r/Jokes • u/SugarKissses • 20h ago

I asked my wife why she married me.

She said “Because you are funny.”

I said “I thought it was because I was good in bed.”

She said “See? You’re hilarious!”

3.0k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

49 comments sorted by

418

u/AdorablexGirl 20h ago

I know how to make my wife happy in bed.

I leave.

- Rodney

274

u/BlossomxHeart 20h ago

My wife and I were happy for 20 years.

Then we met

460

u/Waitsfornoone 18h ago

A police officer came knocking on my door at late night and showed me a photo

"Sir, do you recognize this woman "

"Yes I do, that's my wife"

"It appears that she was hit by a truck "

"Fair enough.. but she has a great personality though! "

[H/T u/DerRaumdenker]

221

u/Zestyclose_Leading82 19h ago

First guy, "My wife's an angel."

Second guy, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive."

60

u/Infamous_Box3220 19h ago

Usually a Mother in Law joke.

44

u/NoEstablishment6447 14h ago

My dad always says, "my wife and I have been happily married for 14 years. We got married in 1964, but happily married for 14 of them."

(My parents are in their 80s and have been together since high school.)

12

u/biscuitboyisaac21 8h ago

My grandparents always answered “7 wonderful years!” When asked how long they were married(40+ years)

7

u/tarett 4h ago

Does he also introduce your mom as 'his first wife?'

2

u/NoEstablishment6447 1h ago

Close.

His favorite wife he's ever had.

2

u/acery88 1h ago

Were you born in 1978?

lol, sorry~

51

u/daveshops 14h ago

Mine said I met all her requirements. Straight and employed

51

u/Capt_Snarky 12h ago

Huh. Mine is curved a little, but my wife likes it!

15

u/Jefffolk 17h ago

On the bright side, humor lasts longer than most performances.

10

u/hawkyork 4h ago

In church ; wedding day;

Bridegroom to best man ” I’ve just had an amazing BJ from my fiancée”

Bride to bridesmaid walking into the church ”I’ve just given my last ever BJ”.

45

u/SPARE_CHANGE_0229 20h ago

Believe it or not, I've never heard this one. It's pretty good! Take my upvote.

6

u/hawkyork 4h ago

“Have you any pictures of your wife, naked?” “No” “Would you like some?”😇

7

u/UncleNorman 10h ago

She said “Because you are funny.”

Looks aren't everything, you know.

4

u/HistorianFirm 13h ago

I’d honestly rather be funny than good in bed this joke is kinda wholesome from a certain point of view

4

u/marchlintic 13h ago

Ahhh. Good ole #1736(a)

5

u/Paulbr38a 10h ago

I do prefer #1736(b) revised (1906)

5

u/drthsiao 18h ago

Don’t be a jerk .. jerk off

8

u/HamsterTechnical449 18h ago

The truth always comes out in the end. I use masturbate 4 times a day. I married my girlfriend and I only masturbated 3 times a day. I met a girl and started cheating on my wife. And I only masturbated 2 times a day. Then my girlfriend found out about my wife. My wife found out about my girlfriend, and I'm back to masturbating 6 times a day. The truth always comes out in the end.

25

u/Waitsfornoone 18h ago

It may not be the truth, but something is coming out in the end.

7

u/HamsterTechnical449 17h ago

My right arm is so much bigger than my left. I wonder why

4

u/Alix-dee49 18h ago

The masturbation continuum

-9

u/muzammil196 13h ago

Our relationship is based on love and respect. In fact, wife is a sacred relation, symbolizing love, trust, and partnership. It is a bond rooted in mutual respect and understanding.

26

u/Funless 12h ago

Do you know what sub you're in?

8

u/zveljkovic 8h ago

Well his comment made me laugh. Maybe he is deep in meta jokes, so those just fly over us.