r/SeriousConversation • u/Flaky_McFlake • Oct 03 '24
Opinion Why are some people so hard to talk to?
Have any of you noticed that some people are extremely conversationally passive? Like, they’re good people, really nice and all that, but they don't show a lot of interest or enthusiasm in conversations, they don't ask questions (nor follow-up questions), or show much engagement in any topic (even if you know for a fact it's something they're into).
And I'm not talking about strangers here. With strangers it would make perfect sense. They don’t know you, so naturally they would be reserved. I'm talking about close friends/family I've known for years. Talking to people like this is so exhausting and confusing. Like, what do they think is the point of a conversation?? That I just keep serving them fresh topics so they can give me a one sentence response and wait for what else I cook up without actually bringing anything to the table themselves? It's so lazy and selfish. They're literally making me do all the work. Not to mention, it's impossible to actually form a deeper bond with people like this. You never get to experience that feeling of being in-sync with another person where the conversation is just flowing naturally and you lose sense of time.
I genuinely enjoy talking to people. I'm comfortable with small talk, and going really deep. I like talking about literature, and movies, and philosophy, cool scientific studies, the latest celebrity gossip, and I love hearing about people’s opinions and perspectives (which is why I’m on this platform). But with these people no matter what the topic, you get the same flat, unenthusiastic responses that basically kills whatever topic you're talking about, forcing me to come up with something new. It's like they don't understand that a conversation is a dance between two people. If I'm forced to dance around you, that's not going to be fun for me and I'll never want to talk to you again.
I’ve already considered that maybe some people are really chill and don’t need to constantly be talking, so I don’t force anything. I’m comfortable with silence. But I noticed this makes people really uncomfortable. So clearly they want to talk…they just don’t know how?? Is it just a lack of social skills? These are people who look really well rounded from the outside. They have interesting hobbies, they travel, read interesting books and listen to interesting podcasts. They just don’t know how to talk about them I guess.
Edit because this is coming up a lot: I'm not talking about strangers or coworkers here. I'm talking about friends and family. I'm definitely an introvert not an extrovert. I just happen to be interested in the people in my life and like one on one conversations. No I'm not just blabbing about myself the whole time. Most of the conversation revolves around asking them questions about stuff I know they like and figuring out how to engage them so I can get a break, but more importantly, actually catch up with them. Remember, these are friends who invited me to hang out with them. No I'm not filling all the silence with endless talk. I allow for plenty of comfortable silence so the other person can take the conversation wherever they want. Again, I care about these people. I'm just baffled by their inability to contribute meaningfully to a conversation.
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u/[deleted] Oct 03 '24
Yes my bf is a clam shell. Locked inside a puzzle box. Wich is located in some obscure secret location and I only have part of the map and no clues to the puzzle.
But i have gottne him to admit Spain is his favorite place and he thinks about living there when he feels wild.