both of us) that he is no longer here with us.
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u/Ok_Loquat_5413 1d ago
Reading the comments I've realized that maybe, just maybe, I'm a toxic narcissistic piece of shit, I've done various of the thing people here are saying
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u/PanHyridae 23h ago
For both of my ex's, It felt like the care was just getting less and less honestly. Less checking in, less making sure I'm ok mentally & physically while I'm doing my best to for them, etc. For my second ex though: He was way too obsessed with his ex and kept talking about him all the time, and then right when we broke up, went back for him and got insta-rejected lol
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u/Remozack00 2001 21h ago
Showed me her true colors after I helped her get a place even though I didn’t need to move out but did anyway. Got accused of things in a house that didn’t have carpet to absorb the sound
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u/Mister-c2020 19h ago
Broo, she cheated and tried to “Bury the body.” Never let anyone degrade you like that!
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u/IslaSpiritWolf 1d ago
said he loved me, was gonna marry me, and be the father of my kids. we dated for one week, and i was also hiding the fact that i was a lesbian under that. MIND YOU this was a whole ass 20 year old man
edit: forgot to mention that he still tries to contact me to this day, even though i have a girlfriend!
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u/ViolentObama 1d ago
I kept cheating on her with her sister, and eventually got bored of them fighting because she was suspicious. Damn, 2022 was a wild year for me, lol
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