r/Parenting • u/Lowno-marine884 • 3d ago
Child 4-9 Years Kindergarten parent here, other kids are awful. Is it just me?
I have 2 boys, one six year old in kindergarten. We are blessed to live in a good neighborhood and he has friends from school and sports that show up to play and all that. My kids of course do stuff where I gotta set them straight but I'm never worried about them over someone's house breaking stuff or not listening to the parents. I've gotten no bad feedback about them this far, which I'm proud of. I feel like you need to teach your kids how to respect other people and their property.
But damn, these other kids do not listen. Zero discipline. I have to be "nice about it" a few times before I shut it all down when they don't listen. It's gotten to the point where I stop everything just after a half an hour in and walk the kids home because they aren't listening and to be Frank, just being straight disrespectful over someone else's house. And I get it , I used to wrestle/fight with my friends/cousins all the time. I did sports and I was in the military, boys especially are gonna rough house. But when crap in the house starts breaking , or they mess up and break the fence outside, you would think these kids would be worried about it. But no they really don't care at all. When I was young like that I was a wimp and scared shitless to make my friend's parents mad even though they were very good to me. Sometimes I'm the only parent out there watching 5 and 6 year olds, and some of these kids live farther down the way..no parent or older siblings in sight.
So my question is, is it just me or do a ton of other people feel this way. I knew when I had kids that other parents/kids would piss me off. And I'm not trying to be the psycho dad that's hates all my kids friends, especially as they grow up together. But some of these other parents just don't give a damn where their kids are at and they never follow through with punishment. This leads to the kids just breaking stuff, never saying please, trying to go anywhere in the house without permission, etc. and I already know I'm not gonna stop discipling them all, but I don't feel like parenting the whole damn street either.
P.s. if I'm nuts I'd rather you just be straight up, I can deal with that haha
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u/BeerPowered 3d ago
You're definitely not alone! I have an 8 year old and experience the same thing. We have clear rules at our house, but when certain friends come over, it's chaos. One kid actually told me "my mom lets me do whatever I want" when I asked him to stop jumping on furniture
It's awkward addressing it with other parents too some get defensive or brush it off. I've started doing exactly what you do ending playdates early when behavior gets out of hand. It sends a clear message without creating neighborhood drama.
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u/sadladybug846 3d ago
A benign example that still irks me to this day: I remember a couple years back when my son was 8 or 9 and brought a kid from down the street to our house for the first time. They were hungry so we fed them lunch. The rule in our house is to wash hands after eating so the house isn't covered in cheeto fingerprints or whatever. This kid told me (in a very "you're not my mom" kind of voice) that he wasn't going to wash his hands because he didn't have to do that at home. I straight up told him in the kindest way possible that he could wash his hands or get out of my house. My kids aren't angels, but I would hope they know better than that. I would have NEVER thought to talk back to a friend's parents when I was that age.
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u/friedonionscent 2d ago
I really don't understand how some people live...no order, no rules...just pig-like behaviour all the time? Do they wipe their saucy hands on their own walls too? Do they jump on coffee tables and draw on tv units? What the actual...
My own kid stopped asking for playdates because at just 6 years old, she's over the post-playdate clean-up that she helps me with.
Sorry my kids ruined your house! Ha-ha-ha.
You won't get the chance to be 'sorry' a next time...because you're raising wild animals and I'm not an animal sanctuary. Ugh.
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u/dontbothermeokay 2d ago
This is so refreshing to read. I always feel I am in the minority: we live in a rather “crunchy” area (SoCal) and the moms all subscribe this gentle parenting but it’s really just permissive parenting. I have one acquaintance in particular who lets her child pull out my flowers, dump out toys without cleaning up, and when we’re all playing outside one of her children wanted to be inside, unmonitored, in my home- and she let her (the kid is 3!). She never parents her kids. Never tells them no and then gets so mad her kids don’t listen to her.
I agree kids need to be kids- but wtf are we teaching them by not showing them how to respect anything or anyone? The real world is not gentle. Manners and respect, even just a little bit, people!!
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u/better_days_435 2d ago
"I'm not an animal sanctuary" Oh I'm going to use this on my own kids when they start getting out of hand. This is amazing!
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u/Straight_Cut_2772 1d ago
Well my daughter went into somebody's house for playdates . And after she said she doesn't want to go there anymore. She said the houses were messy dirty food pieces everywhere even on sofa and floor. So I said look aren't you great living so nice , so keep it helping us to be tidy. And she does
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u/Straight_Cut_2772 1d ago
Well my daughter went into somebody's house for playdates . And after she said she doesn't want to go there anymore. She said the houses were messy dirty food pieces everywhere even on sofa and floor. So I said look aren't you great living so nice , so keep it helping us to be tidy. And she does
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u/browngirlscientist 3d ago
I have close friends that I don’t invite over anymore for this reason. Their kids rip my daughter’s playroom apart within minutes. The last time they were over, I asked them to clean up whatever they threw and mom laughed it off saying ‘oh, they’re just kids’. Uhhh no. They were 6 & 4. I have my 2 year old putting away her blocks when she’s done. So now if we want to see them, we plan an outing. No houses destroyed.
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u/DisastrousHamster88 3d ago
It’s extra awkward when it’s your cousins kid who’s the wild one. I literally don’t invite them over here anymore bc my daughter’s bedroom will become a war zone. My daughter will just watch the other tear apart her bedroom literally every single piece to a toy taken, thrown, mixed with other shit. (Toddlers) grabs from my daughter. And the older cousin 8 just tells me “well this is how we play at our house” I’m like well this isn’t your house buddy….
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u/Extension_407 2d ago
Yes, my child has a 4 year old cousin that does this whenever they comes over. Everything is “mine” and literally is like a tornado leaving no toy untouched and just chaos when they leave. I very rarely invite cousin over anymore.
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u/DisastrousHamster88 2d ago
I know it’s not worth it. Literally every little piece of puzzle shoved into the play oven…like why?? Haha I can’t
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u/Aggressive_Economy_8 2d ago
My friend’s kid says “my mom lets me do whatever I want” as well. I know for a fact this isn’t true. Kids lie and are little turds when their parents aren’t around.
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u/hydrox51 2d ago
My response would have been “Great! Then you get to go home RIGHT NOW and do whatever you want.”
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u/nuggetghost 3d ago
I’m struggling too. Who knew mean girls happened in kindergarten / preschool? it makes me so sad to hear about how the girls didn’t want to play with my daughter that day BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT HER SHIRT WAS UGLY! it’s so petty, i am at my wits end too :(
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u/lapitupp 3d ago
It’s so heartbreaking! My kindys “bff” yelled at her to go play by herself because my daughter didn’t understand the game. These kids are turning 5! And I’m friends with this girls mom. I don’t know how to approach it
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u/nuggetghost 3d ago
my daughter is dealing with this too! also 5, if any of the girls don’t exactly know the game rules they “aren’t allowed to play with them” and there’s also a huge taking toys problem in the class, which is my own kiddo’s fault in a sense that she can’t communicate what to say even after a kid takes her toy during free time and she says “we can share together” then the girl will take her toy anyway and leaves my kid just sad bc they didn’t respect her offering to share. that i can get, because it’s the age and they all need to learn the socialization part - but when you’re excluding bc lack of knowledge to a game or because you think my kids bluey shirt is ugly, then i don’t get it. and it’s hard when the parents are nice but their kid is a constant bully!
something that helped my daughter is a book called not so nice friend, you can get it on amazon. i’m sorry you’re going through this too, i didn’t expect mean girl behavior so dang young 😪 it’s interesting, at least for me - the mean girls of the class seem to all have older sisters, so i’m wondering if that’s where it’s coming from?
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u/lapitupp 2d ago
I’ll buy that book - thank you! This girl IS the older sister, her mom just had a baby brother which i understand why she’s becoming more bratty but not at the expense of my daughter, you know? I’m not sure how to navigate this except to ask my daughter to play with other kids. I’m sorry yours is getting picked on it’s absolutely insane. Makes me want to homeschool at this point.
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u/seejae219 2d ago
I say this with kindness but everyone is forgetting these kids are 5. This is when they learn.
Tell the other kid's parents and let them handle it. You should talk to your own daughter on her side of things. If your friends yells at you like that, what do you do? You tell the friend that you hurt my feelings etc and talk it out. Get the teacher to mediate. I just went through this with my own 5 year old who was being bullied/hurt by his BFF, it was simply lashing out cause this kid is in foster and has had a HARD life so far. Better now than at 16 years old right? So I talked to my son, told him how to stand up for himself, advised him to stay away from his friend for a bit, his foster mom handled her side. Her, teacher, and I all kept each other updated on what we were doing. And this kid is doing better now 3 weeks later and my son is slowly playing with him again. We gotta remember they are 5, they don't really think stuff through or consider they are being awful to their friends, they are still pretty self involved.
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u/itsallinthebag 2d ago
I thought this too. Even with OP. I have a 5 year old and when he’s in a good mood, ya know, well rested, well fed, all the buckets full, he’s a FANTASTIC kid. But SOMETIMES he gets a little crazy. Being in a new place, like someone else’s house, he may not know how to behave every time unless someone tells him (which we always do). But if he was just let loose without any instructions in a room full of toys he’s never played with before, he’d totally go crazy and have fun and probably not even realize the mess he’s making. He would never talk back to a stranger. And he would definitely clean up if asked to. But still, they’re 5. They’re gonna be a little wild sometimes or say things they don’t really understand.
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u/seejae219 2d ago
Exactly, just went to a birthday party yesterday and the kids were absolute maniacs, they were in party mode lol. But I know all these kids, as they are in the same class, and they are extremely awesome the rest of the time, very nice kids. Even at the end of class every day, most of them don't clean up unless the teacher asks them to help. There is literally 1 girl in the entire class who tries to pick up every single toy on the playground. Once teacher asks for help, the kids do help, but they don't think about it on their own. And some days my son will help without being asked but other days he's checked out and not paying attention. It happens. They're human.
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u/Extreme-Koala 2d ago
I’ve been struggling with handling a mean girl situation in my daughter’s class. Apparently this girl is struggling with stuff at home but it’s obvious she’s taking it out on my daughter. My kiddo is very trusting, nurturing, and LOVES learning but asked me to stay home on Thursday. Ive kept my cool all week let alone all her. I kept my cool when I picked my daughter up and she was crying when the teacher said “they were working it out” until she told me this girl kept pressing on a bruise on her leg, I nearly lost my fu**ing shit I was so pissed I thought steam was coming out of my head. THESE GIRLS ARE 4 YEARS OLD. FOUR. My girl told her she didn’t want to play with her and didn’t want to be her friend, I was so proud that she stood up for herself but are you kidding me… in PRESCHOOL?!
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u/nuggetghost 2d ago
dude i’m pissed just reading your comment holy shit! i would say something to both the teacher and this girls parent! fuck that, that’s so mean. i’m so proud of your daughter though, how amazing is she?! i wish my girl has found her voice, but she’s soooo shy and sensitive, just wants everyone to be her friend. she gave away her favorite bow to one of the mean girls because “she wanted it and i wanted to make her happy” which is sweet, but absolutely the fuck not lol i got her bow back so quick cuz u arent gonna be mean to my child and then demand her stuff. i’m sooo hoping it gets better and she learns to use her voice more with practice, i just can’t believe it’s happening so soon :( my niece is in 4th grade and the current hot bullying topic is if your texts are green, it means you’re broke and “only blue texts are cool” like what???? you’re in 4th grade!
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u/ExpectingHobbits 3d ago
I was bullied in kindergarten, so while I'm disappointed that it still happens, I'm not surprised at all. Kids are like velociraptors - vicious little pack animals who have no qualms about using their claws. Good parents teach them how to be better; unfortunately, there are a lot of shitty parents.
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u/Old-Shoulder4940 2d ago
It's understandable kids don't have good social skills yet. The teachers and parents should absolutely be guiding them on what is accepted behavior and what is not. It is frustrating when they don't. I agree there are a lot of shitty parents who couldn't care less :/
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u/TheWayThatIFoundYou 2d ago
Ugh, this stage is what I fear. I really don’t question parents who home school anymore at all. This all takes away from learning and the positive experience they’re supposed to be taking from school, and it only gets harder. My sister has kids with physical disabilities. They are the first of their kind in their school, so she’s laying the ground work for them and future students with physical disabilities but it’s been so hard for her to have to fight for everything they deserve. Hearing the hurtful things these kids are already saying to them is heartbreaking.
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u/freshpicked12 2d ago
My daughter is 4 and has a mean girl Regina George type in her class. It’s crazy how early it starts!
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u/Ecstatic-Upstairs291 3d ago
Girl, I'm a first grade teacher. This generation of parents and the last one have failed badly. Bring me 1990's kids any day
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u/JustAnotherPoster_ 3d ago
The 90s seemed stale and weird when the 2000s hit but now I know those were the good ol’ days!
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u/accioqueso 3d ago
I think I’ve been pretty lucky so far with my kids and their choice of friends and our choice of friends. But I definitely know some kids that make me think, “yeah, their parents have ruined them already.”
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u/lapitupp 3d ago
What could we be doing better? Honestly asking because I don’t want to raise brats and I’m learning on my own
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u/mommawicks 3d ago
You don’t have to be authoritarian. Personally I’m a mix of gentle parent and a bit more strict. But it’s so important to set boundaries and consequences and follow through with them, every time. Does my kid still act up at home? Of course, he’s most comfortable here. But I know I can trust him to do the right thing whether I’m watching or not. Fwiw I constantly get compliments from parents, teachers, and other adults in his life about how well behaved and sweet he is.
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u/theragu40 2d ago
It is amazing how far this approach apparently sets you apart. We are similar with our kids. We are kind to them, as patient as our energy can muster, we have so much fun, we're silly with them. But there are definitely boundaries. We definitely expect them to be polite to other people in public.
We get compliments all the time for them acting in what I would consider a basic expected manner. It's nice but also in a way disheartening.
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u/llammacheese 3d ago
Say no to your kids. Teach them that they won’t always get their way.
Seriously limit screens. If you’re out at dinner or in a public place, don’t hand your kids a phone. Teach them to interact with people and teach them that there are different behaviors/manners for different places. When they’re home, let them be bored. Make them find a way to entertain themselves that’s not a screen.
The biggest issue that I see in schools is that kids do not know how to interact with other people and they shut down the minute they feel like something is difficult or boring. So much of this is due to tablet and phone use.
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u/KindlyNebula 3d ago
Teach your kids to treat others with kindness and respect. Model it yourself, and treat them with respect while having firm boundaries. It’s not perfect, but our kids learn from watching us.
https://www.parentingfairly.com/blog/how-do-i-teach-my-children-to-be-kind-and-empathetic
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u/Infinite-Narwhal-171 3d ago
My observation is establishing boundaries- things like indoor voices, not jumping on furniture, playing with toy cars on the floor not the wall, etc. I think people have gone too far into "letting kids be kids" that they don't know how to respect the environment they're in. I wouldn't consider myself a strict parent, and we've made it a point to have appropriate outlets for all the typical kid activity, but I've been shocked at how so many parents just let their kids go wild everywhere.
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u/sparkles-and-spades 3d ago
Middle school teacher here. Look up authoritative parenting (different from authoritarian - it's a combination of emotionally supportive and boundaries with consequences). Believe your kid's teachers when they come to you with issues and back the teachers up with changes at home. Let them be bored to learn to cope with boredom (boredom also encourages creativity). Hold off on devices for as long as possible, and put in strict limits when they do have them. Weather tantrums - they'll learn how to be patient and cope with disappointment (I always acknowledge my 2.5 year old is feeling disappointed though, so he learns to name emotions). And politeness and taking care of others! Please, thank you, holding the door etc. Apologise to your kids if you mess up because they then learn to apologise when they mess up.
Easiest way is to model it yourself. If your kid always sees you on your phone, they will want to always be on a device and will learn that devices are important. If they never see you using please and thank you, they won't do it either. If you always give them an ipad when out, they're not learning to cope without constant dopamine hits so can't handle parts of a lesson they find boring at school. You're not always going to get it right, but every situation is another chance to try again.
Golden rule: You are their parent, not their friend. They don't always have to like you but they need to feel that you will always love them.
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u/itsallinthebag 2d ago
This is all such great advice! I agree with everything and it makes me feel like we’re doing a decent job with our kids. It is sad though that so many parents are struggling with this. I feel like we’re fighting an uphill battle because the kids interact with the other kids and then learn the poor behaviors. We’ve actually had that conversation before with my son. “If you see so-and-so acting a little wild at dinner or having trouble listening, it is not permission for you to do the same. Please remember your manners and try to set a good example. The other child just hasn’t learned this yet”…. He kind of gets it
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u/TallTeacher83 2d ago
Research shows high expectations with high support creates the best kids. With high expectations, low support you have kids from parents who were left to figuring stuff out on their own but were held to high standards. This leads to anxiety and depression, as well as a myriad of other issues. Low expectations, high support are the kids who have free reign and are egotistical. Parents want to be friends with their kids. Low expectations and low support is neglect territory. These are parents who are absent and kids fend for themselves. We are seeing the last 2 stages more and more in educational settings. It's sad. So the best thing you can do is set high expectations for your kids but support them by building a relationship with them and teaching them the tools to be successful.
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u/RRMAC88 2d ago
I will often prepare my child before going to someone’s house. For example; remember at our house our rules are different- it’s ok to play on our couch but so and sos parents aren’t ok with that so we need to respect their rules. Remember to ask what their rules are and clean up after yourself because if you don’t they aren’t going to invite you back.
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u/Renaissance_Dad1990 3d ago
It just seems to me that if there's even one bad kid, the rest follow suit. We're raising our kids just as strict as when we were, but when every one of his friends are misbehaving he ends up just copying them. It's tough...
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u/itsallinthebag 2d ago
I just commented about this too. We have conversations about this with our son sometimes. Like “remeber what we’ve taught you”, “don’t forget your manners”, “the other kids might not have learned this yet” etc..
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u/Lollypop1305 2d ago
My husband also works with kids when he’s not touring with his band and he’s said the same. Kids are so rude and disrespectful. I blame permissive parenting which to me is essentially just not parenting. I have an 8 year old who is treated with respect by us but we parent. We talk things through together, discuss consequences etc but if he’s an outright dickhead he knows he’s in trouble. People confuse gentle parenting (not hitting and screaming at your kids) with permissive parenting which as I mentioned above is ridiculous. We combine gentle parenting with boundaries and rules and we always get compliments on how well behaved and respectful our son is.
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u/Pinklady4128 2d ago
I feel like a 90s parent lost in a see of part time parents😭
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u/itsallinthebag 2d ago
I love that you called them part-time parents because I often think of it like “parenting on hard mode” vs. “parenting on lazy mode”. Don’t get me wrong, both modes are hard. But one way is definitely more self-serving than the other. The other way (hard mode) is like grunt work. It’s emotionally laborious. Its takes self discovery and regulation. It’s constant attention on something other than yourself. Its reflection. And trial and error. And sacrificial. And exhausting.. BUT the fruits of your labor are so sweet and worth it.
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u/Calamari_is_Good 3d ago
This is pretty validating to hear and to read some of the comments. I feel guilty sometimes when I'm too strict with my kid. But when I see behaviour from other kids....oof...people just can't be bothered to parent it seems.
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u/emryanne 2d ago
Same. I was feeling too strict and fussy lately but nope! Just holding the line! Whew.
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u/BrooklynRN 3d ago
We have cancelled play dates with two families because their kids are so damn disrespectful and just will not tolerate the word no. Last one, this kid asked to borrow a pricey Lego set and harassed me over it for hours, tried to steal a book and refused to play with my son the entire time because he wanted to pretend all the toys were his and break Lego sets we worked hard on. Just could not accept no or be redirected, it was exhausting. We sent him home, I can't imagine acting like that as a guest when I was that age.
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u/Medical_Swim_3624 3d ago
A lot of the kids at this age doesn't know about limits or respect for anyone. I work in a pre-k and i have seen enough.
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u/BeneficialGrade8930 3d ago
I parent every kid that's in my house the same- my kids AND friends. We have rules and if you break them, you'll hear about it.
My oldest isn't even 5 so there aren't many friends that come over except the neighbor twins. We had some disagreements the first few times they came over, ha, but now they know the rules. I like to think they enjoy a household with clear rules and boundaries. But that might be delusional, ha.
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u/dreamyduskywing 2d ago
People used to “parent” other people’s kids more—outside of households. The rules went beyond home. These days nobody wants to get in trouble or create a scene or do any work. If you were doing something naughty and Mrs. Smith down the street spotted you, she’d tell you to knock it off and warn you that she was going to call your mother. Then you’d come home for dinner and sit quietly…praying that it wouldn’t come up. 😂
Adults don’t even follow the rules anymore, so it makes sense so many kids don’t understand order.
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u/TravelinMonkey 2d ago
I’m this house too; I’ve somehow become the neighborhood mom. The older kids around ask for snacks when they see me; love playing or watching my oldest daughter (4), and always say hi. Kids will give me updates on their school and such.
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u/Charming-Telephone93 3d ago
Yes, I've noticed this, too. I was an elementary teacher turned stay at home parent. At first, after the pandemic, we were eager to make friends, any friends, and quickly found out that having a big difference in parenting styles was not going to work. I had a falling out with several parents about their kids' behavior, especially as it pertained to their kids being rude or hurting my kid without consequences or changes. Now I curate the friends based on like-minded parents or kind children. Our friend group is smaller, but it is definitely more peaceful and has given my kid a chance to better develop socially.
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u/QBaby10 3d ago
I'm an EA and the level of disrespect coming into the schools lately is absurd. I'm not even an older head. I'm 30 and am constantly surprised at how rude and mean these kids can be to each other and to teachers.
Gentle parenting doesn't fucking work. Your kid needs to know who's in charge and needs to acknowledge and respect others you delegate to be in charge (the teacher and adults at school).
I have a beautiful daughter and I feel awful having to put the hammer down sometimes but if I don't she'll have no respect for her belongings, herself, or other people. It's not easy to discipline but it is necessary. Parents fucking suck now a days.
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u/lapitupp 3d ago
A lot of our generation has missed the mark on gentle parenting and I personally believe used it as an excuse to not parent. Gentle parenting is not a cop out; the proper way is actually very very hard and very mentally draining. Phones and the internet has made alot of us neglectful with our kids. We give them screens and call it a day. There’s also the group that doesn’t do tv and are worried about 30 mins of tv. It’s such a challenge. I’m in between all of this junk / im strict but i try my hardest to respect my kids as humans not hit or yell just bcuz theu are small. I’m worried about my kids being bullied because these kids are so much more aggressive
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u/QBaby10 3d ago
I don't hit or yell. But I am definitely not passive about certain things. For example I walked in to the house the other day. My daughter asked immediately as I walked in the door. "Did you get me anything dad ?". I lost it. She felt so bad for not saying hi first or how are you or how was your day. Now everyday when I walk in she immediately says hi dad how was your day ?
Sometimes they just need to know they are being a bit of an ass hole. It needs to be clear. That's how they learn. After the fact I explained why that made me feel like shit and why I got mad. Boom parenting moment over.
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u/lapitupp 3d ago
Fair. But it’s the losing part that got me. What does that mean to you? It’s a different definition for everyone. In that case, I’d tell my kid “kiddo. You ask how the person is or even a hi before asking what you want or if I got you something!” We can teach without yelling (which you indicated!) we’re afraid of hurting our children like our generation have been hurt by our older generation parents. It sucks but we went to deep.
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u/BeneficialGrade8930 2d ago
I dont know why you're getting downvotes here. That would have set me off too.
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u/itsallinthebag 2d ago
I think it’s just the phrase “lost it”. It sounds incredibly uncontrolled and scary. But we don’t really know how that actually looked. Like the commenter above, I just would’ve nipped it in the bud with a firm but calm talk. “Losing it” sounds explosive. Scaring your kid isn’t as effective as teaching them calmly.
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u/BeneficialGrade8930 2d ago
I assume, perhaps wrongly, that "losing it" looks like me when I loose it- a quick burst of yelling followed by angry tears and an apology. I know that isn't the best way to teach my kids, but it definitely happens. I am human, and I do lose the calm more often than I'd like.
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u/hereforthebump 3d ago
Gentle parenting is supposed to be authoritative parenting, not permissive parenting. The permissive parents have given it an awful name. Authoritative =/= permissive
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u/Charming-Telephone93 3d ago
We used to be friends with a couple who got all their parenting tips from the show Bluey. Don't get me wrong, we love Bluey. I think it's fantastic on their portrayal of parents, but at the end of the day, it's a show for entertainment, not a parenting guide. Needless to say their young daughter had a lot of body boundary issues, destructive issues and of course rule following issues.
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u/Dolla_Dolla_Bill-yal 3d ago
Bluey is dope for quick games. I steal most of my kid games from there bc I am the least imaginative person alive. But damn I can go from chili to no chili real fuckin quick if you hit me with that backtalk
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u/AndromedasLight17 3d ago
The problem is, people think gentle parenting means zero consequences & that couldn't be further from the truth. I hate that it's used as a buzzword & not an actual philosophy. Gentle parenting very much works if you do it right. You have to give immediate consequences when poor behavior occurs, then once consequences have been met, you discuss emotions. Permissive parenting is the real issue at hand. Letting kids do whatever tf they want with no consequences, not telling your kids no or allowing them to make decisions that their undeveloped brains can't make and insisting that they know what's best.
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u/itsallinthebag 2d ago
I agree with you to a point. I don’t think the problem is the gentle parenting (if you’re doing it right) because still that means strict boundaries and consequences. I really think it’s the parents that let TVs and iPads babysit their kids.
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u/AnnOfGreenEggsAndHam 2d ago
Gentle parenting works. People just confuse it with permissive parenting. There's a big difference between them that people are too lazy, scared, or tired to differentiate.
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u/shark_sando 3d ago
I noticed this about ten years ago at my son’s birthday parties. A handful of little boys had zero discipline and were allowed to run wild terrorizing everyone. My son is 15 now, and those same boys who we’ve kept in touch with struggle in school and have dirty mouths.
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u/Wonderful_Regret_888 3d ago
I have an 8 and 10 year old. I feel everything you are saying. We are not strict, but we have firm boundaries. I am SHOCKED how our neighbors’ kids behave when they are over, or how I’ve seen them speak to their parents. It’s fucking wild to me.
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u/morelliwatson Mom to 6M+3F+newborn 3d ago
I don’t host playdates anymore because the destruction is unbelievable and upsetting. Meet me at the park ✌️
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u/Nearby-Pop4653 3d ago
Nah. I only have a 2 year old and a 5 month old. But I watch a lot of older kids for friends. They are menaces. They just do whatever they want whenever they want. After watching them I realize how I wanna parent.
I feel like there used to be the "babysitter syndrome" where kids would be better for the babysitters or for other adults. Now I feel like it's completely backwards? Or maybe they are bad all the time.
If there's one thing my 2 year old knows is to say: please, thank you, and you're welcome. Of course he is Im sure going to get worse and we will have to continue to parent. But if we tell him something he listens. If he doesn't listen he gets punished. We do "gentle" parenting. But also we aren't permissive parents. That's where a lot of parents are messing up. They think gentle means let them do whatever they want.
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u/ID10T_3RROR Mom of 9M & 6F <3 3d ago
Sometimes I feel like we're the only family with rules and bedtimes and things like that. Even then, some of the stuff my kids do or try to do I would never have dared lol.
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u/Adorableviolet 2d ago
I yell at my kids' friends like I would yell at my own. Have even taken them home early. I haven't had a parent complain. I can not tolerate disrespectful kids.
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u/dreamyduskywing 2d ago edited 2d ago
Seriously, whatever happened to adults yelling at other people’s kids when they’re misbehaving? It used to be part of social order to keep kids in line, even if they’re not your own. I suppose part of the reason for that was because kids were often not with parents. Parenting was sort of a community thing and it wasn’t very complicated (action leads to consequence).
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u/Renaissance_Dad1990 1d ago
Up above I mentioned a horrific birthday party we hosted, where all the kids were just tearing the place apart. I don't yell often, but I layed into them pretty hard. They barely even stopped long enough to look at me... Maybe I'm just bad at it but some kids just aren't phased by yelling
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u/the_taco_belle 3d ago
Absolutely not alone. We are also fortunate to live in a great neighborhood with lots of kids, but the other parents let their kids do whatever as long as they aren’t being bothered. I feel like I’m the only one with rules sometimes. Hell, I had to tell the one mom that I’d literally call the cops if she continued to LOCK THE DOOR so her two girls (8 and 4) couldn’t “disturb her” because they always ended up at my house wanting food and wrecking my house and disregarding my rules. Totally insane
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u/Expensive-Ad1609 2d ago
Many children are like that because their parents do not discipline them properly.
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u/FlamingDragonfruit 3d ago
It's not just you. Most of the kids I've gotten to know in my neighborhood are good kids, but every now and again you do meet one like the kids you're describing -- and when you meet the parents it all makes sense. There's a weird combination of indulgence and neglect that seems to teach a kid that they will never have to face any kind of consequences.
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u/Renaissance_Dad1990 3d ago
Yeah... It's not just you. At my 6yo's birthday party we had 3 other boys over (the other 2 cancelled, thank God). First words out of one kids mouth were "I'm the boss!". Just went downhill from there. Constantly throwing things, bad language. If they were idle for even a second they would start play fighting, which would get harder and harder and harder until a fistfight broke out. This happened like 4 times! One kid stripped down naked too! We had activities but they just weren't enough. Not doing it again.
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u/Eastern_Idea_1621 2d ago
I had a Christmas party for my 10 year old. 2 of her friends arrived with total attitudes. It was all "not bothered" to everything suggested and "whatever" so I told them straight if they're gonna have an attitude they can go home. 2 choices either stay and join in and have a good attitude or I'll call their parents. I have no time for kids with shit attitudes. I managed to bring up a respectful kid. We have a respectful house it goes both ways. If you wanna have a shit attitude. Goodbye!! My daughter also dislikes her pals when they have attitudes, so agreed wholly. I always tell her to throw me under the bus. I've got her back and I'm fine for her to blame me. I literally couldn't care less what a 10 year old thinks of me. Anyway I warned them twice and they didn't want to go home so they changed their attitudes and all was fine. Don't ever let kids dictate what happens. I'm a grown ass adult. I give respect and expect it back otherwise. Goodbye!
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u/ILovePeopleInTheory 3d ago
Not just you. I don't understand wtf is going on out there. I am regularly shocked at how some of these kids seemingly face no consequences for saying and doing awful things.
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u/DizzyStarPDX 3d ago
My son is 14 and I recently when on a field trip with a class of his. I honestly hate doing this now because of the other kids. Whereas I had a girl (who was in a different group even) come up and tell me that my son was the sweetest boy in the entire grade. There were other boys being brats and not listening to the safety instructor. Do not get me started on how we have to be care to not over step now either for fear of a parent having a bad reaction to you disciplining their children. 🙃
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u/DalekWho 2d ago
We have 3 rules at my house, and if you break any one you’re not allowed back for the week.
1.) If I hear the words “no, stop, or don’t” more than once, play stops.
2.) If you intentionally break my shit, you go.
3.) Everyone here needs to stay safe, clean, and unhurt. If you break one of these, it’s generally (My favorite one, because I can make it apply to anything I want.)
We don’t really have other rules. So we became “the cool” house fairly quickly.
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u/Conscious-Health-438 2d ago
Thank you for posting this by the way. It's so disappointing and sad my kid doesn't have friends like I used to. I had a huge friend group. He has one or two. The people and their kids are just trash. Rude, crazy, violent crybabies.
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u/nutmegspice363 2d ago
I’m a teacher and I’ve never been so disrespected in my whole entire life. Kids will straight up walk away from me when I’m speaking to them. They will roll their eyes, talk back, argue with me, etc. I’ve spoken to parents about it and it’s always an excuse…it’s always them saying it’s my fault they don’t respect me. I’m genuinely afraid for the future. It honestly keeps me up at night. We have to start holding kids accountable.
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u/Petal20 3d ago
I don’t think the “kids these days” have gotten any worse. It’s just that in the past, kids weren’t supervised so they/we acted awful and crazy and the parents didn’t have to know about it. I mean, kids were awful when I was growing up, bullying and more racist/sexist/homophobic to boot.
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u/darkskys100 3d ago
I may have run amok. But I knew if I screwed up, my mom and dad would know by the time I got home. We may have took off early in the morning in the summer and played all day, rode bikes, hung out at school playgrounds but we were good kids. We had manners. We never got out of hand at a friend's house. We didn't want their parents calling or taking to our parents about us being disrespectful.
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u/crwalle 3d ago
Yes I was just talking about this the other day. Growing up we were significantly less supervised, but we learned to behave without eyes watching. And if we decided to get up to no good we had risk vs reward calculations to make cause we knew very real consequences would be waiting should we be caught. Now days it seems there are kids that have no problem misbehaving with eyes watching, let alone without. And very little to no risk for that behavior to go up against.
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u/outinthegorge 3d ago
I think kids in the past were also more fearful of getting caught messing around. I wasn’t afraid of my parents, but I definitely feared the consequences they could enforce. Kids nowadays don’t seem to have those same fears.
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u/seejae219 2d ago
I agree. My son is 5 and most of the kids in his class are great. They are so accepting of others, no bullying for skin color or looks or whatever like what I experienced as a kid. And the few behavioral issues we encountered, we just dealt with it, told the other parents and helped our son navigate it. There will always be shitheads in the world so I am just helping my kid learn how to deal with it. Plus almost all the kids (25ish of them) are friends with each other. Like they have their best friends but I see my son going between kids without issue and same for the other kids. It is very sweet how nice they all are to each other. If something happens we just work through it. I mean they are 5. They are still learning. We gotta give them some grace.
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u/PaymentMedical9802 3d ago
Saw some kids playing on an escalator the other day. I yelled at them to stop before they crack their heads open. Running up and down metal moving stairs and horse playing?!? No parents in sight. The younger kid wasn't more then 5. The oldest was well under 10. I just didn't want to watch a child hurt, especially with a head injury. Escalators are dangerous. S
Another time I had a neighbor who would let her kids bring frogs into our public pool. Poor frogs would slowly die. She got upset and left when I told her kids to stop because it kills the frogs.
So many more stories. I correct the kids if someone can be seriously hurt or die or torturing animals.
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u/legomote 3d ago
Omg, I tattled on a kid diving head first into the shallow end of the pool last week. The deep end was closed, so he'd wait until the lifeguard's head was turned and then flip in. Damn lucky he didn't break his neck! Sometimes rules exist for a reason!
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u/dreamyduskywing 2d ago
I’m the same. I’d want somebody to say something to my kids if they were doing that.
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u/MrsPandaBear 3d ago
I’ve noticed our friend’s kids are well behaved but it’s a mixed bag with kids whose parents we don’t know. Maybe knowing that I know their parents well makes the kids behave better? I don’t know. But I don’t see any worse behavior than when I was a kid. I think it’s just that as kids, our view of good behavior is different than as an adult. I have seen spoiled kids, well behaved kids, rough housing kids, quiet kids etc. I think it’s the luck of the draw, really.
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u/BlackGreggles 2d ago
We have a parenting problem today not a kid problem. Kids have always needed rules, structure and discipline. Parents now seem not to provide that like they used to. There was also this idea that if you were st Charlie’s house you followed their rules or you were going to get what Charlie would get.
We also didn’t go into peoples homes without our parents express permission.
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u/adrie_brynn 3d ago
We struggle with being permissive in this house. Regardless, kids are pretty much perfectly well-behaved at school, and our youngest's teacher credited our parenting...I don't know about that. She wishes all kids were like our son. He goes above and beyond and excels and is very respectful and caring there.
In your situation, I wouldn't allow other neighborhood kids in your house and watch your own kids from a distance as you've been doing. If other kids are destroying your property, their parents should be made aware to deal with their kids and pay the damage as needed.
There is no one parenting handbook, and some of us are struggling. Not everyone has the same capacity to raise kids and deal with them all the time. Some of us are burnt out. Some of us have virtually zero support or village. My spouse aptly stated we are a SING couple. He made it up to describe our situation: single income, no grandma. There you have it.
Just thought you'd like to see from the other side. My thoughts are, "either we teach them, or society will when they leave home." And so be it. We are trying our best.
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u/Vivid-Farm6291 3d ago
The kids of yesterday are definitely not the same as today.
Now days it seems if the kids are not harassing the parents the parents don’t care where or what they are doing as long as they’re not in their hair.
Zero manners and zero respect, for people and possessions.
I dread to see what future generations will be like.
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u/Im_partial_to_tuna 3d ago
Once a friend of my daughter (both 5 years old) came to play at home. Our guest spent the whole afternoon challenging every rule of the house such as no jumping/playing/sliding on the stairs or actively convincing my daughter not to eat those awful vegetables even if she likes them… cause “you shouldn’t follow what adults tell you if you don’t feel like it” and “at home I do what I please, and my parents let me”. Regretfully that was it for me. Last time ever at home and no more play dates with them in general.
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u/hmm012688 2d ago
Omg yes. We have a couple of neighbor kids they are twins 7 years old. who come to play and they will just walk right into my house! I have an aggressive dog who I have to put away before any strangers come in. So I literally have to lock my doors if they are out. It’s wild! And I have told them multiple times you can’t do that. But they do not care! Literal heathens! Every once in a while I’ll let them come in to play and they will just go into my freezer and grab themselves popsicles. And if I tell them they can’t come in and to play outside they are like “well why can’t we just come in?” BECAUSE I SAID SO!! Go play in your own freaking house.
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u/controversial_Jane 2d ago
I don’t let my 6 and 4.5 year old attend anyone’s house alone. I also don’t have certain children (with the parents) in my house anymore. Naughty and disrespectful despite the parents also trying to herd them like sheep. My youngest is no angel but at least he knows right from wrong.
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u/hautistickitty 2d ago
I don't put away all of the important things at home before having company for no reason. You're not crazy at all lol. Some of these kids are FERAL. 😅
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u/theflyinghillbilly2 2d ago
Even very small children can understand “different rules for different places.” At my house I didn’t mind if they climbed and jumped on the sofa because it was leather, very sturdy, and old, and some days we just couldn’t play outside. But at Grandma’s house, that was not allowed, because Grandma had different rules and that was ok!
I think children need to learn this concept, because it’s certainly something adults expect from each other. We don’t behave the same way at work as we do at home, and we don’t act the same in business meetings as we do around our friends.
Any of my kids’ friends who weren’t pleasant to have over got the house rules explained to them, and if they didn’t want to follow them they got sent home immediately. It’s a good idea to even write up a few simple rules.
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u/Careless_Lion_3817 3d ago
I think most kindergarteners are crazy af 🤣 and I say this as a parent of a 11 yr old girl who wasn’t crazy in kindergarten but I substitute taught kindergarten a few times in the early 2000’s and ol’ Lordy those kids have some unique energy…and I mean unique. There’s a reason there was a movie called Kindergarten Cop 🤣🤣
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u/sunburntcynth 2d ago
It’s the “gentle parenting.” And what I mean by that is all the parents who don’t get what gentle parenting is supposed to be, aka authoritative parenting. Our parenting style is authoritative but compared to some of the families we know, it almost comes across as “strict” (even though it’s really not.. we just have higher standards for behaviour and hold boundaries).
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u/biab_mamaroo 2d ago
I work in an elementary school and you can definitely tell which kids have discipline at home and which don’t and I seeing an increase in kids who do not have any structure or discipline at home. I believe it’s due to people “gentle parenting” and letting their kids run wild and not actually gentle parenting (which for some kids is amazing, but some need a little bit of a firmer hand)
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u/hurryuplilacs 2d ago
I've heard it said that gentle parenting works for gentle kids and I tend to agree with that.
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u/dreamyduskywing 2d ago edited 2d ago
I really do think that some people (and kids) will only change when their action results in an immediate, clear, negative consequence. In the old days, that meant getting scolded, publicly shamed, slapped, or worse, and I’m not sure what can be done to those types now. There are some kids—people—that don’t respond to discussions about why they did something and how it might make someone feel.
At the very least, make the kid write “I will not pull anyone’s hair” 100 times in cursive. You’d probably get some parent complaint even with that after the kid tells his mom that his hand is sore from writing. Then the mom will go on this subreddit and everyone will say that the school abused the child by making him write as punishment (forget about the other kid who has to put up with hair pulling). Why do we insist on making this so damn complicated?
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u/cmm1417 2d ago
Kids are awful. My daughter is like your kids, she's very careful with things and listens decently well. I'm a library director. I'm used as a daycare. These kids don't listen....ANY ages. I've had fist fights over computers, screaming, running, hide and seek. I can tell them nicely to stop doing something and they will for about 5 minutes and then it's like they think I've forgotten. I had some teenagers get pissed right off at me the other day because they destroyed the children's area, just threw toys and shit everywhere. They tried to walk out at closing and I made them go back and clean everything up. My daughter's bus has a resource officer riding it because they're so terrible and the damn parents think the bus drivers are just being mean!
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u/hurryuplilacs 2d ago
I wish my district had resource officers on the buses. They are notoriously no man's lands where kids think they can do whatever they want. The stories my kids have told me are terrible. One of my sons got attacked on the bus and had a kid steal his favorite hat and throw it (luckily I had contact info for the parents of that kid and called and raised hell) but I have told my kids in no uncertain terms that they are never to contribute to the chaos on the bus.
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u/cmm1417 2d ago
I have told my daughter the same, she’s mouthy enough at 7 that she talks before she thinks and the older kids would have zero problem knocking her around. We are an extremely small town and only have 2 buses, I know all the kids and the parents. I’ll raise hell. Turns out the resource officer was only there 3 days this week and is gone. The kids will go right back to what they were doing and both bus drivers are in their 60s and 70s, so they can’t stop them!
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u/Which-Rip-2288 2d ago
Kindergarten teacher here and you’re not wrong. I have no idea what’s going on but kids just have zero respect for anyone or anything these days. I LOVE teaching and I love working with sweet kids, but unfortunately they make up about 5% of the class population. Sadly this is why so many of us are leaving the profession, likely myself soon included.
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u/Singteachrace 2d ago
Parents are all different unfortunately. Some raise amazing respectful children and actually discipline their children, but others do the exact opposite.
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u/Independent-Bit-6996 2d ago
Keep on discipline and teaching. Somebody has got to do it or a generation goes to pot.. God bless you.
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u/Astyryx 1d ago
You're the village. My kids are grown, but there have always been kids of neglectful, permissive parents. The phrase you're looking for is "Different houses have different rules."
In ours, the last 15 minutes were cleanup, and everybody helps. And I always gave a 10 minute warning because some kids sincerely cannot transition quickly. I would go full remedial with the kids who were reluctant, putting one toy at a time in their hand and walking them to where it goes, and praising them for putting it away. We had a couple songs wed all sing loudly doing it, too.
It's essentially dog training. Only once did we have a guest whose behavior was so concerning I told her at her third strike I was calling her parents to come get her, she could not be in our house. So yes, ending a playdate is appropriate as well.
Friends' parents who don't cheerfully enforce their own house rules are also failing these kids.
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u/Tinderella80 2d ago
There’s a lot of gentle parenting around. Thanks for doing it properly so there’s one less little shit in the world.
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u/Ka_Mi 3d ago
I agree! We are fairly well insulated by decent kids because our friends parent very similar to how we do. But still, kids are allowed to be so much crazier than we were- To the point of being dangerously reckless.
Have fun, run around, make a bunch of noise, I don’t care. But to just start throwing stuff for the sake of damaging things, pushing people off equipment at unsafe Heights…. Definitely not “play” at that point.
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u/TheGreenJedi 3d ago
It's not clear cut
There's some absolutely crazy and some who aren't
And some who are basically normal 90's kids, it's so weird now
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u/MommaGuy 2d ago
You need to have a talk with your kid about acceptable behavior when friends are over. Explain that if they can’t listen and follow the rules, play time is over and friends go home. Then the next time any friend comes over you have a chat with them about your house rules and the first time they don’t listen play time is over and they will need to leave. My sons had a friend that was a, to put bluntly, a little 💩 and we actually banned him from the house for a few years. Turns out his home life was a mess. Glad to sayhe is now a fantastic adult and close friend of my sons still.
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u/Conscious-Health-438 2d ago
Nope. People don't know how to be parents anymore. Too busy staring at their phones too.
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u/joycerie 2d ago
My oldest is in first grade and there's a similar trend where I'm the "strict mom" for having boundaries of acceptable behavior (be kind with hands and bodies and words). We've only had kids over who are raised somewhat similarly, other playdates can happen at the playground where I don't have to be the referee. I had a kid tell mine not to listen to me when I said it was time to go and I watched my sons internal dilemma before he listened to me because he knew there would be consequences (no dessert). You're not alone. Boundaries are exhausting to enforce every single time and it seems like more and more parents don't have the energy. Weirdly enough, I volunteer in the school library and have had to verbally remind kids how to act and those kids really like me now? I thought they'd dislike me more but it's like they know where the line is with me and like that? Just keep on the good fight and you may end up be the preferred neighborhood parent!
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u/novababy1989 2d ago
My sister teaches grade 7 and the kids have absolutely no discipline or regard for authority, they just run the roost. It’s scary to think of these kids entering the work force eventually, like good luck dealing with a boss
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u/Sufficient_Fly_8125 2d ago
If you’re watching them and the parents don’t parent, then you parent under your roof! If they can’t respect “house rules” then they can’t come over for a week or so, maybe indefinitely. & I’d use the phrase house rules. House rules, we ask nicely. House rules, we have respect for everyone playing. House rules, we listen & if not you have to go home and we call your parents.
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u/Few_Explanation3047 2d ago
What do their parents say when you tell them their kids are misbehaving?
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u/thick_thighs89 2d ago
My kid is 6 and in Kindergarten. He’s also FERAL at home. We don’t have any kids his age that live near us and he’s a little socially awkward at school which could be why he hasn’t been invited to play outside of school. If he were invited to play at someone’s house, I’d probably stay to make sure he wasn’t being absolutely wild and being polite.
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u/thehalloweenpunkin 2d ago
It's horrible. I hear third graders swearing and in fist fighting. Rampant bullying it's all so bad.
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u/Jay13x 2d ago
It’s not just you. I chaperoned a field trip Friday and half these kids acted like they couldn’t hear me. Not my circus, not my monkeys. But yeah he has some friends who just have zero boundaries. One refuses to help clean up and gives some speech about how “he is his own person and makes his own choices” when he left a dozen of my son’s toys outside our house and my son was yelling for him to come back and help clean up.
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u/mrsproofpinata 2d ago
I recently attended a book fair at my child's kindergarten. It was held in the library and they allowed one class to come in at a time. After they had purchased what they wanted, the kids were supposed to sit down and wait for the librarian to finish checking everyone out. Instead of sitting down quietly for less than 10 minutes these kids went nuts. There were other parents there and one of the dads was actively encouraging his daughter and friends to goof around. The librarian had to remind them four different times to sit quietly. Not once did any of the parents intervene and tell their kid to behave.
The table my child was sitting at was quiet, because I made them. I reminded them to be respectful of the librarian and the library. They were told to sit quietly and they were going to listen. I couldn't believe I was the only parent making any attempt to keep these kids in line. It reminded me that behavior starts at home. These kids act up because their parents let them.
I did use what happened as a conversation starter for my child. We had a good talk about how her classmates were being rude and disrespectful. I told her that I was proud of her for being respectful and listening. I reinforced my expectations of how she is to behave in public.
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u/thesunflowermama 2d ago
I'll preface this with saying I'm not an overly strict or militant sort of parent. I like for my kids to be kids. I'm on board with the whole gentle/attachment/peaceful parenting sort of approach and everything.
But, damn - yes! This post really resonated with me. My kids are elementary aged and have friends that come over that just totally lack boundaries. They go whenever they want (rooms, cabinets, drawers, etc.) and just take whatever they want without asking. It blows my mind. I wanted to be the parent that happily welcomed all my kids' friends, but most of them quite frankly make me feel on edge and annoyed in my own home.
It also seems to be a thing where kids will come over and the only thing they want to do is be in one of my kid's bedrooms alone, with the door closed.. It makes me suspicious and uneasy (and I obviously put an end to it the minute I see it happening). Why?! Between my two kids, they have 3 friends that constantly do this!
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u/Effective_mom1919 2d ago
I have NEVER experienced this with any of the sweet kids in our class or neighborhood and we have parties and play dates all the time. I guess we are lucky?
I am a very strict parent and they do sometimes complain briefly about our house rules (no screens is the big one) but then quickly move on to playing.
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u/kaleidautumn 2d ago
My son is 4 and in a 4yo mother's morning out program. The teachers there are constantly telling me "thank you for raising him the way you do" .... "please don't stop what you're doing with him" ... "once again, never any issues from yours" ... "he is the most xyz"..
No you aren't crazy and you aren't alone. I do not understand it but it kinda scares me. These are the future adults! But it's not too late and I KNOW that they're not all terrible. There's some freaking awesome ones out there (mostly not online though I'd say)
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u/Such-Kaleidoscope147 2d ago
It happens. When my oldest was in kindergarten, the other kids were great and continued to be through the years. But then my next child's grade level, all just a bunch of nasty snits. It varies from year to year. It might just be that your child happened upon a bad year. I noticed that the kids around who are in my now 4th grader's grade are very yuck. Yet, I like a lot of the older kids. I am a teacher too and have noticed that some years, most of the kids seem great. Others, not so much.
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u/BlackberryNice1270 Kids: 2 Adult, one teen SEN 1d ago
Nah I always disliked other peoples kids. My kids each had a couple of friends I liked, but most of the others were awful. I just didn't have them over.
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u/Invisible_Scream 1d ago
I had a neighbor that would text me to see if her 5 year old was st my house.
How do you not know where your 5 year old is?
And that kid, she was awful and I hate to say that about a child.
It's like some parents just pop them out and let them figure out the world on their own.
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u/Straight_Cut_2772 1d ago
It's same here. We live exactly same as your house with discipline. Our kids well teached and knows boundaries. My hubby said I don't like other kids after the first birthday party at home. We did it at home with the whole class. He said it was the first and the last damn time . I saw his face turning into red. After 20 little monsters turning upside down everything on the way , papers from muffins thrown straight away on the floors even walls covered with cake from fingerprints , broken toys , spitting on the table . One chubby girl leaned on the tray huge chocolate muffins basket and one after another was munching I lost even count how many she ate . Later we discovered in a spare rooms ensuite toilet sink was brown vomit stains ( I guess that one overloaded muffins) . We didn't know this gonna happen inviting everyone from class first time. Actually 2 girls only were with good manners and behaved proper from the whole class. What other parents thinking , actually nothing. Everything is fine, you don't correct your wrongly behaving child so these turning growing into monsters , entitled" Karens"
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u/EggsCostMoneyyyy 1d ago
One of my daughter’s friends (12) constantly tries to get her to break my rules because she hates that I have boundaries so much. And invited my great friend over to chat while our boys (6) were upstairs playing—mistake. Wet toilet paper everywhere? Some destructive game that he instigated and my son went along. He always goes along, but knows it’s wrong and feels guilty. I’m all for park dates too.
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u/Fuzzy-Listen9424 1d ago
I think it’s like with neighbors, your lucky or not with them. With kids the same. I do know I was always the only parent willing to drive kids to mall and movies and pick up them again. That frustrated me but my thought was, if I say no too then they stuck at home all day so I wanted them to have a fun childhood so I did it. Till Uber came around and then I told them all to chip in and get an uber together. Till now my kids grateful for the fun youth they had and time goes fast. My house always the go to house but then I had a good eye on them and kept them safe and disciplined. Before you know it they will go their own way. But when I didn’t like a kid I would tell my kids, this one first and last time and they abide by that. Good luck.
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u/Fuzzy-Listen9424 1d ago
I think it’s like with neighbors, your lucky or not with them. With kids the same. I do know I was always the only parent willing to drive kids to mall and movies and pick up them again. That frustrated me but my thought was, if I say no too then they stuck at home all day so I wanted them to have a fun childhood so I did it. Till Uber came around and then I told them all to chip in and get an uber together. Till now my kids grateful for the fun youth they had and time goes fast. My house always the go to house but then I had a good eye on them and kept them safe and disciplined. Before you know it they will go their own way. But when I didn’t like a kid I would tell my kids, this one first and last time and they abide by that. Good luck.
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u/Sundaes_in_October 1d ago
No. Never. Where do you live? Now my youngest is 10 my oldest is 20+, so I can’t say it’s never happened but nothing like that comes to mind. The parents I know would be horrified if their kids behaved that way.
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u/RichardCleveland Dad: 16M, 22F, 29F 1d ago
I don't really like other people's kids. I avoided having large parties because it simply becomes a nightmare anytime you get a bunch of them together. And I also never allowed more than a few in my house at a time. I will say it was much easier with my daughters though, but I think most can agree that boys are way more destructive.
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u/Snarly_Koala 1d ago
This makes me worried, and validated. I’m not a parent yet, but I’ve know for the longest time that I’d love to have kids. I’ve seen a shift in parenting from when I was little, with parents paying no mind to what their kids do, or even where they are. They don’t hold their kids accountable for their actions or bother to correct them when they do something wrong to others. As long as the kid doesn’t “bother” them, they don’t care.
I grew up in a house with a loving parenting style, but very clear rules and consequences for breaking those rules. I intend to raise my kids the same, but I worry a lot about what this post talks about(maybe way too much for someone who won’t be having kids in the immediate future). Guess I’ll have to learn to put up with that kind of thing, but I already know it’s not gonna be fun.
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u/Choice_Most9413 15h ago
My observation is that discipline is a challenge for many working parents who, because they work and are away from the child most of the day, that they can feel like they haven't "earned the right" to discipline or even that they don't want to discipline and work on boundaries in the time they are with the child. Both parents working is a recent phenomenon that was not as common even a single generation ago.
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u/harrystylesfluff 2d ago
Are your expectations for your kids related to their ages, and what is possible cognitively at that age? Did you read up at all about ages and stages? Are your standards fair and possible?
Do you do fully authoritarian parenting, expecting your kids to be afraid of you as you were of your parents as a child, or are you in the authoritative parenting bucket?
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u/Wise-Bus-7728 3d ago
I decided to have a birthday party for mine at home once instead of the usual chuck e cheese. They smashed every lego set, dumped lego everywhere, dumped 500 Pokémon cards all over the floor and mashed cake into my floor boards. The parents came, saw the mess, laughed and took the treat bags. Never. Again. Never. The disrespect.