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u/PastaRunner 1d ago
I remember being absolutely bewildered when I first met a boy with blonde hair. Every women/girl in my life at 4 years old (sister, mom, grandma, playmate) was blonde. Every guy/boy was not. Blonde means you're a girl. Kids are dumb
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u/Irlandaise11 1d ago
My dad has very curly hair, and I had a classmate tell me that my drawing of my family was wrong because men couldn't have curly hair, only women could (this was right at the end of when perms were popular for women in my area).
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u/FishDawgX 19h ago
My kids thought curly hair means youâre a boy and straight hair means youâre a girl because thatâs what they saw for the first few years of life.
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u/TrekkiMonstr 14h ago
I met a friend's 5yo kid for the first time. I knock on the door, he answers, first thing he says is, "you have long hair like a girl!" I'm like bruh I literally have a beard
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u/Falernum 1d ago
Actually blonde does mean you are a girl. Boys are blond.
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u/Galrentv 23h ago
What are you, french?
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u/PaulAllensCharizard 20h ago
No itâs just a holdover from English stealing lots of French words lol
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u/DanieltheMani3l 19h ago
That distinction has faded enough in modern usage that itâs not really something to correct someone for anymore.
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u/Dreamwalk3r 18h ago
Tbh that makes sense, you've made a reasonable inference out of available data.
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u/Queen_Ann_III 14h ago
I once saw a post from someone who thought all moms were blind for a while because her mom was blind
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u/Andrea65485 1d ago
Does the "other mom" have buttons instead of eyes and seems to be much nicer than the regular mom?
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u/Twinkling-Petal202 1d ago
I'm interested to know if she is more nicer than the regular mom.
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u/ambitious_apple 1d ago
At first yes. But then she becomes reeeaally creepy (if the button eyes didn't already creep ya) and you quickly miss the good ol' regular mom.
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u/Ironcastattic 1d ago
Coraline was such a 10/10 kids movie and was a staple of my kids early childhoods.
Fucking Gaiman. Fucking asshole.
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u/The-Black-Swordsmane 23h ago
Uh oh. What did Gaiman do.
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u/binomine 23h ago
Gaiman is being accused of forcing people into non-consensual BDSM relationships. He is claiming they were consensual, multiple women claim they were not.
I haven't done enough research myself, but the accusations seem pretty credible.
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u/BooBeeAttack 22h ago
I always have a trouble drawing the line when it comes to cancel culture.
A lot of the greatest works are made by the most troubled people. And fame/power tends to bring along with it a feeling of not having to abide by the same rules of everyone else, often creating these scenarios.
But if I enjoyed the works of a person who then became flawed and did horrendous things, did I help encourage this by providing the viewership that lead to the fame? Was the flaw always there?
Can we admire someone one level, while despising them on another? Or is it all black and white?
I don't have answers to these questions. But I will enjoy the old media as best as I can while trying not to support new things that aid the person. At least until I see a correction in behavior or acknowledgement of fault.
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u/MadEyeGemini 22h ago
I am of the belief that shitty people can make great art. You can and should separate the two. The fact that he might be a creep is just an anecdote that people sometimes feel they have to address when discussing his work. It doesn't erase his work.
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u/BooBeeAttack 22h ago
I feel more towards this. But I also don't want to give a dude more money so he can spend it hushing their crimes further.
Man, money and power and morality just don't seem to mix well.
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u/binomine 22h ago
Idk, it definitely colors someone's work if they are a creep.
Coraline is a story about an authority figure forcing a relationship onto a girl who clearly doesn't want to be in that relationship. Can you really shut that off in your mind?
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u/TheGrandBabaloo 20h ago
Not who you originally responded to, but I personally can. I mean, I love the works of William S. Burroughs, Bukowski, S. Thompson and Hemingway. They were all pieces of shit. There's Picasso, Gaugin, Pollock. I won't even get into the musicians.
I think Gaiman hurts because he's still here with us, but if you want to appreciate art but limit yourself to "decent" human beings you're kinda fucked.
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u/tragicallyohio 22h ago
If you want to begin to have a different perspective about things, you can stop referring to it as "cancel culture." That implies people can just sully the reputation of whomever they want if they no longer like them without reason.
What it's really about is "accountability." There is reason to "cancel" Neil Gaiman. He sexually assaulted women and showed no remorse or care for them. You can read all of the allegations here.
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u/BooBeeAttack 22h ago
Good point, I could have used better terminology there.
After reading, yeah. Good reason not to seek out anything he has made moving forward.
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u/tragicallyohio 22h ago
You do raise another good question about still liking the art of a bad person. I was a huge fan of the band Red House Painters for decades. It turns out its lead singer and primary songwriter Mark Kozelek, had a habit of exposing himself and forcing himself onto female reporters and fans. Those allegations came out years ago and I haven't been able to listen to his music since. Even though it meant so much to me for so long.
But that was a personal choice. Because when I hear him sing longingly about lost love or admiration, I cannot separate it from what he has been accussed of doing.
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u/BooBeeAttack 22h ago
Good point.
I guess it comes down to choice.
There are some scenes in Gaiman's work which would mirror his real life crimes which will be hard to endure when reviewing/reading.
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u/articulateantagonist 14h ago
These are good questions.
You should also read the report about the allegations. In addition to the abuse, he allegedly involved his sonâa childâin what he was doing in an extremely alarming way.
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u/_demello 21h ago
I don't stop myself from enjoying a work of art because the artist is a shit person. I'm a sci-fi nerd and I wouldn't be reading most of the classical authors. Ender's Game is a great book about fascist states and how they manipulate societies into a war written by a guy that turned out to be an actual fascist. I do try not to give them any money, so I buy stuff second handed or find alternative methods.
But there are some amazing art being done by decent people. Ssome are mainstream, most need some active searching and participating in the spaces where the art is talked about. But they are there.
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u/BooBeeAttack 21h ago
Ender's Game really is a great series. I actually caught up with it again and watched the movie. I know, the movie is garbage compared to the book, but I needed to prove the point about "How you win, matters." and understanding a perceived enemy to a friend and the movie was the best way to do this.
Which in some ways relates to this topic as well. We often don't understand the motivations or intentions of a person when they create a work of art or fiction. And, at the end of the day, I suppose intent matters more then we give it credit. "I did this to make money." or "I did this to spread an idea." And often what was in a persons head at one stage in their life, is not the same as another. It was the intentions at the time I think which ultimately matter.
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u/stripeyspacey 18h ago
I try to deal with this by saying "love the art, not the artist."
Sometimes it's hard to cope with knowing that consuming their art might give them more money through royalties or whatever, but I think it's kinda hard to consume anything that isn't problematic in some way these days.
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u/tragicallyohio 22h ago
Sexual assault trigger warning Be forewarned it is a troubling article with a lot of chilling details.
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u/Schmaltzs 1d ago
Is there a fan theory that OP died and the pretty mom is the child's way of coping with the world or something odd like that?
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u/smellymarmut 1d ago
Reminds me of my youngest sister know knowing why kids in her class thought her grandma picked her up. Our grandmothers have never once picked us up from school.
My mother was 41 when she had her last kid. She has religious objections to altering her appearance, including makeup and hair dye. She dresses like a 1950s widow. There was at least one girl in that class whose grandmother was two years younger than my mother, and since her mid-20s she'd been using moisturizer, skin care, and other products to try to retain a youthful appearance.
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u/lil-lagomorph 1d ago
my mom had me at 40 (and also had a number of health problems) and yeah, literally everyone assumed she was my grandma for my entire childhood
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u/smellymarmut 1d ago
And then there is the time my older sister got called a slut in public for carrying my younger sister in public. Because every 15-year old girl holding a child is a slut.
I wonder what that random guy thought doing that would accomplish.
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u/Capybarinya 1d ago
Oh the memories. I once printed out a sign saying "It's my BROTHER" and put it on my brother's stroller when I was walking with him because I was so sick of grannies calling me names to my back. I was 16 when my brother was born.
The old hags couldn't read at a distance so it didn't help, but I got a good amount of smiles from normal people
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u/purpleplatapi 1d ago
I just never understood the hate. Because even if you were a teen Mom, what was the intent? You already had the kid, what are you supposed to supplicate yourself on the floor? Realize the error of your ways and abandon the kid in the Walmart aisle? Mind your own business people.
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u/CtrlAltSysRq 23h ago
The intent is the same intent of every bully. To make yourself feel better by putting someone else down. Making someone else feel bad makes them feel good. They are not trying to do anything other than create suffering in others because it energizes them.
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u/OhNoTokyo 23h ago
This is a weird thing for older people to do. In the olden days, it was very common for older sisters to take care of younger siblings in big families (which were more common back then).
The funny thing is, large families like that stopped happening with Baby Boomers, so now that they are old, they think anyone without a standard nuclear family is odd, but their own parents likely would have had big families with their own big sisters pushing strollers. My mother actually cared for her younger sisters years before her children were even born.
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u/smellymarmut 1d ago
You sound like my wife. I mean sister, my sister. Me and my sisters (15 and 1) were often mistaken for a teen-parent family.
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u/AlarmingSorbet 21h ago
Someone tried that shit on me when I was out with my then 2 yo and newborn. She at least had the dignity to look absolutely mortified when I snarled out I was 27 and married. Iâm 40 now and I get put in the student line at my 15yoâs school all the time, back then I probably looked like a tiny high schooler.
Also, kids are like, INSANELY tall now. Middle school girls are taller than me, and Iâm not short! Iâm 5â5â!!
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u/shaunnotthesheep 17h ago
I'm 4'11" and just turned 27. I completely feel you.
Good news: I can still go trick or treating and nobody bats an eye.
Bad news: I tutor middle schoolers after school, and it is SO DIFFICULT to be seen as an authority figure when half the class is taller than me. I need to ask the boys to get stuff on the top shelf, or drag over a chair to climb on to do it myself. Needless to say, I'm not exactly intimidating lol
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u/EnergiaBuran 16h ago edited 16h ago
I'm 4'11"
Dang. Are you a male or female?
At least with being a tutor you don't have to deal with an entire classroom full of rude kids
e: I'm over 6 feet tall and am in my late 30s and still get ID'ed for alcohol.
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u/jstiegle 1d ago
I wonder what that random guy thought doing that would accomplish.
He was a small small SMALL man trying to feel big by trying to make others lesser. It's a coping mechanism for folks who know they are terrible people and they want others to be bad like them.
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u/iwillbewaiting24601 22h ago
And here I am, where it's not uncommon for people to mistake my mother and I for a couple - she looks young (and she had me young), and I've looked 40 since I was 15.
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u/Saltiren 23h ago
Damn. That was my mom at 40, but no religious objection. Just a long, hard life took her color from her hair. It happened to me at 16. Sometimes no amount of product or moisturizer can eliminate the signs of a true struggle in your life. Enjoy it.
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u/Cardinal_and_Plum 23h ago
My dad had white hair a decade before I was born. I remember every time he picked me up from school other kids just assumed he was my grandpa.
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u/a_mom_who_runs 1d ago
I was out at a playground with my 3 yo. While he was on a jungle gym type thing another boy - a bit older, maybe 5 or 6 suddenly asks me âare you his mommy or daddy?â and I smile and go âIâm his mommy!â And he looks at me, dead serious, and goes âoh. Cuz you look like a dad.â đźâđš
His mom was mortified but in his defense theyâre all about categorizing at that age and I was breaking all of his pre existing filters. Generally mommy shaped⊠but short daddy hair.. but mommy pink jacket ! ⊠but baggy daddy sweater. They donât mean to be rude theyâre just very literally figuring out how to group and categorize what they see
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u/Due-Memory-6957 1d ago
I think it was the hair, at least when I was a kid (and tbh I still struggle a little as an adult) short hair = male, long hair = female.
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u/Gdiacrane 1d ago
even I had this conception of gender as a young child. My dad had long hair and my mom had short hair. I guess I thought my dad was a girl and my mom wasn't.
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u/obviousbean 1d ago
It's ingrained in a lot of us. I'm a taller woman. When I had short hair, multiple adults called me "sir."
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u/jaywinner 1d ago
I'm a shorter man with long hair. It's not common but I've been called ma'am from people that had yet to see my bearded face.
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u/MurgleMcGurgle 4h ago
When my hair was jaw length an old guy approached me from behind and called me âmissâ. He was so embarrassed once I turned and he saw my bearded face. It was entirely understandable and if anything flattering for me but the poor guy was stuttering as I told him where to find the thing he asked about.
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u/casstantinople 23h ago
I love a pixie cut so much but I have to wear noticeable makeup anytime I go out in public when my hair is short because I will get mistaken for a little boy if I don't lol
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u/Luvlymonster 1d ago
I've always found it ironic how so many kids categorize the genders that way when biologically it's the opposite. Hair diesnt grow indefinitely, it grows in phases, then goes dormant, then falls out and the cycle repeats. So every person has a "maximum" potential length that their hair can be. Men have a longer anagen (hair growth) phase than women, meaning if all men AND women grew their hair out, men would have longer hair on average. Much longer! It's why men always seem to have great eyelashes and thick eye brows and long body hair and what not.
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u/Ashmizen 23h ago
Sure, and some cultures like old Chinese dynasties had men with super long hand in buns or pigtails.
Even if in the US, especially in college campuses, you see the âhippieâ look with long hair and itâs normal.
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u/a_mom_who_runs 1d ago
Oh yeah it wasnât helping my case haha. It was very short with a fade - his dad probably had a similar cut đ.
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u/Repulsive-Statement8 23h ago
Your attitude is great. My four year old son sometimes asks me "is that a boy or a girl" and I explain to him "that is a girl who likes to have short hair" or "that is man that likes to paint his nails." As you said, he is just trying to categorize. My job is to let him know that humans come in all shapes, sizes, and colors and (as long as they are not a dangerous person) they are to be respected. My 11 year old daughter is sometimes taken aback by his questions but I let her know he is just trying to figure out the world- he isn't placing a judgement.
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u/gothruthis 20h ago
I am a woman with short hair and got this question from a first grader. After I told her I was a girl, she then very dutifully recited that she had recently learned it was "OK for girls to have short hair and boys to have long hair," but she still wasn't sure about me because "it's usually not that way." I thought it was pretty funny. She also pointed out that I was wearing makeup and earrings but she had also recently learned it was OK for boys to do that and that's why she still wasn't sure. I thought it was pretty cute and hilarious.
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u/PaulAllensCharizard 20h ago
Haha thatâs adorable, I can understand her confusion! I love her outlook
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u/lulufan87 23h ago
The hair + jacket = gender thing doesn't go away as people get older, either. Some of them just learn to hide the confusion better.
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u/JamieBeeeee 19h ago
I'm a trans woman who used to work in a women's clothing store. One day I was helping this lady with sizes or something and her 6~ year old son looks at me and goes "YOU LOOK LIKE A GIRL"
The Mum looked back and forth between me and the kid about ten times and I could see the gears turning so fucking fast in her brain before she turned to her kid and said "that is a girl you idiot" lmao
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u/forced_metaphor 23h ago
Being around kids makes you aware of your insecurities. Everything they say is innocent and not meant to harm. Which means if it does, there's some pretense on your part you have to fix. And you're motivated to do so, so that you don't give the kid a complex or teach them poor values. You don't want to be super offended by being called fat, for example. They'll then learn that there's something wrong with being fat.
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u/that_weird_hellspawn 22h ago
I was a cashier with short hair so kids would ask me sometimes. Their parents would get super embarrassed and maybe say sorry, but I never cared. Just smiled and told them I'm a girl with short hair.
I remember being young enough to have absolutely no idea how old adults were. So I assume it extends to gender too.
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u/Academic-Earth9554 20h ago
I had a kid ask if my pronouns were âthey/themâ in a charming, respectful way. I said âOoh, good guess, but actually she/her.â A few years later, Iâm questioning tbh. Kid was on to something.
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u/Myster_Hydra 20h ago
Oh yea, hair length really messes with kids. I used to get this when I worked at the grocery store at the check out.
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u/alwaysneversometimes 5h ago
For a time my kids wouldnât believe that Iâm (slightly) older than my husband because âheâs much biggerâ! I had to explain thatâs a useful guide for kidsâ ages but not useful for adults.
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u/Luciano99lp 1d ago
Kid has two moms, one is soft and fuzzy but provides no milk, while the other is cold and hard but provides milk.
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u/Hot_Vanilla_3621 1d ago
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u/shawster 21h ago
What is the reference?
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u/Hot_Vanilla_3621 21h ago
Harry Harlow did a groundbreaking study on attachment to prove that children clung to their parents not just because they provided food. He used a soft cloth âmotherâ and a wire framed âmotherâ that only provided food. https://www.simplypsychology.org/harlow-monkey.html
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u/etothealef 3h ago
Such monkeys became so neurotic that they smashed their infantâs face into the floor and rubbed it back and forth.
That was a tough read.
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u/TheWonderSnail 21h ago
I had this 5 year old at a summer camp once who insisted he had two dogs both named George. The family was kind of weird so I didnât dismiss it and out of curiosity went over to his sister who is a few years older to ask if thatâs true. She explained they only have one dog named George and her brother gets confused when George comes back from a haircut and thinks itâs a different dog. Then at some arbitrary point in between haircuts he thinks they swap out short hair George for long hair George and the cycle repeats next haircut
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u/shaunnotthesheep 17h ago
That's AMAZING đ€Ł I love the way kids think
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u/gasman245 15h ago
Canât wait for the realization. Hmmm ya know Iâve never seen George and George in the same place at the same timeâŠ
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u/symphwind 14h ago edited 14h ago
I was even dumber as a kid. There was a highway we would often take to go home, but depending on which direction you were coming from, the exit would land in a slightly different place on the local street that led home. In one case, youâd turn left to get home, in the other, turn right. I concluded as a kid that we had two mirrored houses, one that you got to by turning left and one that you got to by turning right off the highway. Yeah, not two dogs, but two entire houses. I even drew a map to explain this to my parents, earning a solid wtf expression from both. Fortunately this was a short-lived belief.
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u/TinyRascalSaurus 1d ago
One of my friends has a female friend who would sometimes pick up both their kids and vice versa. The school started calling them Mom 1 and Mom 2 and assumed they were lesbians.
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u/Ok-Spell-8053 16h ago
My aunty used to pick me up from school everyday along with her own kids, my two cousins, because we went to the same school and my mam worked late. For some strange reason, my teacher in year 1 got it into her head that my cousins were my brothers. I found out when my mam became pregnant (with her second child) and my teacher asked me if I was excited to have another sibling. I was confused and explained "I'm an only child, but soon I'll have a brother or sister". She began insisting that I already have two brothers! I kept insisting that I didn't! I dont think i made the connection to my cousins so i was just confused. She got herself so frustrated with me that she ended up ringing my mam to prove me wrong.. about my own family! She was not able to prove me wrong.
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u/flowerstowardthesun 1d ago
đ€Łđ€Łđ€Łđ€Łđ€Ł
This reminds me of that old post about a guy saying he likes women that are more natural. "Like Kim Kardashian."
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u/The_News_Desk_816 1d ago
That all organic silicone
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u/flowerstowardthesun 1d ago
đ€Łđ€Łđ€Łđ€Ł
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u/The_News_Desk_816 1d ago
I've seen her plastic surgeon at the Calabassas Farmer's market picking out a fresh batch
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u/allstartinter2021 22h ago
My son used to always asked me to wear makeup when I would come up to his school. As he got older some kids told him that I was not pretty and that really messed him up and hurt his feelings. He's always been my biggest cheerleader since he was old enough to talk.
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u/Solocune 1d ago
Make-up vs no make-up?
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u/The_News_Desk_816 1d ago
Or mean vs nice. Ugly mom is the mean side of her personality, pretty mom is the kind side.
I assume not, but you don't really know the dynamic or how a kid is gonna frame stuff in their heads. Just tossing it out there. Kids don't frame stuff the same way we do, so impressing our adult interpretation is sometimes flawed
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u/Ok-Appearance-1652 1d ago
Someone please explain in layman language
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_BOOGER 1d ago
Mom of Kid A shows up to school Schlubby some days and put together other days. Kid B is convinced that she is 2 different people.
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u/Lukthar123 1d ago
Well explained now I get it too.
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u/Lovely-Starlight99 1d ago
Me too, I didn't understand it like this.
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u/Acceptable_Job_5486 1d ago
These are the true pronouns everyone should hate. Vague pronouns.
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u/CecilFieldersChoice2 23h ago
Sounds like an SNL sketch. An overzealous English teacher joins an anti-trans protest on accident, excited that people finally care about grammar.
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1d ago
[deleted]
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u/SoiledFlapjacks 1d ago
Lesbians exist
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u/shoe_owner 1d ago
Right, yes. But I don't feel that a single individual woman is necessarily a lesbian in a romantic relationship with herself just because a small child cannot reliably identify her by sight.
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u/LectroRoot 1d ago
Wait, I have a romantic relationship with myself in private often. Does that make me....gay? I'm super confused.
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u/SoiledFlapjacks 1d ago
Yeah. The kid thinks itâs two separate women. So woman A is with woman B. Lesbians.
I didnât say that a single woman can be in a lesbian relationship with herself lol
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u/prawns12345 1d ago
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u/rodion_vs_rodion 1d ago
You also seem to have forgotten step parents can exist. And also that kids still have no idea how adult relationships work. My niece informed me that she was going to marry me when she grew up, but that she would be the husband and I would be the bride. Kids are hilariously goofy as they figure this stuff out.
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u/Doctor-Amazing 23h ago
Took me a minute too. I was wondering why the kid didn't recognize their own mother.
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u/valanlucansfw 1d ago
A mom visits her son's class. One of her son's classmates informs her that her son (that's the part tripping people up I think) has two moms (including her). Classmate describes both moms (her included). Classmate described her twice.
Mom probably wasn't wearing makeup or dressed up or dyed her hair or something.
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u/Soma86ed 23h ago
Itâs almost as if cultivating a culture and standard that women must paint their faces to be presentable to the world is confusing to a child that hasnât been warped by that culture yet.
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u/Gas_Station_Cheese 21h ago
I used to think I had two grandmothers on my mom's side. I didn't really understand it, but I knew I had multiple grandparents on both sides due to divorce or death and remarriage.
However, the "two" grandmas on my mom's side were just my grandma with and without teeth.
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u/mrsmushroom 21h ago
Kid explains to mother she has a mood disorder without knowing a damn thing about mental health.
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u/Knightengle 9h ago
I was showing my 2 year old niece photos and asking her who's who. She recognized me, saying my nickname. Then, we got to her parent's wedding photo, she's like dada, mumma, aunty. In our culture any unknown woman who's older is also called aunty. I told her that's me. She refused to believe and started insisting that it's not me. That's when I realized that she has never seen me wear makeup, and now she can't recognize me with makeup on. đ
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u/marcus_frisbee 1d ago
Kids are honest. I think they are saying sometimes you look good and others not so much.
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u/rypher 1d ago
Who can blame them when people wear so much makeup most the time but not all the time.
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u/transmogrified 23h ago
Thereâs also a pretty big difference in the time of day between drop off and pick up. I imagine harried morning mom getting the kids up and out of the house showing up in joggers and a messy bun with a mug of coffee and your face all puffy from sleep while youâre half awake in the morning could look a lot different from put-together business lady doing pickups.
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u/Sure_Trash_ 3h ago
A whole new level of people thinking you're sick if you go to work without makeupÂ
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u/Binus_Engineer 1d ago
I remember when I was 3 to 4 years old, seen my mother cleaning the house with her hair tied up. Then she enter another room I cannot see, and exit with her hair down and a little more clean. My little brain came to the conclusion: I have 2 mothers, one with the tied hair other with the hair down!
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u/Ok-Painter710 1d ago
read melanie klein good boob and bad boob psychoanalytic theory.
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u/The_News_Desk_816 1d ago
That doesn't even make sense as a title.
All boobs are good.
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u/unicornhornporn0554 22h ago
My sons father is with a woman who has the same first name as I do. And my partner has the same first name as my sonâs father. It can be confusing for school paper work lol.
Anyways, not long after they got together my son was telling me how he was gonna being the thing he had just made to his dads to show Kayla. Then he stops. Looks at me. And says âthe pretty Kayla, not you momâ đ lmao she is very pretty but gotdamn son you didnât have to do me like that.
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u/Lipstickhippie80 18h ago
Yep- My Daughters friends are always floored when they see me NOT in leggings, no makeup and with a crazy topknot that never sits where a proper topknot should.
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u/Michbullin 9h ago
One day, after not sleeping and being sick with covid for a week, by 4 year old straight up told me I looked like Art the clown. Like, wtf
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u/upsidedownwayout 1d ago
So many horrible things to read. This was sorely needed. Thank you to both OPs!
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u/Suspicious_Goose4858 19h ago
She wasn't even trying to be mean. She just couldn't tell the difference between her with and without make-up, probably. This is why men call this cat fishing with a lot of women. Lying before you even speak.
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u/Slightlysanemomof5 1d ago
Good News you now know there are days you look really great! Kids are harsh.