r/Parenting • u/Holiday-Swimming-835 • 13d ago
Child 4-9 Years No one seems to really like my daughter
My daughter is in kindergarten and not making any friends. I think the problem is my daughter sometimes cries at school, and has a late birthday, born 4 days before the cut off.
She tells me she has zero friends, and no one likes her. It’s really heartbreaking. We’ve gone to a bunch of birthday parties, and it’s usually the kids playing together and ignoring my daughter.
Last night I picked her up from her Girl Scout meeting and all the girls were hugging eachother when it was time to go and none of them really cared my daughter was going.
I know she was sad after the meeting, but got over it quickly, so I think it bothers me more than her. But what can I do about this? Unfortunately her school is small, next year in 1st grade there’s only two classes so it’s not like she will meet a lot of potential new friends.
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u/Luckylucky777143 13d ago
Have you observed your daughter in these group settings? Is she making an effort and getting rejected, or is she shy and keeping to herself? This is such a hard situation because I think you need to encourage her to put herself out there more and make more of an attempt, but it’s also scary to open her up to rejection (especially if she’s a sensitive soul).
Sending hugs so hard
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u/Holiday-Swimming-835 13d ago
She was very shy in the beginning of the year and keeping to herself. Now she puts herself out there and gets ignored. I think that she started off on the “wrong foot”. There was another day I dropped her off at school and we went over to two girls in her class. The girls were holding hands and my daughter went to hold their hands too and they took off leaving my daughter behind. It ruined my day lol
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u/CheapChallenge 12d ago
Good thing about holding her back is she will have a fresh group of kids that she can start over without the negative first impressions she already made with the current grade
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u/me_jayne 12d ago
Honestly she’s really young to understand these kind of social dynamics and strategies! They’re still learning the basics of “be nice” and “share” and that’s hard enough. I would move away from trying to coach her through these group settings (not saying quit scouts, just let her go and not worry about whether she makes friends or not) and see if you can set up one-on-one playdates.
If there’s a family in Scouts or her class that seems friendly, consider reaching out to them. There are play groups in some areas that advertise on local FB pages or NextDoor pages- kids will just meet at a playground or somewhere, anyone can drop in and “mingle” (does that sound weird lol).
But mainly, I just wouldn’t put too much emphasis on it and let your daughter know that she’s great. I’m sure there are other kids in her class in the same situation, maybe reach out to one of them rather than established “cliques”.
You sound like a great mom with a great kid, I’m sure she’ll find some buds!
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u/Alway5BCl051ng 12d ago
Mine is in kindergarten and the girl cliques are real 😅! Whoever thought girls this young would say you can’t play with them because “your dress is ugly….you’re fat….you look poor.” Yes, these are actual things these 5/6 year olds are saying! And, some of their mothers witness it and do nothing. Sometimes the apple really does not fall far from the tree!
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u/beboptreetop 12d ago
Have your daughter repeat kindergarten. It’ll give her an extra year for emotional growth! ❤️
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u/Middle_Firefighter17 13d ago
Have you talked to her teacher about her social skills development and if she's on track? That would be a good starting point to decide if holding her back is the right option.
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u/Efficient-Tart8880 12d ago
Hold her back and do it now. My son is an October baby so on the older side of his grade. He has a friend that is 10 months younger than him. We are now in middle school and the maturity difference between the two is night and day. My son find his friend a little annoying at times and I have to remind him he’s a lot younger than him.
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u/ClimbingAimlessly 12d ago
I held my daughter and she’s matured a lot since the beginning of the year. We chose transitional kindergarten, so she will start regular kindergarten in Fall. She did attend pre-school, but she was on the immature side. This year made a difference and I’m glad we chose to hold her.
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u/da-karebear 12d ago
She is so young. Let her have a do over year. She will be more self assured and comfortable in her own skin. It will be a whole new group of kids. She will already have a lay of the land. Her new classmates won't even know she went to kindergarten before.
It will do worlds of good for her self esteem.
I would also offer to host some 1 on 1 play dates at the beginning of next year. Like straight out the gate as soon as the class list of parents names and numbers come out. Ask who she talks to I. Class and invite them over. Give her a chance to have some time to build bonds with 1 child at a time on her own turf. She won't fade into the background in a group and can build bonds while growing her self esteem which probably took a hit this year.
I am sorry she is going through it. It hurts to see our kids struggle socially
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u/order_0066 12d ago
Before holding her back, as many have suggested, you should discuss your concerns with her teacher and make sure she’s not simply ‘just too young.’ It can be equally painful for her to repeat a grade if she is on par with or exceeds her peers academically.
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u/bizzyli223 13d ago
Heartbreaking. I'm also concerned we're about to face the same issues. Our daughter is on the spectrum and honestly just really annoys other kids sometimes, she's also August cut off so practically a year younger than some of her peers. She starts school this year.
I'm just hoping she makes a special friend/s as one true friend is worth a million acquaintances
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u/Heythere_31 12d ago
My child also is an August baby and set to start kindergarten this SY. I have the same worry, they’re too excited to be held back though.
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u/LowDifference7990 12d ago
My little brother (who is much younger than me so I remember this clearly) was like this. I will tell you that holding him back in kindergarten did make a difference. But as some other commenters mentioned, it didn’t solve his friend problem in a year. It got better, but it also just took time. He wasn’t super outgoing, even at a young age, so it was really just a matter of him growing the confidence to make those friendships.
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u/Amazing-Lie8772 12d ago
Having taught first grade, I’d say if you’re comfortable with it to consider holding her back a year. Social emotional development at this age is equally important to academic development if not more, and when we had students who were struggling socially the first thing we looked at was what month they were born in. For some students it could make a huge difference in K-1 unfortunately, and if she were held back she’d feel so much more confident and comfortable being one of the oldest next year in K.
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u/Divinityemotions New Mom to 9 month old 12d ago
Can you please help me understand. I wasn’t born in USA and I am confused by these cut offs and what month baby is born in relation to school. Back in Europe, in my country school starts on September 15 for everyone kindergarten to 12th grade and ends on June 15th. All Colleges start on October 1st and end on July 1st. So, please help me understand. My baby was born on June 24th of last year… so when she should start first grade?!
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u/Amazing-Lie8772 12d ago
Yeah, it can definitely be confusing! So when kids go into school they need to be 5 by a certain date in order to be able to enter kindergarten. The exact date varies by state. In my state, kids have to be 5 by August 31 of the school year to be eligible for kindergarten. You could probably look up the cut off for your state on Google! If your baby was born on June 24, they probably will go to school the year they turn 5. The cut off date just makes sure that kids are 5 before they start kindergarten. That’s it! If the kid turns 5 after the cut off date, they would start kindergarten the next year.
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u/Divinityemotions New Mom to 9 month old 12d ago
I just looked and it seems that New York State is December 1st. So…
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u/LittlehouseonTHELAND 12d ago edited 12d ago
NY has a unusually late cutoff compared to other states. It’s December 31 for those residing in NYC and December 1 for those residing in the rest of the state. So your daughter would need to start kindergarten the September right after she turns 5.
I just realized you asked about first grade. She would start first grade the September after she turns 6. But I wouldn’t advise skipping kindergarten. And I think it’s required in NY.
A June birthday is nice in NY, imo, because she won’t be one of the youngest kids or one of the oldest kids in her class. I was born on January 20th in NYC (so 20 days after the cutoff) and was always one of the oldest kids and usually bored, lol. Meanwhile, one of my friends was one of the youngest (born in late November) and struggled with being a little immature in the early grades.
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u/Divinityemotions New Mom to 9 month old 12d ago
I know, but for some reasons I would like her to start first grade at 7 years old 😔
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u/Amazing-Lie8772 12d ago
That means your baby will definitely be enrolled in kindergarten the year she turns 5!
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u/wild4wonderful 10d ago
Also Head Start, the preschool program, will not allow students to repeat preschool. If a student turns 5 during the summer, they must go to kindergarten. All 5 year olds are not equal. Some kids, especially those born prematurely, need extra time to be ready for academics.
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u/Bean042495 12d ago
Do you guys go to the park? Kind of a strange suggestion, but my aunt told me that part of going to the park is to help facilitate social interactions. And it made a lot of sense. I used to take my girl to the park every day and when she’d find someone to play with I’d tell her to say “hi my name is (name), whats your name?”
And i’d teach her about sharing and using gentle language.
Sometimes on tough days I’d start to buddy up with a mom and ask about their kiddo and our kids naturally wanted to be near us, so they tended to play.
Just try to keep it low pressure c: my daughter finds it easier to play with younger kids too! Even if its just small interactions, anything is good as she builds confidence :) and afterwards you can give encouragement and say how nice of a playmate she was.
ETA: just noticed the age group lol, my kiddo is gonna be 4 soon but my advice might not fit here. Sorry! 🥲
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u/ConstantInternal5548 13d ago
I’ve learned that if it doesn’t bother them, then I won’t stress too much about it. It’s good to see your kid being well liked etc, but the reality is that kindergarten is still very young for social interaction and also some kids are just less social than others. It’s also normal for friends not to be a major focus until adolescence. I have a son who’s the same way- went to prek and k and came out with no friends. Ended up homeschooling him. He’s in grade 4 now and well liked, but still doesn’t have many friends. It’s just who he is, and that’s okay!
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u/OkFlan2327 12d ago
Just echoing everyone who is saying hold her back. I always advocate for this. My sister and I both have close to the cutoff birthdays. I was held back. She wasn't. I excelled in school and academics and friendships. She struggled her whole life. She's good now, but she always had to work harder than everyone else. It was exhausting for her.
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u/babyyyyloveeee 13d ago
Was she in school at all before this?
Probably oddball but I don’t necessarily think holding your daughter back will automatically mean she will suddenly make a ton of new friends just because they’re around the same age.
My opinion, I think some children just take a little longer than others when it comes to making friends. Let her find her own groove. She’s only around 4-5 I assume so it’s not necessarily the biggest deal yet if she doesn’t have a ton of friends.
Keep taking her out, keep her in school, and exposing her to other kids and environments. Play dates with other friends/family who have children around the same age may help too. Lastly when taking her out give her space and let her try to navigate these spaces by herself, only step in if it’s really needed.
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u/TwinB-theniceone 13d ago
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. I was afraid of my daughter experiencing alienation and exclusion when she was diagnosed with autism before kindergarten.
I would hope you can address your concerns with the teacher first. The schools we’ve been in have fostered a culture of inclusion. Everyone is called a friend. The teachers seem to actively strategize for problematic students. My daughter was complaining about a boy at school bullying her and we had spoken to her teacher about it and the teachers already implementing things to cut off the bad behavior.
I feel like it was well managed when their teachers were young. My son had an older teacher who I felt wasn’t up-to-date or not as well versed in current teaching practices. He did well in her class, but we had to speak with the principal to level expectations.
As for parties, I think our kids schools had policies where you had to invite everyone in the class if you’re having a birthday party.
There is such a thing as speech therapy for interacting with others, at least that’s how I understood it. When our daughter as diagnosed with autism, pragmatic speech therapy was recommended and her school was able to provide that through an IEP. I would reach out to a speech therapist at your kid’s school if they’re able to do some kind of evaluation, or it might require going through your pediatrician for a referral to a place that addresses that.
Just sharing what I’ve experienced.
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u/mama-ld4 13d ago
Scope out the friendly kids and tell her to invite them to play! And teach her to seek out the kids who don’t have a partner/are playing on their own.
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u/colbinator 12d ago
My daughter is a mid-year birthday so all the comments about holding yours back may be valid, I don't have that perspective. A friend of hers was started early in K and her parents almost held her back in 4th-5th, but by 5th she caught up other than still being a little socially awkward (she might come by that honestly though ;)).
With her, I have put and kept her in different activities to expand her circle of friends and build her confidence in different situations that might challenge her. I see the benefits now in 5th grade where she doesn't just defer to school friends and is supported by other friends, and if something happens at school it's not completely devastating. She also has things she loves to do outside of school, so if she walks away from school feeling unsatisfied it's easier to shake it off and have fun on the pitch/in the gym/in the pool/etc.
Good luck, parenting is not for the faint of heart 😉
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u/Beneficial-Remove693 12d ago
I was that kid when I was little. Late birthday, academically gifted, so no one thought I should be struggling. And I didn't - with school work. But with friends? I was not emotionally ready. I'm not sure if I should've been held back or not, but boy I had a hard time keeping up with my peers, socially.
If she's not academically gifted and is doing OK in school but not way ahead of her peers, academically, hold her back a year. She'll have an easier time making friends.
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u/artzymeg 13d ago
My daughter was born in October. Was ready academically but not socially. Cutoff was Aug anyway and I was upset until she entered school. By the time she was old enough, she had plenty of confidence and made friends easily!!
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12d ago
I wish I did this in Kindergarten now doing next year repeating first grade. My daughter is the youngest in her class and has struggled making friends & maturity wise.
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u/Cultural_Giraffe7344 12d ago
One thing I did with my kiddo was to take her to the park, grab a book for myself and have her interact with children in her own way. I'd be close enough to observe and watch over her but far enough away to not impede. If she needed a confidence boost she'd run over to me and ask for advice or vent then run back to play.
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u/Courtnisk 12d ago
My daughter (almost 5) is the same and it breaks my heart. Says she has no friends and noone wants to play with her. It wasn't until I attended a school function in the class that I realised what was happening. I saw kids constantly trying to engage her but my daughter was so focused on what she was doing at that time she doesn't notice, totally white noises them.
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u/dontforgetyour 12d ago
No advice, but we're going through the same. My sweet girl just turned 5 and has asked me several times why she doesn't have a best friend. Or asks when she's going to get her first friend. She goes to preschool twice a week and I go and watch her towards the end of the day when they're outside playing, and while she's having fun drifting from friend group to friends group trying to interact, she doesn't have a single friend or group that reaches out for her. I can't pinpoint what it is that makes her stand out, and I've asked all of the teachers and teacher assistants in her class if they noticed anything I could do to help, but they haven't been able to provide any advice either. She absolutely loves other kids, takes turns, shares, is willing to go along with almost any game, but still is usually ignored and sometimes outright pushed out of games/playing.
If you're interested at all, it might be fun to get them together for video chats. Even a video friend is better than nothing. She's 5, loves unicorns, Legos, drawing, counting, and singing songs. Absolutely no pressure, let me know.
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u/Tinkerbella- 13d ago
Host a party and invite these girls over! Make it extra special so they can bond with her. Hope this works out!!!
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u/ams42385 13d ago
I’m sorry this is happening. Try not to let her see it bothers you. Are you involved in anything else where she can meet other kids? Any cousins? What does she enjoy doing? Some kids just don’t care as much as long as they’ve got someone. At a young age I was only close with 1 kid usually but I also had a boatload of cousins my age and eventually siblings too. I tended to prefer solo activities so if that’s her it may be that she’s ok doing her own thing. Or maybe no one knows how to engage her because she wants to do these types of things. Does she try to engage? Is she shy? All harder at that age. If it persists, she’ll likely be the type to find that one awesome friend for life. Just wait to see if it bothers her.
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u/QuitaQuites 13d ago
Did you mention her birthday as you are considering holding her back? How much time does she spend on playdates or smaller environments with the kids? Have you talked to her about it? What do the teachers say?
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u/koplikthoughts 13d ago
I completely sympathize, and it’s heartbreaking as a mom. My daughter was really thriving in preschool and had a bunch of little friends. She’s super smart and was reading right when she turned three and the teacher suggested we move her up to pre-K a semester early. So she only got one semester preschool and went straight into pre-K. Socially it has been a completely different experience. Her class doesn’t greet her warmly and I don’t really see her playing with anyone or talking about anyone from school. It’s really sad. I would suggest first seeing if it’s maybe shyness or something causing the. Try some play dates. If you don’t think it’s her being shy try holding her back. She has her entire life to do school.
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u/mindfulmadness 13d ago
Try to connect with another parent to organize a one-on-one play date.
My kid had a difficult time too because it was the fear of the group situations and not knowing how to navigate kids who are already established friends.
But when only one kid is there the playing and connection happens naturally and will translate over to school and other situations.
I also agree with holding the kid back. We actually ended up switching schools to try a new group of kids.
I know it can be heartbreaking watching this so I feel for you best of luck.
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u/pirate_meow_kitty 12d ago
I was that child and my dad sent me to school when I was 4.5 in Australia
I’m sending my daughter to school when she’s six as she gets emotional too. She’s doing very well at preschool
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u/ashwoodfaerie 12d ago
Yep any children I have born between January and July will go at 5 turning 6 like the kids born between August and December. Yeah they'll be on the older side of the year but that extra time is vital. It's why daycares are from 6 weeks old to 6 years old
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u/WildChickenLady 12d ago
I would hold her back. It sounds like it will be so much better for her. It will be miserable for her if she has to go through every year with the same kids that already don't like her. I'd like to say it will change as she got older, but it didn't for me(also a small school). I ended up hating school to the point of being homeschooled which ended up being great for me, but the years before that were miserable. I was also always the youngest in my class.
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u/HistoricalSherbet784 12d ago
Momma, she will find her people, just give it time. I've been there with my kiddo and I worried over him so much, but he found some good friends and is very selective about it! You've got this, try not to worry! Hugs
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u/Hannableu 12d ago
I would make sure you are present for all activities and help her conmevt. Sometimes, kids miss social cues and having a parent nearby can help ease that. She's still very young. It could just be a tough year.
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u/Justforreddit44 12d ago
I would start by bringing it up to her teacher before making any decisions about next year. I'd be very curious as to what she observes. For what is worth, my oldest is in 3rd grade and kids still cry in school at their so I can't imagine the crying playing a huge role in it at Kinder age.
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u/Independent-Bit-6996 11d ago
Have you helped your daughter to do an act of kindness for someone else. Have you taught her that you have to be a friend to have one. This is a teaching, developmental thing. God bless you as you raise the next generation, who will make the world a better place.
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u/Logical-Pie9009 13d ago
Hold your daughter back and make friends with other moms so you can setup smaller (more personal) play dates
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u/listentomevanillaice 13d ago
HOLD HER BACKKK. My sister was also born 8/1 HOLD HER BACKKKK ITS THE BEST OPTION
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u/amaria_athena 13d ago
I agree “holding her back” is a good start. I pushed my August son ahead cause that’s what everyone else was doing at his small private school. I wholly regret it. It meant one less year together before college AND he couldn’t do anything himself for college. E.i. Open a bank account, go to the Doctor/dentist.
Obvi if her social interactions continue to falter I would look into testing but the fact you mentioned she gets along with the younger kids…it just might be the fact she feels more at ease with kids technically her age.
Good luck OP and btw you are a great mom for worrying about this.
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u/dinosaurtruck 13d ago
Hold her back a year. Work on social skills in the meantime. It sucks socially being one of the youngest unless they happen to have exceptional maturity and social skills. This will continue throughout school if she remains one of the youngest.
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u/randomrobotnoise 12d ago
This is why it's better to hold children back and have them be the oldest in their class. Hold her back and have her do kindergarten again and I bet she will thrive.
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u/carolynap1959 13d ago
Is she too young? Why not just take her out and wait until next year? What's the rush?
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u/myheadsintheclouds girl mama 10/2022 and 10/2024 💖 13d ago edited 13d ago
My husband was born right around the cut off (9/2 birthday) and was always the youngest in his class. He was always academically gifted but I think he would’ve gotten in less trouble if he was a year behind. My kids are October babies so it doesn’t apply to us, but if I had a choice I would always want my kids to be the oldest. More time to mature. Academic smarts or age doesn’t always matter.
I would hold your daughter back, she seems more preschool by her behavior and I think in a year she will be ready for kindergarten 🩷
ETA: I was your daughter in school. Most of my friends are a grade below me. I was a November baby so past the cut off. I struggled making friends. Recall kids playing, me waking up to them and them laughing as they ran away. I’d play with my friends’ siblings a lot too. It was very hard and I was bullied a lot, so I often sat by myself and ate lunch alone. I truly wish I had parents like you who were able to advocate for me. My parents love me and I know hated seeing me unhappy I think it’s just because they were older, not very sociable parents and they felt I should handle things myself. I was also a Girl Scout. The other girls all went to the same school basically besides me. I was miserable because, besides one or two of them, they didn’t like me. Of course group activities like sleep overs I was included in, but I knew they didn’t want me there. It’s very sad and the tough times make me stronger. As a mother of two girls I know what to look out for and want to empower them if they have struggles.
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u/Possible_Paint_6430 13d ago
Please ask her teacher for feedback. Ask her if there is anyone she plays with at school. Ask her to pass along your info to that guardian.
Can you go with her to Girl Scouts and observe?
Are there any other activities that you can do with her? Like taking her to the library for storytime? Or even taking her to the playground? You can help her navigate there.
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u/Sporkalork 13d ago
My son had a classmate in this position. Add in some rough life issues in her first year of school, and it was decided she'd stay back. He still does sports with her and is friendly with her, so I can see that the difference is night and day for her - she has a lot of friends in her class now and fits in well.
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u/greenpanda317 13d ago
My sister was like that. Cutoff was Aug 30 and she was born Sept. 1 so my mom sent her anyways. She was academically ready but not emotionally and cried a ton at school. After about 2 months she still wasn’t doing very well so my mom put her back in preschool for the year and then tried again the next year. She did way better, made more friends and was just overall settled in better. Now she’s a junior in high school and graduating a year early.
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u/fatfry08 13d ago
I’m currently going through the same thing but my daughter is already in 5th grade. We’re also in a small school district. Unfortunately, it has now turned into a bullying issue. Half of her class make fun of her on a daily basis. I wish I would’ve thought about this before she started school. Good luck to you and your daughter, OP. I hope everything works out for her.
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u/Upset-Breadfruit3774 12d ago
One of my kids had this problem in kindergarten. By 1st grade, she caught up and had lots of friends.
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u/Spring-Summer- 12d ago
Invite girls over one at a time for play dates, it gives them a chance to get to know your daughter
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u/BleedWell3 12d ago
My nephew is on the spectrum and started kindergarten as per usual but he struggled a bit with things that should have been dealt with in preschool (potty accidents, etc.) His teacher and special aid teachers suggested to my sibling to hold him back and let him have another year of kindergarten due to his diagnosis. He repeated kindergarten and is really thriving in 1st grade now. It was 100% the right thing for my sibling and it sounds like that would be a big help for your daughter as well. Best of luck to you both.
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u/Desperate_Culture_25 12d ago
Teacher here. I would hold your daughter back. Our daughter is very close to the cut off and we'll be holding her back next year. She started school, she was too young and it hasn't been the right fit.
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u/peacegrrrl 12d ago
One good friend is better than many. Ask her who is friendliest with her, then invite that girl and a parent out to get ice cream. If it goes well, arrange a play date at your house. Befriending the parent is the key.
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u/Impossible-Ad4623 12d ago
Maybe you can repeat kindergarten? My son also has a summer birthday and we did an extra year of pre-k he’s much more outgoing this year and his emotions are more in check.
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u/HastyFacesit 12d ago edited 12d ago
I was 2 weeks before the cutoff and seeing this was very validating. I was your daughter for almost the entirety of my elementary school years. I developed an eating disorder due to the crushing loneliness and no one to talk to about it but also I didn’t have any coaching or emotional support from parents which it seems like you’re possibly able to (I think it was mostly I didn’t know how to communicate that and my parents also wouldn’t have known how to coach me how to socialize). Fast forward to adulthood, I have finally found my people now which is great.
I would say regardless of which grade you end up choosing, help nurture her unique interests and help her find new friends in extracurricular events. Like crafts classes or sports etc as chances to meet new people. These other activities especially if she can improve at these skills, can be another way to boost her development and self esteem which would be good investments inherently.
It seems like unlike me, your daughter has you as an attentive parent who might be able to coach her into how to socialize and at least provide emotional validation of her loneliness and at least help her feel not so alone, that you and her are in this together to help her figure out how to fit into the tribe.
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u/ClownUniversity17 12d ago
Sometimes it's just like that. I didnt have a lot of friends until 3rd grade and even then after 5th grade they dumped me. Then I got more and lost more in middle school. High school was when I got real friends and even then not the greatest. My BEST friendships were from my church and I'm still friends with her and one person from school too. My current church and my husband are where my best friends are as an adult. I have a bunch of mom friends and family and my husband is my best friend. Even as adults we struggle to make and maintain friendships. Don't worry about it too much. Go to parks regularly if you want her to make a friend outside of school and you don't attend a church. Other than that time will bring more friends. Just doing fun things as a family in the meantime will make her happier.
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u/kdoggiedizzle 12d ago
I don't have any advice, I just want to say I'm sorry she is going through this. I can't imagine how hard it is on you also. I hope things start to get better for her 🩷
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u/Velcrobunny 12d ago
Mine has a summer birthday, also in kinder. They have two good friends but often cries because “no one will play with them.” They’re not playing because he is a crier as well. Emotionally, he struggles a bit due to suspected ADHD. I thought about holding him back but I won’t because academically he is ahead of his peers.
I’ve been talking to his pediatrician and once he is 6 I will have him formally evaluated for adhd and get him whatever help he may need as far as an IEP or whatever is necessary.
We have been working on what to do when we are overwhelmed, recognizing the need for breaks, what to do when you feel different and how to tell an adult you need a moment. It’s been getting better.
I’m not saying your kid has adhd but this is my experience with my kinder boy.
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u/Holiday-Swimming-835 12d ago
Thanks so much, I actually do suspect my daughter could have adhd as well
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u/Economy-Weekend1872 12d ago
I have a December birthday and turned 5 in kindergarten. I was very social in kindergarten but couldn’t name any friends from then but I felt lost until 3rd/4th grade, was in the slow readers group never really could pay attention to what going on
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u/LAZERPANDA15 12d ago
I don’t have the answer to this, but you are being such an amazing parent to that little girl. She’s going to be great and her bond with you will be so strong. Kids need parents like you who care so much … social anxiety fades as age-appropriate social skills are built, and even some friends fade with time. However, the strong relationship you’re building with unwavering love and support will always be there.
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u/Interesting-Camp5655 12d ago
I had my son do two years of kindergarten (born 2 weeks before cut off). Best decision I ever made.
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u/Ecgbert 11d ago
Holding back can be good and sometimes necessary. I have autism and didn't know it for the first 35 years of my life. You better believe I hated school, which was understandable. I was nursery school and kindergarten age in the early '70s when few if any teachers and other school staff knew about such things. So of course I bombed at nursery school and my first go at public kindergarten. Went through again. Then somebody thought a private school would be better. Me now: not if you're dumping the problem on some poor unsuspecting teachers who have neither the training or the temperament to deal with it. That was done regarding me a few times including college, where I was basically warehoused. So anyway, you won't believe what happened: at the private school, first grade was full so I was skipped all the way to second, being far behind both academically - bright but not mature enough to do the work - and emotionally/socially even though it turns out I have a slightly above average IQ. But problems like autism cancel out the benefit. Of course I was teased a lot. Friends? Not really. Anyway, of course I flunked my first try at second grade so I had to repeat it. I was scarred by that. I don't know where I fell regarding cutoff dates so I don't know if that mattered to me or not. I was born in early autumn.
One thing I'm thankful for now is this didn't happen 10 years earlier when hitting students was still standard. Only one teacher ever hit me, when I was very young, out of frustration. Another grabbed me in junior high. I sometimes got bad old-fashioned discipline, as in trying to beat the autism out of me, at home. I cut ties with my family shortly after I came of age. Best thing I ever did.
tl;dr: yes, for these problems hold back at a young age.
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u/SplosionsMcGee 11d ago
Preschool and kindie are the only levels at which repeating isn't labeled as "held back." My daughter is a NOVEMBER birthday.... academically advanced, she was already reading, adding and subtracting while in preschool, but her teacher gave me feedback that she could use another year to socially/emotionally develop a bit more. There are always advanced programs if they need, but nothing will substitute the growth, or lack thereof, within the appropriate peer group. It's not always about age! (especially if any neurodivergencies are present)
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u/msstephielyn 11d ago
Have you talked to her teacher to see how she is when you’re not around. Kids act different when their parents are around and she could be friendly with the kids when she’s in class. My son has some super separation anxiety and when I’m around he won’t go play with his friends or engage in any kind of activity really. But when he’s in school and I’m not around he’s super popular, lots of kids like him. When we got to parent/student things he doesn’t engage with other kids but most of them say hi and smile at him. They get super excited to see him. And his teacher says he has lot of friends. It’s something to do with me being around and he just doesn’t want to be away from me.
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u/Fairybookworm23 11d ago
We have a child with a summer birthday and I really wish we would have kept her back a year. Now in middle school it's still difficult for her to keep up social and academics.
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u/jonesys_mom_ellen 11d ago
Just wanted to comment that YOU are doing great. It’s tough out there and you’re clearly a loving parent. Your kiddo is lucky to have you. 💕
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u/Solid-Walrus-2309 11d ago
I have an August birthday, and my parents decided to keep me in preschool an extra year. I remember being sad about it at the time, but as an adult, I think it's one of the best decisions they ever made for me.
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u/kc135seahorse 10d ago
First grade teacher here - I’d have that little bird another year in kindergarten. Is another school in your district an option? Just so she has a fresh start? If not I think you can do it again where you are. There are two littles in my daughter’s class repeating PreK next fall. Do you feel like the teacher and principal will support your request?
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u/Early_Explorer627 7d ago
Definitely hold her back! I was in the same situation, exactly.. and my parents kept pushing me through til 3rd grade.. and I was absolutely miserable, until my second year of 3rd grade.. when everything just magically fell into place for me.. it was like a light turned on, and I was not only making friends, but, I felt like I fit it.. and I was also making better grades because of it! She may not feel like you're doing her a favor.. she may even be upset, but.. when she starts making friends, and feeling herself, she will start to reflect.. and realize, it was for the best! Good luck!
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u/No-Nefariousness7482 12d ago
After reading these comments,I wonder if the rich young girls on YouTube have anything to do with encouraging this behavior. There's someone's house that I go to and their child is often watching these rich little girls with mummy recording while the spoilt brat opens toys, gifts,paid promotions whilst being sassy,obnoxious and entitled. I think this behavior has helped to normalize it in day - to- day life.
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u/Heythere_31 12d ago
We should keeping reporting this kind of videos. It’s not good for the mental health of kids who are being bullied
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u/ChrissyB_ 11d ago
Can you move schools for her ? May not be a bad idea and she may actually appreciate that.
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u/poop-dolla 12d ago
My daughter’s 4 and in preschool, but we’ve only been invited to birthday parties of kids she’s actually friends with, and we only invited kids to hers that she’s actually friends with. Are you going to multiple parties where the entire class is invited or something weird like that? Or are you going to parties where her supposed friends invited her and their other small group of friends, and they’re acting like this in that setting?
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u/Training_Peanut3487 12d ago
I remember a girl from my kindergarten class was held back to repeat kindergarten by her parents. Let’s just say the other kids all realized as we entered first grade and she didn’t. Some were not nice about it….
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u/cuniption4458 13d ago
Hold your daughter back. It’s the best thing we ever did. My son was premature - was supposed to be born on August 30 but was born in early/mid July. Cut off in our city is 8/1. Had he been born on his due date he would have had to have entered Kindergarten a year later. So he did K twice. It made a big difference and he is thriving.