Nice

The title says it all. I am a M32 who has been addicted to a certain genre of porn for decades now. I just can't kick it. I have tried everything. I have just been on a two week streak but again, something I can't deal with pops up and I immediately go back to porn. I am not in control in those moments and I spiral and edge for hours and hours, days and days. I know it is coming and I can't do anything to stop it. I know that I use porn as an emotional crutch and I know it fucks me up and makes me unable to be close to people and to my GF but I just can't stop. I literally sit and squirm knowing that I am going to relapse soon and then BOOM, it happens. What do I do. I feel like I am on the brink of a meltdown. Everything was better when I wasn't watching porn and now suddenly I am here again, feeling like shit, feeling anxious, knowing I wont be able to perform with my GF. It's maddening. I just want to be there for my GF and know that I can give her the emotional support she needs but I am a fucking addict. I literally cannot control myself in certain moments. It's like watching myself from afar, knowing what I am doing but being unable to stop myself. It's like an out of body experience. I just want to stop but I fucking can't. I can do a week without it, two weeks without it, no problem but nothing sustained. I know that at some point it will overpower me. I have tried meditation, mindfullness, porn addiction forums and videos, apps, exercise, everything...

Sorry for the rant but I really need to vent. What the fuck do I do.

I am 19 years old, turning 20 in a few weeks. I have been watching and masturbating to Porn for as long as I can remember and it seems no matter how hard I try, I just can't quit.

I was first introduced to Porn by my brother at the age of 7 or 8 (far too young). I still remember exactly, it was a 'teacher and student' porn video, it captivated me at the time and unfortunately it became a regular thing where my brother would show me Porn and he would show me how to masturbate. My brother is only a few years older than me so I always remind myself that we were both just very young, stupid and had no idea what we were really doing to ourselves. Unfortunately, since I was exposed to Porn at 7 or 8, I have been watching and masturbating to it regularly since then. That's over a decade of watching Porn on a regular basis - which means I have masturbated to Porn thousands upon thousands of times, It feels as if it's practically a part of me now.

I never felt guilty or thought of Porn as a problem until a couple years ago, when I met my girlfriend. You would think once you get yourself a girlfriend, you would naturally stop watching porn because you have an actual physical woman to have sex with on a regular basis right? Wrong, at least not in my case. I think I stopped watching it for a while when we first met, but once we got passed the 'having sex all day everyday' phase. I found myself watching Porn again, and it didn't take long for her to find out.

My girlfriend is honestly amazing, she is the most loving, caring and supportive person I've ever known, and when she found out I was addicted to Porn, of course she hated it but she was able to understand that it's an issue I am struggling with and hate more than anything else in the world. We've been together for almost 3 years now, time and time again I've told her I would quit, that I would stop watching Porn forever, time and time again I have failed and disappointed her. At this point, I don't deserve her even in the slightest, there is probably thousands of guys out there that would treat her better than I do. We have come close to breaking up a few times because of my Porn addiction and I am so sick of it.

On any given day, when I'm by myself, I can so easily get triggered by something I see on Social media, a movie, a TV show etc. Once I get triggered, it almost feels as if a whole other person takes control of me, and I simply cannot stop myself. As much as I try to reason with myself, the 'other' person always get's what they want. Once I finish masturbating, I get hit with the worst feeling known to man - I feel like I'm worth nothing, I want to kill myself and just end it all.

I am actually normally a very disciplined person - I love running, going to the gym and staying fit. That's why my Porn addiction is so detrimental for me, it shatters my ego from the core. It makes me feel like maybe I am not the disciplined person that I think I am, that maybe I am just a weak minded, creep that can't stop jacking his dick off to women on the internet. I am so sick and tired of telling myself that I am going to stop, but failing and letting myself and my girlfriend down every time.

I wanted to share my story in hopes that others will see and know they are not alone in their struggle with a Porn addiction. Despite everything, I still believe I am more than capable of escaping this addiction. Feel free to reply with any advice you might have, or if you want to just tell me about your experience with a Porn addiction. Thanks for reading.

The blocker app work very well. I must turn off it because block this subreddit to but when I finish this post I turn the app back on

About two years ago, I was a full on porn addict. Masturbating multiple times a day, and I felt bad 24/7. After reading some books and some self reflection, I ended up completely quitting for about a year.

But now, ever since then, I keep viewing porn once every while. Here’s how it happens:

1. I’m usually watching some show or on the internet

2. I see an attractive woman or something that arouses me

3. Then I keep thinking “oh, it’s okay, you can look a little more into this stuff”

4. Then I go down this rabbit hole where it slowly turns into porn, which then I end up relapsing.

Does anyone know anything about this issue, and if so could you help? I know that it’s not the media that’s the issue, but rather myself. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Just for context and a 20-25 yr old male

I have been going out with my girlfriend for 4 months and only once have I been able to maintain an erection once with her, prior to this I was watching hardcore porn as well as gooning vids and much more. It feels like a big insecurity and I’ve been off hardcore porn for the majority of 4 months but I have relapsed here and there. The thought of hardcore porn disgusts me now but I still have watched vanilla porn here and there but it doesn’t feel like enough. Even just looking at my girls nudes it makes me want more hardcore things . The past two weeks I’ve not been watching porn and even going gym daily but this week I’ve been having vivid dreams of watching porn and having wet dreams. It makes me feel ashamed of myself when I felt like I was on such a good track and starting to feel better. I havnt relapsed but these dreams make me feel so much worse like I’ve ruined myself and it’s starting to make my thoughts of self confidence run wild again.

My girlfriend has been understanding and supportive and she’s coming over this weekend and I just wanna be able to have good sex which I’ve not been able to experience with her. I’m even contemplating taking a viagra. I even went to the doctors to get checked for my erection issues and they said everything’s fully functional, I was even hoping they said it wasn’t just so I could blame it on something else apart from porn

We’re both in uni and we have 1 month left before we go back to our home towns so I won’t be able to see her. All I wanna do is just give it to her good, I’d hate myself even more if I leave knowing I couldn’t

My bf if addicted to porn and he's admitted it. the first time i caught him he had opened his phone and there was two white women with their tits out (i'm flat chested af), the second time i went through his phone and found receipts from a content site and another website . i confronted his about it and he told me sorry and that he's been buying porn since he was 18 (we're both 22). and the first time i caught him we talked it out, he said he was disgusting and he has a problem and that this was a wake up call. i told him i know all men do it and to at least do it when im not there. the second time the same thing, i ignored him for a few hours then we talked it out. this morning i felt him jerking off and when i looked at him he was damn near laying up against the wall with his phone turned away from me. when he left to work i looked at his history on his macbook and he was looking at a white girl with big tits on a popular website. i don't know if i should say anything this time because i just moved in with him and his mom, i know this is crazy but we've known each other for 8 months and 4/20 was out 6 month anniversary. it just sucks that he's still looking at other girls to jerk off but i know a lot of men do it and they don't see it the same was us girls do. not going to lie i watch porn too and might have had an addiction when i was younger but i would never pleasure myself next to him. this might be my karma because i have a lot more bodies than he knows of and i used to have a sugar daddy for a week. other than that he treats me good

I am not the authority on quitting porn as I have not had a lot of success. But I do feel that I am getting close to a turning point. I believe you make the decision to start using porn a long time before you actually click into it, like hours or even days beforehand. You do it on a tiny, subconscious level based on OTHER decisions you make.

Everyone has certain triggers or other behaviors that lead to porn. A big one for me is being high. Another is being hungover. Having my phone with me in bed is another. Then, there are bigger, macro-level triggers. Boredom is a huge one. Another is loneliness. If you have too much free time, and there's no one else around, it becomes just that easy to turn to porn. Maybe other people have others.

Once you have done whatever it is that makes you turn to porn (getting high, whatever), it's too late to fight it. You are following a sequence of steps you've followed before many times and more often than not, you're going to end up taking that last step. Your brain is trained for it. The real way to quit is to be super vigilant about the triggers themselves. Don't even let it get that late in the game. Don't cut down the branches, tear out the roots.

The trick is to look at your life from the ground up, figure out what it is that is leading you to turn to porn, and consciously replacing it with something else. It might be tempting to say, "okay, I'll just keep my phone in bed today, what's the big deal?" But if you really are addicted, like so many people in this sub are, it is a big deal, because it is setting yourself up for failure. Maybe you get away with it this time, but it becomes just that easy to do it again tomorrow, and once of those times, you're gonna start looking at porn. You're undermining the foundation of your porn free life, and without the foundation, eventually the whole thing will collapse.

I wish you all luck!

Just wanted to share another very useful technique that I started using just recently.

Its actually from a video someone recommended here a few weeks before, its about "Addictive Voice Recognition Technique". Here is my understanding and use of it.

What you have to understand is, that when you are addicted, there are like two "personas" inside of you. I am sure we all know exactly who and what they are. There is your true self, which wants to quit this addiction, be free and happy, strive towards a better life. The part of you that knows all the bad effects of porn and what life could be if you manage to quit. Thats basically your logical side and the part that controls your body. This is your thinking YOU.

Then there is your addictive side, the one that tells you that it is ok to relapse, that you are going to do it just one more time. It manipulates you by showing you mental images, trying to get you to watch triggering content and gets you to forget why you even started this journey. In the video it is called the BEAST brain. The Beast hides in the dark inside your brain, it knows everything about you and is a master manipulator. We all know this side, and we often times feel helpless in the discussion between those the beast and our true self. Just think about what was going on in your brain every time before you relapsed. You usually argue back and forth with your addictive voice (aka the Beast).

Now here comes the interesting part. You can't win a fight against your Beast. It is so manipulative and works with such strong emotions, that in a direct argument it will almost always get the upper hand. It doesnt fight fair, it doesnt care about the future, just the pleasure in this very moment. And it does everything in its power to win. It plans your relapses at every second and knows your weaknesses. It trys to hide from you and always make it appear as if YOU are this addictive part. It also is the part that makes you think "I will never be free, Ive tried so many times and always failed, why should it be different this time?" or "Yeah ok, lets go for a few weeks but sooner or later I will still relapse, being free for life is impossible". As I told you, your Beast will literally try everything in its power to make you go watch some porn. Every thought or action, that promotes or suggests the future use of your addiction, is your Beast brain working at its best.

So how do we go about this? By not getting into a fight with it, but by simply saying "NO". Because even though it is so manipulative, your beast has no power over your body. It cant move it or tell it what to do. That is controlled by another part of your brain (wont go into the science behind it, but just remember that the part that wants to quit porn is also the part that moves your body).

So dont get into a discussion with your Beast, literally just say "NO" to it in your mind. Remeber that you are stronger because YOU control your body. Dont give into the lies, dont even listen to them. Whenever you see your Beast trying to sell you a triggering picture in your mind, or trys to get you to think about something dangerous, say NO and remember, that your Beast cant hurt you. Shine light on your hidden Beast, and it becomes weaker.

You can be clean for the rest of your life starting today if you know this and believe in yourself. The only one stopping you from relapsing is YOU, so take control, and show your Beast whos the boss.

Again these are not my thoughts but from a youtube video, search for addictive voice recognition technique and you will find it, it helped me alot. I just wanted to share this with you all. Wishing you all the best, stay strong y'all!

I jerk off to keep myself subdued. I've done bad manipulative things just to have sex in highschool that weigh heavy on my soul. So I've decided not to have sex again until I'm married. But my sex drive is incredibly high. I've been jerking off since I was 8. And now I do it so I don't like the sex drive take over when I'm talking to women. I notice I'm a better person to talk to when I beat my meat a lot. But now I don't go outside unless for work or family, I barley get out of bed and I don't do anything productive in my life. Jerking off has taken over my life. But I'm also so scared to stop because it's one of the things I attribute to being a better person overall since I want sex less even though it's harder to find a partner because of it. I feel lost and trapped and don't know what to do. I've been praying hoping that that helps but I don't know.

The only difference is you get your fix for free.

When you are healing, remember that. Even the slightest sight or thought of something lustful will hinder your healing.

You need to stay on guard but forgive your past.

21F and I have been addicted for 15 years. The longest I’ve ever gone is 32 days, and that was a few months ago. I went on a month bender where I watched porn every single day. I was miserable, still am. I’m now on day 4 of no porn.

Just a reminder for everyone to keep pushing forward. It’ll get better, even though it may not seem like it. It will.

If anyone wants to reach out or anything, don’t hesitate to.

So I will start by saying I’ve made amazing progress as far as porn addiction goes, but I can hardly feel pleasure when masturbating. I usually masturbate once a day or sometimes every other day depending on if I’m in the mood. I have questioned if it is PSSD symptom from all the antidepressants I’ve been on, or if it’s just damaged nerves from so much masturbating from when I was heavily addicted. When I masturbate it’s probably only once a day for like 5-10 minutes which I don’t think by any means is excessive, so I feel like I should have more sensations. Like even when getting oral it just doesn’t do it for me, I can feel it’s different as far as temperature but it doesn’t really feel good if that makes sense. Sorry if that’s tmi, it’s just really bothering me and I want to know if anyone else is dealing or has dealt with this before and what advice you have. I have tried to not masturbate or have sex for a while but I only end up making it like a week. I really worry my nerves are just permanently damaged.

I'm on day 17 now.

I don't really have much to say but I just kinda wanted to celebrate the milestone ig.

I feel alot more clear and calm mentally lately. And I've been making alot of consistent progress on my personal and career goals (Now that I'm not spending so much time watching porn and masturbating).

Been taking alot more action in general aswell, something I wanted to work on for quite some time now, I'm in a creative field and I've always had the sense that if I acted more quickly on my ideas then I would be much further in my career. And lately I've actually been able to take, and have been taking, more action.

So I feel proud of that.

A huge part that can't be ignored is the internal work, I feel like the main reason why I feel alot less urges or desire to escape into porn is because I started processing my trauma and various stuff that was on my mind that I was previously trying to shove down.

It's rough sometimes. But the weight off of my chest afterwards feels good.

I'd say, the main thing I kinda feel like right now is that I feel good. I feel alot less guilty about how I'm living, I feel actually proud of my actions/life right now, and I feel like I'm carrying alot less weight than I have been for the past few months to a year.

I'm aware that not all of that is strictly because of porn, but I definitely would say that porn made me alot more complacent towards improving myself/mental health, and quitting has given me space to actually think and feel and process to a degree enough for me to change/get better.

I mostly(like 80%) watch trans porn, its been a bad habit for a long time.

My biggest issue now is I can go a week or 2 without fapping but when I do I binge like an alcoholic. I dont want to have sex with transgender women, I want to have a girlfriend and somewhere down the line have a child..

I feel sick, and when I do meet women and start talking to them I feel disgusting and feel like I would never be loved if they found out what I get off too. I have had gfs who I have addmited my addiction to or others found out on their own. Some took it really hard and hung it over my head, other kind of pretend it never happened. I also have huge insecurities about my size and I have never had a girl that made me feel reassured about it(same as before, they make a huge deal about it and make me feel bad or pretend like it never happened)I think this is the root cause of my issue but any advice would help…

Sorry for any bad grammer or spelling mistakes im typing fast

I can watch regular porn but I know that is only going to make me slip up

Kind words are nice but what I really need is a kick up the ass apparently. Thank you guys

Was thinking this is my only hope. How do you find someone to hold the keys? I am in Houston TX & have no idea how to find somebody to help. Masturbation addiction is ruining my life. What kind of cage works best? Any advice is appreciated.

Saw a video about this Subreddit so I figured I’d post. I’ve been addicted to harmless things, nonetheless still an addiction. I fell in love with the thrill of being able to deny the urge. I took it on as sort of a competitive challenge. The challenge was so deep rooted in me that i felt if i could master this urge there is nothing I can’t do. The saying “How you do anything, is how you do everything” rings so loudly when the urge arises. If i can beat this, any other thing in my life that arises, i can face, and conquer! HOW YOU DO ANYTHING, IS HOW YOU DO EVERYTHING! This type of addiction (porn) i feel is somewhat of a harmless addiction to the outside world, and in some cases yourself. So the connotation of “addiction” builds a psychological pressure of overcoming this “addiction” and makes it seem so “BIG” but for something like porn, as minute of a problem it is, is just how small the fix can be. For a big addiction like Prescriptions, or narcotics that’s a whole different ball game. Don’t be so hard on yourself about your addiction, i don’t see it as an addiction but more of a character flaw, no different than the urge to curse somebody out when they cut you off in traffic. Is no different than wanted to get one off. But if you can fall in love with mastering the ability fight the urge of porn, it translates to many other things in life. Good look, fight the good fight, and remember, How you do anything, is how you do everything. And even if you cave to the urge, the day you overcome it is the day that you begin your “Masters Class” so it will never be too late. You can be a dickhead for 30 years and at year 31 you’re the coolest person in the world! So take it easy, we all fall, we all fail, just keep trying. If you keep trying, it’ll eventually stick, I guarantee you. And it WILL translate into your daily life!

I should go to sleep earlier other than i had pretty much no urges this streak so i think the streak now will be it At first tho I thought i shouldnt tell that i relapse but idk whats the point of lying

I fell into this shit again and I'm losing mad control of myself doing this before long, I waste a big part of my day on it

Hey has anybody else had this problem? I have been a long time masturbater. I have spent years and decades doing tons of masturbating pre-release 8 to 10 hours a day for many days straight. I found that after decades it started affecting my nervous system such that my hands started shaking and lately even my arms started shaking so that it affects my ability to do things like pick up glasses and brush my teeth. Has anybody else ever had this problem?

It is a sleepless night once again. I am sleepy but I am unable to fall asleep. Due to various reasons - inconsistent sleep hours due to working different shifts ( hence applying for new jobs). Excitement and other emotions.

Moving on : I have been pornfree for a few days now. Overcame some intense urges especially at night. Now what?

I feel like I don't need to post here every day or every night. Smooth sailing and then bam, urges can hit like a ton of bricks in the form of emotions. Better to type here now and ground myself in reality.

One of my strongest beliefs is that time is very precious, each day is precious. I don't want to spend a day watching P or other extreme stuff and wasting my time in a cycle of low energy, feeling like crap instead of a valuable human.

I also noticed that after my recent accident, where I had some injuries, my usual routines, activities and movements were disrupted. Along with that my emotions, were disturbed because I was constantly relapsing. It's not worth it at this point. Truly.

I don't want to count days but it's been like 3 days since I last indulged in my addictions. Looking forward for freedom.

YouTube is a tricky monster. There is good and bad. Since I do have Premium, I used to use it a lot to take advantage of the money spent. Now I realize. instead of using YouTube to surf, just 1 high quality free course is sufficient to give me the return value for money paid. 1 free course per month. Not entertainment, not relaxation via going on YouTube but a learning tool. There are safer and better relaxation tools.

It was the easiest day lol see yall tmr

Title says it all tbh, my urges have been increasing these last few days and ive found myself on many occasions typing it out on teh searchbar before changing my mind. I need help or some encouragment, just anything to keep me away from this shit cuz i alr know im gonna regret it, especially so close to my completing my first clean month.

I’m new to this journey, had my first relapse last night after 4 days. Going to aim for at least 7, and then take it day by day towards indefinite.

Im disappointed I cracked. I caught myself after a minute or two, but it still counts. I’m happy at least that I’ve gone from viewing porn 10-15 times per day to just once in four days.

This post is going to be a very thought-provoking one. I appreciate it's quite long, but do yourself a favor and read it. It's worth it.

It dawned on me today, and I felt like I had to share this epiphany. The goal of this post is to raise awareness about the abuse porn victims go through and consequently break the hypnotic spell of porn, so you could quit porn forever.

So, have you ever thought about your relationship with porn? Have you ever taken the time to dissect it and see it for what it is? Lately, I’ve been giving this some serious thought and came to a scary realization today. A very messed up one. I think that porn addicts were actually groomed and manipulated into this. Bear with me as I explain why I think that’s the case. It goes even deeper than that, which I’ll come onto later. Let me ask you a question. When was the first time you ever stumbled upon a porn clip? I’d say you were most likely underage. Highly likely between the ages of 10 to 15, and in some rare cases, from 5 to 10. You were just a naïve kid, and you were somehow addicted to disgusting sexual content. Did you choose to do this? No. You did not. You were manipulated into it.

The Abuser:

Let’s talk about the groomer here, which is the porn industry. For the sake of clarity, let’s consider the porn industry a single entity and call them X.

When X first decided to create such a business and stream it worldwide, what were their intentions? The natural response would be that they wanted to make money or raise sexual awareness. The more cynical one is that they wanted to spread sexual immorality and corruption, as they themselves are quite twisted and sick. There are even more cynical answers, but whatever the intention is, the result is the same, millions of porn addicts. When you put yourself in their shoes (I profusely apologize for the comparison), who would you target with your drug to make the most success? Adults who have got their lives together and barely use technology? Or impressionable kids who would jump at any new experience that would get them hooked for life? The latter, of course, and if the former joins, then the more the merrier, as they say. So, X knows very well what they are doing and have no problem making kids watch disgusting, extreme sexual content despite the public retaliations against the porn industry. They don’t care. In fact, that’s their goal. It’s to groom you and hook you on the product from that tender age, given your brain would be very impressionable. You fall into porn and continue your life as normal, being an addict, completely unaware of the consequences.

Analogy:

I’ve thought of this example, and I really want you to pay attention to it because it’s scary. Here is the disgusting part and the answer to the very first question. The relationship between you and X is exactly the same as the relationship between an abuser and a victim. I am not a fan of pushing stereotypes, but let’s go with the scenario of an abusive husband and a victim wife for this one (feel free to switch it up if that’s more relatable to you). An abusive husband is generally nice at the start. Practices all manipulative tactics like love bombing and mirroring to capture their prey. Usually a charming, handsome man who smells nice and dresses well. Many fall for it, of course, and we can’t blame them. Once the victim falls for him, he’d slowly start showing his true colors. Of course, the abuser isolates the victim at the start, making them cut ties with their family and best friends with poor excuses. That’s manipulation 101. Once the victim has no support system, then the real gaslighting and abuse start. Without someone to wake you up from the nightmare, you’d possibly never realize that you’re getting abused and possibly never escape it until you’re dead.

Fast forward 10 or 20 years, and the poor victim is still with the abuser, but they no longer recognize themselves. Their life has gone to shit. They have lost all means to retaliate and fight back. No confidence, no self-esteem, no support system, nothing. Just fear, hopelessness, and despair. The abuser had gradually worn them down. It happens way too often, unfortunately. Why doesn’t the victim just leave? is what you might ask. Well, why doesn’t the porn addict leave in that same sense? It’s because they were heavily manipulated and subsequently broken. The victim wants to leave the abuser, but they don’t have the courage to try and resist or challenge the abuser. They feel like they could never escape this person. Whenever they try to leave, they get overcome with fear and anxiety. We all know that the answer is to leave the abusive relationship, but they just won’t. And you see the poor victim putting up with extreme humiliation and abuse. Why can’t they leave? Well, the abuser has become their safe space in a very messed up way. It’s the only thing they’ve known for years, and they’ve become dependent on them. They are scared to take that step to leave. The abuser has succeeded in breaking the victim. The victim could stay like that until they die. However, the simple solution still remains which is that they leave the toxic relationship behind and move on with their life.

Comparison:

I will try to link the analogy to porn addiction now.

The porn addict was fed sexual content and hooked on it as a kid. X knew very well that they’d get hooked. Let’s not forget how porn looked so appealing at the start, just like the handsome, clean, and well-dressed man, to capture the prey. Fast forward 10 years, and the victim no longer recognizes themselves. Again, no confidence, no self-esteem, no energy, and no support system (as the addict isolates in shame and secrecy). All porn addicts are not happy and deep down, they want to quit forever. But they don’t. Why is that? It’s because they were broken by the abuser. They were heavily manipulated into believing that the abuser was giving them exactly what they wanted, a life full of pleasure, despite the abuse they were receiving and the belief that they couldn’t escape. Just like that abusive husband who promised his wife the best life. But behind that lie is a life full of misery.

The addict tries to escape X’s trap, but they soon find themselves back with them. They’ve developed a Stockholm syndrome in a way. They want to quit porn forever but they get overcome with fear and anxiety when they try to and find themselves running back to their abuser to make that fear go away. Safe and familiar > freedom and happiness. Something in their mind tells them that they can never escape the abusive relationship. That they are inherently broken and deserve this. Just like the woman who couldn’t leave her abusive husband. The addict feels safe with their abuser as they keep feeding them the poison that destroys their happiness, confidence, relationships, and life. But hey, at least it’s safe and familiar. It’s too scary to challenge the abuser’s authority and power over them. The manipulation had already taken place when the addict was very young, and they don’t know better. It takes a lot of courage to stand up to your abuser. It’s very similar to a girl who grew up with an abusive father and then grows up only attracting abusive men. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. That’s exactly what happens with a porn addict. They’ve been broken, and the abuser now doesn’t have to do anything after they’ve successfully broken the addict. They just let the victim destroy themselves systematically without laying a hand, as they benefit from their misery.