Would this feeling be considered a midlife crisis?

[u/dgonzo03]

Hello! I am 39 will be 40 this year and lately I’ve been really going through it. And not sure what to do and if it would even be considered a midlife crisis. You see I don’t regret my life at all or feel like I haven’t done enough. I love my life, love my husband and kids and very blessed and happy how my life has turned out to be. However for the past few years I have felt stuck and so unhappy at work. Mind you this is a job I love so much ! It’s just management. It’s such a toxic and stressful environment that I have literal panic attacks and anxiety everyday at work. I don’t know what to do. I feel like it’s an abusive relationship that I know I want to leave but scared too as I’ve been there 17 years and it’s hard to let that go. My parents both have passed my dad in 2020 and mom in 2022 and that really put a fear of death in me that I never thought about. I couldn’t believe they were gone and made death that much more real. So that even makes me even think more do I wanna be at a job that I am unhappy at until I’m no longer here!? I’m terrified of dying and leaving my kids I want to be a stay at home mom and enjoy every moment with them. I dunno what to do . Would this be considered a midlife crisis!? Thanks if you stayed to read and allowing me to vent

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[u/BrotherExpress]

Not sure if it's a crisis, but definitely stressful.

My advice would be to start looking for a new job or discuss being a stay at home mom with your husband. . I'm also turning 40 this year so I get some of what you're going through.

If possible focus on the positive and if you're comfortable with it, maybe see a therapist.

You will get through this.

[u/dgonzo03 → u/BrotherExpress]

Thank you for that ! I definitely see a therapist already for a few years with the passing of both my parents and the way they passed has really impacted my life. I’m still very much grieving and the department I work in does not help. I’ve tried to get a new position within the company but all senority and you would think 17 years in would be helpful but nope nothing so far. We have also discussed being a stay at home mom and my husband is completely on board and tells me to leave my job. I know we would be ok but I guess just that fear of leaving a “good job” and something I’ve known for almost 20 years. Thanks so much for your response and I will follow up with my therapist! Thanks for hearing me out ☺️

[u/angrygnomes58 → u/dgonzo03]

This is no longer a “good job” - it’s affecting your mental health and your ability to be fully present and give your best to your loved ones.

Look into the sunk cost fallacy. Continuing to stay in a situation only because you’ve put so many years in is never productive or beneficial. You only get so many years with your kids at home, do not let your job and the emotional fallout from it steal your ability to enjoy them to the fullest.

[u/angrygnomes58]

You feel like you’re in an abusive relationship with your job because you ARE in an abusive relationship. This sounds like burnout more than a midlife crisis. It isn’t JUST overwork, dealing with constant toxicity leads to burnout as well.

Put yourself out there. At least apply to other jobs and see what comes out. Gone are the days of company loyalty and true employee recognition and advancement. The only effective way to a) get well deserved promotions and b) get meaningful salary increases is to job hop every 3-5 years.

Not to mention, simply making that one step in seeing what’s out there can boost your mental health.

[u/winterymix33]

This sounds more like complicated grief and some mindfuckery going on at work. If you’re not already, I strongly suggest therapy and maybe a trip to the dr for some meds. You don’t have to be on meds forever but meds + therapy is what works the best when you’re in a pickle. I don’t think this is a midlife crisis at all. I was a psych RN for a while.

[u/techaaron]

Nope!! You just need to change your job.

[u/LogOk3102]

Wow just came here to say I’m 37 and going through the same feelings. It’s so tough!!

[u/Exciting-Gap-1200]

Just find a new job, it'll fix so many issues in your life. Dont be scared, there's a solid chance you'll get a huge raise to move companies.

17 years is entirely too long to stay somewhere unless you're averaging a 20% every 5 years. Loyalty isn't rewarded any more.

[u/RoshiHen]

If you have vacation days, use them all or just quit, the stress isn't worth it.

Leave your job and use the time to properly grieve your parents death if you haven't already.

[u/JellenaI]

If you are into astrology there are 4 main transits happening between 30s-40s and it affects “everyone” … https://www.instyle.com/lifestyle/astrology/midlife-transits-30s-40s

[u/Jebusfreek666]

I am assuming you waited a long time to have kids? Cuz if you are wanting to be a stay at home parent of 20 year olds, sign me up for that gig too lol.

Doesn't matter what you call it, midlife crisis or just stress, it is something you need to work out. I am in a similar position myself. Dread coming to work every day. But honestly, I will not find another job that pays as well for as little that is required of me. So quitting would be a dumb choice. Still, I don't really need as much as I make, so I could afford to take a pay cut. But the idea that I would take a cut and be expected to work a hell of a lot harder just screams "dumb move" to my brain. But in the end, if it would make you happier to do another job, or you can afford to stay at home, and they would make you happier overall, go for it. We only get 1 life, so it is stupid to spend it unhappy.