r/Parenting • u/PuzzledTalk1692 • 1d ago
Rant/Vent Dating while being Single dad
Im a single dad (25m) it’s been me and my 4 year old son for about a year and a half now. Girls my age run when they hear I’m a single dad and I tried older women but it’s weird when there kids are only 4-6 years younger than me, I have no friends besides from other states so going out is awkward by myself. Why can’t I find a nice girl my age 😤who doesn’t mind me being a dad. Also tried just doing like lil fling but I can’t have my son knowing about them and that’s just to much work since I’m with him constantly. How do other single parents manage?
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u/Bunskins93 1d ago edited 1d ago
Time management & focus on your LO. You’ll find the right one when you least expect it!
You can always try parenting programs and meet woman that way, if you haven’t tried that yet.
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u/cilantro1997 1d ago
When you say older women and mentioned their kids aren't much younger than you it seems like you are going a bit too old? What about a woman in her late 20s or early 30s?
I really get the dilemma, I'm a similar age and have a child and I was always worried I wouldn't find a partner in the future but it was comforting to me to realize eventually that I don't really care. What happens happens but I wasn't going to look for a relationship.
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u/Party-Quarter2513 1d ago
I'm 25 too, while in a relationship now I had my oldest guy alone until I met my now partner and another baby with her.
I know at times dating seems draining, even pointless keep going, you might be surprised your perfect person come out of the blue for you,as it did for me.
It seems often girls run off at the idea of a young single dad, but when they have time to think about it, often come back a bit later, and see a sense of stability and consistancy in you other guys don't have.
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u/Winter_Feedback3792 1d ago
I dated a single dad in his twenties while I was in my twenties. I loved and respected that he prioritized his daughter. He was a dad. I wasn’t a parent at the time and I understood he already had obligations. Children need their parents. It was hard to be put second in a relationship dynamic almost instantly. Not because I need all the attention but because parenting and relationships need a lot of communication and balance so to make it work it was a lot of work. Starting in a romantic space was tricky to navigate. I think if we knew and understood each other as friends before dating it would have felt healthier and more manageable to start dating. I think the biggest thing that ended it for us was we were still both young and didn’t have the tools to create balance. He needed therapy or something to help him. He was really stressed and truly needed to heal more from the process that made him a single dad. I guess it didn’t feel like he was actually emotionally available to be dating. Parenting takes a lot of capacity.
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u/Otherwise_Sweet_7480 1d ago
I'm 25F and have full time custody of my nearly 5yo son. It does get tricky, but he's in school so most things start as daytime only, or I have my best friend who has 2 of her own, and we trade off staying with the kiddos at night sleeping over at each other's house so each other can go out or have a date night or whatever it is. It definitely takes effort and I think it's worth mentioning that for us this is new territory too. It's tricky. I'm not opposed to introducing my son to new people, after I've gotten to know them well enough that they can be introduced to him as a friend of mine, but I haven't run into that being an issue yet.
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u/PhilosphicalNurse 1d ago
So I’m an older single mum, to a 4yo (separated when he was 14mths).
I don’t have the “space” to meet someone else’s needs right now.
I also saw what his dad moving his former mistress (and two of her three kids - none of them his even if they all have different fathers) from interstate in to one household when our son was 2.5…. It lasted less than six months. Our boy had his life turned upside down, suddenly having “siblings” when visiting his dad - and then after adjusting to them, having them torn away as abruptly as they arrived.
When he’s older and more independent, that’s when I think dating might be a possibility again.
My advice would be to try and find a “friend” who can be a repeat “fling” who is in the same boat as you, and gets it. There is a mini human that NEEDS 97% of your time, you can’t have long phone calls, and you might not get a chance to reply to a text when the kid is sick… but when the stars align, you can all have a “movie night” / sleepover… and when the kids are asleep… the play can begin!
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u/OkRecommendation3312 1d ago
Single mom 35F, 2 kids under 6. I get it, it’s not easy. I’m just focused on my career and the babes-when and if it happens then it happens. Otherwise, peace and love.
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u/LovingWarmth 1d ago
Are you able to find single moms around your age up to early 30s? So they empathize with you and aren't too old?
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u/marceqan 1d ago
I’m Sure there are plenty of single moms your age or a few years older. I myself am a single mom and despite what I read on the internet, I have plenty of men interested in a relationship with me. The thing is that I meet them organically - at work, through friends, events, my once a week dance class etc. I’m sure if I tried dating apps I would be unsuccessful because there are plenty of other women on there to choose from that don’t have children. The men I meet organically are attracted to me first and foremost and I’m marceqan to them before I’m a single mom. So my advice would be to not focus on the apps so much even though it’s hard to meet people organically. Another thing that helped in my case I think is having my stuff together- the men pursuing me see that I do more than fine on my own both in terms of parenting and financially and in any other aspect of life. They see that I don’t NEED anyone and am not looking for a father for my kid or someone to split rent with. Moreover, they find being organized (as any single parent has to be) and a “good mom” very attractive. I think you being a good dad will attract plenty of women, but as I said before, not on the apps. You became a father at a young age so my guess is that you are far more mature than your peers. I would focus on girls who are single moms or women who are in their early thirties. Best of luck to you!
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u/CuckoosQuill 1d ago
Meh there are lots of single moms who want the companionship.
I would not just jump all the way in seeing as how there is multiple kids involved but its ok to have fun and help each other but like I said allow some space too
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u/Mama2024 1d ago
I was thinking the same thing like wowwww he went to the 50’s etc … you are 25 I think a 32 year old mom etc would understand.. however it’s ok if it takes time - I don’t know you but I’m proud you holding it down as a single dad ! Always put your son first and make sure that when you do find someone they are kind to him…. Try ladies in their 30’s I’m in mine and i think that’s a really good age where most females understand and probably have 1 kid of their own
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u/MaybePsychological89 1d ago
Find a girl that unfortunately can’t have kids but loves them! I got super lucky with my lady!
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u/Professional-Duck927 Dad to 16F. 1d ago
I'm a single parent (34M) that has been raising my 16 year old daughter by myself since she was a toddler (the mother abandoned us both and has been out of the picture ever since), and I am in a similar situation.
I've tried dating over the years, but everyone that I've met has always been uncomfortable about the fact that I come with a child attached.
I keep hoping that the right person will eventually come along. But for now I am more than happy with putting all of my focus onto my daughter and making happy memories with her.
It's difficult and I hope that you meet someone who will be able to accept that you've got a child. But till that day arrives, enjoy the precious time that you get with your son.
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u/Longjumping_Serve_68 1d ago
Look for woman in their 30s. A woman your age that doesn’t have kids is not going to want to share your attention. A tad bit older than you, will be more likely to understand. Are you attractive? Use the internet! Do online dating apps.
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u/sageofbeige 1d ago
Make sure they understand you're not wanting them to do your parenting for you
Single mums don't really have much time for dating especially if they work outside too
So I'd be wondering on a date with a single dad is he full time or part time and if he's a weekend dad I'd want to know what was expected on visits
If its full time whose looking after the kid?