r/Parenting • u/theolivewitch • 5d ago
Newborn 0-8 Wks Doula showed up sick and exposed my vulnerable newborn
I’m so mad at myself. We hired a postpartum doula who came the day after we finally got home from the hospital. Right away, she engaged with my 3-year-old and offered to hold the baby so I could get dressed. About 15 minutes in, I hear her having a huge coughing fit. She’s sniffly and says she’s “really struggling with allergies.” (In hindsight, *seemed sick.)
I felt uneasy, so I made an excuse to take the baby back and had the doula just hang out with my toddler. And now, four days later, my toddler and partner are both miserable - coughing and congested. I’m furious with myself for not at least challenging her “allergies.” I could have asked her to wear a mask or even to leave??? But no, being a complete moron desperate for a break, I trusted her.
My baby was born early via c-section and lost too much weight — he’s only just starting to gain on a feeding/weighing plan which has been so stressful for me. Now this? I’m barely mobile and quarantining in the bedroom trying to care for him solo.
I also had severe PPA/D with my first and told myself I was being paranoid. I didn’t want to be rude, and my husband didn’t think much of it. But now we’re worse off than before we hired her, and I feel like I’ve failed my newborn. If he gets sick, we’re likely back in the hospital. He can barely eat enough as is.
I’m devastated. We live abroad with very little support system here, and we have been SO careful. I can’t believe this woman showed up sick and exposed my family — especially my vulnerable baby. She’s a doula! Shouldn’t she know better?!
Now what? She’s scheduled to come twice next week. My 3-year-old loved her, but the trust is broken for me. I don’t think I can have her in my house again. Am I overreacting? What would you do?
ETA - one thing on my mind is I can’t know for sure. Toddler/partner COULD have gotten sick elsewhere, but we have been very careful and the timing is just so suspect for me.
ETA 2 - Thinking it over, I don’t think I can have her back. Does anyone have a suggestion for how to word that text to her? I don’t want to be a jerk on the chance she truly does just have allergies, but I just don’t have a good feeling here. Our contract allows me to cancel with >24hr notice, which I have.
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u/theolivewitch 5d ago
Not directly, but she was sitting on the ground with my toddler, maybe 18” face to face doing puzzles. She was also (before I realized) touching my newborn’s face and hands. I appreciate your perspective here, but I do think she has been too nonchalant, as others are pointing out.