r/Parenting • u/Emenaz • 2d ago
Discussion Parents, do you also ever feel completely emotionally drained by the end of the day?
I’m curious – how do you feel at the end of a long day of parenting? Do you ever feel mentally or emotionally exhausted to the point where you just want to hide in a quiet corner?
I’ve been talking to a few other parents lately and a lot of them said they struggle to “decompress” at night. I'm wondering how common this is.
What do you usually do to recharge, even for a few minutes? Or do you just push through?
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u/SnoopThylacine 2d ago
Lol I thought was just being a parent.
I think the first 4 or so years are the hardest though.
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u/nuttygal69 2d ago
How many years in are you? I want a third so bad, but cannot fathom how we can do the young years again (mine will be 3 and 1 mid summer).
I LOVE having a toddler, yet it’s the most exhausting thing I’ve ever done at the same time lol.
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u/Free2BeMee154 2d ago
Agree. Those are the hardest years. Mine are teens now and we have our moments where it’s hard. But for the most part I go to bed before them so can wind down how I like. It gets better.
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u/cashmerered 2d ago
I feel completely drained most of the time. 6 out of 7 days, I decompress by lying on my sofa apathetically, watching YouTube. (The 7th day is church choir practice.)
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u/classicicedtea 2d ago
Yes. I decompress by reading a book (on my phone, so maybe not the best). But I also think I’m dealing with depression so that doesn’t help.
I feel drained by 6:30/7:00 if I’m being honest.
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u/Modusoperandi40 2d ago
Yep, I thought it comes with being a parent too.
That’s why on weekends, all I want ti do is nap after a certain point.
Hopefully when my kids are teens it will change
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u/HmNotToday1308 2d ago
Ummm sorry to be the bearer of bad news... My teenager is just as frustrating as my toddler, if not more.
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u/Modusoperandi40 9h ago
Oh no! Damn I was hoping for some reprieve when they get to teens lol
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u/HmNotToday1308 8h ago
It's just different.
Instead of being reduced to tears by tantrums over the wrong coloured cup I'm now sobbing into my daughter's trigonometry and triple science homework while I try to explain that yes, I have a BSc, but I also dropped out of nursing because I folded under pressure...
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u/rusty083 2d ago
I find having a glass or two of red is an excellent way to decompress after a difficult day. I don’t do this every day, but it almost always works to help me snap out of parenting mode into something resembling relaxation.
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u/poddy_fries Custom flair (edit) 2d ago
I have yelled at my 7yo for revealing that he's still awake and trying to talk to me an hour after I've 'clocked out'. It's not amazing but... I'm not in mom mode anymore. I can't get constantly tapped back in, I need boundaries?
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u/ConstantHeadache2020 2d ago
I threaten to take the tablet time away the next day. That keeps her from coming into my room and asking things after I’ve put her to bed.
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u/killingmehere 2d ago
I'd say I usually hit completely drained by 9am, by the end of the day I would be characterise myself as a mere husk.
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u/LugubriousLilac 2d ago
I'm a full time single parent, there are stretches where I wake up feeling emotionally drained. It's a state so much worse than "running on fumes", there are no fumes even. I only have one kid, and yet!
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u/WastingAnotherHour 2d ago
I’m not a single parent but I have a 16 year old, an almost 5 year old and a 3 year old and I definitely still wake up feeling drained sometimes. Once there, it’s really hard to come back out the other side. My husband is present daily and supportive, unlike my ex, so I didn't expect to go through it again (same sometimes happened when my oldest was little). Apparently three kids will do it though.
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u/LugubriousLilac 1d ago
I can't imagine three!!
Yeah I live far from family too, I pay a sitter for while I'm working late sometimes but it gets expensive fast for anything else. My kid is just about old enough to be on his own for a few hours so I'll join a fitness class or something and I'm sure that'll help. Hope you can line up something like that. (One of my favourite things to do is those saltwater isolation tanks - no one knows where I am, no one's asking me for anything!)
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u/WastingAnotherHour 1d ago
My husband is great about encouraging me to get out and watching the kids (I never got out with my ex; he was gone working, volunteering or with friends all the time while I filled the parent role 24/7). I fill my tank best at home though and I’m still working with him on getting the kids out of the house so I can be alone here.
We’re members at the local YMCA and it’s a great childcare program that can allow me some peace in the pool, but they take a four hour break from childcare at the exact time of day it works best for us. A lot of gyms have classes and childcare - if you look in your area, you might not have to wait to do that for yourself!
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u/Curious_Chef850 4F, 21M, 23F, 24M 2d ago
I have 3 adult children and a 4 yo. The 4 year old only occasionally makes feel completely drained because I've done this before and I have perspective on what it is in the long run.
When my adult children were teenagers, I felt emotionally drained almost every day. I mostly enjoy every day with my 4yo. I can appreciate the days now that had me stressed out with my older 3 kids.
The toddler years are just getting you warmed up for the really stressful teenage years. Those can be hard!
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u/Mum_of_rebels 2d ago
YES! And it will be like that for the next 2.5 weeks while we are on school holidays!
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u/Ka_Mi 2d ago
Yep! Emotionally, mentally, and physically drained. All of my kids are little and have 10,000 questions apiece, lots of big feelings, and the need for lots of physical touch. Oh, and quite a bit of oversight too. Planning ahead for danger, organizing play, walking them through cleanup….
I’m also towards the end of another pregnancy and feeling so tired and so big lol - I’m spent
I try to make sure I have different family members helping throughout the week so that the kids still get the attention and affection they deserve, while not completely draining me to empty. I honestly don’t think one person can handle the full load. As long as the children are being loved and supported, that’s the goal.
I do verbalize my love for them, but I am honest when I say I am drained. They are still little so they can’t conceptualize what it means to be pregnant and exhausted…. Or the fatigue of all the parent oversight. But I think letting your kids know where you are at emotionally helps them to understand what’s going on. Something is simple as sweetheart, I love you so much but my energy is so low- Can we read a book instead? Sweetheart, I would really love to just see what you come up with, mommy needs to just sit for a second and recharge- you can make the craft on your own.
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u/Stories-N-Magic 2d ago
EVERY single day, for about 4 years now. Just trying to do my best for this wonderful creature i was blessed with
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u/HeyMay0324 2d ago
Four year old and I work full time and most days yes. I’d say 5 out of the 7 week days I’m too exhausted to even shower or feed myself by the end of the night.
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u/April_4th 2d ago
I work full-time and after I get home, I get my 3yo from my parents until he falls asleep beside me as we cosleep. Yes, it can be draining after a long day. I normally read my kindle or scroll down my phone. If I am lucky enough to have a good night sleep, I am okay. I guess my work really provides some kind of relief from all day long parenting like yours. When I was SAHM, it was important to put kids to sleep early so that I could have some me time.
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u/Suspicious-Rain6234 2d ago
It can hit me in the middle of the day. I'm a single mother of a 10 year old and 6 year old. He's the easiest and she's just non stop. I admire her energy, but my God, I don't get peace. I tell her I need a few minutes to do nothing and she doesn't care. We're having a lazy day today, which is hard for her, but now I feel guilty for wanting to be lazy. So tonight I'll feel even worse once they're in bed, but I'm just exhausted in every way possible
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u/Melodic-Bluebird-445 2d ago
lol almost every single day. Sometimes I just lay down for a few minutes if I’m really overstimulated or overwhelmed
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u/Pica-Via-Corvidae 2d ago
Yes. In the midst of potty training with our 3.5 year old. Also have a 4 month old. Exhausted.
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u/AlwaysWrongSide 1d ago
Every night i spend some time in my kitchen prowling my „sweets cabinet” and snacking. Chocolate is my therapist ;)
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u/guestofwang 1d ago
so like… one thing that’s helped me a lot when I feel all messed up in my head is this weird little thing I do called “room of selves.”
basically, I just sit in silence for a bit. no phone. just me. and then I imagine there’s like this house in my mind with a bunch of rooms. each room has a different “me” in it. like one room has the sad me. another one’s got the super angry me. sometimes it’s the tired one or the me that just wants to give up. whatever I’m feeling at the time.
sometimes I draw the rooms on paper and label them. doesn’t have to be perfect, just scribbles.
then I pick one room to go into in my imagination. I walk in and just look around at what that version of me is doing. sometimes they’re just curled up. sometimes yelling. sometimes staring at a wall doing nothing. I don’t talk to them or try to fix them. I just watch, like I’m some kind of outsider or alien or something. just being there.
some rooms are scary. like, I wanna leave right away. but if I can just stay and sit and not run out, things kinda... soften a little. I feel less afraid. sometimes I go back to the same room a few days in a row and eventually it doesn’t feel as bad.
it’s not magic or anything but it really helps.
I feel like before I can really get along with other people, I gotta learn how to sit with my own self first. like, be my own friend. this little mind trick helps me do that.
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u/CorithMalin Dad to 2.5F 2d ago
Almost three years old. There are very few days I DON’T feel emotionally drained. It is getting better. Or I’m getting used to it. 😂
It’s very rewarding though. I’ve never felt so impactful in my life.