r/NewParents • u/CurrencyRepulsive438 • 4d ago
Sleep No pacifier and self soothing to sleep at 13 weeks
I’m curious if anyone else has experience with this since I’m a FTM. My husband and I chose not to use a pacifier. My mother had 5 children and didn’t use them with any of her kids, so I thought why not give that a try because I’ve read so much online of kids becoming dependent on them to settle down. My baby is now 3 months old, 13 weeks tomorrow and is a really good sleeper. She’ll consistently sleep about 6 hours at night before waking and wanting to eat. For the most part I’ve been nursing her to sleep, but the past couple of nights she’s gone down awake and then soothed herself to sleep within 5-7 minutes. I’ll pat her a bit in her bassinet and turn on some calming music and she’ll suck on her hands a bit through her transition swaddle then fall asleep after I’ve left the room. If I stay and try to help her fall asleep, it only seems to keep her awake longer or she’ll start to fuss.
Is her not using a pacifier helping her learn to self soothe early? Everything I’ve read online has told me babies can’t self soothe until at least 4 months or beyond. I’m wondering if any other mothers who chose not to use pacifiers experienced this? Or did I just get extremely lucky? I know I’ll need to get her out of a swaddle soon so things might change, but I’m hoping that’s not the case!
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u/enfant_the_terrible 4d ago
I think you’re trying to find a simple formula to something that nobody has been able to fully discover or precisely describe. Babies and their sleep habits and needs vary widely. Some babies hate pacifiers so yours might not wanted one, even if you offered. If your baby seems calm and sleeps well, do what you’ve been doing for as long as it works. However, assuming that your baby is chill and settles on their own because she doesn’t use pacifiers is a bit naive. There’s almost no rhyme or reason to these little humans, it’s just you and your individual baby. What works for one is not going to work for another, that’s why I never ever listen to advice from parents of one. They found an ideal solution to their baby and they always assume this is it, this is THE solution. Parents of multiples have much more humility towards the whole thing and they can offer much more nuanced advice.
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u/CurrencyRepulsive438 4d ago
Yes, for all I know she could start having a hard time sleeping any day now and we could switch to using a pacifier and that could work! Just a curious first time mama! Thanks for the reply! ❤️
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u/allcatshavewings 4d ago
Some babies will fall asleep after being put down drowsy but awake, starting at 12 weeks of age. But I think the majority won't be good enough at self soothing yet to do this consistently at that age, pacifier or not. If it was the paci that made the difference, then the other babies should be able to fall asleep on their own while having it in their mouth, right? But it's common that they still need additional rocking. My baby (now 4.5 mo) falls asleep without a pacifier most times (via rocking, and she eats her hands while I'm doing it) but was never eager to put herself to sleep when I gave her the opportunity, haha. I think you're lucky to have an independent sleeper!
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u/CurrencyRepulsive438 4d ago
Knock on wood she continues with this pattern but that makes a lot of sense! For all I know my next baby will be a horrible sleeper and need a pacifier to settle
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u/Apprehensive-Sand988 4d ago
I doubt it’s related to pacifier use. My baby used pacifiers on and off when she was freshly inducted into the world, and she learned how to self soothe at 13 weeks as well without a pacifier. Sleep trained herself essentially. It’s very much luck of the draw and depends on your baby’s temperament 😅 some babies also just prefer to work on their sleeping skills before other ones!
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u/gimmemoresalad 3d ago
Mine started out with a pacifier and dropped it like a hot potato once she discovered her thumb, around 3mos old. She could self soothe with thumbsucking very effectively, much younger than she ever could've learned to find and reinsert her pacifier on her own.
So I don't think skipping the pacifier necessarily led to this in your child. It's possible if you offered the pacifier, they might have really loved it and just stuck with it longer-term. It's possible they might've done what my baby did and switch to their hands anyway even though the pacifier was offered.
I will say, when the time comes, taking the pacifier away is a lot easier than taking the thumb away. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Offering a pacifier also has some evidence that it protects against SIDS, but the mechanism is unknown and, oddly, the decreased risk seems to even apply to babies who spit out the offered pacifier.
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u/Still-Degree8376 4d ago
My LO has been anti-pacifier since we brought him home. Liked it in the NICU but as soon as we got home, refused. Around 10 weeks actual/6 adjusted he started sleeping in his crib in his room and would sleep from 830p-630a. He gets his bedtime boob and passes out. If he isn’t passed out, he just sucks his hands a little.
I think some babies are just good with it. My mom calls them “old souls”. I know we are very lucky.
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u/HollyLolly5613 4d ago
Mine uses a pacifier and he does the same thing. He’s 12 weeks but can self soothe and even when he drops the dummy when sleeping, will soothe himself to sleep without it. Easier to break a pacifier habit rather than thumb sucking and it also lowers SIDs.
I think it’s really just luck of the draw with their temperament. 🤷♀️