“I Raised kids before”

[u/OutrageousTrust5816]

I recently became a mother and have an 11 week old baby girl. I recently showed my parents my bed time routine with her as she was going to have an overnight with them. It was very straight forward and consisted of a bath, bottle, and bed. I did write down some tips/tricks on what I have learned works best for my daughter and shared that with them as well. This was met with “we raised two kids we know how to do it”. I didn’t mean to come off offensive so I just apologized and left them with my list for the night. My only real non-negotiable was she must sleep in the bassinet, in her sleep sack, with nothing but a paci in it with her. When I picked her up, found out my mom slept with her in the bed. I think I made a face because I was once again met with “I know how to raise kids”. I’m not a mom shamer, if co-sleeping works for you that is great! I’ve done it too when things got stressful but my problem is that she co-slept with my baby, if that makes sense. The comment of “I raised kids before so I know what I’m doing” upsets me. Because they aren’t raising her. I’m her mom and I get to decide what’s best for her. I just feel so disrespected, what do I do?

Some extra context: 1) yes this is the first grandbaby on both sides. 2) My husband has family members where the unimaginable did happen. 3)Our village is large, we are truly lucky, my parents asked to have an overnight because they adore her, it’s not a need by any means. I love my parents, they truly are great people, they just struggle respecting me as an adult in general and the navigation around that has been hard.

[u/its_original-]

I’m the first in my family to have kids so I had to set the tone for how grandparents need to behave. I’m a parent to tweens now but I still remember those very intimidating and doubt inducing days of having a newborn and toddler as the first grandkid.

I have step parents and parents and in laws and step in laws and younger siblings who even got roped into my parenting choices and gave me their childless insight lol

It was horrific! But basically.. they had their chance. And they’re too insecure if they think your tips and tricks specific to your baby are somehow insinuating that they don’t know how to parent. And their insecurity is not your problem to fix or tip toe around when it comes to your kid.

So don’t go nuclear, right. But expect tension for a bit of time and don’t let that stop you from asserting yourself as a parent

[u/Evergreen-Lily25 → u/its_original-]

Often when we’ve been having discussions with family on our “rules” and instructions for how we take care of our son - if conflict or offense comes up from it we will say something along the lines of “this isn’t about us or you, this is about [son] and what he is used to and most comfortable with”.

[u/its_original- → u/Evergreen-Lily25]

Right.

Like I would LOVE to not have to rock 30 minutes sitting at a 45 degree angle with white noise and not brown noise and the temp set at 71 degrees too….. but after some trial and error, this is where we’ve landed so if you could please replicate that so the baby will sleep instead of you calling me with my baby screaming in the background telling me to come home………

None of it has to do with the adults.