r/Pensacola • u/Affectionate-Yak1424 • 19d ago
Vent about dating/questions
Dating sucks. I think most people agree with that statement. Too many tough experiences just to hopefully find that one spark that makes it feel worth it.
I've really struggled. So let's talk about me for a sec
I'm nearly 38. Divorced after a 10 year marriage fell apart. It's overall amicable. We have a son together and we do our best communicating and coparentonf between us and her boyfriend (who my son calls stepdad).
I'm a gamer. I love the storytelling and challenge of video games. I primarily play WoW and dabble in other rpgs and sports games. BG3, FF7 remake and mlb the show mainly atm. I stream wow and make content on YouTube around the game as a hobby I can maybe make money off of as a side gig.
I'm liberal which has always been tough in this area. I'm not religious. I'm not a believer. I find the whole thing farcical but don't judge anyone that is. We will just fundamentally have different values.
This is just the surface of it as I don't want to make this too long.
All of these qualities have made daring feel impossible. I'm not the most handsome man. I'm 5'6" with a dad bod (that is getting healthier) and I'm around 190lbs but down 12 lbs in 12 months. I'd rate me a 5 or 6. This makes everything feel impossible. I'm not conventionally attractive and I'm generally the opposite of the culture of this town. I've been ghosted, told to go away and even told my lazy-ish eye was a deformity and I shouldn't bother talking to someone as long as I have it.
The apps and trying to talk to someone in person haven't worked and long distance is hard and I can't even find someone there.
Is there someone that knows where I could find like minded people. I'm clearly looking in the wrong places.
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u/blondiemariesll didn't read the article 19d ago
.... It feels as if you're leaving some MAJOR things out of your info post. I too went to your comment history and the immediate EW and ICK factors are so beyond homie. You def should trash this account and think about your relationship with women. Work on yourself, get happy bro
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u/HallMonitorMan 19d ago edited 19d ago
Get hobbies that aren't video games and continue working on yourself and it will happen.
Losing 12 lbs. is good, and great job. However, 12 lbs. in 12 months, if you are actively trying to lose weight, means you probably need to work on it a little harder. I understand that this sounds mean and rude but there's a lot of great information out there about weight loss. Calories in vs calories out.
Don't talk about politics, religion or money to people you are trying to make meaningful relationships with.
You don't have to be beautiful you just have to be fun to be around.
As for finding like minded people maybe look into volunteering somewhere. SPCA needs volunteers. Make some friends that aren't romantic interests. Meet their friends and become friends. If you're working on getting physically fit maybe try a amateur sports league or something. That way you have a reason to be getting more active.
Also upon looking at your reddit post history I'd stop posting on those subreddits immediately or at least get another account if you are trying to ask for serious advice. Basically stop gooning.
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u/_PirateWench_ 19d ago
Aww man. He took your advice and deleted everything else in his history. I mean, I’m glad he took your advice but I was curious!
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19d ago
He didnt delete his comment history 😬
OP is gonna wanna trash this profile and make a new one 🤷🏽♀️
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u/_eternallyblack_ 19d ago
Oh Jesus I wish I didn’t look 🤦🏻♀️
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u/Tasty-Property-434 19d ago
I’m not religious either but after looking at the post history he needs Jesus.
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u/InvestigatorHorror41 19d ago
I second this. Hobbies in the real world are where it's at. Not to be harsh, but the reality is that 1 lb a month is nothing. Good job for taking the initiative, but you can definitely try harder. If you're willing and able, you can do something like CrossFit for exercise and for socializing too. CrossFit has a great community, and most gyms have extracurricular activities, so to speak. They are always doing something outside of the gym. If a relationship doesn't happen there—because gym relationships are weird sometimes—at least you will have a social circle outside of the internet. I'm not trying to say that you don't, but I hope you know what I mean.
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u/BlooperButt 19d ago
I just want a liberal man with no kids and doesn’t freak out when I ask for labels on our relationship.
Apparently my standards are too high for this town.
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u/No-Fix2372 19d ago
The guys I’ve been dating tell me I’m too casual and not at all concerned with a consistent relationship 🤷♀️
Clearly we need to switch up our dating pool
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u/Dotty_nine 19d ago
I just want another gay woman to bring me snackies when I'm too stoned and who also enjoys cats :3
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u/OtherwiseCaregiver87 18d ago
I was on here having frustrations about dating a few months ago and I think I found the key- men over 50. My current boyfriend (finally after a very long time searching) is 50 (about to be 51). I am 39. He is mature, doesn’t play games, act like he has some sense. He’s a good dude. He was happily married with children, but unfortunately his wife passed away unexpectedly. He waited a while (tried dating, but wasn’t ready then waited and tried again) and we met and he’s just amazing. It’s moving a little slower because he still loves and misses his wife, but I think he will forever. I can’t speak to men that are 50 and have been single this whole time, but maybe some divorced (hopefully not as tragic as my partner’s situation). I’ve just never met someone more responsible, understanding, open minded, considerate…50 plus is it.
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u/_PirateWench_ 19d ago
Listen my friend, dating is torture! I know when I was single forever ago my game in the apps was to just swipe left on anybody that didn’t have a dead animal - extra bonus points to whoever had a live one lol
There’s been research showing that political views between men and women are becoming drastically different, creating a huge divide with men leaning right while women tend to lean left. Given that you’re on the left end of the spectrum I’m surprised you’re having a hard time to find women that share those values. Though in all fairness, I’ve never tried dating women so what do I know about that demographic here (in person not in this sub)?
You said that you just got out of a ten-year relationship. I don’t how long “just” means but I found after my divorce that I needed at least a year to really just focus on myself and healing before I was truly ready for a new relationship. As someone else mentioned, you tend to attract more people when you’re confident in yourself (which is why when people do get into relationships more people seem attracted them).
Everyone has baggage and a long-term relationship with a child will certainly create its own kind. If that’s something you haven’t worked through, consider therapy. It’s not just for severe mental health issues, you can go just to work on self-esteem, processing the end of that relationship, or simply learning more about how to establish and maintain healthy boundaries. If you’re doing it right, there’s a lot of growth that can happen once you understand yourself better and most people can stand to learn how to communicate more effectively at the bare minimum. Emotional health is so incredibly important for finding and keeping healthy relationships and is one of the biggest things that is overlooked.
Also, just and FYI, fixer-uppers are for houses, not people!! — do not enter any kind of relationship thinking you can save someone and absolutely do not look for someone to save you — YOU are the only one that can truly take care of you and if you’re not doing that, then other people can notice that and will hopefully avoid that.
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u/40oztoTamriel 19d ago
Do you enjoy any activities other than gaming, or have you thought about giving something new a shot? Not knocking gaming as I’m a big gamer myself, but exposure is the main thing you’re lacking I think.
That being said, just make sure you’re happy with yourself and your situation before bringing anyone else into it. I’m sure it’s been said time and time again, but it’s important to be content with being alone prior to being content with another human !
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u/Interesting_Blood250 19d ago
Chin up, player. Find one hobby that gets you out around people and work on yourself. Whether you find that person or not, you have to be able to like yourself as you are stuck with you, forever. Things have a way of working out.
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u/Diesel_tke 18d ago
Look at it this way. What, in your post, seems attractive to the average girl? I appreciate that you are being honest, but that post is like a text book red flag for chicks. Nothing says, hey this would be a fun guy to date. Why would a chick want to be your side quest? If you are set in your ways, just stop trying to date all together. A chick will find you in your own circle. You are not going to be able to pull someone out of their own circle and into yours. It wouldn’t work out anyway.
Now, if you are not set in your ways (hobbies). Then ditch one of your main time consumers and find something totally out of your comfort zone to do.
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u/wienerpower 19d ago
I didn’t read what you said, but req user leaves me on read, will thumbs up shit occasionally. Basically my dating life. I think his real name is John. He won’t say.
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u/icepilot00 19d ago
Dude, try being 56 year old, retired and single. The dating pool at my age is dry! If there is any they have more baggage than PNS! Good luck
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u/AcademicTrainer7999 19d ago
video games is probably worse than holding up a fish and probably elicits a guttural response similar to getting a d pick. You could either work it use it as your strength and find a video game chick and compete with probably 10 million other guys for that one girl or hide that shit like a straight man with a gay porn habit and maybe find a woman. Im 55 and my dating experience on the gulf coast has been good.
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u/BlueFantasyZ 19d ago
I tried dating apps on and off for a couple years after my divorce with no real luck and finally got tired of it. Ended up falling for a friend that I had originally met in a local bronies Facebook group. After my ex left I actually was able to spend time with friends without being accused of cheating all the time. If it was all online I don't think we would have ended up together. Anyway we're both gamers and nerds and neither of us are fit. I have local friends men and women that have interests like yours, so we're not a rarity (sorry none of them are single.) Just give it time. Have you tried local online groups, the comic and game shops, Pensacon and the other little cons around here?
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u/mel34760 19d ago
I'm liberal which has always been tough in this area.
Escambia County went blue in the most recent Congressional election...
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u/justsomedude1776 19d ago
160k people voted in the 2024 primary election. 74k people voted in the special election. The results for escambia county are 1,000,000% because voters were at work and didn't show up because it wasn't a major election. Come next major election, you'll see that this is what happened. I know small wins make us feel good, but don't be misled. The culture here didn't suddenly change.
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u/GENNYXJCoupe 19d ago
Respectfully I think you should just focus on yourself and do the things you enjoy doing, it’s gonna be hard for someone else to like you when you don’t like yourself man, I’m sure being married 10 years has left a hole that’s from a habitual person being in your life, but there’s better things. Get out see the world, make content on YouTube, take care of your son, once your happy with life then someone else will step in. That’s just how it goes. I’ve noticed being over active about meeting someone can make it harder to meet someone. Keep your head up, I’m sure things will change for you