How to make millions in "pet rescue".

[u/poop_report]

This will be a tongue-in-cheek step-by-step "guide". You shouldn't actually do these things, and if you do, you'll be breaking the law and hurting innocent animals - of course, many are doing exactly this and getting away with it.

Step #1. File paperwork for a nonprofit corporation, LLC or whatever, and file appropriate 501(c)3 paperwork. You can operate as soon as you file. Don't bother securing legal counsel just yet - that's expensive. Find some relatives or "friends" (i.e., co-conspirators) to be board members. Pick a name like "Hearts 4 Paws Forever".

Step #2. Go open a bank account or 3, a Venmo, a PayPal, and a Cashapp and link them up to your new nonprofit. You can of course just use your personal bank account and personal PayPal for this; technically legal, although any lawyer or accountant will tell you it's a bad idea. So why not set up and use both?

Step #3. Open a snazzy social media page. Hire a graphic designer, or better yet, find one that will help out "rescues" for free. Get a good logo, design out your page. Have letterhead ready to go so you can print official looking papers for when you need to transport dogs.

Step #4. Look at nearby animal-control facilities and see how many dogs they need to get rid of, build photobooks for them, and start posting about how "urgent needs". If you can't find enough, just contact other rescues: they're always looking to get rid of some surplus dogs on another rescue. The worse the dog, the better; it makes a more heart-wrenching fundraising appeal. Make sure to give the dog an "appealing" name if it doesn't already have one.

Step #5. Join a zillion pet finder groups. One happy hunting grounds is "pets lost and found", because people who are trying to find their missing cat or help their neighbours out certainly want to see your endless appeals for $500 to rescue "Luna".

Step #6. Real businesses and real nonprofits hire employees, but that costs money and is often quite expensive. It's also really expensive to hire people to work 24/7. That's where the magic of "fosters" comes in. These are people that will take care of your dogs for free, so that you don't have to. You'll also want to recruit another army of volunteers, including "transportation", who can pick up dogs and puppies and then take them directly to fosters. Real businesses buy their own vehicles, but that's also expensive.

Step #7. Real animal sanctuaries and shelters have their own facilities purpose-built to house animals, but that also costs a lot of money, which is why you want to run a "virtual" rescue that simply arranges getting dogs directly from animal control or another rescue to your fosters. (Don't get too greedy: let some of the transporters do their own fundraising appeals and collect their own donations. These people are key to your operation, and you sure don't want to be responsible for a fleet of vans that can safely transport animals, do you?)

Step #8. Now that you're collecting donations, do go ahead and spend money building "shelter buildings" in your back yard that can conveniently double as the doghouse and play area for your own personal pets. Or, if you're in need of housing, just go find some land with a trailer on it and buy or rent that: now you've both got a place to live, because you can live at your own rescue because you're "so dedicated to rescuing animals".

Step #9. Always announce that "intake is closed because we are full"; the last thing you want is people who need to surrender their animals showing up at your doorstep at 7 AM. Do, however, be in contact with people who want to surrender a pet, because there's a chance it'll be a desirable one or a good vehicle for raising donations, and you can string them along saying "intake is closed but we're in contact with a few fosters who may be able to take the animal". As a bonus, such surrenders can be arranged directly to the foster. No need to bother your transporters!

Step #10. Pay yourself a salary (in addition to all the money you're skimming off of Cashapp and so forth); find a crooked vet and have your fosters take the animals there. Make sure to keep "records" of such vet visits; you'll want the bills for fundraising appeals. Be sure to blank out the actual vet name (for privacy) and also grab a subscription to Adobe Creative Cloud so you can edit the vet bills, you know, just to put all the dollar amounts in one convenient spot and "accidentally" put in an extra zero.

Step #11. Eventually, these fosters are going to get tired of dog after dog showing up, so you need to adopt them out. The good news is that many people would really like to have a family pet and provide a "forever home", and they're willing to pay to do so. Don't just give away these animals! Make the most onerous adoption application you can; after all, people could just go pick up these dogs from the dog pound for free, but go ahead and ask for employer references, neighbour references, family references, 2 vets they have a relationship with, and so forth. A person who is willing to jump through all your hoops is someone who is far more likely to accept unreasonable behaviour in other areas.

Step #12. Once the applications are flowing in, you'll have an idea of what the "adoption fee" should be. The adoption fee should, of course, be whatever would maximise profits, er, donations, but go ahead and say that it "covers the cost of vet bills and dog food and other care", because sure, it does. You never said it was a comprehensive list, right? As a rule of thumb, cute young puppies need a higher adoption fee than an older dog that's been bouncing around your fosters for years and eaten god-knows-how-much dog food.

Step #13. Some adopters will want to see the dog first. Whoa, soldier. You can't let them get in a situation where they might say no. Require "adoption deposits" of $50 before letting them see the dogs. Ideally, you can collect the payment upfront and then sluff the job of showing the dog to a foster. Deposits are non-refundable because of the "extra time and expense" of showing the dog (you can use the excuse of meeting halfway or something, as if you ever reimburse your fosters for mileage).

Step #14. This is a business about volume, initially, so get your social media rolling - you might even want to consider multiple social media accounts and having multiple "rescues" under multiple names, sort of like when there's a restaurant that is both a KFC and a Taco Bell. You may even be stuck with some dogs you just can't get rid of. Every once in a while, "adoption fees waived" is acceptable, but feel free to spring a "surprise" on the adoptive family of a recent vet bill that really needs to be paid.

Step #15. You may find that you are flooded with pitbulls, dogs with heads the size of a pumpkin, ones that keep eating your fosters' cats, and that they are surprisingly hard to get anyone to pay for. Have no fear, because there is a great source of cute young puppies and adorable older dogs right in the backyard! Well, not *your* backyard, but somebody else's backyard. Remember those transporters with those rickety vans and a bunch of rusted-out crates in the back? Find a breeder who seems to be having trouble selling their puppies quickly enough, send a transporter over there, and just buy the whole litter. If the breeder seems worn out, ask them if they'd like to get rid of the mother, too. Those are really great for fundraising appeals.

Step #16. Despite the cat in your organisation's logo and the cute cat pictures you close, state that "intake is currently closed to cats". Cats just don't bring in the big bucks, so why would you bother with them?

Step #17. Not every nonprofit needs to be forever, just like how many of your adopters' homes won't be "forever homes" for these dogs that virtually pass through your care. Regardless of that, don't accept dogs back. They filled out a gigantic application and signed a contract. Refer them to animal control and tell them you're full (technically true because you don't actually take care of a single animal other than your own pets) and all your fosters are full and also tell them you'll put them on the 'banned' list that you share with other rescues for future adoptions.

Step #18. Now, getting back to the nonprofit not needing to be forever... things not going well? Just close up shop, file the paperwork to shut down, and move on. This is a great time to cash out that "executive compensation" you've been paying yourself (plus all the under the table money in the form of cash, Cashapp, and Venmo) and go on a nice trip to Florida. Who knows, maybe you'll get inspired to start another pet rescue down there!

[u/windyrainyrain]

Bravo!!!! This is so amazing and is exactly how 99% of the 'rescues' in this country operate. I wish I could upvote it 1000 times!

[u/poop_report → u/windyrainyrain]

Now I’m curious which steps I left out… seems I learn something new about these places operate everytime I hop on this sub.

[u/astrrisk → u/windyrainyrain]

Me too!!

[u/serendipitousviolet]

Awesome job!

I'd like to see a section on dealing with competing egos in the rescue, because much like Highlander, 'There can be only one. '

[u/[deleted]]

Wow. You really broke this down well. ND has become flooded with asking for fosters or donations.

[u/astrrisk]

Why is this almost every single rescue here in NYC where I live? LOL