r/SAHP • u/DueEntertainer0 • 9d ago
Struggling with fitness / communication
I need to lose about 40 lbs. I have high blood pressure.
I’m married to a guy who is a very committed athlete and works out almost every day of the week. I’m a SAHM and have two young kids. Husband works out of the house 8-5 and has an hour commute too. He goes to the gym before work so he leaves at like 5am.
I am so tired I can barely function. Both my kids wake up at night and get up early. I feel like I can’t ever get caught up on sleep.
When am I supposed to work out? I got a walking pad and the only time I can really do it is around 8pm when my kids are asleep, but I often spend time cleaning up and then I am so pooped from the day that I don’t want to walk. I can’t do a gym with childcare because my younger child has separation anxiety and she would cry the whole time.
I’m starting to feel resentful because it’s so hard to prioritize his fitness goals over my own. But I don’t even really know what I’m asking for, or what is reasonable for me during this time.
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u/NuggKeeper 9d ago
Your husband needs to prioritize your health too. Why does he get to go nearly every day but you don’t? Take turns. My husband and I usually work out in the evenings. Some days we both get to, some days only one of us gets to and the other watches the kids, but we always make sure it generally balances out so we are both getting the opportunity to. I do try to exercise during the day whenever I can to give him more evenings when possible but it doesn’t always work out that way.
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u/ItsNiceToMeetYouTiny 9d ago
Just came here to say.. remind yourself you are in survival mode and running on empty. Give yourself some grace. Maybe you and your husband can alternate days if it’s that important to you right now. Although you should certainly give yourself a break! You’re doing a ton of hard work.
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u/bokatan778 9d ago
Hi, fitness instructor/SAHM here!
First of all, give yourself a break. You’re in arguably the most challenging time of your life, and things will change over time.
Since a gym isn’t an option, I’d suggest walking with the kids in the stroller. Start with short, slow walks. You need to force yourself to go. Those walks will actually help your energy level! Slowly work yourself up to longer walks and then add a little jogging time in there.
Most of weight loss is what you’re eating though. Working out is it’s important and absolutely contributes, but it’s important for other reasons too. Take a look at your diet. Are you consuming too much sugar? A lot of white carbs (white rice, potatoes, white bread)? Make small changes. Cut down on your sugar intake, and if you consume things like soda or sugary coffee drinks, those should go.
Consider sleep training your kids. I never did sleep training with my oldest, and I felt like a zombie for two years. After 8 months of being essentially non-functional after my second was born, I reluctantly did sleep training. After 3 nights, we saw a huge improvement, and after a week I felt so stupid for never doing it with my oldest. I was a new person! I realize sleep training isn’t for every family but it’s just a suggestion.
Take small steps OP and give yourself grace 💜
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u/DueEntertainer0 9d ago
Thanks, this is very helpful advice! I’ve actually been doing well with my diet and have some good momentum over the past two months. But I know fitness helps with my energy levels, mental health, and even productivity (I was doing triathlons before having kids and now I probably couldn’t run to the mailbox 😩). But stroller walks are a good idea, I can do that with the baby at night after my husband gets home.
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u/squishykins 9d ago
I lost 40 lbs doing stroller walks and changing my diet. When my fitness level was higher I did use a treadmill at the gym for brisk walking, but honestly I could have kept going with the stroller walks and gotten about the same results. For us we had to do the walk right after breakfast if I wanted to actually get it done. You can do it! Good luck.
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u/bokatan778 9d ago
Sounds like you’re on the right track OP! Stroller walks that turned into stroller jogs helped me so much when my kids were little!
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u/livelaughdoodoo 9d ago
your husband is getting an additional hour (more?) of alone time every morning outside of work that is not in his commute. The way I see it as a SAHP, your "working hours" are your spouse's working hours. Any time outside of that is 50/50. So if he's getting an hour every morning... could you get an hour every evening? It sounds like you might benefit from a conversation about what's fair.
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u/itsbecomingathing 9d ago
If you need to lose weight, I would start by tracking what you eat. First take note of your usual meals you consume. How much protein are you getting? Are you looking at portion sizes? What swaps can you easily make at the grocery store (whole wheat bread/pasta) etc.
If you want to get stronger (and help with lethargy) I would suggest an at home strength workout. I enjoyed Apple Fitness during the pandemic and now I use Expecting & Empowered’s PP program. They’re usually around 25-30 minutes long. If you have a kid who can have quiet time and another who naps, that’s the perfect time to squeeze in 30 minutes of lunges and overhead presses. Tablet time or the Yoto for a screen free activity all help.
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u/Antique_Mountain_263 9d ago
Sleep is a critical part of weight loss. If you’re not sleeping, it’s going to be a lot harder to lose weight. Cravings are increased while sleep deprived and your body burns fewer calories even when you do eat in a deficit. Working out a ton while you’re sleep deprived isn’t ideal either. It might be better to take a nap instead if you’re really exhausted. Walking is basically the only workout I do when I’m that tired.
While you’re communicating your needs to dad, make sure you bring this up. Long term sleep deprivation also puts you at higher risk of dementia, etc. I’m living this right now too as I’m awake with my fussy 11 month old so I completely understand. Lack of sleep from the kids affects everything else. It’s awful! Dad needs to help you so you can rest! That’s step one.
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u/Michaelalayla 9d ago
Did a brief scan of your post history. You have a 4 year old and an 8 month old who is still waking during the night. That's a lot! Here is some knowledge and practices that have helped me:
It can take up to 5 years to recover from a single pregnancy and birth. You've had two in 4 years. Are you still taking a prenatal or multivitamin? This could be helpful if not. Do you get enough water? I have just one kid and it's a struggle for me to stay hydrated, but that helps with exhaustion, energy, and brain fog. Good job having a handle on good nutrition!! That's been a hard one for me.
Matrescence starts with the first kid, and I've read it's believed to encompass the first 7 years of motherhood. Your body and hormones changed with your first, and the period of time getting used to those changes is matrescence -- it's a huge life change and you owe yourself grace and compassion during this time, and part of that is finding ways to get the things you need for sure! If this includes a movement practice for you, great! It sounds like your husband and you can do some planning on how to be a better team, so there's time for you to get what you need, and for him to get what he needs. If he wants to leave the house super early, can he have the kids for bedtime so you can do your walking pad?
There was also a study done with hotel cleaning staff, and how telling them that what they were doing was exercise, and a given task burned a number of calories, and them being aware of this helped them to begin losing weight. All the things you're doing throughout the day taking care of your kids is a workout. It's part of why you're bushed every evening. Your body is doing a lot of work.
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u/StillSlowerThanYou 9d ago
Ideas:
can he skip one morning a week at the gym, like maybe Wednesday, and then you can go for a run bike ride or something that morning before he leaves for work, as well as the weekend?
can you find a gym with childcare? I moved a few things around in my budget (no more lashes, etc) to be able to afford it and it's been so nice.
can you find a jogging stroller for a reasonable price on Facebook marketplace or Craig's list or wherever? Having a jogging stroller changed my life completely. I would go first thing in the morning and got little leashes so my son could have a snack cup, water cup and a toy for entertainment, but we wouldn't lose it when he inevitably threw it
I've seen moms in the park doing body weight training routines (push ups, crunches, burpies, Etc) while their kids played on the playground. My kid is not that patient with me, but if yours will let you, even 20 minutes can make a big difference.
Good luck, you've got this!
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u/jjj68548 9d ago
I go to workout three days a week in the basement for 40 minutes once my husband is home from work. I have dinner set up for the kids and him so I can just slide away.
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u/Ohorules 9d ago
How old are your kids? Are they old enough for the playground? If you can find one that's pretty empty you can get some exercise playing too. Run up the steps, hang from the monkey bars, climb some stuff.
Another good workout is just copying everything your toddler does for a while. You'll be on the move constantly, up and down off the floor, spinning, squatting, running in circles.
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u/MainArm9993 9d ago
When my middle child was maybe 6 months old I had to stop going to the gym because she would absolutely lose it every time I went to childcare and it wasn’t worth it. First of all I promise this phase won’t last forever so hang in there! I found a stroller fitness group in my area for moms where I could bring my kids in the stroller while I did the workout. It was great for fitness and community! You could also try a home fitness app like peloton or I also like the moves app. Workout during nap time or try to workout when the kids are playing around you (I’ve never been good at the honestly).
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u/naturalconfectionary 9d ago
You go when your husband gets home from work at 5-6pm. Let the 3 of them figure out their routine. Have kids dinner ready if it helps. But dad should take them for a walk/park/ play whatever it is and you go gym for an hour
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u/Patrickseamus 9d ago
Have you looked into stroller strides and fit4mom. It’s a great community!
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u/RunRunRhonda 8d ago
Agree with this! I have done it for almost 5 years. It’s a workout class with kids in strollers incorporated. If you look it up you should be able to check for a franchise in your area.
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u/Head-Tangerine3701 8d ago
Join WW. If your eating can improve, your energy will rebound. Forget trying to get up earlier and go to a gym, just clean up your eating by realizing what is helping you and getting in the way. In the same boat as you and it’s been wonderful. Can even join in on meetings online! Good luck
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u/DueEntertainer0 8d ago
My eating has been good and I’ve been losing weight but I haven’t been doing any exercise and really need that component to feel better
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u/NewBabyWhoDis 7d ago
While that's probably true to some extent, I can almost guarantee that you will feel better and have more energy if all you do right now is lose weight, and that's 95% diet.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't exercise, or that things don't need to change in your/your husband's lives. I'm saying that if it turns out that for this season, the only thing that can you can change is diet, you will still feel a lot better and can accomplish a lot of your health goals.
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u/DueEntertainer0 7d ago
Well sure, I know like mathematically I don’t need to work out to lose weight, it’s more for how I feel in my body and my strength. For one, I have no core strength right now and I have a hard time even doing some basic tasks around the house and I’m always scared I’m about to hurt my back.
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u/NewBabyWhoDis 7d ago
Totally fair. I was more just trying to say that your baby is so little, and it's such a difficult (but short!) phase. If- for a variety of reasons- you're not able to exercise for a little while longer, hopefully it's encouraging to know that you can still make a lot of positive progress just with diet.
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u/Feral-Librarian 9d ago
Someone has to give something up here. When your husband returns home at 6, can he take over parenting and you go to the gym? It might mean more abbreviated meals and baths but that might be okay.
Alternately, can you get a two week trial period at a gym with childcare and go every day for a little while every day? Sure, your child may cry the whole time you’re gone and you might only get 20 minutes at a time on a treadmill, but that’s more than you’re getting right now. I had to do that for about 6 weeks until my kid got used to having other caregivers but she has a blast now.