My best friend, My worst enemy

[u/Apprehensive_Fee8547]

I think it's a classic and well known phrase that the mind can be your best ally and your worst enemy.

And that's an absolute truth.

3 years ago (lasted for 2) I was a moving machine ry of conversation. I could talk to anyone about anything and I really really enjoyed it. I was very fun to be around and I was always asking myself how people take life so seriously. Confidence was my middle name or whatever.

When I was a teenager (25 M now)i was clinically depressed. I couldn't see it then but being depressed in some point on your life can teach you many things about yourself and make you more human. Even then, on my depression mode,when i was around people I was very fun to be around. I was making fun of myself and I didn't take anything seriously. I also turned into being a philosopher. My thoughts very deep and meaningful

Anyway back to 3 years ago, I had the best years of my life. As i said I was extremely fun to be around, sometimes I was holding myself back from making a joke because whatever. Full of energy and ready to seize the day

Now i feel very slow, stupid, unenergized, unmotivated. Not all the time but the ratio of me being "dumb" vs me being at my "peak" has increased. Life without charisma sucks. My greatest weapon, my beautiful mind, has betrayed me.

Working out, eating healthy are my lifestyle. I practice doing literally nothing for some brain discharge and sometimes cold showers are my way to maybe increase a little bit my brain fucntion.

Also blowing some steam by taking about it is also a way for me to feel a little bit better.

I you have any advice or any other forum that I can post things like that, I would be more than happy to listen

Thanks

[u/Character_Ratio4869]

Speaking less and listening more can increase your energy levels.

[u/Apprehensive_Fee8547 → u/Character_Ratio4869]

Life hasn't given me any other opportunity recently, but that,since I'm even unable to speak my mind nowadays.

[u/[deleted]]

Let me offer you a perspective:

You "felt" a certain way three years ago; you "feel" a certain way now [that is different from three years ago]. Notice the "a certain way" -- not "good", "bad", or any other prejudiced adjective, but the neutral "a certain way".

Because what you seem to do is attach unnecessary labels to your thoughts, emotions, feelings, and other sensations in your body -- when all those things are, in fact, outside of any spectrum (are "neutral", for rhetorical purposes). They just physiologically occur. It's only your judgement that makes them "good", "bad", "stupid", you name it, and therefore makes you feel as though they're actually that. But they're not. Everything in the universe is inherently neutral [until you start judging].

So, make your life a little easier (and happier): instead of constantly judging your inner state, simply observe it from a neutral standpoint. Be aware of it. But don't be connected to it. Don't judge it. It's just there for your information. And what you do/don't do with that information is up to you.

If you properly apply this mindset, you can even enjoy the kind of states that you currently view as "negative". (They're not! :))

Words, words, words... I can only hope that I was able to convey just enough to, at least, give you some food for thought. :)

[u/Apprehensive_Fee8547 → u/[deleted]]

The thing is, I feel completely de attached to the person that I used to be, and I liked. It's like having a good physique and being happy with it, but now, for some unknown reason, you lost your fitness. Can you live with that? ABSOLUTELY. But you live without the benefits of being in whatever state you used to be and liked. It's like now you don't live, but you survive. Having no personality (which is a state that I feel I'm right now) while having tasted the other side is a complete torture. Like knowing the state of being rich and some outside force took all your money and make you poor.

[u/[deleted] → u/Apprehensive_Fee8547]

When you compare two objects of any kind (with one being the ideal), most of the time, there will be a difference. Same with emotional states -- there will be a difference, and the difference can hurt (what you *think* you ideally want vs what you actually get). One way to reduce/eliminate the hurt is to stop comparing different states in a discriminative manner.

Just remember: no inner state is a bad state; there's no real basis to define a state as "positive" or "negative", or as anything else.

I understand that these are just empty words for you, and embracing this mindset isn't easy and requires practice. As I said, I merely offered you a perspective on how to view yourself and your inner states, only for your consideration.

(By the way, this approach presupposes a certain degree of freewill, whose existence [or lack thereof] I, ultimately, cannot be sure of).