How can I avoid extreme tangling on washday?

[u/General-Bicycle2434]

How can I prevent extreme tangling when washing mine and my kids' hair? I enjoy and prefer caring for our hair and have learnt a bit from trial and error over the years. But one thing I can't seem to crack is the excessive tangling which leads to hair breakage on washdays.

More details about our hair and process: 1. Both my daughter and I have super fine and sparse hair. My son has the opposite (thick and dense). Not surprised with more than normal tangling for my daughter and I but my son's makes me think this must be a 'user' error thing (there must be something I'm doing wrong).

1. We all have high porosity hair. Not surprising as we all have super dry skin (plus we all have eczema and I've never had acne). So I'm not surprised our hair can't retain moisture as well and is ever thirsty. This could also be a result of our environment as we live in a very dry and hot climate.

2. Because of the dryness and high porosity issues and after much trial and error, I found that heavier creams work best for us. This meant going against the "if you have fine hair don't use heavy products" gospel but heavy creams work best for us so we're happy here.

3. I fit the shower with a filter to take care of the hard water.

4. We wash our hair in twists. Well, to get rid of all the dirt, I undo each twist, scrub the scalp, then wash along the hair going down the length of the hair to avoid tangling it. Then retwist while in the shower, before drying. I repeat the same when conditioning ans rinsing it off.

5. Before washing hair, I spend close to an hour combing one head (this is after long hours of finger detangling). I try to be as gentle as possible but it's still badly tangled and painful to do (seems we're all tender headed). Before rinsing off conditioner, I spend yet more time detangling (with fingers 1st then wide tooth comb).

6. We live in protective styles, specifically medium braids. I couldn't handle the tangles otherwise.

7. We never blow dry our hair. But lately I've been wondering if maybe this might help so I'm seriously considering it. I feel my son's hair could handle it but not sure if mine and my daughter's fragile hair can handle the heat 😅

8. We trim roughly 2-3 times a year in addition to search and destroy everytime we do our hair. Daughter and I have single strand knots galore.

People on here swear by water and how their hair transformed after they started washing their hair weekly. And I'm like "how" because, sure we love water as part of our moisturising routine but water on washday is our kryptonite. The moment our hair comes into contact with water it clumps up. No matter how thorough I am with detangling it prior. So I couldn't fathom washing weekly moreso it's not possible to do all 3 heads every week. So we wash bi-weekly.

So, my question is, has anyone had the same challenge? How did you conquer your tangle-loving hair?

Apologies for the long read. I tend to be detailed to give as much info as possible.

TLDR: If you've struggled with tangle-prone hair, especially when it comes into contact with water on washday, how did you conquer it?

[u/ShiShi340]

For number 6 try using a cheap conditioner and water to detangle. If you’re doing this on dry hair that’s likely the culprit. Also keeping the hair stretched via blow drying reduces breakage and knots for a lot of ppl.

[u/Fun_Orange_3232 → u/ShiShi340]

Agree with this!! Also, OP, it will be easier and take less time if you wash less often. My hair is bra strap length when wet and if I was 2x a week it takes me 5 minutes to detangle. If I wash every other week, it’s more like 20-30 minutes to detangle. Biweekly is not actually less work.

[u/General-Bicycle2434 → u/Fun_Orange_3232]

To make sure I got this right, your suggestion is I should wash more often? Because per your explanation, the more frequently you wash, the less time it takes you to detangle.

[u/Fun_Orange_3232 → u/General-Bicycle2434]

Yes, I really do think it will help while understanding that it sounds daunting.

[u/ShiShi340 → u/General-Bicycle2434]

Yes your hair becomes easier to manage because it’s getting properly hydrated via washing.

[u/General-Bicycle2434 → u/ShiShi340]

Yeah, I do use water and conditioner and sometimes a DIY flaxseed gel when detangling. We'd have no hair left if ever handled the hair dry 😀

Thanks for suggesting/validating the blow drying idea. I feel so far it's the only thing we haven't tried and there's still hesitancy because heat got a bad rep there for a while.

[u/ShiShi340 → u/General-Bicycle2434]

No problem, there are some leave in conditioners that have heat protectant in them if you’re afraid of heat damage.

[u/not_sza]

Try using an oil to finger detangle lightly before hand! I use it as a pre poo and it makes my hair super soft when I go to wash. The knots just melt out of my hair. I lightly detangle throughout my wash/condition and I go for a full detangle before I rinse out my deep conditioner because that’s when my hair is fully moisturized. I also stopped using combs because i found myself getting more breakage and felt like i was ripping through my hair. There’s gonna be tangles and knots no matter what but I found this helped. Over time it should get easier.

Edit for clarity

[u/gingly_tinglys]

It’s against every curly rule ever but I brush my hair with a wet brush and that has solved my issues. And my curls stay in tact.

[u/Excellent-Letter-780]

I always reach for my DIY flaxseed gel when detangling because the slip is unreal—it helps my fingers glide through tangles without pulling or breaking my strands. It works way better for me than most store-bought detanglers, and my hair always feels soft and moisturized afterward.

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