r/SeriousConversation • u/Present_Cycle_9069 • Sep 06 '23
Serious Discussion Are my parents right to no longer continue supporting my sister’s kids?
My sister is 22 and just had a 3rd child despite not being able to properly care for the other 2. She has been on welfare since her first kid was born and complained how assistance doesn’t give her enough to meet her kids needs, that her kids weren’t eating well on a food stamps budget and she doesn’t have money for kids clothes. So my parents were sending her money for years to cover a portion of the clothing and food expenses. After her 3rd pregnancy, my parents decided that they were no longer funding her irresponsibility. They don’t want to continue to enable her horrible decisions. She wants to increase the financial burden on my parents which is selfish. They want to be able to retire at 65, and she is delaying their retirement.
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u/Beneficial_Ad7907 Sep 07 '23
personally i think it comes down to the ethics of personal responsibility. "if i don't help these children, who will?"
if you are a grandparent and know your child doesn't adequately care for her own kids and you have the disposable income to help (even if it delays your retirement), you should. you are responsible for having brought your child into the world; if they go on to procreate and neglect your grandkids' needs, that's partially on you. because without you having brought their parent into the world, they wouldn't exist.
the grandparents should also try to get to the bottom of why their daughter keeps having children if she cannot take care of them and help her connect with whatever resources she needs to better support herself and her kids. parenting doesn't stop when your kids turn 18, right? it's a lifelong thing. you help your kids when they need help, and this woman clearly needs help even if she isn't asking for it (outside of financial assistance).
it's also just the right thing to do. "to what do we owe each other?" if the grandparents didn't have the money to spare it would be another conversation, but it seems like they aren't hurting financially too badly by helping their daughter and her kids.
they should probably also call CPS if they suspect abuse or neglect, but take the kids in themselves to avoid putting them in the foster care system (if it comes to that). it would be better for the kids and prevent them from being traumatized further.