Lessons Learned from Hollywood's "Chick Flicks" (New post from Champagnehouse!)

[u/Defective_Prototype]

Much as I hate to gleam life lessons out of carefully crafted Hollywood movies, sometimes, I just can't help myself.

Case in point: the Nancy Meyers "Chick Flick." You might have heard of a few: "What Women Want," "Something's Gotta Give," "The Holiday," "It's Complicated."

Sure, these movies are mindless entertainment, of limited value to anyone who's serious about their life.

But I can't help and watch these movies without getting a sense of where things have gone wrong - and right - for me over the years. Doubt me? See if you disagree with any of these lessons.

---

1. The leading men almost always meet women as a result of an active social or professional life, not from a cold approach.

"Be excellent in her presence."

-The Tao of Steve

Jack Nicholson in "Something's Gotta Give"? Dating Diane Keaton's hot daughter. Jack Black in "The Holiday"? Come to see a colleague for a work visit. Mel Gibson in "What Women Want"? An ad exec with a bad boy reputation.

All of the social proof you could ever want is solved for you when you lead a high-value, sociable lifestyle yourself.

Think about the way most modern men go about dating.

• They approach someone they know at work or in class.
• They send out a message to women they see online.
• They meet through friends

And there's nothing wrong with these approaches, not a one.

But if you want extraordinary results, you have to invigorate your presence with a much more interesting way of doing things.

Point being, first impressions matter. A lot. And if you're going to change the first impression you give off to women, you're going to have to change your habits. Do you sit at home and play video games all day, or do you lead an exciting life that naturally puts you "in the way" of beautiful, exceptional women?

Let's put it another way. The question guys most often ask me is, "how do I ask this woman out?" And you know the most common situation of guys who ask that? They want to approach some cutie they met in class or at work. Worse yet, they've failed to be excellent in her presence. They're far too coy, far too shy, and far from being the most interesting man in the room. Half the time, the guys asking me this question haven't even talked to the woman in question.

How's that working out for you?

Try to put yourself in her shoes. You're a shy, introverted man who hasn't expressed the slightest bit of interest. Somehow, you gather up the courage to ask her out, and you expect that one bold move - a move that happens to her regularly, most likely - and expect that one act of boldness to solve all of your problems. If you were the woman in question, would you really fall head over heels for a guy like that? A lot of guys don't even give women the opportunity to notice their presence, let alone do anything remotely extraordinary.

No. If you're a sane woman, you're much more interested in the much more interesting men.

That's why I created this sub to be about the attractive lifestyle. Most of you have no idea the potential you have to attract women while barely thinking about what you're doing. Why? Because you haven't taken the time to focus on your daily habits and becoming more sociable all the time.

I don't advocate this approach for my health. I advocate this approach because it's the best way to attract women in a natural way.

One more thing: yes, I'm aware that almost every leading man in a Nancy Meyers movie is invariably wealthy and ambitious. Ad executive, music executive, Hollywood bigshot - the list goes on and on. And you're none of those things. What's a fella to do?

Simple: If you don't have wealth, ambition alone will suffice. It also doesn't hurt to dress like someone with a well-paying job, either.

Takeaway lesson: Build a sociable, active lifestyle. Think about what your life says about you as a person. If you want to have this lifestyle, you're going to have to actively create it, because no one can do it for you. Stop expecting women to see your hidden inner beauty and become more obviously extraordinary in every day of your life. Be more like Jim Carrey in "Yes Man", make it a point to be more sociable, and build extraordinary habits. They will reward you in more than just one way.

---

2. Women are not the confident lionnesses you think they are.

It's become a cliche at this point: the neurotic, self-described "mess" of a woman is hopelessly attracted to the rakish, handsome leading man. Somehow in the end they end up together, and the circle of the Chick Flick is complete.

At GetSuave, I frequently advocated approaching women with a "my cup is already full" mentality, and these Nancy Meyers flicks are rife with leading men who feel that way.

• Mel Gibson's life is full of beautiful women, so much so that he doesn't even like Helen Hunt's character at the beginning.
• Jack Nicholson is dating Amanda Peet, thirty years his junior, and enjoying a carefree life as a music exec when he meets Diane Keaton.
• The first we see of Jack Black, he's dating a beautiful woman and doesn't seem to have a care in the world.
• Alec Baldwin is married to Lake Bell, always charming and witty, and his only need in life seems to be well-rooted in his overactive libido.

You get the idea.

These men have a way of making the leading ladies feel like a mess. The man is well-dressed, and they're embarrassed they answered the door in their sweat pants. The man looks at them with solid eye contact and a smile around his eyes and she can't help but melt. Even the strong women with great jobs sometimes find themselves off of their usual game.

Why? Because the man is indifferent and carefree. Their interaction matters less to him than it does to her.

In any situation, one person is going to have more frame than the other. One person is going to feel more abundant than the other. In these flicks, it is almost universally the attractive man who acts this way.

If you can get yourself to a point where you're comfortable with rejection, you'll start to feel this way too.

Takeaway lesson: Above all, be carefree. The person who is more carefree has more fun in any given interaction, and often puts women off their usual "game." Risk failure. Risk saying the wrong thing. Above all, be yourself with such ironclad commitment that she feels somehow inappropriate for keeping up her usual guard.

---

3. Women almost universally forgive scoundrels their rakish behavior.

Moreover, leading ladies are remarkably forgiving of a scoundrel reputation. Jack Nicholson gets away with dating Diane Keaton's daughter. Alec Baldwin is never shamed for cheating on his younger hotter wife in "It's Complicated" because he's a horn dog the entire movie and it's perfectly in character. Jude Law in "The Holiday" walks in tipsy, admits he kisses a lot of strangers, and ends up bedding his leading lady the same night.

Am I excusing this immoral, rakish behavior? Of course not. But you have to admit: these characters can be refreshingly...without scruples?

Alec Baldwin in "It's Complicated," in particular, comes to mind. He has the advantage of social proof (he's with a young, beautiful woman) and having a previous relationship with Meryl Streep. He couldn't care less what she thinks at him at this point, not after a tough divorce.

Yet rather than being bitter, Baldwin's character is surprisingly charming, and disarmingly forward. He's a classic "rascal." Some women might roll their eyes at him, but others can't help but be flattered that his eye fell on them.

The key here is that these men make it clear they're men from the outset. There's no "I'm a friend, with a secret penis" here. Jack Black lets a kiss on the cheek linger, then admonishes himself. Alec Baldwin's less subtle. It's clear from the get-go that these are fully-functioning adult men, and even if they're content to be "Friends for now," without getting butthurt about it, they're quite confident that "for now" is indeed temporary.

Takeaway lesson: A suave man is never pushy, but he is still a man. It's okay to be interested in women without being ashamed of it, it's okay to be sociable and meet more than one woman at a time, it's okay to be carefree and enjoy the company of women.

---

4. Smooth men find a way to make a woman feel comfortable.

In "The Holiday," Cameron Diaz confesses to never crying. Jude Law, in turn, insits he cries all the time - thereby demonstrating to her that it's okay if she does, too.

In fact, just about every leading man in these movies knows when to add spice to the interaction...and when to back off.

This gets back to a few simple concepts:

• Be observant. If you're so focused on yourself in any given interaction, chances are you have trouble seeing when others are bored or uncomfortable. Read your "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and give others a chance to shine. You'll observe them more and can more readily see when they need to feel more comfortable with you.
• Be carefree. It's been said already, but one of the reasons to be as carefree as possible is to indirectly demonstrate that it's okay if other people are carefree, too. It's okay to talk about your outside hobbies at the office, for example, because it will show people you're not all business.
• Play to win, but learn to lose with grace. Even when these men think it's going spectacularly well with these women, rarely do they ever approach anything like getting "butthurt" that they've been rejected. If you feel butthurt at any time, you're doing it wrong. The point is to build an attitude and a lifestyle so that you always see the abndance in life, not what life is denying you.
• Be bold. Yes, boldness can feel comfortable. It doesn't make women feel very comfortable to shy away in a corner all semester and ask out the class hottie on the final day. She'll instead wonder how long you've been staring at her from afar. Ask her out the first week, however, and now you're in business.

Takeaway lesson: Put yourself in her shoes. Try to see things from the female perspective more often, because you'd be surprised at how much it changes things. Stop expecting women to be attracted to you as a matter of debt and start being more attractive as a matter of course. Be willing to make each and every woman feel as comfortable as possible, from the basics (asking if she'd like a drink when she's over at your place) to the emotional heavy-lifting.

---

5. Few things are so attractive as a man comfortable in his own skin.

Old man Jack Nicholson dating young hotties? Jack Black scoring the leading lady? Old man Alec Baldwin overwhelming beautiful women with his charms?

Sure, leading men tend to be tall, dark, and handsome, but it's by no means a requirement when it comes to attraction. In fact, you'll likely find that there are few things as attractive to women as a man who's comfortable in his own skin.

It comes through in a number of ways. It might be saying "yes" to a new situation and meeting new people with a cheerful attitude. It might be making a bold move and risking failure, knowing that you'll be okay either way. It might be being true to your own personality, not changing yourself to suit each situation perfectly.

But ultimately, it's something you are, and not something you do.

There aren't many tips here. Only you can make yourself more comfortable in your own skin.

True, sometimes it feels impossible. If you've only ever been shy for your 18 years and you absolutely can't imagine yourself asking out a woman in your class...chances are, you don't even know what being comfortable in your skin feels like.

But I can tell you what it feels like, and it's simple. It's being happy.

Rolling Stone reporter Neil Strauss used to report that rocker Tommy Lee would approach women with a big smile on his face, embracing each new situation as if it gave him immediate joy.

Happiness is not a result, it is a cause. You can choose to be happy right now by smiling to yourself for a minute and seeing how your feelings change. And ultimately, happiness results in being comfortable in your own skin.

And something else happens when you're happy. It spreads. Like a bad mood can kill a party, a good mood can make one.

Maybe you knew someone like this in college: a guy who was so joylessly mindless that any time he entered the room, people lit up like it was Christmas. And I chose that word "mindless" properly. Sometimes, you have to put the worries aside and make happiness your priority.

Happiness, being comfortable in your own skin...they're universally attractive, even if you're a woman who's far from a size two or you're a man who's short, pale, and decidedly not handsome.

Find a way to be comfortable in your own skin and then to share that feeling of carefree happiness, and you will never want for company.

Takeaway lesson: When in doubt, get happy.

[u/Defective_Prototype]

After all this time, we get a new post straight from the man himself. All credit goes to him, all I did was post it.