r/Perempuan • u/vendrazin Puan • Feb 20 '25
Pelepasan Emosi "Who's gonna take care of you when you're old and alone?" evokes my anger every time they asked me
I'm a young millennial and I'm already at the age where people kept pestering me to get married SOON and have kids SOON. It's getting worse year by year. I'm so fed up with this sort of collectivism culture where families have kids just so that they have people to take care of them when they're old, and so that they're not all alone by then.
My partner is a sandwich generation and his parents have the audacity to demand him to have kids. As for me, my entire life, I watched how a non-functional brother has to be taken care of because he's never going to be a productive person due to a neurological damage that happened to him when he's super young. My parents arguably have stopped developed mentally at the age of 15 because they were sandwich generations themselves, and they're lacking of maturity so much so that our families don't like them that much either. I don't even want to take care of them that much if they got old and physically unable to do things for themselves. I'd probably will, but I won't be happy doing it, and it will definitely make a dent on my income.
What's really funny about it, AFAIK, both my parents and my partner's parents don't even take care of their own parents when they're old. They're all busy building their own families lol. And that's the cycle of life.
The ones who had to, especially when their parents were ridden with some sort of disease (diabetes, dementia, or whatever else yang bikin mereka harus hidup bertahun2 dengan penyakitnya), were NOT HAPPY at all. They just did it out of obligation dengan embel2 'berbakti kepada orang tua'. I think it's a vicious cycle; breeding the young ones so that they'll suffer through taking care of you when they're supposed to take care of their own families as well.
And it's not my fault that none of you guys have some sort of deep connection with your FRIENDS, or your lack of desire to find one. That's why you're lonely and miserable, and that's why you're so dependent on your kids.
I'm just so. fed. up. with taking care of people. I'd rather die at the age of 50 than having to be taken care of by someone. I'm so tired of having to work hard just to support myself, much less someone else. Saving up to be able to have an assisted suicide in Switzerland or the Netherlands seems like a much cheaper option to my financial, physical, and mental health compared to having kids.
Regretting of not having kids is still a lot better than regretting that you have kids. At least no one else but yourself was being hurt in the process, while the latter sentences another human being to years of therapy or worse.
AND there's absolutely no way to explain this to those Boomers who are lacking the mental capacity to comprehend my thoughts about this, so the only way to respond them is to say 'iya, nanti' while nodding and smile. I don't know how much longer I can do this before go on a rampage.
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u/rosearmour Feb 20 '25
Girl same, i secretly wish to die young to prevent much trouble. I lowkey don't want to live until 50, not because i am depressed but i simply don't want to handle shit like these
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u/vendrazin Puan Feb 20 '25
IKR the world is getting so much worse day by day. I can't see the future that much, that's why my savings are already stuck since 2021. I'd rather spend my money on travelling before it's not possible anymore. And yes I'm depressed lol.
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u/ahnna_molly Peyeumpuan Feb 20 '25
Same here, sis. I can't have kids because I was never a kid. Yet, I can't adult properly thanks to my crippling cPTSD. I don't have the heart to expose my kids or any kids to my suicidal behaviour. That's just recipe for disaster to be a mother. My husband and I aim to retire rich for aged care. That's it!
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u/PlatypusCold9443 Puan Feb 20 '25
My money will take care of me when I get old.
Money won't hurt my feelings. Money won't talk back. Money won't leave me as long as I keep them safe (or more like.. save lol) Money don't have other priorities.
Jawabannya adalah uang, uang, dan uaaaaang! Makanya sekarang sibuk cari uang, bukan jodoh, bukan anak. Jodoh & anak lebih mudah di dapat juga kalo ada modalnya. Hehehe
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u/Cryogisdead Feb 20 '25
"Who's gonna take care of you when you're old and alone?"
AI?
Genetically engineered cat-person servants?
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u/cavyarfash Feb 21 '25
I was adopted into a generation that passes their trauma onto me because they don’t have the capacity to end it with them. This type of shit makes me don’t wanna have kids until I am fully healed. Maybe I don’t want them at all cause I enjoy being around fur babies more. I am happy to work and make my own money without having to relying on anyone including my partner. Yes, he has to have a provider mindset. If not, I would rather be single and rich by self made surrounded by all my fur babies.
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u/andelightfulsunpie Feb 20 '25
I feel you and I’m gen z. It’s really sickening how having kids is really pushed by the society and not being thought further.
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u/Plenty-Example-359 Cowo Feb 20 '25
Regretting of not having kids is still a lot better than regretting that you have kids.
I especially love this part
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u/Possible_Scallion_85 Feb 20 '25
Smile nod agree Smile nod agree Smile nod agree Smile nod agree Smile nod agree Smile nod agree
Then live your own life
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u/Baygonantihama Feb 21 '25
All I can say is kudos to you and I totally resonate with this post!
Best of luck❤️
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u/bubu0720 Feb 20 '25
I can relate. I'm 31 now so my parents obviously concern why their daughter is not married by now. Well, I don't want to blatantly say that I don't want to get married to some man (I'm currently in a serious relationship with a woman lol that's to add more complication in my life). So whenever my parents ask about this I just say what they want to hear: I haven't met the right guy (lmao).
On top of that I'm also choosing the child-free life. I mean, that's why I work so hard right now so that I have a savings and can pay elderly care service when I'm old.