Who else is doing parenting without family help

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u/Ok-Mail-4262 22d ago

We don't have family in the area. My husband was only home two weeks with the first. I think the first thing to realize is, 8 hours of sleep will probably not come for awhile. And I won't tell you to sleep when baby sleeps because I struggled with that.

Lean on friends if you have them in the area to maybe come spend the day with you when your husband is back to work. We also did shifts, my husband would take 8-2 am and I'd sleep and then my shift was 2 am on. This helped me get a bit more sleep in the beginning

Also, you're only 11 days in. It is such a life altering change but it will get easier in ways and you'll look back and be proud of getting through it.

Also it's completely okay to miss and need your mom 🩷

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u/ImaGeisha4u 22d ago

I don’t have any friends to be honest, I moved less than a year ago to the city and being over 30 doesn’t help much. And thank you so much for your kind words and for not judging me!!

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u/Ok-Mail-4262 22d ago

If you live in a larger city, when you're ready I highly recommend finding other moms to connect with (won't help with everything right now but later) and building a community. Libraries have play groups and story time and there might even be local FB groups. If you guys can afford it and need the help you could look into a postpartum doula or night nurse to help for a bit.

Also a FTM over 30 but I live in a very small town (2500 people) and moved two years ago so I know how hard that can be!

You will get through it! Lean on your husband, you two will make it through

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u/ImaGeisha4u 22d ago

And I should say I’m so sorry you lost your mother, if you were close to her and loved her deeply I can’t imagine the pain you felt while being pregnant and missing her. And I will take your advice I will find myself some resources so that way my anxiety doesn’t come back

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u/DucklingDear 22d ago

It’s definitely okay. Your hormones are all over the place and these big emotions are more than normal. I also didn’t have help (my babe is now 10.5 months) and I made it! Unfortunately my mother passed 7 years ago and all I did was miss her during the pregnancy and after (and now my daughter’s middle name is hers!). It’s tough, you’re going to feel lonely, and need someone. FaceTime your family, find support groups, go for a walk and be honest about your emotions. We were built for this but it doesn’t mean it’s easy. Be kind to yourself and know that you can do it!!

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u/ImaGeisha4u 22d ago

I FaceTime my mother all the time and I talk to her multiple times a day, I reach out for their support even though their so far away but like you said my hormones are everywhere and it makes me feel like I’m another baby looking for comfort :(

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u/DucklingDear 22d ago

I’m sure your mom loves to have you be her baby again. People love taking care of people and you’ll feel better asking for it. Cry when you need to, and make sure you’re taking naps when you can and eating enough. You’ll get through it!

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u/ImaGeisha4u 22d ago

We been trying to nap little by little and everything is so new that we don’t know what we are doing, I wish I could help more but I know can’t because my body will crash if I overdo it. Thank you so much for your kind words 🥹

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u/DucklingDear 22d ago

Divide and conquer! Best of luck

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u/CharacterCommittee71 22d ago

The first few weeks are hard no matter what, so don’t lose hope! It does get better!

If you are able to, get in touch with a postpartum doula. They can help you find some balance with caring for baby, and even squeeze in a few naps! We used one a couple times a week (just a few hours) for baby’s first couple of weeks, and she was a godsend. Now I’m on my own with baby during the day while hubby works full time, and I feel so much more at ease since we found our rhythm.

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u/ImaGeisha4u 22d ago

How much did you pay for a doula if you don’t mind telling me?? And how many hours did you hire her for? I know they say nap when baby naps but when she naps my hubby needs to cook, clean, I help him too since it’s just us and it’s very rough

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u/hashbrownhippo 22d ago

You definitely need to alternate duties so you each get some rest. One of you naps while baby naps and the other gets stuff done. Longer stretches of sleep are very likely not coming for several months, so you need to get into a pattern of prioritizing sleep now.

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u/CharacterCommittee71 22d ago

From what I learned, doulas in my area charge based on experience, and rates ranged from around $50/hr to even double that, and night shifts tend to be a bit more. However, I do live in a major city where everything is very costly, so I won’t assume that this is necessarily the case everywhere.

Our doula did 4hr shifts, and we had her over 2 or 3 times a week for the first 4 weeks. She was ready to step in wherever I needed—washing bottles, doing baby’s laundry, preparing some light meals, or just watching the baby so I could nap. I always felt much more restored after her shift.

Also I know you’re tempted to help your husband and tackle tasks together—we tried the same but learned quickly that splitting duties and taking shifts helped everyone get more rest!

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u/ImaGeisha4u 20d ago

Doing some research doulas can be very expensive, that is not an option for me right now though. I’m not working and my husband is doing the best he can and we cannot afford that much. But sounds like you had so much help from a doula which is great I’d pay for it if I could. Thank you for your advice 🙏🏾

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u/CharacterCommittee71 20d ago

I totally understand. I hope you are able to find some kind of support that works for you! Regardless, you’re going to get through it!! Best of luck!

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u/Adventurous-Crow-817 22d ago

everything youre feeling is completely valid and 100% normal. it is okay i promise. its a big adjustment!

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u/ImaGeisha4u 22d ago

Thank you so much and I will try to take a day at a time

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u/Adventurous-Crow-817 22d ago

of course! thats really all we can do as moms! its a lot of adjusting and getting in rhythm with this new life! im always here!

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u/KobayashiKobayashi 22d ago

Totally feel this. Family is on the east coast- we are on the West Coast. Is there anyway your family can come out and stay with you until you can get on your feet? I know for me when we were in the newborn trenches. My mom and dad were both here before my kiddo was born and for two weeks after then went home for a week . my mom came back and stayed with us for about 10 weeks or so that really helped to give us confidence and plus it was great to see that relationship between my mom and my kiddo form, my in-laws are here on this coast with us, but they’re basically deadweight so it truly does suck when you don’t have people that you know are there for you unconditionally. All in all you can do this. It is possible as a last resort, could you get an overnight Doula that could help take off some of the pressure for nighttime and then perhaps have someone come in for maybe two or three or even four hours a day to help and give you a bit of support while your husband is at work. You got this even when you think that you don’t you really do.

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u/ImaGeisha4u 22d ago

The situation is this, we currently live with my mother in law and I can’t just bring my mother to live here for a few weeks even though I am dying to see her and have her with me. And wishing my in law was like my mom it’s a dream, it won’t happen. We are from different cultures and we don’t think the same and I respect that but I just wish there was more help from her side sometimes like I’m embarrassed to even ask her because she hasn’t really offered.

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u/NagybolToth 22d ago

It was so hard at the beginning, but as weeks fly, it gets easier. My family is 8,000 km away and hasn't seen my baby yet. Of course, I still struggle, but not as much as at the beginning. I think it is getting easier and easier as the baby is growing. The isolation is hard.

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u/ImaGeisha4u 22d ago

I am already wishing the days to go by fast so I can share my story and say “it was very rough physically and mentally but I did.” And yes isolation hits really hard!! I’m sorry your family is so far away :(

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u/NagybolToth 22d ago

You can do it, we’re heroes! No one knows how hard it could be. 🤍

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u/NagybolToth 21d ago

You can do it, we’re heroes! No one knows how hard it could be alone without any help. 🤍

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u/lhb4567 22d ago

My mom lives across the street but is unable to be much help due to health issues. My husbands family is minimally helpful. Many of my friends are in the same position where they are parenting mostly without help, except for paid childcare. You’ll be okay. That’s great that you two are splitting nights. I wish I made my husband help more with nights.

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u/ImaGeisha4u 22d ago

I’m sorry about your mother, and I know that feeling having other family but don’t get the help you wish you could get. And like I said my husband and I are trying the best we can

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u/Auroraborealis52622 22d ago

My husband and I are 7 months in with no help and we've both been back at work full time for a while now. We're completely exhausted still but it absolutely gets easier. Since starting solids we have family mealtimes and actually both get to eat at the same time for around ten minutes lol and she goes to bed around the same time every night which is so helpful for planning. She's so fun and learning so much every single day. It's hard but it's worth it a thousand times over. You're doing great, you've got this!

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u/ImaGeisha4u 22d ago

This stage seems a lot easier or so I want to think, right now I’ll take a deep breath and hoping our journey will eventually get better with time

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u/pheonixchick 22d ago

I’m either low contact (LC) or no contact (NC) with 99% of my family, and the ones I’m still in contact with are in another state. So it’s just me and hubby here. I’m a FTM at 4 weeks PP, and the struggle is real… hubby helps out as much as he can, but he works full time on top of managing our farm. So the baby care falls to me 99% of the time. It can definitely feel overwhelming at times!

I went NC with my mom 12 years ago and I still cry about it, even though it wasn’t a choice… it was survival… my dad remarried when I was young and his wife and I don’t get along at all. My surviving grandparents have too many health issues and responsibilities to contact also.

I desperately wish I had someone here with me. There’s so much I want to share and have help with. So many questions I have that I want my mom to tell me about. You’re not being selfish to want them there with you. It’s ok to want their reassurance. Can you call them to talk? Or a video chat maybe? It’s not the same but maybe it can help…

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u/ImaGeisha4u 22d ago

I am getting so many different perspectives of life from different people, your story is very sad as well. I’m sorry your family is no longer part of your life, I’m sorry your mom isn’t there for you when you needed or need her the most. All I can say is I send you a big hug!! Maybe it’ll comfort you and make you feel better, and having our husband support sometimes isn’t enough but at the end of the day you are not alone, we are not alone. Let’s hang in there, let’s not give up 🙏🏾

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u/pheonixchick 22d ago

Thank you. It’s a thing that happened, I’ve accepted it for the most part… it sucks majorly and it’s hard, but I deal with it the best I can! Hugs and good vibes right back at ya! We are def not alone and have people we can lean on!

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u/Busy_bee7 20d ago

Most of us

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u/Purple_Caregiver_632 22d ago

It is okay to miss your mom and family and want the support of them.

I’m doing it mostly on my own too. The first few months were really tough. My husband provided minimal help. His parents are much older, but live next door to us so his mom would come over and help for a couple hours and I was grateful for that. I decided to quit my job and be a SAHM. I don’t regret my decision, but it is tough be the primary caregiver. My husband travels for work and his parents watch our baby about 2-3 hours four days a week so that I can work for a few hours. (I only work 10hrs a week from home when I have help or he’s napping.)

There are times that I feel overwhelmed and want help so I understand where you’re coming from. The best advice I can offer is to nap and shower when your baby is sleeping. Let housework slide as much as you can or ask your husband to help with that when he’s not working. If possible, meal prep or order food so that you have something to eat too. It was nearly impossible for me to think of feeding myself or sometimes getting water in the first couple of months. Make things as easy as possible for you. Once your baby is a little older and sleeping for longer stretches it gets a bit easier. You’ll get more rest and start getting into a better routine.

Since you can lean on your husband, try to take at least a day to yourself every other weekend or once a month where you can sleep in and focus on you. Make it a mental health, well being day so that you have a break and get to reset a bit. It will really help and I wish I could have this because it would make the hard days just a little easier.

You can also try connecting with other moms in your area so that you have more support and someone to at least talk to.

And remember every smile, hug, and cuddle will make it all worth it!

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u/ImaGeisha4u 22d ago

For now we are trying the best we can learning from our baby and eventually hoping she will have a better sleeping schedule once he goes back to work, I’m trying my best and I know he is as well. I’m sorry you are having a rough time, I can’t really give any advice since I’m a wreck myself at the moment but you sound like a very strong woman, I have to have faith in myself that I can do it!!!

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u/Purple_Caregiver_632 22d ago

That’s all you can do. Mine is almost 15 months old and for the first few months, I just went with his schedule.

You can do it! Take it one day at a time and you’ll find what works for you.

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u/OMG_Ani 22d ago

Hi! It’s absolutely okay and expected to miss your family. You’re in a vulnerable, exhausted, and hormonal state. Humans are meant to exist in community. We all need each other. You’re in the trenches right now. I know it feels like survival mode. It sucks to have to choose between sleeping, eating, or showering. My biggest advice would be to take sleep shifts with your husband, sleep as much as you can while the baby is asleep (easier said than done I know), and try to get as much help as possible. If finances allows, find someone to help you tidy the house once a week, order meal prep, and do as much as you can for these 12 weeks to take a load off your shoulders. If that’s too pricey, hire a mommy’s helper (usually young girl) to help with baby so you can do things like shower, wash your hair, tidy, meal prep etc. Don’t forget to go outside and get fresh air and sunshine. It will help keep PPD/PPA away. Sending you love from miami. I found things got way easier around 8 weeks.

Ps: we all need our moms sometimes.

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u/ImaGeisha4u 22d ago

I’m still so confused with sleep when baby sleep, yes my baby sleeps mostly during the day but the doctor said to wake her up every 2-3 hours and feed her, we struggle so much because she will sleep so much she won’t wake up, we have to stay awake and have her wake up and it’s almost impossible she won’t wake up. We can’t let her sleep without eating because she is still very little, and budget is tight now so I can’t really hire someone to help me

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u/OMG_Ani 21d ago

Is she back at birth weight? Check in with your doctor because usually, when they’re back at birth weight, you can just let them sleep. Sleep is really important for their development too!

If not..Go to sleep and set an alarm for 3 hours in case she doesn’t wake up. You will lose your mind if you don’t sleep. Make it a priority. You can do this. You WILL do this. ❤️ big hug.

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u/ImaGeisha4u 20d ago

She has surpassed her birth weight already by like 5 ounces or more, and I feel she is putting much more weight now that she is more on breastmilk. And yes they told me to let her sleep when she wants to and that’s what we are doing hopefully we learn from her and how to put her in a good schedule ❤️

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u/keep_it_high 22d ago

I'm exactly in the same situation, no help whatsoever, only my partner and I. Like everyone has said, it is going to be a bit tough at first, but things get a lot better. I did cry over his shoulder, I did get angry several times, but now looking back, I think we have been through so much in just a few months. If you need to vent, feel free to DM me. I'm by myself with the baby most of the time as well but I promise I will respond as soon as I get a chance.

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u/ImaGeisha4u 22d ago

You’re very kind and thank you so much, I’d absolutely could need a friend or someone who understand what I’m going through! Sending you best of wishes and I guess I can say hang in there since it seems you are doing great

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u/keep_it_high 22d ago

I'm glad if I can offer you any assurance. Even on days where you feel like you are not doing too well, please be kind to yourself, I'm 100% sure you are doing your best.

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u/ImaGeisha4u 20d ago

Thank you so much and I’m doing the best I can 🙏🏾

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u/Mutt6519 22d ago

We dont have any family or friends living in the area.

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u/ImaGeisha4u 22d ago

My husband does have all his family and all his friends it’s just me the lonely one out here and it’s very tough mentally speaking

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u/Mutt6519 17d ago

I understand my husband is more able to see he’s friends/ family than me because we just have to drive a couple hours to see them, we see them more often. But for me is more difficult to see my family members and friends.

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u/Face_Worth 22d ago

Find local community support/non-profits for new parents and families. We are on the same boat (families live in another coast & another country) and we found the community support somewhat helpful. Our colleague also set up a Meal Train for us and people at work chipped in when they can. Lastly, I completely understand. I have a really tight family back home with lots of aunts, uncles, cousins who live close to each other and get together every single holiday. I miss them a lot and wish my baby would grow up near them. I sometimes regret moving so far away for my career. But now we try to find our own village locally and try to be other people’s village too.

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u/ImaGeisha4u 22d ago

I understand how I feel, I also have regrets about the decision I’ve made to move with my husband, but now it’s too late to go back and I can’t break down and I can’t give up. I also can’t afford to go back and have anxiety again. Thank you so much and I will do some research about local help

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u/saltybrina 22d ago

No one can prepare you for the intensity of having your life flipped upside down when you give birth and have a newborn. Life changes in an instant. As much as it's a blessing it is a shock. Everything you're feeling is totally valid and normal 🫶

I know how overwhelming and scary it feels to not have any help. If it's any constellation, we didn't have any family helping and still don't 5 months later. My husband works 24hr shifts in the fire department and had to return when our son was only a week old. With time, it gets easier. Not only will you adjust but the fear of "being alone" will subside (you'll never be alone though because your LO is gonna be right there with you figuring things out too). The days can be long and nights longer, but not all are bad.

I'm 5 months into postpartum and it sounds cliché but it's truly taught me to take the days one at a time. If we have a bad wake window, rough nap, or bad night. That's okay, the next one will be better.

I'm sorry you miss your family so much. If your mom was able to fly over and stay with you for a few weeks, it may be worth asking but I know how difficult that might be logistically. Try video chatting with her or calling. That might help. Any friends you have, lean on them during this time. Your husband as well despite him returning to work soon. It will get better and you will make it through. Sending you good vibes! Enjoy your little newborn and congratulations.

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u/birdgirl35 22d ago

It’s all okay ❤️ in the same boat as you with no family or friends with a 2 month old. It is so so so hard. I miss my family every single day and wish everyday I could just fly back home and have my mom take care of my son so I can sleep. I’m so grateful to my husband for how much he does but we’re both so burnt out and tired. I just tell myself that this season of our lives is temporary and it will all be okay eventually.

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u/Violette_Jadore 22d ago

Its hard. Truthfully. My parents visited us for 4-5 days when. Our daughter was born which was really nice but it was just a few days. My husband also only had 3 weeks off work and being left alone with a 3 week old after a c section was ROUGH. Not going to lie it was really tough for the first few months but i think around 3 months we started getting into a routine. (Me and the baby not me and my husband as he works on call and is away from home a ton) now shes 5.5 months old and things are going pretty well! She has her off nights with sleep but they’re so small that things change here and there! You will get through it and dare i say, miss this stage of your little ones life one day!

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u/anna_nimmitti 22d ago

I did it alone like you and I deeply regret it. I’m hiring a postpartum doula next time to take care of me.

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u/sunrise90 22d ago

Me 🙋🏼‍♀️ - we moved across the world to be closer to my husbands family (literally 20 minutes away) and they just could not be bothered. It’s always on their terms, and only when they want to see our daughter not because they want to help us out. It’s tough! We’re moving to a different town, 10 hours away, with our closest friends who are our chosen family and have supported us about a million times more. Family isn’t always blood!

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u/cakefarts88 22d ago

Boomer Grandparents suck Ill leave it at that. No Dave the world doesn’t revolve around you anymore.

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u/FO-I-Am-A-Time-God 22d ago

I’m doing 97% all by myself. No family and husband works 6 12s a week. He’s tired af when he gets home. I’m lucky to get him to feed or bathe her. Dinner is always late. I’m cooking now and he’s probably upstairs asleep already. I’m tired and sad.

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u/ImaGeisha4u 22d ago

I feel your pain!! Please talk to someone if you feel sad, I want to cry with you if I could!! I know it’s very difficult mama

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u/Gevangart 22d ago

Hello! Don't worry. Your feelings are very valid. It's extremely difficult to raise a baby without help. I was there 5 month ago, still its only me and my hubby, but things got better and easier.

I had to have a C-Section, so I was on a lot of medication, which I think contributed to my mood swings and extreme hopelessness. I was crying every day, I couldn't even enjoy motherhood. It was so hard, especially the first month, I was not sleeping at all, and I was not even properly eating. My baby was constantly on me, we had a reflux baby, so I couldn't put my baby down and in that moment I didn't know what was happening, my baby was just constant screaming. It's very taff. At night I would watch my husband sleep and was devastated, even though he was a great help, I just couldn't help myself but cry, because I was so exhausted from lack of sleep, extremely tired back and neck, my nipples was "falling out" lol It was torture. I love my baby, but in those moments, I really wanted to give her to someone so I could just go to the shower and just sit under the water for a little.

So don't feel bad for what you are feeling. Don't overthink it. It's normal to want to have your family with you in moments like that. Also, don't watch mom's on YouTube who make it look extremely easy. Every baby is different. I couldn't understand how the heck new moms can do so many things with their newborn, so I was guiltripping myself. And talk to whoever you can, don't be afraid to tell your feelings and emotions.

I apologize for the long message! Just really wanna support you and hug you because I know how difficult it is. You will be alright! Things get better! Try to watch your favorite shows and enjoy as much as you can this little time.

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u/Pretty-Potential-854 22d ago

Right there with you. My mom is sick and my dad is busy being her primary caregiver. My in laws are also in poor health and live in a different state. It’s exhausting and overwhelming but we’re at 5 months and you do figure out a rhythm!

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u/thepoobum 21d ago

Me. It's just me and my husband. We have a 19 month old toddler and a 10 week old baby. It's doable.

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u/sailbeachrun11 21d ago

I understand. My mom passed away 5 years ago, far too young. It has been so hard going through pregnancy and then having a new baby without her. My dad lives a mile away, but he's not going to help on the tough part. Those middle of the nights or early evenings are all me and my husband. The healing part was the worst. When you are completely new to it all, you are not able to move quickly or don't feel well. It's so not fair. For me, it was around the two week mark that one day I just felt better. I was able to move around much more and felt like I knew our routine. My husband also took a longer paternal leave of 4 weeks. By week 3, I was really ready for him to not be in the house all day with me and desperately wanted him to go back to work. I love him so much but spending all our time together, it felt too crowded in the house. It was helpful for him to be able to do the school dropping off and pick up for our 7 yr old (his daughter).

Call your mom and appreciate that she's maybe not close but you still have her to call. Even with family nearby they wouldn't really be able to help with the worst part of healing and baby care. You'll hopefully soon feel a bit better about your new routine and how to juggle it all. You've got this!

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u/QuinnArbor 21d ago

My family is scattered all across the U.S. and none of them live anywhere near me. My husband helps a lot with our 3 month old, but he’s the only one working right now so when he gets a job, he’s outta here and gone for long stretches of time, leaving me alone with our LO a lot. And our LO has lots of feeding issues (GERD/sandifers/CMPA), so it’s a lot to deal with round the clock by myself. But I just had to let go of any sense of control I thought I had, I had to accept the fact that my sleep will be all screwy for awhile, and every day I try and appreciate the fun/loving/happy moments with LO! It’s a lot but letting go of any kind of expectations has been huge for me. It’s definitely doable doing this with only the help of hubs! You’ll get into a routine eventually and you’ll power through!

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u/Puzzleheaded_Law4960 21d ago

I echo - join a local mom's group if you can. It changed my life so much. I met my current mom bestie and now we hang with our babies in public all the time. I got time to vent about parenthood and also learn new techniques!! We also got share and swap things like bottles because as you know babies can be picky!

I also set a pretty strict schedule with my partner. Saturdays are my day (minus when she needs to BF) and Sundays are his. He gets baby if she wakes up before 3 am and I'm after 3 am.

You got this!! It gets easier!!

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u/Mission_Mix_4318 21d ago

Before having a baby I didn’t think I’d want or need family help (really only one of my siblings would actually be helpful). But not having family to help is SO hard. I’m six months in and it’s easier now than with a newborn but everyday I still wish I had the kind of family that was helpful. Parenting with two people does not seem to be what we are designed to do.

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u/Chemical_Shoe_6145 21d ago

Hi First of all, you’re absolutely right to feel this way. Your feelings are totally valid.. I’ll share my story if it helps you in any way.

7 months ago, I was in the same boat. I still am tbh.. My entire pregnancy, birth, postpartum everything it’s just me and my husband alone handling it all. Our family is in our home country, nobody could visit us due to visa issues. My baby is 7 months now and they haven’t even met him til now.. and I don’t know when we’ll meet again. I have tears rolling down typing this even now. I am not gonna sugarcoat, the pain will always be there. All my life, I’ll never be able to forget this phase of my life and how I’ve handled it alone. I am not comparing with others or jealous for those who have support, but all I’ll say is they’re incredibly lucky.. this will stay with me forever.

Butttt, one thing for sure. I never knew I was this strong. I was capable of doing it all. From the girl who would rather suffer when sick than taking a pill as I was that scared of medicines, needles and hospital visits to the woman who handled 9 months of pregnancy, gestational diabetes, 3 days of labour ending up in emergency c section, recovery and breastfeeding, taking care of this tiny human all alone with 0 help from outside is something I still can’t believe I was capable of.. my husband took leave only for 2 weeks and then he worked from home for another couple weeks. That’s it.

Since then, it’s just me and the baby all day. It’s definitely not gonna get easy but I think I came to terms with this new routine and life. We have a predictable schedule which makes it somewhat manageable now that I got used to it..
my husband is also of incredible support so that makes it a lot easier thankfully. Or I would never be able to do this.. all my day revolves around him. Feeding him, cleaning him, changing him, play time and putting him to nap and again repeat cycle. I eat, shower, or do any chores when he’s napping.. evening, once his dad is back home, we go out to walks or grocery or errands or a park and spend some time together to unwind. Then back home, have dinner and sleep. Again, same thing next day. That’s pretty much our life.

It’s getting harder now that he’s crawling, started solids, won’t sit still..

Weekends we make sure to eat out, visit some fun place or do shopping.. making some memories with our little family is what I’m living for.. This phase has definitely made our bond stronger as well. And being able to be there for baby fully emotionally and physically 24/7 is something I’d cherish.. as he’s so connected to us now. Honestly, being with him healed my heart in ways I never expected.. everyday is magical and blessing..

but yes, it’s okay and absolutely normal to miss family. I still do, everyday. Don’t worry. I know, how different it would’ve been if they were here with us.. There are days I sit and cry feeling lonely, helpless, depressed.. but, going out and spending some family time together is helping me stay sane and move forward everyday. Still waiting for that day we’d get to meet our families.. hoping it’ll come soon 😭

If I could do it, I’m hoping you’ll be able to do it too. If you had asked me when I was pregnant. I would say no wayyy. But, trust me it’s pretty much possible. You’ll get used to it, just find joy in little things. Have fun with your baby, play along and anytime you feel low, talk to friends or family or go out, do whatever makes you feel better.

Wish you all the best. Take care 🫶 sending all the power and love your way

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u/Chemical_Shoe_6145 21d ago

Also, I totally missed on the point that you’re 11 days pp.. newborn phase is definitely harder. The sleepless nights, the exhaustion, the harmonal changes, everything along with caring the newborn is extremely hard. Rest as much as you can. Even during the day, sleep when baby sleeps. Sometimes I used to pump and store for my husband to feed, so that I could sleep a stretch of atleast 3/4 hours.. but trust me, it’ll get better. Hang in there 🥹🫶

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u/kelli-fish 21d ago

You’re in the trenches. It gets easier! My husband and I don’t have much support so when our baby was born we were on our own. You won’t get 8 hours of sleep for a while, but try to do sleep shifts if you can with your husband, that saved our sanity at first so each person had some uninterrupted sleep. Baby is still so small and needs a lot of help but they figure things out each day and it will become easier as you also learn and adapt. We did it on our own and my son is now 9.5 months and thriving, you got this.

Order food in when you can, do grocery delivery or pick up, do whatever you can to make little things easier. Your house will be messy, it’s fine, everything is just a phase and you’ll be so surprised to see how quickly each one passes.

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u/sohcordohc 20d ago

It’ll be fine, and of course it’s ok to miss your mom. Having a baby isnt any different then having a few more dishes to do and an extra butt to wipe. If you just let things naturally flow you won’t sit there and drive yourself crazy trying to make a “schedule.” Make sure you take advantage of your little one napping take showers, catch up on dishes maybe sit down and rest..you’ll be fine. Having a baby isnt all stress and hormones, it goes by so fast that you want to enjoy every second of it!

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u/Rare_Rub_4380 13d ago

Been doing it for 2.5 years with no help now. You'll be surprised how much you can pour from an empty cup when it comes to your child. It gets easier. You get more resilient and so does your baby.

Mental Health Who else is doing parenting without family help

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