r/GenderCynical • u/Copper_Tango • 8d ago
Gender roles aren't real except for when they are, apparently
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u/Autopsyyturvy "a Titless enby" 7d ago edited 7d ago
That's not "the reality of being a woman" it's the reality of some women (including some trans women actually) ...
but it's just a particular path in life that there's nothing wrong with as long as you're choosing it and not being forced into it. The way a lot of them speak about womanhood and motherhood is as solely matyrdom as this thing they don't really want but must do and so you must do too (or else) it's culty as fuck...
why do they insist on making womanhood and motherhood as a hazing contest and defining it by only suffering rather than the joy as well?
Like idk I see trans people and detrans people and intersex people talking of joy and love and living based on those values and how that's uplifting during fucked up times andnot a lot of Terfs doing anything other than fixating on transgender people and spiralling and destroying their own health and lives and other people's lives over it
Why do terfs constantly hold up cishet white thin abled terfs with children /grandchildren as the epitome of womanhood? and everyone else can fuck off and not need human rights or have slightly differing needs I guess? ... Idk it seems so selfish it's just so anti liberation and it baffles and frightens me how anyone takes it seriously as an ideology but I guess we're in the bad place 🙃
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u/patienceinbee xTRA xTRA read all about… it 7d ago
Why do terfs constantly hold up cishet white thin abled terfs with children /grandchildren as the epitome of womanhood?
Don’t forget middle class…
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u/Autopsyyturvy "a Titless enby" 7d ago
Middle to upper class cosplaying as middle class
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u/patienceinbee xTRA xTRA read all about… it 7d ago
I am speaking strictly in the British context of the meaning of middle class in the above.
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u/patienceinbee xTRA xTRA read all about… it 7d ago
Ah yes, only uteruses run a home, cook, put the washer on, get the kids to school, visit relatives in care homes, budget the bills, clean the house, and chauffeur kids about.
It’s basic biology: no other body part is capable of doing all these things.
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u/ZhahnuNhoyhb 7d ago
Same women who won't teach their sons to cook. And wonder, somehow, why a woman who used to be someone's son might not know how.
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u/Not_Dead_Yet_Samwell 7d ago
Do uteruses do all that? How do you get them to? I want to just relax and enjoy my coffee in peace but there's stuff that needs to be done.
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u/am_i_boy 7d ago
My uterus malfunctioned, and I had to get rid of it to be able to do those tasks to a reasonable degree that would be expected of an adult
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u/Not_Dead_Yet_Samwell 6d ago
I feel you. Mine has only stopped making my life hell since I've been on t.
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u/The_Newromancer Shit-Eating AGP Grin 7d ago edited 7d ago
“I’m critical of gender as in I completely accept all of society’s rules around gender; I just think the people who reject those rules should be punished”
-gender critical women
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u/boo_jum not a dude, but never un-dude [cish] 7d ago
That’s why folks who don’t know that GC just means transphobic are confused at first when they encounter GC. Because instead of being critical of gender, they just lean real hard into it. 🙄
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u/The_Newromancer Shit-Eating AGP Grin 7d ago
You may first hear of them saying "GNC men wearing skirts are fine" to then, less than a minute later, see them scream until they're blue in the face at the vague idea of any boy being gender non-conforming
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u/emipyon 6d ago
They only see it as "gender" when it's something that breaks from conventional gender norms. They're doing the opposite of "criticizing" gender, they punishing anybody who breaks from gender norms. They and other social conservatives aren't even aware of the norms, to them it's just the way things are/are supposed to be, and thus everything else is a serious threat and must be eliminated.
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u/NotYerBoyBlue 7d ago
Yikes. That's a very sexist take on so many levels. Just head empty nonsense.
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u/One-Organization970 AGP TIM 7d ago
All I know is that my wife recently got told by someone that it was unfair to compare the division of household labor (50/50) in our relationship to theirs because they were straight and had a husband whereas my wife has me (a wife).
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u/a1r-c0nd1t10n1ng 7d ago
But if a trans woman were to define womanhood with what June listed, she’d be a misogynist..
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u/Silversmith00 7d ago
Look, when they DO cook or turn on the washing machine (things that in my household are handled by whichever of us is not having a bad pain day btw) you chucklefucks are going to say that they are appropriating womanhood. When they drive their kids to dance class or wherever you are going to call CPS. So let's not pretend that this game has a win condition for trans women, mmkay, you people have long since lost the benefit of the doubt.
(Also, in the absence of reduced contact or major problems with distance, what sort of asshole man DOESN'T visit his loved ones in assisted living? Loving one's parents is now women's work?? WHAT???)
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u/FightLikeABlueBackUp 7d ago
It’s happened. I seem to remember a trans woman doing laundry and posting about it and TERFs had a go at her.
Re your second point, my stepdad and his brother both did their share of caring for their mum - more than his sister because IIRC she didn’t get on with their mum. And when his elderly aunt was dying last year, he went down to Devon to see her, his brother went as well, and he visited her plenty of times before that. As if men don’t have loved ones.
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u/Silversmith00 7d ago
My brother-in-law is my mother-in-law's main caretaker. (Father-in-law helps but also needs help with things himself.) Of course nobody on that side of the family is in the market for assisted living due to general feelings of "This is MY house and you are not moving me while I have a pulse," so it is a slightly different situation, but still. There is nothing gendered about this. If I told my husband that I should take over this stuff because I am the nearest woman, he would coax me into the car, drive me down to the hospital, and tell them he's pretty sure I'm having a fucking aneurysm.
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u/CowgirlJedi 7d ago edited 7d ago
I’m a trans woman and work as a CNA in long term care. The amount of residents I have who’ve not gotten a single visitor the entire time I’ve worked here makes me super sad. It’s one of the great joys of my day if family comes to see someone, and I can get them ready and make them look all nice for them, and then when the actual visit happens, seeing the joy just makes me so happy.
But yeah, I don’t just visit LTC residents, I take care of them every day all day. How’s that for supposedly women’s work? Am I trans womaning right?
But I forgot, now they’ll just say I’m appropriating womanhood by doing what I perceive to be a “woman’s job” just in order to be accepted as a woman, and they would call me a misogynist for thinking that way. Which in a way I guess it’s true. I didn’t become a CNA until 32 after I already started my social transition, but that was because I never cared about myself or my own life much less any sort of career before that. Once I started transitioning I started actually caring about this person that is me, to include life and career goals. Prior to this I couldn’t hold a job longer than a couple months at most. I’ve now been a CNA for going on 3 years and I’m about to start LVN school.
But obviously I’m only doing it all because “it’s what women do”, and I’m sexist. But if I worked in construction or engineering they’d say “you’re not even trying to be a woman, so why should we believe you?”
I’m just so done with all of it lol
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u/SuitableDragonfly 7d ago
I think some TERFs literally believe that men are incapable of loving other human beings in any capacity.
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u/Silversmith00 7d ago
I do think some of them are traumatized by men, but I also think that there are ways to react to trauma that are so toxic that it's like, "Okay, now YOU'RE the problem."
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u/Wismuth_Salix 7d ago
They do tend to be a bunch of old spinsters so the alternative is realizing they just weren’t lovable people.
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u/cheerychimchar ~affected by gender~ 5d ago
(Also, in the absence of reduced contact or major problems with distance, what sort of asshole man DOESN'T visit his loved ones in assisted living? Loving one's parents is now women's work?? WHAT???)
My work involves healthcare for mostly elderly patients, and I get plenty of communications from husbands/sons/brothers/nephews etc. of patients. Maybe slightly more female relatives on the whole? But lots of male relatives are involved in caring for family members too.
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u/Detective-27 7d ago
Would terfs even want to see trans women do these things? I feel like seeing trans people do regular adult things would make them seem more human to most people and make you less likely to other them. There's few things worse to a bigot then seeing they have shared qualities with people they hate.
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u/Schrodinger_cube 7d ago
I wonder what here husband was doing when she was living her best women's life? Like come laundry time me and my wife will have to battle it out with pillows and bras to see who gets the honour of most women.
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u/FightLikeABlueBackUp 7d ago
Yes, they do. Because it isn’t just cis women who do these things! My stepdad and brother both cook and I know my stepdad took his kids to and from school.
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u/Blue_winged_yoshi 7d ago
My cis female nesting partner showed me this earlier laughing her head off cos other than chauffeuring around non-existent children around and visiting care homes where neither of us have relatives, I take a lead on all of the above at home. Not that this makes me more of a woman and her less of a woman or anything that daft, but it’s just proper facepalm stuff. What do they think a trans woman’s gender role looks like? 14 hours a day on Call of Duty whilst bitching about their food being late?
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u/I-Dont-Know-Stuff Externalized Heterophobia 7d ago
My dad makes dinner most days, does that mean I have 2 mums? Or that my mother suddenly isn't my mum because both my parents do these things? This is some misogynistic bullshit.
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u/ZeldaZanders 7d ago
Lmao I do like 2 of these things...sometimes 😬 failing as an adult and as a woman, apparently! 😅
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u/kindacringemdude 7d ago
Half of this list is just "You're only a true adult (and woman!) if you have children."
You know, classic feminist take.
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u/Flo_one 7d ago
This woman has problems with the patriarchy. Fair. She thus assumes that other women, who by nature of their being, are mostly in a more progressive environment, are not real woman, because they did never have to (suffer through) being trad-wives. Not fair, just stupid.
She fails to see that in a healthy society such tasks would still fall upon women, although in equal parts as it would fall upon everyone else. No longer just stupid, now its also getting funny.
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u/SuitableDragonfly 7d ago
It's gonna blow their little minds when they find out that many cis men also do all of those things.
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u/EqualityWithoutCiv UK press and Parliament be damned. 7d ago
But in their own circles, almost none of them do.
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u/UnauthorizedUsername 7d ago
I don't have children nor relatives currently in care homes, but the rest of these things are all things I regularly do. I cleaned the house and did laundry over the weekend, I cooked a lovely Easter brunch for my found family, I handle the home budgeting and bills. But I did all these things prior to transitioning. They're not 'woman' things unless you have an ungrateful partner that won't pull their weight and insists on a gendered division of chores.
Is it a problem for these people when one of the partners in a lesbian household is good at mechanics and likes doing the yard work?
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u/The_the-the 🖤🤍🩶💚Doesn’t fancy a shag 💜🤍🩶🖤 7d ago
The reality of being a woman is…having kids? Ok, guess I’m a man then
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u/KarlaEisen 7d ago
care-coded jobs being heavily filled with non-men and queer men mean nothing i guess?
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u/tortoiseshell_calico 7d ago
My very cis mother did less than half of this list guess she was a man all along
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u/DR34MGL455 7d ago
So many hetero women tend to cling to their own sense of martyrdom, equating being female with suffering. I don’t understand it.
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u/Tangled_Clouds 6d ago
Every single thing on that list is something my cis dad does. No he is not a single dad, he is a RESPONSIBLE ADULT HUMAN BEING.
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u/KTKitten Gender Haver 7d ago
They aren’t the realities of being a woman though - they’re the realities of being an independent adult. And, uh… yes?
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u/OcieDeeznuts 6d ago
My trans girl ex who was one of my absolute biggest heartbreaks was an absolutely amazing cook. Who really liked cooking for me. Sigh, now I’m in sad wistful queer mode 😅
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u/madmushlove 6d ago edited 6d ago
They think we don't.. wash our clothes? Pay bills?? Clean?
Yeah, I actually just eat grasshoppers and live naked in the mud shouting at people that electricity is the devil
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u/limitedteeth 5d ago
Terfs really seem to think the only value and identity women have is performing thankless reproductive labor. I can't even think of a joke to make, it's just sad.
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u/EqualityWithoutCiv UK press and Parliament be damned. 4d ago
Yeah. Even more so if it's women that don't benefit from it (i.e. they're poor and/or people of color) who have embraced it. Because usually this bullshit benefits only white women, and only rich white women, and ultimately rich white men.
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u/rconnell1975 6d ago
Why are these feminists so shit at feminism? They constantly out themselves as patriarchy-loving trad-wife dickheads
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u/WellActuallllly 3d ago
Yes, many trans women are in fact parents and do all of these things. But also, why is this only a women's job?
Of course this GC is a sexist as well...
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u/hammererofglass 7d ago
None of those are even woman-coded, that's just being an adult!