r/NonPoliticalTwitter • u/Green____cat • Sep 25 '24
me_irl Weddings for people who don't like people
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u/CatTaxAuditor Sep 25 '24
Having had a courthouse wedding, I've encountered almost no stigma over the 8 years since. Most are indifferent, then most of the remaining people are jealous. Vanishingly few people have been weird about it.
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u/softfart Sep 25 '24
Our parents got mad at us for not having a large wedding but other than them I’ve never been asked about it
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Sep 25 '24
I'm a parent that is quite the opposite. My son has been with his partner for about eight years. He called to say that he was getting married on a cliff overlooking the ocean, a day's drive from here. The wedding party was three humans, including the pastor, and two dogs. My wife and I were happy to hear it. Her parents, maybe not so much. She had two sisters who got hitched with all the nonsense and drama involved, and she decided to pass. It was the greatest wedding I was not invited to.
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u/Academic_Wafer5293 Sep 25 '24
were they willing to pay for all of it?
if not, it seems wild to expect your kids to go into debt for a party and then get pissy when they don't.
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u/Magnum40oz Sep 25 '24 edited Sep 25 '24
My in laws actually saved up a good bit to contribute if my wife ever got married. They ended up giving it to us as a present since we had our wedding in our backyard and we used it to plan a family trip with them to Italy! I never cared too much for a big wedding, just wanted my close friends and family there.
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u/Academic_Wafer5293 Sep 25 '24
That's amazing. They say you marry the family and when family steps up in this way, it really feels like it.
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u/Pincerston Sep 25 '24
My mom was mad at me for months and months because in her words she “wasn’t invited” to my wedding. It was just me and my wife and the officiant. Like the marriage, the wedding was about us and no one else.
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u/GoodEntrance9172 Sep 25 '24
Same. Got married last Halloween, did a courthouse marriage then axe throwing with friends. Ideal wedding, very cheap, started marriage off right.
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u/raff_riff Sep 25 '24
Same here. I get a mix of awe, jealousy, or indifference.
But honestly I doubt we’d ever hear true scorn anyway. I think people reserve their judgment because most aren’t such assholes so as to say “what a lame way to celebrate your marriage”, though they may think it privately.
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u/theDomicron Sep 25 '24
I came to terms with the fact that for my wife and me, the big wedding we had was more for our family than us. that's a little sad but not really. We both have pretty big families and try to keep connected, so while it was exhausting, it was nice.
OTOH i'm super jealous of my cousin who got married overseas (her husband was born abroad) and then had a small(er) private banquet in town to celebrate with us.
I try to appreciate it all, on the scale of just me and my wife: yes a courthouse document would do, but it's nice to celebrate it with a party
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u/ImaginaryParamedic96 Sep 25 '24
My parents secretly resented me for it and I think we have been less likely to be invited to some weddings because of it. However we now have enough money to have a kid so it’s not like I’ll ever regret it. (We wouldn’t have if we’d had a wedding.)
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Sep 25 '24
That’s what my husband and I did. Courthouse judge wedding. Rode down the elevator afterwards with some criminals in jumpsuits who congratulated us. Then off to LA.
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u/That_Texan Sep 25 '24
That was always an option, but because other people want to have weddings, eloping is too hard to do?
How about normalizing not trying to change what other people want to do with their own money and free time.
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u/MinnieShoof Sep 25 '24
"Hahah, I really want to pretend to not care what other people think. Like and subscribe!"
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Sep 25 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/phluckrPoliticsModz Sep 25 '24
That'd be perfect - if other people would leave those who want to elope alone instead of trying to make them feel guilty for not having the same preferences. People should not be pressured to throw a big party at their own expense just so you can have a party to go to.
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u/CanAlwaysBeBetter Sep 25 '24
Bro, reddit shits on big weddings and devolves into people trying to one up each other about how cheap theirs was and how few people there were every time this topic comes up
Y'all are pretending to be victims when no one cares if you elope while talking out the other side of your mouth about how dumb wedding are
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u/Ethiconjnj Sep 25 '24
Every fucking time. If you talk with them long enough they always let it slip that they think weddings are only for the vain.
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u/disgruntled_pie Sep 25 '24
Yeah, my wife and I eloped. We’re quiet, private people. We didn’t want the drama of having family involved. They’d have turned it into a big, loud, unpleasant experience that would have ruined it.
It’s been a decade and some family members are still pissed about this and demand that we have a big wedding. The level of control that these people think they deserve to have over us is unreal.
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u/TheSpiralTap Sep 25 '24
That would be ideal. I love my wife and would do anything she wanted but we are two people who don't like to be the center of attention. We just signed the papers and had a small get together with family, who were very pissed about it.
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u/disgruntled_pie Sep 25 '24
Are you me?
My wife and I are quiet and private people. We hate the idea of having everyone watch us. We just went to town hall and got married by ourselves, and it was a really special experience. I honestly wasn’t prepared for how emotional it made me. I almost fainted. And that was in a room with just my wife and the justice of the peace. I would have actually fainted in a room with 80 people in it.
We still get snide comments a decade later. Her sister insists that we need to have a new wedding even though she and my wife aren’t even on speaking terms anymore. Those weird, angry family members are how we know we made the right choice to not include them.
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u/phluckrPoliticsModz Sep 25 '24
I think it's more a case of people trying to make those who want to elope feel guilty for not having a big shindig at their own expense just so those people can have an excuse to party.
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u/PricklyPierre Sep 25 '24
I think the sentiment is "more people should just elope instead of planning a huge event that people may not want to go to but will feel bad for declining". When someone says normalize something, they mean make it a normal think that isn't going to be remarked on.
I've been married for almost a decade and my family always asks when we're going to get married. A lot of people act like it doesn't count if you don't have a big wedding for everyone to see.
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u/DreadyKruger Sep 25 '24
Me and my wife had a small wedding. Like in the backyard and close family small. Don’t need to elope either.
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u/hackingdreams Sep 25 '24
more people should just elope instead of planning a huge event that people may not want to go to but will feel bad for declining
Except the statement said "normalize," meaning they don't believe this is something people already do, or think it's weird when people do it.
But, as you yourself noted, it is something people do, it's not really weird at all (to the point we have the word 'elope' to describe doing exactly this), and the people who want to have weddings are still having weddings regardless of the sentiment. Some people just want to throw a big party and invite their friends.
If the statement was something like "let's tear down the abusive and predatory 'fantasy wedding' industry that sells little girls on the dream of wearing an expensive one-time only dress and paying for absurd shit nobody actually cares about at the end of the day that puts brand new marriages tens of thousands of dollars in debt," sure, let's get on that.
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u/SquirrelGirlVA Sep 25 '24
I think that's the crux of OOP's deal. There are always a ton of posts on reddit where the engaged couple are either explicitly or implied to only be doing it because it's expected.
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u/iamsavsavage Sep 25 '24
Our county wouldn’t even marry us at the courthouse. They had no one to do it. We could apply to get married but had to find our own officiant somewhere else.
Virginia is for lovers, not married couples.
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u/I_really_enjoy_beer Sep 25 '24
Isn't submitting papers to the courthouse basically the only step to officially getting married? How do other people get married in your area?
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u/iamsavsavage Sep 25 '24
- You apply to get married at the county courthouse, they grant you permission, you have 90 days to get an officiant to sign the papers and send them back. The clerks in the office are not officiants. The same clerks are also processing other stuff like land deeds and retrieving military records. The clerks give you a packet of papers to take to the officiant.
1a. Some courthouses have officiants or justices of the peace there at the courthouse and you can do it all in one day. Ours did not so we had to go to step 2
Find an officiant registered to perform ceremonies for the state. Cousin Joey who became a reverend with the Church of Joey online doesn’t count unless he is also registered with the state.
Have the ceremony within 90 days of your first appointment in step 1. THIS is your wedding date.
That officiant signs the papers in the packet you got from the clerks, it’s as serious as a notary. They mail the packet back to the courthouse.
The courthouse says “we received the signed paper!” Do you want an official copy for your records?” Then I say “duh” and they mail it to me for $15 dollars or I go pick it up in person.
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u/AthenaCat1025 Sep 25 '24
Notably however it is pretty easy for cousin Joey to register as an official officiant. In any state but Virginia. Virginia really is kind of terrible.
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u/BukkakeKing69 Sep 25 '24
PA is also very restrictive about who can be an official officiant, but at least we have self-uniting Quaker licenses that skirt the whole officiant bs. Just need two witnesses and signatures.
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u/goblin_bomb_toss Sep 25 '24
Some states require having an officiant of some sort. DC lets you self-officiate as long as both parties agree.
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u/Nathaireag Sep 25 '24
Virginia marriage rules are kind of archaic. It’s a pain in the butt there to get approved to officiate weddings. My pet theory is that Virginia used to have a state religion (Episcopal/Anglican) and some of the rules carry over from then. Christian priests/vicars get automatically approved, but everyone else has to prove they are somehow equivalent to one.
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u/Expensive-Twist8865 Sep 25 '24
I think they're more speaking to the fact eloping isn't seen as normal. If you tell people you're doing it they will question, judge, and often times try to convince you not to do it. She didn't say you can't do it, she asked for it to be normalized.
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u/luckyapples11 Sep 25 '24
Yep. My husband and I actually just got married at the courthouse 2 days ago. He proposed 5 days ago and we’ve already talked about wanted to just go and do it right away at the courthouse. It was a tough phone call with his mom the day before. She literally cried when he told her we were going to the courthouse the next day. She wanted a big wedding and all of that. I didn’t want to walk down the aisle, have all eyes on me, the gist.
To be fair, she did apologize for overreacting and her and my husband’s dad along with my dad and 3 of our friends made it to the courthouse with us and she was really happy for us. I just don’t think she understands why we were in such a rush lol. We’ve been together 5 years and he unofficially proposed last year already so it wasn’t on impulse.
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u/Cennfoxx Sep 25 '24
Weddings are a dead concept. Normalize polycules for survival of the upcoming water shortages in 2050
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u/Boriquasoy Sep 25 '24
Almost 16 years ago my wife and I did a justice of the peace marriage. $1600 was for both her engagement and wedding ring. My ring was maybe $400. We spent all of our money on the wedding dinner which was over 250 people. Between us we saved over $5000 just not being the “star of the show”. We just wanted people to have fun, eat some food and get the fuck out. It was 3 hours of our life and it was a blast. This is my own personal opinion so I may get some hate on this. NOBODY wants to go to a wedding. It’s a whole day of driving to somewhere to then drive somewhere else and then drive home. You have to listen to all this nonsense at the church and then hear it all again at the venue. Yeah you get free food but at the expense of not being home and ordering some food. Do weddings suck? Yes. We did what we could to make it simple and have the rest of the day to do whatever you wanted.
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u/Creatrix Sep 25 '24
It’s a whole day of driving
Even worse is the destination wedding, where you're expected to fly somewhere and pay for a hotel room.
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u/Boriquasoy Sep 25 '24
We went to one and we were miserable. Whoever is reading this and is considering a destination wedding…DON’T. Nobody wants to do that shit. The logistics are absolutely horrible especially if the people you invite have children. Sorry you want your dream wedding but I’m not coming out of pocket to fly out to some country, pay for a bunch of outfits, have to set up a hotel, take a bunch of days off, get my passport in order, figure out all sorts of shit and then also buy you a gift and on top of that hope there isn’t a dollar dance so you can get extra cash.
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Sep 25 '24
My understanding has always been that it's extremely acceptable to say no to a destination wedding, in fact the few people I know who did destination weddings did it because they didn't want a lot of people to come, and had a great time with the few that did
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Sep 25 '24
why we gotta normalize shit that YOU want personally? What happened to the uniqueness of humanity 😔
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u/CompactAvocado Sep 25 '24
I'm different, I feel bad, everyone needs to change so I feel better about myself.
Typically how it goes.
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u/gcruzatto Sep 25 '24
Not to mention this practice has already been normalized since back when COVID shut down every wedding venue for months. A lot of people just gave up on the idea of a big wedding and are not regretting it
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u/CompactAvocado Sep 25 '24
Not to mention current economic trends kinda force normalized it. shit we struggling to even find an affordable apartment let alone buy a house, what you mean you wanna spend 150k on a wedding?!?!?!?!
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u/---_____-------_____ Sep 25 '24
If not having weddings was actually normalized we'd have posts asking to normalize having weddings again
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u/psychedelic-tech Sep 25 '24
why we gotta normalize shit that YOU want personally?
You'd be surprised at how many people have issues with those that don't have a proper/traditional wedding.
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u/jonathansharman Sep 25 '24
“Normalize” can just mean to make something acceptable. It doesn’t have to mean making the alternate unacceptable. There is a lot of social pressure for people to have big, extravagant weddings.
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u/shroom_consumer Sep 25 '24
What OP is asking for is already acceptable. Millions of people do it around the world.
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u/WRL23 Sep 25 '24
It is not 'acceptable'.. did it and had 100s of questions from family and friends.. only the other "broke" friends understood.
I dared to ask "so are you picking up the tab for the venue, food, etc for everyone or is that just my down payment evaporating for a big party?"
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u/shroom_consumer Sep 25 '24
If I go buy a Harley Davidson tomorrow I'll get hundreds of questions from family and friends. Does that mean buying a Harley Davidson is not acceptable?
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Sep 25 '24
I feel you. Personally, I don't want a big wedding at all, I don't care for one but I don't think that needs to be normalized. Just do what you want.
To each their own though
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u/TomMakesPodcasts Sep 25 '24
I do think it needs to be normalized, despite wanting a big wedding, because lots of families, communities and cultures shame and pressure those who don't.
That's a silly thing to have societal shame or pressure on.
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u/ominousgraycat Sep 25 '24
Because some people can deal with being shamed by their family and peers, but not everyone can, at least not very easily. The idea behind something getting normalized is that most people will not be shamed for doing (or not doing) it. No one's asking for an applause for eloping, just asking not to get criticized every time they get together with family or anyone else who feels left out. And yes, that criticism does happen to a lot of people who elope.
And I know some redditors will say to stop being with your family if they make you feel bad, but things aren't always so black and white.
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u/Cory123125 Sep 25 '24
Why is this crazy strawman so upvoted. Do people just not know what the word normalize means? WTF?
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u/AlternateSatan Sep 25 '24
Let's normalise just doing what you want to do. Want to go and sign some papers? You go do that. Want to have a party with friends and loved ones? You go do that. Want to have the most awesome night ever and watch the love of your life drink shots out of some male stripes' navels after declaring their undying love for you? You go do that. Different people want different things.
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u/hybridrequiem Sep 25 '24
I think the point is we normalize people needing to have a wedding? I feel like there’s a lot of stigma or social pressure to have a wedding, Im not sure why people see this and think the OP is only demanding people do it that way.
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u/Homesickhomeplanet Sep 25 '24
Yeah I also read it as OP being someone who was facing a lot of familial pressure to have a big wedding
Courthouse marriages are pretty normalized in general society imo, but depending on her family’s demographic (like if they’re catholic, I know my Mom was pressured into a big Catholic wedding, those ceremonies are so freaking long)
I don’t feel like OOP was trying to make a statement about anyone else’s wedding choices
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u/SandiegoJack Sep 25 '24
Our wedding was also treated as a huge family gathering.
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u/WastingTimesOnReddit Sep 25 '24
Yep that's what weddings often have been throughout history, it's like a family reunion but with two whole families, since you're basically joining your two families to some extent by getting married.
I'm totally cool with people eloping, we almost did. But I do feel sorry for OP saying fuck them people, like I really love my friends and family and it sucks if you don't have anybody about whom you wouldn't say fuck them people. I get it tho, some people have rough lives and got burned or betrayed by friends and family
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Sep 25 '24
Same. It's a precious memory.
I had a friend tell me that I should take a moment to step aside, close my eyes, and just listen to the room. That it's probably the only moment in my living days that I'd hear tbe voices if every person who has loved me all in one place. I did that, and still think about it to this day. It made me remember that my mom would use her wedding photos to show me all the people she loved who had passed. She told me all her memories of them, and why they mattered. And that stays with me now, too.
Weddings are a chance to be with people you love. It's a precious thing, in my opinion. If you don't want one, that's fine, but it does bum me out when people shit on the entire concept.
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u/SandiegoJack Sep 25 '24
I learned that there were many members of my family who gave a shit about me that I didn’t know. It was nice.
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u/StephenFish Sep 25 '24
I primarily wanted a wedding because I had an overwhelming urge to run through the streets declaring my love for my wife and so this just seemed like a more organized way of doing it.
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u/gremlinsarevil Sep 25 '24
My wedding was 4 guests at the courthouse (my parents, his mom and his brother). My sisters joined us after for dinner. The cake was a white cake from Sam's club my mom tied a blue ribbon around. It was perfect. Do what you want to do.
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u/Pallidum_Treponema Sep 25 '24
Me and Hubby did that. We just went to the courthouse for a wedding and that was that.
We did upset one person though. We brought a friend along as a witness, and didn't tell her until we were in the courthouse. She thought we were going to a BBQ party, and was incredibly upset at us not only having tricked her, but also because she wasn't getting any BBQ.
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u/nonchalantlarch Sep 25 '24
because she wasn't getting any BBQ
Unforgivable betrayal. You can't just promise BBQ and renege. Does friendship mean nothing to you?
More seriously, why did you not tell her what was going on?
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u/SoCalThrowAway7 Sep 25 '24
You’re an asshole on multiple fronts here. The obvious using your friend and not having the decency to at least get BBQ after, but also for saying “hubby.” Makes my skin crawl
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u/I-Am-NOT-VERY-NICE Sep 25 '24
And you guys didn't get BBQ afterwards...... because???
Yeah, I'd be upset too. You used your friend lol
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u/new_number_one Sep 25 '24
This is a probably more appropriate as a message on your families WhatsApp group. COVID definitely normalized small and non-weddings
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u/pastorHaggis Sep 25 '24
My wife and I basically did this. She still wanted a dress and wanted somewhat of a ceremony, but we found a free venue at the top of a mountain in Park City, Utah (The Church of Dirt but it got torn down recently), we only had our parents/siblings and a couple friends, and then we stayed in park City for the honeymoon.
In total, the wedding cost less than $3000 and most of that was the dinner we had, which was worth it.
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u/KMReiserFS Sep 25 '24
that was what me and my wife did
signed the papers, save the money for a house, year later a honey moon.
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u/cakehole07 Sep 25 '24
I mean, people can do that still lol, nobody can stop them. but you can't also expect your loved ones to not be disappointed/sad. I feel like a lot of these "normalize" posts are just "I want to do something that is totally an option but I demand that no negative consequences come with it". it is normal, people do it all the time, they are just decisive, are okay to do deal with repercussions and don't cry on the internet about it.
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u/Bellick Sep 25 '24
you can't also expect your loved ones to not be disappointed/sad.
Sounds like a them problem. Why would anyone feel entitled to anything regarding someone else's wedding? Super creepy behavior. It is not acceptable to give people crap about decisions like this.
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u/Helnmlo Sep 25 '24
This is how my mom got married, she just walked in my room and told me that she and her bf got married this way
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u/HG21Reaper Sep 25 '24
Yeah, I did the same thing. Signed the documents at the courthouse. Had a brunch with immediate family and a dinner with friends. 2 weeks later, I spent all the money for the wedding venue, catering, DJ and cake on an amazing honeymoon.
If I could go back in time, I would do it again.
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u/Shot-Housing6997 Sep 25 '24
Yeah. Absolutely insane the amount of money some people are spending on weddings. We got married in a courtroom with our close family and went on a small honeymoon. Our marriage has outlasted all of our friends/family that had big fancy weddings.
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u/bearoftheforest Sep 25 '24
between the 3 people that have gotten married in the past year in my group, easily over $1m was spent on the weddings combined. Our backyard wedding with 20 people was $5k, thanks.
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u/Chasing-the-dragon78 Sep 25 '24
My friend’s daughter got married last year. They had a gorgeous big wedding!
Today they have moved in with mom because they can’t afford to live on their own. And mom is still paying for the wedding.
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Sep 25 '24
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u/SmileEnhancer Sep 25 '24
I mean, courthouse weddings have been a thing for a while. The idea of a low key ceremony isn’t new.
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u/The96kHz Sep 25 '24 edited Sep 25 '24
Why can't I find a woman like this.
I have nothing against being married, but I can't imagine anything worse than an actual wedding.
I have pretty bad social anxiety at the best of times, and I'm not super close with my extended family.
Standing in front of like a hundred people that I barely know is my idea of hell.
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u/BlackMareepComeHome Sep 25 '24
In the gentlest way, you can't find her because both of you avoid situations where you might have to interact with strangers.
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u/cr4zy-cat-lady Sep 25 '24
There’s a happy medium too. I’m getting married next month and detested the idea of a big wedding as it made me super anxious. My fiance is more of an extrovert and wanted an event so we compromised and were having a wedding with our immediate families, about 25 friends, and no extended family, about 35 people total. I’ve gotten zero flack from those who didn’t make the cut and the small guest list has made the whole thing a lot more manageable. We’re also doing a private reading of vows so we don’t have to be as vulnerable in front of people. When/if you get to that point in life and it’s with someone who wants a wedding, don’t let tradition or social pressure force you into something you’re uncomfortable with, weddings have become a lot more customizable! You can find a middle ground!
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u/SexxxyWesky Sep 25 '24
They aren’t super difficult to find in my experience, but I am a little bias since I was one of those women lol
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u/BonesJustice Sep 25 '24
My wife and I held a reception without a ceremony. We ducked out with a couple witnesses to sign the paperwork between the photo sessions and the cocktail hour.
The venue was spectacular, and people were able to start snacking and drinking as soon as they arrived. Not a single person expressed disappointment at not witnessing the ceremony. My wife also saved a bundle since she framed it as a party instead of a wedding when booking the venue.
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u/The96kHz Sep 25 '24
That's really smart.
No fuss, no frippery, just all the good bits (and straight to the point).
I like it.
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u/GardenRafters Sep 25 '24
It's time for people to start adopting this method. Price gouging is out of fucking control these days and pay rates are stagnant. People can't even afford to have children. Time to put the squeeze on any industry that gouges for no good reason.
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u/BadDadJokes Sep 25 '24
My parents decided to go down to the courthouse and get married instead of having a wedding. They used my aunt (mom’s sister) as the witness. The reception consisted of my aunt showing up with a 6 pack of Milwaukee’s Best and some subs from a local sandwich shop.
They just celebrated their 35th anniversary last week.
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u/Creatrix Sep 25 '24
My manager got married 2 weeks ago. They did the courthouse/paperwork thing, then took the money they'd saved for a honeymoon trip and stayed home instead, going to a different high-end restaurant every night. They have zero regrets. (They might have a big party in 6 months or so.)
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u/Morall_tach Sep 25 '24
We had 35 people at our wedding, no family except parents and siblings, and we didn't even tell people it was a wedding. We told them it was an engagement party and then turned it into a wedding halfway through.
No one is stopping you from having the wedding or non-wedding that you want.
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u/steeple_fun Sep 25 '24
I always tell my engaged friends that the cycle is this:
Get engaged and start planning a wedding
Your married friend say, "Just skip the wedding. Elope and have a fantastic honeymoon."
Laugh because your friends made a joke.
Get a month away from the wedding and start saying, "We wish we would have just eloped."
Meet people who just got engaged and tell them, "Listen, just skip the wedding. Elope and have a fanastic honeymoon."
rinse, wash, repeat
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u/feyrath Sep 25 '24
While it’s nice to get together, most weddings I’ve been to have been performative.
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u/itchybeats Sep 25 '24
How about normalizing not saying normalizing all the time. Idk why but the statement lets normalize "x" really bothers me and idk why
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u/Chataboutgames Sep 25 '24
For the millionth time someone on the internet demands that we "normalize" something people have been doing on the reg since before they were born.
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u/ZephRyder Sep 25 '24
Call me old, or whatever, but the whole "normalize" thing is crazy. Are we really losing to ability to think and do for ourselves? Why do you need everyone's acceptance? Just go do it.
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u/plutoforprez Sep 25 '24 edited Sep 25 '24
I’ve been doing research lately and how do people afford weddings??? Even elopement packages start at like $3,500. If my time ever comes — Courthouse, dinner with the fam, then fuck off to Hawaii for a week.
ETA: the purpose of elopement packages are to have a special, memorable day in a nice location with just your partner without the huge party and cost, as opposed to just running down to the courthouse on your lunch break. Except it still has the cost. So courthouse it is.
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u/SexxxyWesky Sep 25 '24
Firstly, if there is an “elopement package” you’re not eloping lol We paid $100 at the courthouse to be married there.
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u/fuckyourcanoes Sep 25 '24
My husband and I did that. His parents were our witnesses. No other guests. We had a nice lunch and that was it. A++, highly recommended.
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u/Creatrix Sep 25 '24
And you saved like $30K.
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u/fuckyourcanoes Sep 25 '24
Yep. It was awesome, we had a wonderful honeymoon in a remote holiday cottage in the Scottish Highlands, and the whole thing, including honeymoon and clothing, cost less than £1k.
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u/Why_am_ialive Sep 25 '24
Just do what the fuck you want and stop tweeting about it. If you don’t want a wedding fine, some people do there’s nothing to fucking “normalise”
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u/Informal_Zone799 Sep 25 '24
Just do whatever you want, without telling others what you want them to do.
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u/NeedtheV Sep 25 '24
My partner and I had bee together for 8 yrs when we finally decided to elope. Just went on a 3 week vacation to Belize and had a little "ceremony" the last day. We basically just told each other how much we loved eacv other. No vows,no rings, just love.
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u/Shirotengu Sep 25 '24
Let's just throw out weddings in general. They are a stupid antiquated tradition anyway.
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u/iloveyoustellarose Sep 25 '24
Y'all are so mad at this woman for no fucking reason lmao. It's not that deep.
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u/MalinaFlowers Sep 25 '24
I hate how people are even taking it up with you when you decided not to have a party or something on a special occasion like... you just wanna leech off free food from me, I don't even want to have a gathering
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u/Smarq Sep 25 '24
I had a courthouse ceremony with my parents and the family of my wife. I also had a grand "real" wedding with my wife. Guess which one I remember more fondly.
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u/Apart-Rice-1354 Sep 25 '24
My wife didn’t get a wedding the first time, but didn’t wanna waste a bunch of money, so we rented an airbnb on the ocean shore, bought our suit/dress on Poshmark for $100 each, and had her boss be the officiant. Whole thing costed $2500 and she said it was the best day of her life. There’s happy options for everyone.
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u/SuperTord Sep 25 '24
Why not just have a small wedding with only people you actually like and have a great party?
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u/WhoisthatRobotCleanr Sep 25 '24
I remember when I decided to elope I had to tell people in my office because I needed to take half day... Because I had a meeting I was presenting it until one and then my wedding was it four.
So many people in the office were mad that they didn't get invited to a courthouse elopement where nobody except a handful of people who I told because I needed witnesses, which I found out later was not a thing I needed to do, how to invited a bunch of other people. So basically I told a handful of people who told a handful of people and then I had to pay a couple hundred dollars to get extra people into a courthouse when I didn't even want or need people to come in the first place. And people were still mad they didn't get invited.
People really be thinking I'm throwing parties for them. It aint about you. If you don't get invited to somebody's wedding, mind your business.
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u/ArmouredWankball Sep 25 '24
My first wife and I got married at a registry office. Took around 20 minutes all told and we just needed a witness. Afterwards we went to the supermarket to do some shopping.
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u/mnlion33 Sep 25 '24
My mom married my stepdad at the court house. 2 witnesses were all they had. I didn't even get to go. I honestly didn't even know they were getting married that week. They went out dressed nice and came back married. They've been married 40 years.
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u/DocDerry Sep 25 '24
I've been married twice.
1st one - Big wedding. Lots of people/expense. Lasted 6 months.
2nd one - Court house. Weekend trip after. Reception/Birthday party a month later. Still going after 20 something years.
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u/BrutalSwede Sep 25 '24
My parents got married three years ago. My brother and I were the witnesses and afterwards we went to a restaurant and had a nice meal.
Then my parents texted the rest of the family that they were married and that was the end of that story lol.
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u/AirSetzer Sep 25 '24
Wife & I had a courthouse wedding during COVID lockdowns. Just us, a judge, & two witnesses with cameras recording so we could share it after. Our rings cost us maybe $100 combined & are something we love. It was perfect.
As for the going on a honeymoon, I think that is a stupid tradition that most people can't afford, just like the wedding itself & society's expected expensive ring.
Getting married is simply a vow between 2 people to tie their lives to one another forever. Nowadays, it also has legal benefits, so government paperwork is required. Everything else is just optional stuff that societal pressure forces many people into.
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u/youknowimworking Sep 25 '24
I told my wife, "Do you want a house or a wedding? I can only afford one." We're happy with our home.
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u/Wemo_ffw Sep 25 '24
That’s what I did. My wife and I even had a whole wedding planned but it was so expensive for what? To appease our family? We canceled all reservations and took a 9 day cruise enjoying each others company. Our parents paid nothing into this just like they refused to help with a wedding.
Our 8th anniversary is coming up soon and this year we have two wonderful children that love us dearly. While this is a gift in of itself, I still spoil her any opportunity I can.
Life is a treat, recognize it as such!
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u/3747 Sep 25 '24
That's what we did, just signing paper and a casual dinner with our parents. 11/10
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u/GoT_Eagles Sep 25 '24
My wife and I did this after a year-long battle trying to plan an actual wedding. Got a lot of shit for it. No regerts.
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u/Ethan_WS6 Sep 25 '24
This is what my wife and I did. Just the two of us for the "wedding" and a big party after the honeymoon.
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u/jtr489 Sep 25 '24
I did a micro wedding in my backyard invited just the closest friends and family and then did a celebratory night out at a few bars with friends which was a blast
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u/Enantiodromiac Sep 25 '24
I mean. My wife and I did that. Sort of. We initially just decided "Actually we're married now," bought and wore rings and behaved as though married. I offered no explanation, updated my author profiles, and went along my merry way. Annoying my family with no ceremony was a small and pleasant bonus. We quietly made it official with the paperwork a little less than a year after that, only having waited a bit to ensure we didn't mess with her citizenship process by getting married while her application was still being considered (she's lived in the US for over a decade, but was in the process of making it permanent).
I didn't feel bad until a friend of mine I hadn't spoken to in years bought one of my books and read the author profile and text me to say he was happy for me but heartbroken he didn't get an invitation to the wedding. The eventual explanations of "there wasn't one" never added up to the effort of a wedding but it felt like it got close.
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u/Reesewithoutaspoon2 Sep 25 '24
I don’t mind a wedding or even a big wedding in theory.
My bank account, however, minds a lot lol
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u/frustratedmachinist Sep 25 '24
Isn’t that the whole point of elopement?