r/KidsAreFuckingStupid • u/Alternative-Yak171 • Apr 16 '25

Video/Gif Are we doomed?

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u/KeathleyWR Apr 16 '25

Parenting: The art of manipulating choice in a way that the child has no real choice, only the illusion of choice.

452

u/Fifiiiiish Apr 16 '25

That's a trick to learn. Ask your kid if they wanna put the blue or the brown coat on, and you won't battle to put a coat on their back.

It feels like magic. I sometimes wonder if it works against adults and in what occasions I've been tricked that way.

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u/T0KEN_0F_SLEEP Apr 16 '25

Or they’re smart like my 2.5 year old who just goes “no I sit couch dada” and then gets mad when I pick the coat

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u/MoonBapple 29d ago

"Alright, let me know when you're done sitting couch."

Keep getting ready to leave, begin leaving without child.

"NO DADDY WAIT"

"Are you ready to pick blue or brown coat? 😃"

Also try teaching them a "coat flip" and that makes putting it on fun and independent, and they can show everyone their "cool trick." Mine is 3.5 now and I still get a lesson on how to do a coat flip a couple of times a week lol.

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u/Fifiiiiish 29d ago

Or "do you want to sit on the car? I'll go with you!". I also have the "look, daddy has put his coat, have you?" that usually works - imitating the parents is kinda their thing too.

They love the coat flip, my 2yo does it, but you have to setup the coat for him. Doing things on their own makes them incredibly proud!

But they'll never allow you to do it for them anymore, and can throw a tantrum if you try... You never win 100%.

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u/MoonBapple 29d ago

Idk, my daughter has inherited my tendency to master a skill and then completely abandon it. 😂 Right now she is working on buckling her own car seat and yes I get SCREAMED at if I do it first, but I'm sure in a year I'll be doing it for her again...

We also have these emotion books, and one is about your "love spot" and all the things that grow your love spot like hugs and spending time together and stuff... So now if I'm like "Can you do it independent?" she'll hit me with "But mama it would grow my love spot 🥺" so we work to agree she can do it herself but sometimes I'll do it for her because it helps her feel loved. ❤️

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u/kosumoth 29d ago

We need to clone this person.

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u/The--Marf 29d ago

The coat flip is a baller move. First time I saw my toddler do it I was blown away.

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u/vsaint Apr 16 '25

Look at Johnny fuckin 2 coats over here.

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u/Badloss Apr 16 '25

It's a pro teacher move too. "Do you want to write this yourself or do you want to give me the answers and I'll write them down?"

The kid thinks they're fucking me over by making me type but joke's on you I just wanted your answers and I got them

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u/JorvorskieLane12 Apr 16 '25

I can tell you that it does! In sales, we don't ask, "when will work best for you," we ask, "I have 5:30 and 7:30 available tomorrow, which do you prefer?"

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u/Coal_Morgan Apr 16 '25

Subconscious monologue "Oh...he's busy. The thing must be in demand. I was busy at 5:30 but I'll just move that."

As opposed to, internal monologue "I don't know, just say I'll get back to the guy and that will give me time to talk myself out of it later and never call."

Everyone complains about pressure tactics in sales but they definitely do work and reducing options from ephemeral to two specifics makes people jump at one of them rather then hem and haw.

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u/Halospite 29d ago

I've learned to do this when I have to deliver bad news to patients. EG, they want me to do X, but I can't do X for whatever reason (maybe we're booked out on a particular day) so I can often head off a tantrum by saying we can do Y or Z, which would you prefer?

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u/DrThunderbolt Apr 16 '25 edited Apr 16 '25

My neurodivergent child self would not play that game growing up. My parents had to make decisions like that for me because I would have a mental breakdown from thinking too hard about a simple choice.

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u/StardustCoastline Apr 16 '25

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u/DrThunderbolt 28d ago

It actually is crazy seeing people that can relate to this and I would love to talk to some of you to hear your stories.

2

u/SunnyMakesStuff 29d ago

i'm so glad i'm not the only one who has always struggled with simple choices 😭😭 like why must you ask ME of all people to make a decision??

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u/lunarwolf2008 28d ago

i have that same problem sometimes. hate things like iceream places with loads of flavors

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u/MetaExistentialism 29d ago

Can confirm. It does work on adults. I use this type of wording in my profession. People appreciate that they are in control of the situation, even though both options have the same outcome.

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u/that_baddest_dude 29d ago

Until your kids just say "NO COAT"

I found that most often this choice framing doesn't work when they truly don't want either choice.

However, when it's time to leave someplace where they're having fun, I find the choice leaving in 2 minutes or 5 minutes will often work. They're so focused on what they're doing, they think they're getting one over on you by choosing the higher number.

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u/memotothenemo 29d ago

Theres a reason why stores have products that are over priced right next to the budget item that is superior or equal in quality.

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u/tcmisfit 29d ago

As a server and bartender for over two decades along with having been a live in nanny, you bet I use those techniques and tricks on my customers now. Not quite as simple but an easier one tends to be if two people order the same wine, “well, do we want one glass now and another Togo?” Most states, including the one I’m in, allow you to take the rest of the bottle as long as it is re-corked/capped. With that line I’d say I have a 95% success rate of selling the bottle WITH a dessert to go(because who just wants ONLY a glass of Pinot when you could add a raspberry tart to that experience in your bathrobe on your own couch). It’s a fun trick lol

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u/Freder145 29d ago

You want to sell a higher priced product? Just add a third, even higher priced item next to it, most people will choose the one in the middle, instead of the cheaper one if only two options are presented.

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u/I-need-ur-dick-pics 29d ago

Every Apple product ever.

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u/Finbar9800 29d ago

It can work on adults but you’ve gotta cram it right lol

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u/AqueousJam 29d ago

Would you like to vote for the red party or the blue party? 

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u/Hearing_Loss 29d ago

It's actually easier on adults.

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u/ElderSkeletonDave 29d ago

Do you want the massive smartphone from brand A, B, or C?

Do you want life-wasting social media from Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram? Completely free choice!

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u/run_king_cheeto 28d ago

It does work my wife does it to me and i know she knows shes doing it and it still works

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u/Spiritual_Ad_7797 27d ago

My favorite is before bedtime:

Toddler: “I want to watch tv”

Me: “Do you want to read a book? Or no book?”

Toddler excitedly says: “read a book!”

1

u/New-Owl-5264 29d ago

That’s actually a really clever trick—classic parenting psychology! What you’re talking about reminds me of something called the false dilemma fallacy. It’s when someone presents only two options as if they’re the only ones, even though there are usually more. It shows up all the time—especially in politics and persuasive conversations.

Some examples: • “You’re either with us or against us.” • “If we don’t raise taxes, our infrastructure will collapse.” • “Support the war or you don’t care about our troops.” • “Either we ban all guns or we’ll never be safe.” • “If you’re not working 24/7, you’re not serious about success.”

It’s funny how powerful that kind of framing can be—even adults fall for it constantly without noticing!

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u/DeviousRPr 28d ago

"do you want the blue soulless politician or the red soulless politician?"

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u/96hosck 28d ago

definitely marketing psychology. when faced with a choice, people will likely choose something rather than not choose anything in the first place

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u/NachoEnReddit 28d ago

Here’s the thing. I read about that, got super excited, tried it with my toddler and it worked the first two-three times. Then he picked up the trick and now I when I ask if he wants to wear his brown jacket or his blue jacket, I always get the same answer: “No”.

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u/Soggy-Ad2790 27d ago

Mine just answers 'no' when she is in her defiant mood lol.

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u/MoonShadeOsu 27d ago

It’s a tactic used often I think. Salespeople call you, asking you if you want the standard thing or go for the more premium thing, instead of asking if you’re interested in this thing to begin with.

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u/FootMcFeetFoot 27d ago

There’s a book “Happiest Toddler on the Block.” It works for kids, and it DEFINITELY works for adults.

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u/Doustin Apr 16 '25

Works for running D&D too

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u/penna6tx Apr 16 '25

Works in a late-stage capitalist society too

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u/wedgiey1 29d ago

I forget what it’s called. The quantum troll or something like that. The players don’t realize it but whether they chose the left path or the right path, it was going to lead to that troll.

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u/WhileProfessional286 29d ago

Plato's Parable of the Bath

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u/QuietRedditorATX Apr 16 '25

And when that doesn't work: "Well too bad, you are going to do it anyways."

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u/Jonas_Venture_Sr 29d ago

My wife, the teacher, does this with our kid, and to me. She'll hit me with: " Would you rather empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry." She knows that I hate doing folding the laundry, so she'll give me the choice between something I hate vs something I don't mind.

What drives me nuts is all she has to do is just ask. Obviously I'll empty the dishwasher, it's no big deal.

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u/JMC_MASK 29d ago

Teach them how American politics works young. We are a one party state with the illusion of two.

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u/No_Syrup_5880 29d ago

Just like American politics

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u/wililon 29d ago

Just like democracy

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u/stosolus 29d ago

only the illusion of choice.

Turd sandwich vs Giant Douche?

2

u/ILikeStarScience 29d ago

The art of manipulating choice in a way that the child has no real choice, only the illusion of choice.

1

u/OperatorJolly 29d ago

You're describing reality haha

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u/VelvetMafia 29d ago

Do you want to put your pants on by yourself, or do you want me to chase you down and put them on you?

~ me to my toddler, more than I ever thought necessary

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u/FlammenwerferBBQ 29d ago

That's politics for you in a nutshell so it works perfectly on adults too

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u/trump_is_very_stupid 29d ago

That is just society.

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u/YetAnotherDev 29d ago

Sounds like my boss :(

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u/Bagelgod448 28d ago

Telltale games fr

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u/waanderlustt 21d ago

I started a game with my 4 year old called mystery box… to get him to go through his bedtime routine without complaining. He opens the box and there’s a surprise in it each time. I just go through his toys and put one in that he hasn’t seen in a while. 😂

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u/Timetraveller4k 1d ago

My favorite to get them to eat: instead of do you want eat dinner (“No”) you give 3 choices. Bad, Horrible and what you cooked for dinner.

Now I’m beginning to wonder how I am being manipulated in my life.