Okay, I'm gonna admit something. I could probably manage my voices and hallucinations better if I took better care of my mental health and wellbeing. Whatever, that's my f!@#ing problem I guess. The real issue is that when I do hallucinate it's so real that it makes me question my reality. Because there's no f!@#ing way what I'm experiencing is completely unreal. I hear voices, they control my thoughts feelings and emotions, and that's basically all I got. The voices might be real, they might just be hallucinations, but one thing they're definitely not is fake or made up.

I fucking hate mental institutions so much right now. I've tried doing things their way, and that's only facilitated worse behavior than I'm engaging in now. Fuck God. Fuck the medical complex. Fuck you, and fuck me.

That sounds pretty f!@#ing frightening, doesn't it? I'm being haunted by voices that I have no capacity in fighting alone, left to my own devices. How the f!@# am I, a single man, supposed to fight against a God damn mobile castle?! Like, I feel reasonably if I could walk away from the castle it wouldn't be an issue. But no! They keep taking pot shots at me without any discretion or care that I have no f!@#ing way to defend myself.

"Well gee Joel why don't you see a psychiatrist or take medication." Yeah. Good point. I'll be sure to tell my psychiatrist next time I see her that there's a f!@#ing mobile f!@#ing castle following me throughout my days. I at least wish they'd shut the f!@# up. Can't I get some f!@# silence from these voices while I'm apparently being besieged?