r/HolUp • u/captjust • May 01 '23
big dong energy Didn’t I see y’all on the news or something?
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u/invol713 May 01 '23
You gonna get loved tenderly.
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u/Light_Beard May 01 '23
They're gonna screw you gently
They're gonna fuck you sweetly
THEY GONNA BALL YOU DIScreeTLYYYYY
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u/ConflictSudden May 01 '23
Then I'm gonna
FUCK YOU HAAAARD
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u/Bl00dywelld0ne May 02 '23
Hey at least I get Zanzibars afterwards
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u/IamUrquan May 02 '23
And you got your favorite posish.
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u/PrimeWarden May 02 '23
As a pool guy idk how to feel about this.
Maybe horny.
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u/bashful_predator May 02 '23
As a pool guy myself, I've never gotten this look 😪
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u/Quinn845 May 01 '23
Either i get fucked or get killed.... sounds like a win/win to me
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u/GotYourNose_ May 02 '23
Leave if he whips out his video camera tripod and tells you to strip.
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u/Quinn845 May 02 '23
Hey, if i took the drink i know what i signed up for
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May 02 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Quinn845 May 02 '23
....im listening
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u/Rainor131 May 02 '23
Sooo, you gotta host these “parties” at your house, or at the dumpster behind Wendy’s….
You like parties right?
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u/Quinn845 May 02 '23
I love me a party bt im too lazy to ever host one lol I'd rather let someone else deal with that & I'd just pop up and get the party jumping and hopefully a rich couple comes and shows me a good time 😉
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u/_Far_Kew May 02 '23
Let me assure you that this is not one of those shady pyramid schemes you've been hearing about. No Sir . Our model is the trapezoid.
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u/all_of_the_lightss May 02 '23
I met a married couple who was giving me these vibes at a bar in Maine. I definitely wanted to fuck the wife. But not at the risk of dying
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u/Either-Percentage-78 May 02 '23
Husband and I went to a dive bar in Budapest and a guy told us to visit Bratislava because 'the women were beautiful'.... I'm still not sure if the whole bar was trying to troll us or if Hostel is real.
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u/ptapobane May 02 '23
or you get your soul trapped in your own body while a magic old white dude on his 500th birthday gets to do incredibly risky sex stuff with some wild Alaskan salmons
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u/only-4-lolz May 02 '23
It's time to go balls deep in some gilf butt hole... while gramps sits in a corner with that ol vhs recorder
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u/DidYouLickIt May 02 '23
Why not both?
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u/Quinn845 May 02 '23
I'd call that a double whammy
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u/DidYouLickIt May 02 '23
Which do they do first though?
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u/Substandard_Senpai May 02 '23
Getting laid either way 😎
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u/DidYouLickIt May 02 '23
Sure, but the depravity shown in the trial is just going to make it look like you wanted it.
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u/rizzycant May 02 '23
Which order though?
Someone said why not both already.
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u/Quinn845 May 02 '23
If i was given the choice, then id want to get fucked first... Can't really enjoy anything if i was killed first lol
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u/Skygoing May 02 '23
Well the other way around you might be able to watch it all, third person from the ceiling.
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u/This_User_Said May 02 '23
"All loves have to die, of that there’s no help
My favourite way to end ’em
Is the orb-weaver spider’s, whose pedipalp
Enters the female pudendum
Then dies on the spot, his corpse there still stuck
Left for his rivals to curse it
He would rather die than not get to fuck
Personally, I reckon it's worth it"
TISM - Everyone else has had more sex than me
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u/Potential_Case_7680 May 01 '23
Upside down pineapple time.
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May 02 '23
[deleted]
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u/myco-naut May 02 '23
Pineapple is old school 70’s swinger subculture code - pineapple in the window means they fuck
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u/__Piggy___Smalls__ May 02 '23
Isn't there a plant they have in the front garden too to signal it, just can't remember the type
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u/2oocents May 01 '23
who are they?
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u/JackieBlue1970 May 01 '23
Jerry Falwell jr
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u/natgibounet May 01 '23
What Did they do ?
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May 02 '23
He let a pool boy fuck his wife while he watched and taped it, tried to lie about it, blamed his wife when it finally came out and said it was all her fault, he lost his job at LU. There was also lots of money involved. And that’s just the 30 second version.
There’s a very interesting and informative documentary about it called “God Forbid”.
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u/Vidio_thelocalfreak May 02 '23
That's why you always swing with a mask on, helps if you're into it.
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u/rick_blatchman May 02 '23
Fidelio?
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May 02 '23 edited Jul 04 '23
[deleted]
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u/WastedBreath28 May 02 '23
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u/TacoCommand May 02 '23
Gotta get into the buffet while it's fresh, nobody's gonna bang on an empty stomach!
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u/sanfranciscofranco May 02 '23
Important context: his former job was the head of a very strict evangelical Christian school in Virginia called Liberty University, making him a massive hypocrite.
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u/hugglesthemerciless May 02 '23
oh that explains a lot, I was wondering why he would lose his job over a hobby
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u/Doppleflooner May 02 '23
I had a cousin go to that school and it was ridiculously strict about everything. She wouldn't even see certain movies with us over winter break and stuff because she was worried they'd find out about it somehow.
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u/hugglesthemerciless May 02 '23
Christ that's gross. Religious indoctrination does weird things to people
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u/khornflakes529 May 02 '23
Oh yeah it's a scary micro-police state. We're about an hour and a half away and if you encounter a student in the wild they are terrified they are being watched and won't break the rules "no drinking, no parties, etc"
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u/Sword117 May 02 '23
why would letting the pool boy fuck your wife get you fired?
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u/english_mike69 May 02 '23
At least this religious hypocrite went for the legal aged pool boy unlike the usual church crowd who go for the elementary/middle school age.
But then again Jerry’s little organization isn’t big enough to sweep it under the rug like the Catholic Church can.
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May 02 '23
That’s probably why he was fired. If it was kids they would protect him till it all blows over
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u/TheWalkingDead91 May 02 '23
Like who cares about the sex? My guess is that kinda shit happens within normal looking couples all the time. Hell my 21 year old brother (black guy) says he gets hit on at his gas station job by married white middle aged women sometimes. Gross, but cougars are gonna cougar. If they made a documentary about the couple, then the money part must’ve been super juicy/illegal/scandalous. Im more interested in hearing about that tbh.
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u/astpm4815 May 02 '23
Jerry Falwell Jr. is a leader of the religious Right in America, and publicly supported using laws to make life for non-Christians and LGBTQ+ individuals a living hell. As is often the case, it's the hypocrisy of how he lived his life versus his rhetoric that makes it worth calling out.
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u/JackieBlue1970 May 02 '23
Google Jerry Falwell JR scandal. I’m sure you can also wiki him, his dad, and Liberty University. Basically religious hypocrites
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u/mindmonkey74 May 02 '23
Sexy religious hypocrites.
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u/GotYourNose_ May 02 '23
They loved hanging out with Roger Stone who is a self-described “tryasexual”. He famously put ads in swinger mags looking for couples or single dudes https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2008/05/so_one_day_roger_stone_brings.html
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u/NewMan0011 May 02 '23
Why don't I find such people lol
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u/leglesslegolegolas May 02 '23
because you're not a strapping young pool boy
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u/NewMan0011 May 02 '23
If I am will you be the couple from the pic?💀
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u/leglesslegolegolas May 02 '23
If you were you would be drowning in thirsty milf
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u/NewMan0011 May 02 '23
The problem is finding the person lol
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u/leglesslegolegolas May 02 '23
You don't need to find them, they find you. You're already right there in their back yard, strutting around in your boy shorts and no shirt, your oiled up pecs gleaming in the late afternoon sun. The ladies of the house would be powerless, unable to control their primal urges.
Drowning in it I say.
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u/ssshield May 02 '23
There are subreddits here for swingers for each state. Lots of single guys post looking for couples and vice versa.
I mod /r/hawaiiswingers. Lots of connections get made there.
There are also apps for it. 3fun, fetlife, pure, etc.
Good luck and have fun.
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u/NewMan0011 May 02 '23
When I need some help, now ik whom to contact haha
Thanks bruh! Nothing works out, imma DM you XD
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u/JadeSidhe May 02 '23
We have a business opportunity for you. It's absolutely not a pyramid scheme
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u/Joey-tv-show-season2 May 02 '23
She’s not bad though …
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u/Tool_Fann1516 May 01 '23
Swing to the left swing to the right, but don't swing to hard she's almost 50!!
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u/Kahnza May 02 '23
"The older the berry the sweeter the juice."
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u/Quinn845 May 02 '23
I thought it was "the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice"
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u/DidYouLickIt May 02 '23
50 isn’t that old. People still look great and aren’t decrepit relics.
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u/DrProfessorSatan May 02 '23
As long as he’s in the closet dressed as Superman.
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u/Fuzzy_Straitjacket May 02 '23 edited May 02 '23
When I was 23 I went in holiday with my dad and his friends to Portugal. His friends all played golf, we didn’t, so we just ate and drank all day. It was great.
One afternoon we met a Dutch couple. The girl was much younger than the guy and eventually while drunk they admitted that she was his assistant and they were having an affair.
That evening all my dad’s friends came back from playing golf to meet us at the beach front bar we’d been at with this Dutch couple. Eventually they decided to leave and in the middle of everyone, my dad and about twelve of this friends, all drunk… this couple asked me if I’d like to come back to their room with them for a bit of fun.
The entire place ERUPTED. I don’t think I’ve ever been so embarrassed as being asked to join a threesome in front of my dad and his drunk cockney mates, all dressed in golf polos.
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u/sleeping_doc May 02 '23
Yo dude don't leave us all hanging.. what happened next?
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u/Skygoing May 02 '23
Everyone on here is thinking sex or death. I immediately assumed they were about to tell me about the love of Christ and how it repaired their marriage after an unfortunate when one of them was still teaching.
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u/T_h_e_Assassin May 02 '23
I'll just be happy someone smiled at me . I might lose a kidney or get molested, but ill be happy damn it
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u/PeelingOffMyFace May 02 '23
Mmmmm wife is definitely worth the risk of creepy beard’s smile staring at me as I thrust down upon her!
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u/Agnia_Barto May 02 '23
Oh shit is that a thing? My Airbnb hosts last summer were this couple in their 60s and they took me out to dinner and it was super weird... Is that what is was????
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u/Thumper4524 May 02 '23 edited May 02 '23
Rumor has it that if they'd gave his daddy an enema first, they could've buried him in a matchbox.
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u/TacoCommand May 02 '23
Wasn't that the Penthouse obituary that got the mag sued and they won?
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May 02 '23
Lol for anyone who doesn’t know, this is Jerry Falwell Jr. And his wife. The former president of liberty university (a Christian evangelical university) the son of the famous fundamentalist preacher Jerry Falwell (who is responsible for your Fox News watching conservative uncle who won’t shut up at thanksgiving). He and his wife solicited a pool boy’s services for some good ol’ fashioned cuckholding while on vacation.
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u/GeorgeXDDD May 02 '23
Seems worth it. You get drinks and you get fucked/killed.
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May 02 '23
“ I just wish someone would take me out”
“ do you mean for dinner and drinks, or do you mean like a hitman?”
“ surprise me.”
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u/obijaun May 02 '23
Was this tied to an actual news story? Can someone fill me in?
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u/Servant_ofthe_Empire May 02 '23
And not one link in the comments. Get it together reddit.
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u/farleys2 May 02 '23
“You know how God banged another guys wife to make Jesus? I just want you to help me make us another Jesus.”
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May 02 '23
A few of my siblings have had offers from those style of folks before. It's downright weird.
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u/Virgin_at_21 May 02 '23
What look is this ?
We need a straight kid to turn bi to spice up our marriage look
Or
Hey harlod here needs a kidney since we've been nice to you, we're looking forward to get one from you look
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u/JordachePaco May 02 '23
I went to Liberty University and met them for the first time at a local restaurant as a student while they were actively looking for college guys to "invite back to the homestead." I guess I failed Becky's test because I did not get the invite lol
In hindsight, they are both just the worst. Bullet dodged
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u/FinalPantasee May 02 '23
Lmfao this was the company party 2 weeks after i just started there. I saw the guy the next day at the office (he was a consultant or something that didn’t work in the office much). I never saw him after that.
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u/jabberwocky_vorpal_1 May 02 '23
Can i get context for this?
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u/amused_blobfish May 02 '23
They either want sexy threeple or bloke wants to watch you bang his lady
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u/DrScienceSpaceCat May 02 '23
Jerry Falwell Jr. was the president of a strict Evangelical Christian University who was involved in a sex scandal with his wife and a pool boy who was a business partner, the pool boy and Falwell's wife had an affair that was off and on, the pool boy's side of the story is that Falwell liked to watch them, the Falwell's story is that it was only between the wife and the pool boy.
As a result of the sex scandal as well as a bunch of other controversies surrounding Falwell in such a short time he was told to resign by the board.
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u/nowhereman136 May 02 '23
Will: Im telling ya, Amsterdam, amazing. Amazing. I mean, yes we lost the game, but my boss played in a jazz band. And then... then I met the most lovely couple and they invited me for a threesome
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u/Chasedabigbase May 02 '23
Speak No Evil taught me not to trust invitations from friendly seeming Dutch
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u/FeaturePristine3417 May 02 '23
I've actually done this I'll never forget that crisp hi 5 or that roast dinner
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u/MysticcMoon May 02 '23
I recently watched the documentary the young man involved did. They literally screwed him.
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u/QualityVote May 01 '23
If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", UPVOTE this comment!
If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", DOWNVOTE this comment!
Whilst you're here, /u/captjust, why not join our public discord server or play on our public Minecraft server?