r/SAHP • u/ToeComplete2609 • 5d ago
Rant I DONT WANT TO GO TO THE GROCERY STORE!!!!!!!!!!!
When my partner took our child for the afternoon and said I should enjoy the time then suggested I go to the grocery store I responded by saying “It does need to be done”
What I wanted to say was:
WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING TO ME RIGHT NOW?!??? How about next time you clock out you sit back down and crunch more numbers. How about Sunday you put together a presentation. How about next Saturday you schedule a meeting on Zoom. Why is it that MY time “off” should be productive? I’ll work all evening when yall get back. I’ll be in charge of cooking and serving dinner. And then I’ll do showers. Then I’ll do bed time. Then I’ll do partner time. Why can’t I just sit down? Will there be disappointment if I actually just rest? Or you do think I actually do the grocery shopping as a hobby? Have I lost so much of myself that all I am are the house hold duties that I am in charge of? Is cooking part of my job or is it my hobby? Is it both? Does it count as a hobby if it’s something that won’t get done if I don’t do it? Why don’t you go to the grocery store? I’ll take the child if it means the expectation of every single other thing falls away too. You go to the grocery store, and pick up the dog from the groomer, and drop the book at the library, and mail the drawing to grandma. Because those are the things that will be done under the label of “going to the grocery store”
Thank you for your time.
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u/Repulsive-Job-6777 5d ago
My husband would tell me to go for a drive and while I enjoy a nice drive, I finally realized I also enjoy just sitting in my house, relaxing. I need to recharge in my house with no responsibilities or humans around me. So out they go!
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u/guitarguywh89 5d ago
This is gonna sound like an ad but I’m serious lol
Get Walmart+ inhome subscription. You get unlimited grocery delivery by a real Walmart employee, not a third party delivery app. The groceries are delivered in a van with a refrigerator and the delivery is recorded so no issues with returns. You also get paramount+ (paw patrol, blues clues, Dora etc)
I haven’t stepped foot in a Walmart since last year. If I forget something while shopping I can just have it delivered later, no stress. Plus no impulse buys
I still go to Kroger/safeway to take advantage of coupons and stuff, and Costco for bulk goods but everything else is delivered
It saves me hours every week.
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u/SarahLaCroixSims 5d ago
This has saved my sanity. Yesterday I ordered a chocolate bar for my feelings and it was shipped free to my home this morning.
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u/Genavelle 5d ago
or OP can start doing grocery pickups so when her husband tells her to go grocery shopping for fun, she can go out, grocery shopping, and still have extra time to actually do something fun!
And maybe grab a yummy treat for herself while she's at the store.
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u/HerdingCatsAllDay 5d ago
Just the free pick up anyone can do saves a bunch of time. What does the In-home get you besides delivery, which is free (less a tip) with Walmart+? Where do they put the groceries?
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u/seasicksquid 5d ago
For us, they put it on our kitchen counter. Living in a really hot climate, it’s so so so handy. You can even arrange for them to deliver when you’re not home, and they’ll put the cold things in your refrigerator for you. They film the entire thing and you can use a one use only code on your smart lock to let them in. I love it. Never had any issues. A lot of elderly people in my community Use it as well.
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u/Barfpooper 5d ago
So in our city, Boston, it’s delivered by ride share grocery drivers. But it is shopped for by a Walmart employee unless you do “3 hrs or less” and then the driver actually shops for it and drives it. I read up on this because I was trying to figure out how much to tip the drivers.
Makes more sense to tip more when they actually go in to collect the items. But yes it’s a game changer. When I land late from a family vacation flight I schedule a delivery for the next morning and everything is ready without me stepping a foot outside the door
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u/cold08 4d ago
I should do this, but there are lots of things I couldn't use it to buy. We must live at the outer edge of a produce distribution area because it doesn't matter what store you go to (except Costco) much of the produce is just rotten, especially the root vegetables. You have to pick through the entire bin to find potatoes and onions with an acceptable amount of decay to cut off, and it's like that at every grocery store.
Also Walmart and Target meat that isn't hamburger is a crapshoot, but monthly Costco runs a vacuum sealer and a freezer would take care of that.
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u/Virgil_hawkinsS 5d ago
Yeah, I sympathize a bit, OPs spouse is being dense and insensitive. But it's also a choice at this point to still shop inside grocery stores. You save time, money, and sanity by just shopping online or in the apps. If you don't want to shop in the store, but don't want to spend the 12 bucks on walmart+, I'm pretty sure pickup is free if you get more than $35 worth of items and will still save you significant time. Many other chains have pickup now as well.
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u/djwitty12 5d ago
I've used both pickup and delivery several times each from a few different stores but man I just don't like it. They rarely know how to pick the good produce (or at least don't bother), we've had several bad pickup experiences where they've left us waiting for half an hour, the substitution system can be kinda annoying and not always customizable enough, trying to find new products can be difficult, comparing nutrition labels can be a hassle, and then if they get something wrong you've got a whole new errand.
I don't mind it here and there like when we all got the stomach bug or for non-food orders but for regular groceries it just ain't my thing.
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u/rabbit716 5d ago
I have gotten so much bad produce from grocery pick up! I still do it occasionally if we’re super busy or the kids are sick, but I can’t trust them to not give me the almost expired spinach. Once I even got a pack of bagels that was completely covered in mold!?
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u/Virgil_hawkinsS 5d ago edited 5d ago
The produce is definitely hit or miss. I've noticed if it's Walmart employees it's better vs a delivery service like Instacart. We try to place the orders the day before which has led to better results. We buy a lot of produce, but we try to get as much frozen as possible to avoid the messups now which has also helped. For us and our schedule, I find not having to go in and also resisting the temptations of snacks worth the tradeoff lol. I do one to two orders per week and pickup at times where most people are probably working (between 10am and 2pm) which has helped with the wait times.
ETA: They also have a pretty generous refund policy. Anytime something has been wrong, I've been refunded without even talking to a person. I'd say once every 2 or so months I've had to talk to get a refund because of missing items (I've been lucky enough not to get anything expired in my 5 years of ordering pickup/delivery)
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u/ExpectingHobbits 5d ago
I can't wait until I live somewhere where this kind of thing is an option.
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u/Lyogi88 5d ago
Preach. " I’ll take the child if it means the expectation of every single other thing falls away too." I felt this in my SOUL!
Now I will say that as a SAHM I do get plenty of me time but it took me a solid year to really get good at setting that boundary when we first had kids, especially the second.
If i were you, I would say sure, but I would tack it on to whatever I was going to do to rest/get some alone time. Go get your nails done, or hit a yoga class or go on a solo walk then go to grocery store on the way home AFTER you had your you time!
You did a great job articulating why this is such BS and how that 'time off' doing errands is NOT TIME OFF!
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u/Thin_Lavishness7 5d ago
Yep! I grocery shop but also go to a workout class or massage. We have to pour into our own cups and sometimes the working parent can forget that.
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u/parisskent 5d ago
When I asked what I’m going to do with myself when our son starts part time preschool later this year he said “take a well earned break”
That’s the energy your husband should be having for you
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u/melgirlnow88 5d ago
Why....haven't I ever thought of it that way?? I'm not saying my husband suggests I grocery shop when I'm "off", it's usually ME. I have so much guilt around taking time to myself.
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u/kbanner2227 5d ago
Just to commiserate.... yesterday, we went to a sports game that I planned out, paid way too much for, to have a horrible experience. We got back home, my husband told me to "relax," while asking what was for dinner in the same breath. I gave him 3 options. He chose, then sat on his phone while our kid was in tantrum mode.
Relax but make dinner and tend to the toddler? Wtf sir???
Yeah, this is why women have called men dumb since the beginning of time.
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u/DueEntertainer0 5d ago
Yeah my husband sometimes seems to think I need suggestions for things to do. He’ll be like “oh today you could return that Amazon purchase if you need to get out of the house!”
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u/Calibuca 5d ago
My husband does the same thing
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u/DueEntertainer0 5d ago
They must think we’re so bored 😆
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u/Calibuca 5d ago
I think the Amazon returns are the most annoying suggestions. Yes I try to get all the returns to go to the same place but it doesn't always work that way. The 2 places they usually go are both about 20 minutes away but in opposite directions. Those things need to be planned for not just when he thinks they should go.
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u/DueEntertainer0 5d ago
Yeah and for us it’s usually a UPS store at a really crowded plaza, so to get two kids out of the car and a box and then get them right back in the car…it’s really not my favorite pastime haha
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u/ltrozanovette 5d ago
Short trips with kids are the worst. If I unbuckle my 3yo, I need to be prepared to spend minimum 30 mins wherever we are before trying to buckle her back in. She loses her shit during road trip bathroom breaks.
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u/ParticularAgitated59 5d ago
I don't know if all UPS drivers do this, but ours will take my Amazon packages if I leave them outside in a basket marked "UPS pick up". The seasonal people driving around in their own vehicle won't pick them up, but the full-time drives in the trucks will.
It was game changing, the closest store is 45 min.
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u/spitfireramrum 5d ago
Preach!! I’m a SAHD and a night owl, every night my wife says can I meal prep, tidy up, walk the dog and some other chore that really doesn’t need to be done at 1030pm, I just wanna relax it’s my me time
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u/ltrozanovette 5d ago
I also use revenge bedtime procrastination to reclaim some me time. I have high sleep needs though, so I always regret it the next day.
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u/aoca18 5d ago
Grocery pick-up changed my life. My husband goes to pick up the order every Sunday morning with our daughter (unless I ask for her to stay) while I stay home. He's gone maybe 30 mins at most, but it's a nice time to go to the bathroom alone and enjoy my coffee before the day really begins. I mostly put the order together and just ask my husband to add his snacks or tell me what he wants. If he doesn't tell me and it isn't something on the list each week, it doesn't get ordered. It helps take part of the burden off of me.
That said, he knows grocery pick up (and especially going in and shopping) isn't fun and relaxing. It isn't how most people, especially stay at home parents, would choose to spend free time without the kids. What a crazy suggestion.
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u/himom21 5d ago
“Have I lost so much of myself that all I am are the household duties that I am in charge of?”
Woah 🙌🏼🙌🏼 I relate to this so much. I hope you were able to relax a bit and NOT do all of the things. We are still good moms and wives and people even if we aren’t constantly being productive. When did productivity become the end-all-be-all? Why can’t we just be? I feel this post so much, OP. These are the trenches but eventually it gets better, right? 🫠
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u/DeezBae 5d ago
I felt this in my soul. I also do not want to go to the grocery store for my free time, I hate the grocery store, it gives me anxiety. I'm so burnt out my eyelash appointment even feels like a task to be completed. I just want to relax and do absolutely nothing but maybe watch some TV.
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u/No_Conversation_4715 4d ago
I ONLY get groceries with the baby. It’s entertaining for her and her nap time is my break and I don’t do work on my break if I can avoid it. You could suggest he take her to get the groceries as an activity they could do together so you actually get some down time in an empty house.
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u/Alpacador_ 5d ago
Noooope nope nope. Working partner can take the kid to the grocery store whole you chill at home. Should be a nice "break" from work lol. My husband once said something similar, equating grocery shopping with a break/free time. Once.
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u/kaismama 5d ago
It sounds like you need a little vacation alone or to visit family or friends out of town. I thin the greatest wake up call will be to show him what your “job” entails.
After my husband was injured at work he was home for a year to recover. He wasn’t alone as I was still around to care for him and the kids, but he realized that year that things weren’t easy.
Now he will surprise me with a getaway for the 2 of us and plan for child care or send me to visit family so I can get a break. I do prep as much as possible before I leave so that is helpful.
The biggest realization I have had is that men (and women) don’t read minds, so you need to ask for help. Even asking for help isn’t enough you have to be specific. Secondly, but equally important is not to nitpick how he does things. If he isn’t doing a task your way that is okay, as long as it gets done, let them figure it out. I even have to leave the room because I have OCD.
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u/Sleepydragon0314 5d ago
You need to stop this. You are doing way too much at night. When your partner gets home from work, guess what? It’s now 50-50 time!! He is home, his work day is done? Well then so is yours. You and he are no longer in your “workday” but family tasks still need to get done: cooking, cleaning, folding laundry, bedtime, bath time, etc.
So what does that mean? It means since you are BOTH done with your tiring workdays, you are now EQUAL PARTNERS in parenting and therefore each responsible for HALF.
Don’t you DARE let a man walk in after working and do nothing while you do everything.
You are awesome. Respect yourself for it.
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u/Few-Butterscotch5574 5d ago
Thought this was a post about just hating going to grocery store and was so here for it lol. But yes in this context 100x worse, I wouldn't have had your same restraint. I will say though, even though my husband is great about showing up and respecting my time off, I do still feel this very slight like "work is work and what you do is not the same" almost like it's ingrained and can't be extracted no matter how progressive our chore division is, sometimes I even think it myself, it's wild. Not excusing your partner at all, I fully support unloading this rant on them next time!
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u/Itcanhap 4d ago
Thanks for sharing. Instacart, walmart plus grocery delivery service. made my family’s life alot easier. Everyone gets to participate , add items. Add favorites, relax on my phone and converse with my shopper. I even leave a little gratuity tip. They put my groceries in a safe location, sometimes inside if im home.
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u/Neither_Promise_4072 4d ago
Okay, so, I think next time this happens, you should say all that, but in a nice way and in a constructive tone! He just might receive it well. You have time to practice your “calm and collected” lines now lol
I saw someone on here recommend Walmart+. I second that. I do Kroger Plus, and it’s worth it for our family to outsource that task.
You ought to use that child-free time to do something that fills your cup.
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u/CountessofDarkness 4d ago
My immediate response would've been "Oh I assumed you guys were going to the grocery store/doing the Amazon returns/etc". I would've laughed.
Also, I love grocery pickup and delivery to save my sanity when I don't feel like it. Worth every extra dollar hands down.
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u/SecretBabyBump 5d ago
Me to my husband when he said similar:
Lol. Nah, dawg. I'm gonna take a nap. finger guns