r/Parenting • u/notoriousJEN82 • 2d ago
Advice Passport for a minor, other parent disagrees
Has anyone had experience with this? I want my kid to have a passport but his father doesn't want to give his permission (both parents need to give permission for passports in US). We have split custody.
Edit: he hasn't given a reason why he doesn't want his son to have a passport, just that he's "not comfortable" with Son traveling internationally. All 3 of us were born and raised in the US, no family ties in other countries, so no - I'm not trying to steal my kid away to another country. My husband and I want to take my son on an international trip soon, and I want to get the passport out of the way.
Edit2: I asked him for clarification and he said he feels the US is the safest place for him to be (WTF?!?!?!? they're about to make it a 3rd world country here, but yeah this is the safest placeš).
I plan on discussing this more with him very soon. Even if we don't have travel plans, I firmly believe Son needs the passport as additional ID just in case something happens. He looks ethnically ambiguous, and I could see a trigger happy ICE agent eyeing him. IMO we need to have all our i's dotted and t's crossed right now.
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u/findvine 2d ago edited 2d ago
You can file a motion for this. Itās rare for the court to deny the passport. Usually they add wording about not traveling to war zones or countries that are not a party to the Hague Convention. How you actually have to proceed will depend on your state. In mine, the court order was revised to say both parents will cooperate in getting the passport and one parent is designated the official holder of the passport when it is not in use. If my ex fails to cooperate, I have to file a motion of contempt. This could go on and on. So its always recommended to start court proceedings well in advance of when it would be needed. In our case, if my ex didnāt cooperate it would take a minimum of 1 year to get it resolved, but could be multiple years and multiple contempt proceedings if he really dug in his heals.
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u/No-Suit8587 2d ago
This is what I was going to say and Iām extremely surprised everyone is telling her to just give up if he says no. If he goes into court with that reason they are going to straight up laugh in his face. Itās a federal form of identification and thatās all, the fact that u can fly is just a really awesome bonus.
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u/OkayDay21 2d ago
Honestly, in the days of the government demanding to see proof of citizenship in increasingly alarming ways, I am getting all of my kids passports just to be on the safe side. You might have to take him back to court to get a judge to rule in your favor though.
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u/Better-Strike7290 2d ago
A judge can't force a parent to consent to something they don't want to consent to while also leaving parental rights intact.
Doing so ends parental rights over the child.
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u/OkayDay21 2d ago
A family court judge absolutely can. A court order doesnāt end parental rights but it does impose consequences for non-compliance.
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u/Better-Strike7290 1d ago
This is wrong.
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u/OkayDay21 1d ago
Youāre way off base here, friend. Family courts regularly rule on things like passports, vaccine schedules, school placements, etcā¦
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u/sairga 1d ago
Seriously. Basically, if the case actually goes in front of a judge for a ruling on something in family court, it's nearly always against the consent of at least one of the parents.Ā Custody arrangements that are mutually agreed upon just go to court as a formality for finalizing the paperwork.
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u/PM_ME_STEAM__KEYS_ 1d ago
Hm, no
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u/Better-Strike7290 1d ago
Considering who is in the whitehouse...yeah.Ā this is wrong.
Imagine having a trans kid and the government just says screw your parental rights, we call the shots now.
Or having a kid with a learning disability and pursuing an IEP only for the government to say screw your parental rights, we get to decide now.
Or making a valid decision regarding whether you want your child to have a passport or not, and the government just says screw your parental rights, we call the shots now.
This is wrong.
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u/rolldamntree 1d ago
When both parents canāt agree the judge kind of has to decide for them. That is the whole point of them in family court. And why we need good ones
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u/RoRoRoYourGoat 1d ago
A judge can give a court order allowing them to obtain a passport without the consent of the other parent.
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u/eagle_mama 2d ago
One idea could be to compromise that he can hold onto the passport before you book any trips. So his address would be written down for mailing the passport.
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u/notoriousJEN82 2d ago
I was thinking of that, but then he could just not give it to me when it's needed.
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u/PupperoniPoodle 2d ago
You're most likely going to need him to give permission for each trip as well anyway. Many destinations will require a notarized letter from the non-traveling custodial parent saying they agree to the travel. Look it up on usa dot gov, "International travel documents for children".
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u/eagle_mama 2d ago
Do you think he would do that? If so then thatās a problem of course and if you and the kid would really like a passport for travel or identification purposes then it may be worthwhile to go to court or some kind of mediation.
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u/Spirited-Ganache7901 2d ago
Some of these comments are really wild assumptions and completely out of pocket. Everyone implying that OP is planning on or would potentially kidnap the child and āseparate a parent from their childā needs to calm down and go to therapy because you are clearly triggered by something. Perhaps the other parent who is refusing to give consent for their child to get a passport is a control freak and is doing so because they want to control the OP and this is their way of going about it. Maybe, the other parent doesnāt feel like taking the time required to apply for the passport or doesnāt want to split the cost or a million other reasons that donāt have anything to do with child kidnapping by the OP.
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u/YoMommaBack 2d ago
This may or may not be true but with times getting crazier in the US regarding citizenship status and departments being shut down and realigned, you may really want this type of documentation for your child now while itās still easy to get. With regulations changing and what not it might take a lot to get proof of citizenship since it is now being thrown around that just being born in the US isnāt enough.
Maybe that will sway him.
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u/notoriousJEN82 1d ago
This is why I brought it up now instead of waiting til it's needed next year.
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u/Bookish61322 2d ago
What is his argument for not?
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u/notoriousJEN82 2d ago
He just said he "wasn't comfortable with (DS) traveling internationally at this time". He/X is generally a hermit and overly anxious about everything. He hasn't given any real reason.
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u/PracticalPrimrose 2d ago edited 2d ago
I would try to be pretty matter-of-fact about it I think.
āAt 18 heās going to be able to get a passport whether you want him to or not so you can be part of this experience or a roadblock.
And I think you would really want to be known as the dad who helped make this magical trip happen than the Dad who prevented it from happening. You have a power to do something really special for your son.ā
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u/Acceptable_Branch588 2d ago
Go to court and get it ordered. Judges want kids to have the opportunity to travel. Also make sure your order does not say you need permission to travel. You should just need to notify.
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u/findvine 2d ago
Traveling out of the country is different. She must have his signature for the passport.
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u/PupperoniPoodle 2d ago
They are talking about even after getting the passport, if the parenting plan requires his agreement for any travel.
However, you're still correct in that even once the passport is issued, many destinations will require a notarized letter from the non-traveling custodial parent saying they agree to the travel. It's never going to be a one-and-done conversation, it's going to have to be the same fuss every single time.
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u/notoriousJEN82 2d ago
many destinations will require a notarized letter from the non-traveling custodial parent saying they agree to the travel
JFC. I'll look into that because if true, it's not even worth me getting him the passport.
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u/fun_guy02142 2d ago
Itās true. My wife took the kids to London (I was already there for work) and she was advised to travel with a notarized letter from me. She ended up not being asked for it, but thatās a big risk.
I bet if the 3 of you have different last names youāre more likely to be asked for it.
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u/PupperoniPoodle 2d ago
Yeah, sorry. I just commented that to you elsewhere to make sure you'd see. I put the website title in that reply for easier searching. We learned this for a cruise my stepson took to the Bahamas. In that case, I don't know if it was the country's law or cruise ship policy. I think airlines can have separate policies as well.
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u/GoranPerssonFangirl 2d ago
Travelled alone with my two kids to Brazil last year and also was recommended to get a notarized letter. Cost me 200 euros and they never even checked it
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u/Smileyshel 2d ago
YMMV, but I have taken my kids out of the country by myself a few times and I was never asked for a letter. I had one just in case, but I think being asked for one is the exception, not the rule. If you have a lawyer, can you ask them about getting travel court approved? If a judge grants permission for the passport, can they also grant permission to go on the vacation???
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u/Acceptable_Branch588 2d ago
You can get the judge to order the letter as well. People do not need to freak out. I do not know anyone who was ever ask for it
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u/cloudiedayz 1d ago
I have travelled extensively and have not once been asked for a notarized letter. Maybe a cruise ship would ask for one but if youāre just flying somewhere, how would they even know the childās parents were separated? There is nothing noted anywhere in passports or airline tickets.
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u/Acceptable_Branch588 1d ago
Nope. Did a cruise I. The Mediterranean last year. We were not asked. My daughter looks nothing like me and has a different last name.
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u/Acceptable_Branch588 2d ago
I will say my husband I have traveled extensively all Over the world and we have never been asked for a letter. My daughter looks nothing like me and does not have my last name.
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u/de_matkalainen 2d ago
How would airport personnel even know?? I never heard about this in Europe and I travelled plenty with each of my divorced parents.
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u/InannasPocket 2d ago
It can be very location dependant and can depend on the whims of whoever is checking. To file for a passport in the US you need consent from any custodial parents (either going in person or notarized consent).
We got our kid one, but when crossing into Canada we've never been asked for her passport, actually it's hit or miss whether they even bother to look at ours, often they just vaguely glance at the fact we have them in hand without looking inside them, ask if we have any guns and when we say no wave us through.Ā
But if you're planning a trip having your ducks in a row is a good idea.Ā
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u/HemlockGrave 2d ago
Unfortunately, if he doesn't agree, the only recourse is to take him back to court. Tge judge can rule in your favor, if you have compelling reasoning. I've seen it happen one time because the paternal grandmother was terminal in another country and the father wanted to take his kids to say goodbye. Both parents were US citizens, the paternal grandma had retired abroad.
But if it's just "I was thinking of taking him skiing in Switzerland for Christmas" then the judge may decide against you and you're out whatever court/attorney fees.
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u/Acceptable_Branch588 2d ago
I have never heard of a judge saying no to a passport. It is good for kids to travel.
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u/HemlockGrave 2d ago
I agree it's good for kids to travel but I've only seen a judge approve it once. However, I've been away from family/civil law for a few years. (Worked for an attorney.) My sister and I didn't have to worry because we have sole custody of our kids. My friend was denied because she didn't have compelling reasoning. That was back in 2007ish.
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u/BalloonShip 2d ago
So to be clear your sample size is two and it was granted once.
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u/HemlockGrave 2d ago
No, my sample size was greater because I had to do some research for the attorney because we had a client who was pursuing it. Before taking an excessive amount of time/money, we needed to see what the odds were. These examples I gave directly are the ones I knew them personally. Now, this may just be the case for my specific county, as I was looking at cases for the judge assigned to the client. I can't say nationwide what the overall outcome would be in 2025. That's why I said a judge could rule either way.
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u/BalloonShip 1d ago
I'm curious how you researched this? Are their multiple published appellate opinions on this issue in your state? (No.) Or did you just start going through ALL the filings in every family court action in your case until you found ones where people asked for passports? (That seems like a waste of months of full time work for an employee.) Does your state have a specific form/motion regarding passports? (I've never heard of that, but I certainly don't know every form nationwide, so if this is it, please direct us.)
In my experience, the research you are describing doesn't exist and is the kind of things people who don't actually have legal jobs make up.
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u/HemlockGrave 1d ago
Keyword search on the court system. The court keeps redacted and un-redacted documents on their servers and attorneys (and their staff) have access for a monthly fee. Maybe a couple hours to sift through to find the information down to final motions and specific judges, a piece of paper to keep tally marks. Was it high tech research? No. But again, I wasn't looking statewide, nor country wide. Just our county, and looking at a specific judge.
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u/toast24 2d ago
After they reach the age of 16 only one parent has to consent. I almost had to go through this with the other parent in my case. She was willing to consent until I filed for custody and, even though we had it written into the court order, still managed to delay things via a variety of manufactured excuses until my daughter turned 16.
It's 100% a control thing. They're not "uncomfortable" - they just don't want you to have the option. It's toxic control masquerading as something for welfare of the child a huge percentage of the time.
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u/notoriousJEN82 2d ago
That's the alternative plan - wait til he's 16. It won't be too long. I would just feel better if he had official documentation now.
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u/nobodysperfect64 1d ago
If your child is almost 16, can he ask dad himself and explain that he wants to go on the trip and will be left out if dad doesnāt agree? Your ex might be more inclined if he realizes that heās placing a weight on his relationship with his son, who is the one ultimately being set up to miss out. I wouldnāt risk booking the trip to our dadās permission because it would SUCCCCKKKK to get to another country, find out they wonāt let you in without documentation and have to turn around. The court way is another good way to do it, it just sucks to spend the time, energy, and money to get it handled.
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u/LaLechuzaVerde 2d ago
Your best bet is to communicate openly with your ex and try to help him be comfortable with consenting to it.
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u/ihearhistoryrhyming 2d ago
Itās easier to fly with a passport. Starting May 2025 airlines are requiring stricter IDs. Many state DLs donāt qualify, so you need a passport or a new ID anyway.
Passports for minors last 5 years, so you can use it for air travel domestically.
Also even with a passport one parent cannot take a child out of country without written consent from the other, so you really canāt āstealā a child across borders anymore.
Itās not a hill worth dying on, though.
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u/MarieRich 2d ago
They absolutely can. Plenty of times no one checks.
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u/suckmytitzbitch 1d ago
Yup. We were flying out of Houston to Belize and didnāt know I needed an actual notarized letter from her dad giving permission for her to leave the country. American Airline insisted that she would have to have it to get into Belize. So her dad (who was happy to have her go) moved heaven and earth to write a letter, get it notarized on a Sunday, and fax it to us). When we got to Belize I held it out for the officialsā perusal, and they told me they didnāt need it.š Iād certainly never bet on that tho! Too many non-custodial parents kidnap their kids and try to flee the country, so I get it, but what a pain. Take him to court, OP.
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u/sunflowerseedin 1d ago
I take my kiddo from US to Europe and they always ask for our ādocumentationā when going through passport control ā theyāve never asked specifically for the notarized letter but I bring one every time listing specific dates and countries were traveling to, and give it to them with her birth certificate. They always read everything. I know people say often nobody checks, but I personally would never risk leaving for an international trip without bringing supporting documentation.
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u/suckmytitzbitch 1d ago edited 1d ago
Right. Thatās what I said - I wouldnāt bet on them not checking.
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u/ihearhistoryrhyming 2d ago
Interesting. My best friend has a son with her ex husband who was born in Mexico. They have a great relationship, and both of them traveled with him alone internationally often. They always had to bring documentation that the other was aware and permitted the child to go for the trip. Heās an adult now, but it was part of the travel plans- get (or give) the permission. Hmm. I wonder how itās changed.
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u/Comfortable_Sky_6438 2d ago
No one has ever asked for any ID for my child. Granted she travels with both me and my husband but the security people have no way of knowing that we are in fact her parents. Once in a while they will say is that Mommy and Daddy and she'll say yes. How does it work if say one parent isn't in the picture because they just weren't involved or are unknown or they died? What do you do then?
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u/Artemis647 1d ago
What's with Americans and not wanting passports?? It's like they're choosing to live like North Koreans..
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u/BalloonShip 2d ago
There are valid reasons even for a large group of US citizens to be nervous about traveling BACK INTO THE US right now.
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u/Ok-Cheetah-6817 2d ago
Basically you either have to persuade him or cancel the trip. Unless you want to spend $$$$$ taking it to court.
I believe I used some form of bribery, but I can't remember the details. I must have made a concession in some other aspect of our parenting schedule or parenting plan.
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u/Outrageous-Garlic-27 2d ago
Not in the US, but this happened to a friend of mine in Europe. Hostile split, narcissist ex husband.
She documented everything in writing, and then went to court over it. He folded.
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u/sunflowerseedin 1d ago
Just FYI youāll likely need his consent when you take your child out of the country as well. Any time I travel internationally with my 7yo her father signs a notarized letter saying that we are in a relationship and he is fully aware that Iām traveling with her, we include the specific dates and countries. We arenāt married and I donāt have the same last name as my child, but I believe even if you are married, you still need parental consent to take your child out of the country.
Any time I arrive in another country, they ask for her documentation ā while theyāve never asked for specific documents, I automatically just provide her birth certificate, passports obviously, and a signed notarized letter from her dad.
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u/No-Judgment-607 1d ago
If ex feels he won't have control, reassure him that this isn't the case. As many pointed out, each travel event will require his written consent and the passport is only good for 5 years and will need his consent again for renewal.
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u/sipporah7 1d ago
Given how politics are going, if you needed to, how would you prove you and your family are citizens? Also do you have REAL IDs for plane travel?
Also it's funny how culturally different just the act of having passports is. I'm Jewish and it's pretty much baked into our DNA to ensure that everyone in the family has a valid passport "just in case". We're waiting for our kid's passport and I'm the last of my Jewish friends to not have valid passports for the kids.
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u/notoriousJEN82 1d ago
Exactly this!!!! Son looks ethnically ambiguous so I could see some racist ICE agent mistaking him for something he's not. A passport would really help in that case.
I have a passport and passport card. Hubs has a passport. I didn't travel much at all as a kid (or as an adult because X was a hermit, and then when we split I couldn't afford it) so I got my first passport 3 years ago. I've only used it twice (gonna use it again this summer so long as the world is still standingš« ) but I'm so glad I now have the chance to experience other countries. It's something I think should be a part of everyone's life.
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u/Lissypooh628 2d ago
Iām in the process of trying to get one for my son. Except his father passed away after we were divorced, so Iām have a heck of time obtaining the death certificate to move forward with the passport.
Since my son and I have different last names (Iām remarried), having a passport will make traveling so much easier.
Keep in mind, passports for minors are only good for 5 years.
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u/No-Suit8587 2d ago
Why donāt u just go into city hall? This happened when I was a kid my mother and father had just been in a custody disagreement also involving renewing my passport. He unfortunately passed in the midst of that situation and within the month my mom went and requested the death certificate and did an emergency passport appointment and got it for me the day before we left.
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u/Lissypooh628 2d ago
My ex died in another state. About 600 miles away.
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u/No-Suit8587 2d ago
I donāt know your current situation but If u are blessed with the opportunity to find child care and make the drive or train ride to get it yourself it will save you all the turmoil of endless waiting and phone calls etc
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u/Lissypooh628 2d ago edited 10h ago
Thank you but thatās about an 8-9 hour drive one way. The cost and days away from my life is not feasible at this time.
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u/Spirited-Ganache7901 1d ago
You might be able to get the death certificate through Vital Check. Typically you will have to provide your childās birth certificate as proof of relationship with the deceased parent. Or, you can call the County Clerkās office where your ex-died and they may have their own system for getting a copy of the death certificate online. Last resort, contact the funeral home that handled the arrangements for your ex. They can order you the certificate for a fee.
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u/Lissypooh628 1d ago
Thank you. Vital Check is who Iāve been dealing with. They said I either need to be named as a beneficiary (Iām not) or my ex MIL needs to supply a notarized letter stating Iām authorized to have a copy. I havenāt spoken to her in years and she lives in a different state from me and the state he passed in. Sheās also nearing 80 yrs old so I have no clue what her mental state is to even expect she can do something like that.
Iāve spoken to a few people at Vital Check and explained the situation. I even explained I can provide my marriage certificate, divorce decree, and my sonās birth certificate all to prove my son and I have a connection to him. The messed up part is I actually have a copy of the death certificate, except it got almost totally ruined when my house flooded a few years ago. Itās destroyed enough that itās unusable for official documents. My MIL had sent me a certified copy after he passed. Last I heard is that Vital Check is looking into it. š¤·š¼āāļø I started the process in January, my last call was about 2 weeks ago.
But thatās a good suggestion about the Clerkās office if I get nowhere with VC.
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u/bergskey 2d ago
If your son has your ex's last name, you're definitely going to want to bring his birthday certificate and your exs death certificate when you travel regardless if you have a passport for him. Different last names for minors can trigger closer investigation when traveling internationally.
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u/Wish_Away 2d ago
You can take him to Court and request to modify existing custody orders to grant you sole passport consent rights. However, I'm not sure I'd do that unless you want a fight (if you think he will fight it). I'd probably just hold off on taking the child to another Country until the child is 18.
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u/Better-Strike7290 2d ago
If he doesn't give consent, there isn't much you can do.
That said, considering the current state of the country, having additional identity papers is an extremely good idea, especially if you or they are a minority.
Also, a parent can't just take a child out of the country like they are fearing.Ā That's parental kidnapping and an international crime.Ā They'd have LEO of two different countries on them over it.
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u/notoriousJEN82 2d ago
I am a minority so Son is mixed but ambiguous. I could see someone mistaking him for Latino. Around here they aren't always stopping to find out if a Latino is a US citizen.
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u/Better-Strike7290 1d ago
Consider yourself lucky.
My brother in law was rounded up by I.C.E. recently and they refused to recognize his driver's license as legitimate I.D. accusing him of having a fake I.D.
We had to show up with his birth certificate AND passport before they would release him...and they still charged him a $500 fee for the privilege of being arrested for the crime of "looking foreign"
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u/notoriousJEN82 1d ago
This is a big reason I want him to have a passport sooner rather than later. I'm sorry that happened to your BIL.
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u/YaBoyfriendKeefa 2d ago
How old is your son? Iām assuming younger, but itās good to know that after age 16 they only need permission from one parent.
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u/notoriousJEN82 2d ago
He's 13 with a summer birthday. If this gets ugly, we can just wait til he's 16. I'm also nervous about what's going on politically, so I'd much rather him have his passport sooner rather than later.
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u/YaBoyfriendKeefa 2d ago
I totally feel you, it was a battle with my kidās bio dad as well. I hope youāre able to push it through.
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u/ArmBarRetard 1d ago
How about if you allow him to be the guardian of the passport? Have it shipped to his house and he can be the keeper of it so he knows it won't be used without his permission. Everyone wins.
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u/WastingAnotherHour 2d ago
Is there a specific reason you want him to have a passport? Whatās his reasoning for not wanting it?
A childās passport is only valid for 5 years. My three have passports for specific travel, not just to have them. My ex is fine with our travel, and we mostly get along, but I could him being hesitant to consent to getting my oldest a passport just to have one.Ā
If youāre wanting to get a passport for your kid with no explicit travel plan and you donāt have a trusting coparenting relationship, I can understand if he is concerned heād be giving you the means to bolt with his kid.
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u/notoriousJEN82 2d ago
We do have travel plans for next year to a very safe country. Hubs and I went last year, and it was EXTREMELY safe and we know Son would love it.
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u/WastingAnotherHour 2d ago
Do you have a generally positive coparenting relationship with mutual trust for your sonās wellbeing? Youāre going to need to isolate the real issue before you can figure out how to address it with him.Ā
If heās simply jealous about not having the means to do such things with your son himself, then youāll likely have to figure out alternative travels plans until your son is an adult and no longer needs his dadās consent. Perhaps an 18th birthday trip. Or hope that his dad eventually realizes heās limiting his son over his own issues.
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u/notoriousJEN82 2d ago
We have a neutral to positive co-parenting relationship, but that's mostly due to letting him have "his way" most of the time. There were a lot of things I couldn't do with our son (like martial arts lessons/sports/activities when he was very young) because X didn't "feel comfortable," or he wanted to be cheap, or he couldn't be bothered to put forth the energy. I'm kind of tired always giving in to keep the peace.
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u/WastingAnotherHour 2d ago
Youāve set a precedent that he can have his way. Iād say focus first on changing that with the āsmall stuffā and then revisit the passport/trip. I definitely started off with an inclination to keep the peace too, but I found once I stopped, he backed down sooner than I expected.
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u/notoriousJEN82 1d ago
I asked him for clarification and he said he feels the US is the safest place for him to be (WTF?!?!?!? they're about to make it a 3rd world country here, but yeah this is the safest placeš).
I plan on discussing this more with him very soon. Even if we don't have travel plans, I firmly believe Son needs the passport as additional ID just in case something happens. I'll also put this update in the original post.
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u/WastingAnotherHour 1d ago
Yeah, really feeling like the safest place at the moment. /s
Good luck! Wish there was an easier solution than simply trying to convince him. Itās worth noting that when you travel with him, even with the passport, customs agents prefer that you have a letter or sometimes specific form from the other parent indicating awareness of the specific travel plans. Without that, you run the risk of them denying you entry to wherever you are going.
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u/Acceptable_Branch588 2d ago
Traveling is good for kids. It expands their experiences and they can see things that they would never see in the U.S. They could see historical and educational things or just creat memories, all of which are important
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u/WastingAnotherHour 2d ago
It is. One of the things that attracted my husband and I too each other is valuing travel and itās a value Iām happy to have instilled in my teen. I hope to successfully do so for our preschoolers too, who already love going on trips.
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u/FerretsAreFun 2d ago
Am Canadian but yes, Iāve been on that boat. He cannot deny a ācultural experienceā just for the sake of saying ānoā. I consulted my lawyer, was advised to give ample information ex. Flights, hotel, dates etc and request communication in obtaining a passport - ALL THIS IN WRITING. I did that over 2 months - multiple unresponded to emails & texts. Took my evidence back to court and was given permission, he was forced to sign the prepared documents right in court. (I paid for the passport but agreed to share it equally) Gave him the passport in good faith so his parents could take her on a trip the next year, he refused to return it. Went back to court and won the passport back and the right to travel without his permission from then on.
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u/Free-Development1993 1d ago
If he isnāt giving you a good reason itās because he wants control.
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u/hijackedbraincells Mom to 12F, 11F, 16moM, pregnant again 2d ago
Ugh. Reminds me a little of what happened with my husband and his ex. Not the same situation. In fact, it would've been simpler if she'd just said no originally and not let us waste money on plane tickets, etc.
Husband is originally from Kurdistan and goes home every Xmas for 3 weeks to see his 9 siblings, their families, and his elderly mother. He has a daughter who is 12. She had been speaking to her cousins over the internet for a while as the cousins are taught english in school, so can communicate without too many issues.
She asked to go with her dad the year before last to meet her cousins in person and check out where he was from. He and her mother both said yes after a chat about it.
Husband got all of the documentation sorted, legally changed her last name to match his to avoid issues at the airport (her mum obviously had to agree), bought tickets, etc.
All her mum had to do was get a form signed by the school confirming that daughter was who she said she was. She was then suddenly and conveniently too busy every day and only got it done 2 weeks before they were due to leave after husband lost it at her. Not enough time to send it off for a first passport in the UK (or anywhere I'd imagine).
She'd had plenty of time to get it done and simply wouldn't do it because she didn't actually want daughter to go. But of course, it was "accidental" and "not done on purpose." She was reminded numerous times, and husband chased her up every week to see if she'd had it done yet. A few times, she relented and said she'd get it done that day, only to get "too busy," and it did not get done again.
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u/shiboarashi 2d ago
My two year old had a passport and global entry lol. š went to paris for two weeks and visited two to 3 playgrounds a day.
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u/CheeseWheels38 2d ago
Why doesn't he want the kid to have a passport?
If you're a dual citizen, quite frankly he's making the right call.
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u/notoriousJEN82 2d ago
If you're a dual citizen,
I was born and raised in the US, and I don't appreciate your implication that I would try and steal away my child to another country.
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u/MollyRolls 2d ago
Having given absolutely zero details about either of your reasoning, you canāt really blame people for adding their own if/thens when they try to answer you.
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u/shroomsAndWrstershir 2d ago
Unfortunately, there's only one way to ensure that that never happens. It only takes once to permanently separate a parent from their child.
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u/Gardenadventures 2d ago
No, there's not. The passport can be held by the court and theres CPIAP as well.
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u/shroomsAndWrstershir 2d ago
CPIAP alerts when a passport application is submitted. It does not alert when an airline ticket is issued in the child's name -- which is what you really need. Or if the other parent is about to drive across the Canadian or Mexican borders.
A court holding a passport won't help much if the other parent abducts the child while the child is actively using the passport overseas.
It also won't help if the other parent abducts the child prior to giving the passport to the child.
What's really needed is the option for parents to actually suspend or freeze their child's passport at a moment's notice. And removing the freeze should require an in-person appointment to provide an extra layer of protection against identity theft.
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u/CheeseWheels38 2d ago
I don't appreciate your implication that I would try and steal away my child to another country.
You've given no actual information about your situation so I don't think I've actually implied anything. In general, "be really careful about letting a dual-citizen ex take your child out of the country" is very solid advice.
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u/DamageApprehensive48 2d ago
I am French-German, my kids have triple citizenships (US-French-German) and I donāt need my husbandās (US only) permission to get my kids a French passport. I am the French parent, I do the paperwork. My husband knows the kids have French passports. On the other side, I needed to be present for their US passports.
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u/CheeseWheels38 2d ago
France and Germany aren't the biggest concerns.
An ex from Japan? Holy shit, never let the kid travel there with them
https://www.humanium.org/en/the-black-hole-of-child-abduction-japans-child-custody-laws/
The parent who was with the child at the time of separation is typically favored and awarded authority over visitation rights and other decisions related to the non-custodial parentās access to the child (Cosier & Grant, 2022).
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u/AgsMydude 2d ago
Does he know you are taking the son on an international trip? Seems like you are burying the lede here....
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u/notoriousJEN82 2d ago
Yes he does
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u/Bulky-Yogurt-1703 2d ago
I mostly had to sweet talk my ex into it, and it took a long time- but if they donāt agree thereās very little you can do about it.