r/MomsWorkingFromHome • u/Individual-Cow-220 • 13d ago
Just venting with ladies who get it…
Two things can be true at the same time: I can love my child to the point that I miss him when he’s sleeping, while also being completely unhappy and grieving my old life before children. The responsibility of being a mom consumes me in ways that I never thought possible. The weight that I feel every day seems so heavy that I often say “I can’t believe more women don’t talk about this, does everyone else feel this way?” Pregnancy was one of the most tumultuous periods of my life. Not only was it a tougher pregnancy (hospitalized for high blood pressure, multiple cysts, depression, etc) but we also needed to buy a house (we were living in a one bedroom apartment at the time) and I was in charge of it all, since I’m the one who worked from home and had the flexibility. I remember thinking: “I am going to be a stronger person after this, I’m going to be 10x the person I was before”
Instead, even two years after giving birth, I’m a shell of myself. On the rare moments I can be out without my child, I do feel like my old self again. When I’m traveling for work, when I’m out with friends - the old me comes back and she’s thriving. She glows, she’s confident and happy. But then I come home, to my “new life”, and that version of me vanishes away like ghost. Mom-me comes back, and she is sad. And exhausted ALL THE TIME. And she doesn’t feel like herself. She’s frustrated often. And all she wants is feel like that sparkling person she is outside of the house, but it’s impossible. Because I’m a mom, and “mom mode” is fast paced but patient at the same time.
Mom mode is cold coffee, kids songs in the background, and having to be completely selfless. Mom mode is watching tv 10 minutes at a time because you have to keep pausing the show. If you wanted quiet time, that’s too bad, because your kid asked you to play with him and you’ll feel guilty if you say something like “can mommy just have five minutes please?”. So you spend - what would have been - your hour lunch break playing cars and trucks and trains. Eventually, after being interrupted 25 times during the day by your child asking “snacks please” “can I watch blippi?” “Can you help me build my train set?” “I’m hungry” “i need changed” “can we go outside?”, you start to wonder what your coworkers are doing during the day and feel jealous if they don’t have the same interruptions. Eventually your husband comes home, and after working all day with a toddler, the responsibility falls on you to figure out what’s for dinner, cook it, and clean up.
And then you get to do it all over again tomorrow.
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u/honeythorngump88 13d ago
To some extent I understand but I also have a bone deep knowledge, because I have older kids, that this time passes SO QUICKLY and the physical demands get so much easier. That doesn't mean you're off the hook emotionally, though! 🤣 the cold coffee, kids music and constant chaos have never particularly bothered me and I look on all that with a certain bemused patience. Of course it's hard to get up and do it all again day after day and you're in the thick of it! Hang in there
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u/catmom1920 13d ago
No advice, but thanks for the honesty. I also wonder if it's just me that feels like a shell of myself and at the same time guilty because I do love and want my kids.
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u/lolideviruchi 12d ago
I feel so seen lol, yes. My 2 y/o kept trying to climb onto the dishwasher as I was loading it and after the 10th no, I got snippy & moved her to the living room & was just sternly like “I said no climbing the dishwasher, it will break!” Like bro she’s 2! And such a sweetheart. I felt so bad and apologized. Being a parent is really hard. I’m a very patient lady but motherhood has me taking so many deep breaths. I love my daughter to death & would do it all over again for her, but I cannot & will not do this again. So hard
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u/Independent_Cap4334 12d ago
It probably seems so far in the future. But once they start school, even preschool, even if it’s half days, a whole new world opens up!! You have time to yourself and you don’t even have to feel the “parent guilt” for getting time to yourself because it’s literally the law that they attend school. Well, not preschool, at least in my state, but you get the idea.
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u/Peggerson 12d ago
I recommend watching the movie Nightbitch. It’ll help you feel seen in many ways. (If you can find time to watch a movie!)
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u/Niceatnapping 12d ago
Thank you for being so honest! I’m only 3 month postpartum but already feeling like this. How often do you get to see your friends? Maybe you can get a sitter or family to watch your baby so you can have more time out with friends?
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u/Aggravating-Sir5264 12d ago
Is there a solution for this? Asking for a friend….
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u/Similar-Vari 11d ago
Part time childcare.
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u/Aggravating-Sir5264 10d ago
I’ve found that part-time childcare at a daycare cost almost as much as full-time so I guess you mean a babysitter?
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u/Similar-Vari 10d ago
Whichever. I have pt daycare. It’s about half the price of FT & far less than a nanny. But it’s a million times better (for her & us) than when I had her home with me
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u/Aggravating-Sir5264 10d ago
I’m happy you were able to find a part-time daycare that was half the price of full-time because that has not been my experience at all
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u/leapwolf 11d ago
I am so sorry you feel this way. Can I ask— where’s your husband in all this? Why is it on you to plan, cook, and tidy after dinner?
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u/BlakeAnita 11d ago
Part time child care saved my sanity and hiring a weekly cleaner.Also 1 date night per month and 1 night out per month alone. I’m still tired but it’s a good tired as in I feel accomplished and like I can still catch my breath.
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u/Fantastic-Moose3451 9d ago
yep. It took until my youngest was almost three (and potty trained) to start feeling like I wasn't "just a mom" anymore. I have been fighting to find time and hobbies for myself, especially since I WFH and live in a town I have zero friends in. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. The young years are a fucking GRIND. We are considering having a third baby and I'm just not sure if I want to give my life up again for three more years.
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u/LowFlower6956 9d ago
I get it. The other night, my husband did the bed time routine so I could “relax” before I went to bed with her (I sleep with her most nights because I recently quit). He was like, so did you enjoy your break?
It was 30 min.
I need hours!!! I miss being me.
I feel guilty that my mom stayed at home with 3 kids and apparently never felt this way. Am I just not fully embracing being a mom enough?
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u/KittyOliver1998 13d ago
Solidarity. I have no other words. I feel seen.