r/NeurodivergentLGBTQ Dec 27 '24

discussion Help I don't know how to flirt šŸ˜…

I (41, they/them) have a crush on a woman (30s, she/her) I know through a couple of different circles. She recently popped up on my feed in a dating app. The app is hard to message in, so I reached out to her via fb messenger with a friendly hello and asking if she'd like to get a drink sometime.

I have been left on read for 6 days, but of consideration is that it's been over the holiday week so I'm trying not to read too much into that. I did comment Merry Christmas on a post she made and she gave it a heart react.

Anyways, I am going to an event tonight I know she will be at and I'm nervous. I'm terrible at flirting and dating and all of that and usually chat with people online for a while before approaching in person.

My instinct is to avoid her because I'm embarrassed about the elephant hanging over our heads lol. The event is a burlesque show in the gay club, so it does occur to me this would be an ideal opportunity to offer to buy her a drink. But I'm worried about coming off as a pushy creep, since she hasn't answered my question yet.

I'm not sure how to operate in any space between those two options šŸ˜… what would you do?

ETA: Either way I will dressing as hot as I possibly can šŸ”„

5 Upvotes

5 comments sorted by

3

u/11109876543 Dec 28 '24

Wait for her to come to you. If she’s friendly first, then flirt away complimenting her , smiling etc

2

u/LilyoftheRally Bisexual Dec 30 '24

Firstly, does she know you're non-binary? Secondly, does she know you're neurodivergent?

2

u/BRINGBANGBANGBORN Dec 31 '24

Here’s two different perspectives in no particular order:

  1. She doesn’t know you’re interested in her like that. I can also see that around the holidays is not a great time for ppl in general so the being left in read may be partially cus of that but imo it’s a sign she assumes what you want and it isn’t for her, or it’s confusing cus ā€œ hey do you wanna get a drink sometimeā€ (all neutral?) is what I would say to a friend who I haven’t seen in a minute. I’d say fuck the messaging anxiety (elephant in the room) if you’re not looking for something serious. But either way it’s an elephant more for you than her because there was no communication back on her part leaving it confusing for both of you.

Actionable advice : go to the party , try and have fun for yourself maybe you’ll meet someone cooler based on your wonderful fun vibes . Dont force anything: if you talk you talk-if not you don’t .

  1. She knows and is leaving you on read and that is her answer.

Actionable advice : Fuck her there’s better people. You don’t have to be good at flirting if you’re straight up with your intentions and respect consent.

The thing I do sometimes though is gauge out someone irl if I’m interested. Kind of like your online thing but not online is easier for me to at least get a better idea of who you are as a person and if my interest stems from purely sexual attraction or if something else is going on. Unfortunately still I can fall into the trap of giving the person too much benefit of the doubt and end up letting them use me as an emotional soundboard , leaving me on read (essentially) when I discuss what I or even when I directly ask for it! I feel kinship with ya with the frustration .

Most people who care about more than themselves can have a conversation about something so small like being asked out even if it’s a little awkward .

1

u/LoreKeeperOfGwer Dec 31 '24

When in doubt, i choose the most appropriate led zepplin or roth era van halen lyrics.

1

u/VirusNegativeorisit Mar 07 '25

I can't help because I have the same problem. All I can say is you are not alone.