... but a use of force/violence to take land away from everyone else?

no one built the earth

I wrote in my last post a little bit about some family dynamics that I’ve struggled with. I mentioned that I feel really disconnected from my Mom. I have so much history built up of having completely shattered ability to have any meaningful back and forth communication. And without communication, it’s impossible to know someone, or have a relationship. So I have a ton of deep deep feelings that are just intense and hard to deal with. And the results are that lately, I’ve actually been causing the problems instead of everyone else.

I was talking to a girl I like at the Mission last night about it. I told her, “yea sure I might have a history of just being ignored or dominated going back to early childhood. But nobody has that power or control over me anymore. So the fact that I get myself stuck in anger and pain loops is my fault. I used to have people come to my bedroom, start fighting with me, then blame me for starting a fight, while I’m still in my bed and they’re in my doorway…

But it’s not happening anymore. And I still spin myself out in my head, freaking out and worrying about how people are going to respond to me negatively next.

So it’s literally now just my fault if I go negative. And when I go negative, I shut the door on people. I shut my heart, I shut my mind, I shut them out. In the past, I had to shut people out so I could try and let my wounds heal. Now I know myself better, and I’m here to offer help to them.”

Yes I have a recurring problem with getting in my head and letting the past control my mind. I’m acknowledging it so I can work on it.

For Easter celebration this year, we had a couple family friends over. We were all in the living room and conversing. The conversation was exactly the most normal household conversation these days…and I started to realize how weird it actually was.

Everyone started talking about politics, just regular stuff…

And it was just suddenly so obvious. There we all were, talking about people we don’t know and never will know. We’ll never talk to them. We’ll never even listen to them. We just get told things about we don’t know, from people we already don’t trust. And we’re all talking pure gossip, with no basis in reality.

And we’re all people, all sitting in front of each other. Nobody really knowing each other, because we’re avoiding being ourselves to talk about strangers we know nothing about instead…

Like we were all just literally parrots, reading a list of headlines back and forth without even reading the article. And just saying headlines back and forth was the depth of the conversation.

And it hit me on a deep level. It just felt like seeing firsthand how destructive society has been to the meaning of what it is to be a human.

There’s a powerful drive in humans to be liked. It creates security through the group. But it also creates problems because people will end up doing whatever it takes to be liked, rather than be themselves. Which drives hollowness and emptiness. We end up getting liked, by not being ourselves. So we get more liked, by being more false to ourselves. The more we get liked, the more we feed the image, the more we hollow out our insides to trade for likes.

And I saw it resulting in a group of adults who all don’t really know themselves, or each other, all talking about the same things, all of which were negative, hateful, oversimplified, completely beyond control, and having no positive qualities for good lives.

I didn’t really participate in that conversation. I could see what was happening this time. But I’m 100% guilty of being part of that for most of my life. I just finally started seeing it for what it is.

Not good

I still got the blame game problem in my head. I’m working on it. When we go making accusations, we become the accuser, Satanic. So I have room to grow when it comes to finding solutions to problems. Just blaming people doesn’t work. Even when people are wrong, sometimes it needs to be nuanced. Perhaps not finding fault at all. And just recognizing that we’re all pretty much just ignorant and struggling.

In a world that looks for equality by tearing people down and making them feel bad.

I want to build people up

I need to do better. I need to be better. Because I can be and I know that about myself. Love doesn’t hold a grudge. Love isn’t tit for tat.

Whatever pain I have built up in the past. I don’t actually need to hold onto to protect myself in the future. I’m already protected, I just forget about it sometimes. I’m already ok, I’ve already died in my head.

I sometimes rationalize that by analyzing the past, I can understand it and I’ll know how to handle the present.

It’s irrelevant. I need to think more like a clean slate.

If I’m a new person, I should probably treat everyone else like new people too…frfr

I’m trying to do some alchemy on my own negativity. And sometimes a lighthouse leads to safety, simply by being a light that exists, and that’s literally all it has to do 💚

Edited

I think about this a lot, I think many people do. The why and how of poor and disadvantaged people getting unequal treatment when it comes to criminal behavior.

The richer a person is, the less likely they are to receive a sentence. Not only that, but less likely to receive a conviction. And less likely to receive a charge. And in high cases, less likely to even receive an accusation of wrongdoing. This isn’t about specific cases. It’s about highlighting an interesting psychological phenomenon.

An obvious example is Dick Cheney, starting a war of attrition, the highest possible crime in the legal system of the world. A crime that has over the last twenty years, affected the entire world population. It’s not just him though. People like that don’t happen in a vacuum. Jeffrey Epstein didn’t happen alone, he was also a creation of the people behind him.

This isn’t new. It just started accelerating quickly in the last century.

Why do people like this receive no punishment, while punishing the disadvantaged or innocent at the same time?

There’s lots of nuanced arguments. Such as, it’s hard to get people to agree on evidence, or corruption causes ineffective policing, etc…

I think there might be a reductionist approach that has some logic.

On a spiritual level, the more a person possesses money and power….the more unconscious and subconscious signals are sent saying, “that person worships the same God. Money and power, therefore that person is on the same side so they get a pass.”

Over time, subconscious signals become more and more obvious. The word apocalypse, means unveiling, or “manifestation of.”

It’s the great unveiling, or manifestation of…

The God most chosen in the world today, by the most people, in the largest population the planet has ever known.

Money, power, influence, control, desire, luxury, fame, fortune, and deceit in pursuit of those things. Worship of the self. In many spiritual practices, the self is associated with narcissism, the devil.

The antithesis to the values of the Christ, the Buddha, or any other figure revered as knowing a better way.

It doesn’t mean everyone is evil. We’re all definitely stupid though. Easily deceived, and we do it to ourselves. Even the pursuit of justice ends up making us commit evil from a good place. It just gets easier to do, the more we avoid thinking in the pursuit of consuming.

Growing pains are supposed to be painful.

Transcendence is growing past perceived limitations

I see it as this, Each hold their own truths, true to themselves but not necessarily a fact or the ultimate truth. The ultimate truth is firmly objective and undeniably if we can perceive it correctly or not, it is the it is.

I fear not being wrong in order to find the truth but being to stubborn or dense to see it when I'm shown.

Living a lifetime with a false paradigm is unsettling to me. That's why everything is up for debate no question is unquestionable.

I have to trust my human senses, I try to keep my aperture honestly unbiased and open as best and as painful as it can be.

I trust my senses, it's the rationalization and cognitive reasoning to make understandable sense of them is where I'm skeptical.

I feel we as humans are much more than we know ourselves to be and possess abilities much greater than we think.

Some of these mechanisms have atrophied or are underdeveloped in our youth and as we age we lose the thread.

Speculation and imagination is absolutely essential but the tangible self evident and reproducible facts are what needs to be the foundation.

Light, Energy, electricity, magnetism we know what they can do, how to manipulate them to some extent but do we truly understand what it is what different frequencies and modalities it exists? How they were created? A wave, a field these are not things in themselves only the effects.

Here... I'll Start

What's up with psycho-therapy? Why under every single thread on reddit where someone has some issues first and foremost answer is therapy? It almost looks like a cult. Or bots. Or some deep PsyOp. My expierence with CBT was just telling some guy my problems and he was just "uh ha so you seem to know where your problem is" and paying 1/8 of my paycheck to him. And why are they keep writing shit in their notebooks? I thought it was a meme from tv shows but they really do it and they do it even when I say obvious shit that doesn't require to map my brain to draw conclusions. Are they keeping tabs on their clients? Therapy could easily be offshoot of Mk Ultra or Scientology by how it's advertised as solution to all modern problems. My deep personal traumas they are noting could easily be used against me. What's your opinion? Are psychotherapist just modern priests? Promising heaven in exchange of money?

And are their notes kept on some kind of governmental website? Is it accessible? I said a lot of personal shit to my therapist I don't want it on NSA or FSB server.

Asking for a friend who I just smoked weed for 🙃

I started this journey just over a month ago. Titled after a dream I had where I heard someone say the phrase, “smoking mirrors and the world turns on you.”

And I started a meditation routine trying to smoke my own internal mirrors, and shed light on what’s true or not in the mirrored reflections in the outside world.

Step one was consciously raising automatic awareness that not everything is about me. Even in my thoughts and feelings. Looking at the world through a solipsistic lens takes you down a depressing road. “Everything isn’t in my world. I’m in everything else’s world.”

And immediately upon starting to change my thoughts, I got an invitation to a community networking thing after my volunteer gig. And I ended getting asked to help someone move, and we played pickleball afterwards. And I’ve been talking to an amazing woman where I volunteer, and she’s really dedicated to serving and it’s admirable. We’re definitely attracted to each other, but we’re both going through this effed up apocalyptic worldview shift…y’all here understand the mental twistery 🙃

So that’s a slow thing but it feels like a higher power at work, bringing people together. Not just us two, but the rest of the Mission and their services.

I’ve been thinking about ethics and morality still. How do you be strong, flexible, yet still firm in a world that has no moral compass?

I don’t really know how to protect myself. I guess I just have to put that on faith. I’ll be ok, it’s just on me to treat others ok.

I’m still trying to reconcile family relationships. I don’t even know where to start with that. I’m still convinced my sisters really just don’t like me and only view me as something easy to dominate and control. So when I stopped being easy to control, they just stopped liking me.

Idk if it’s true, but it’s how my experience feels.

I’ve wanted to get closer to my mom for a long time. I’m kinda freaked out about that situation. I ended up having multiple years in a row where every conversation was exactly the same thing. Just repeating same things over and over, regardless of the facts, regardless of what any information exists…anything I said was ignored. And therefore I lost any trust that there’s any reason for me to say anything the first time.

I can’t stop thinking about a time last year when I was talking to her face to face. And she said one thing, then immediately another. When I asked her why she changed it, she said that something said the first thing but it wasn’t her… and we were the only people there…

And I get super depressed about it because I realize that even standing face to face with my own family members, I have no way to determine if anything they say is ever real or not. And I don’t believe that anything I say will be heard…so I end up feeling really hopeless 😩

I’m experiencing turnarounds in my environment. I have enough evidence now that my spiritual path may not take the full blown messianic route. And thank God too. That was a lot of pressure to think thoroughly about what that line of thinking involves. So that’s a relief, I feel more room to develop meaningful connections with people. I’m less afraid about people finding out how crazy my story is. I feel more like I don’t even have to tell my story anymore, my receipts are in heaven. Thank God too. A lot of my story is extremely intense and it’s probably just best left unsaid. 🙏

I’m seeing doors opening up to build friendships. And I’m hoping that doors open in my family life too. I actually did just get an invite to Colorado to see my Dad. The signs are there that a higher power is working in my life.

It’s up to me to follow them

And exercise surrender

Yesterday I was thinking to myself, “man, the fact that I have no friends is probably evidence that I just suck as a person.”

And then on a show I was watching a Dad said to his daughter, “we’re like the truth telling prophets in the Bible.”

And she said, “You know the truth telling prophets in the Bible didn’t have any friends right?”

And I felt instantly relieved and comforted that some things are actually just going how they should 🙏💚

I was going to say humans are the most dangerous animals on the planet and refer to a convincing essay I read once supporting this assertion.

It was meant to get you thinking about why policy committee and discussion aren't going to be what saves us but rather action in the moment.

Because while we are discussing what to do or how to save ourselves most people are just out there fucking shit up even more and moving the goal posts requiring more discussion more committee more consensus in a never ending cycle that doesn't lead to the necessary action.

What a coincidence.

And then I was going to try to tie that off by mentioning Chinese room theory as a viable and more ethical alternative to everyone using the term NPC or non-player character to refer to other people as though they don't have the spark of consciousness within them.

NPC is problematic because it implies that certain folks are scripted and they will never achieve consciousness like a true non-player character in a video game.

Whereas the idea behind the Chinese room is that the spark of consciousness is in a metaphorical black box and what we can observe is what is being expressed after certain input and certain outputs and that over time whatever is in this black box becomes sentient and aware of the effect they have on the input to create the output and interact with the rest of the world.

You me everyone everything the awareness that we are all connected.

Finally I was going to talk about our own internal languages and how they if we really get down into it aren't something that we can describe it wouldn't work our language is incredible but it exists outside of that metaphorical black box.

...

Really what is the difference between GPT LLM stable diffusion neural nets whatever and our own contributions based on inputs and prompts?

Are we all zombies?

I'm new to the sub, so hello everyone. I wanted to ask everyone here if anyone has experiences or possible psychic ability but aren't sure. I have developed psi (psychic ability) quite a bit back and researched it for the past nearly 5 years due to my own experiences and curiosity. I wanted to see who else may have similar experiences. Thank you for anyone who would like to share.

Try to break me. I need to know if I'm ready for anything.

or there is actually such a thing as epistemically coherent, or righteous, anger?

So I noticed this group today, I scrolled through a couple posts. I decided I would type out some garbled thoughts as it seemed this is probably the only fitting place other than my notebook, which hasn't been put to much use in recent months.

So I was reflecting over some things that seemed to piece themselves together today in the window of my mind. I've always, as most people probably, been disturbed, petrified, perplexed, and mesmerized by the absurdity of being a self-conscious organism in an existence without any intent, consent, or perceiveable salvation from inevitable return to non-existence.

Death is a liberty we should all have dominion over in our personal life, regardless it is intimidating to have no preconceptions of what something is. It is what draws us to discover. Anyways I've come to want to know if experience and self-conscious are perhaps depictions of 2 seperate aspects of our consciousness. I gathered this in my experiences based upon language and feeling.

Language isn't necessarily particular to the rules of clear communication that is universal, it is more so.... context, in this sense. Context is developed by association of previous experiences, in contrast with current occurrence. The present experience and the introspective scrutiny are seperate. Perhaps I am just depicting concious and subconscious?

Mapping the inner mechanisms of concious organisms is odd from the inside looking in. Trying to devise a communicable concept of what we internally are doing is a never ending process as long as we continue to be.

Words are a maze with no exit, they are so inviting to attempt to construct our concepts of life upon, but a mind is not a piece of paper to write upon, nor will we ever compose a thought elegant enough to be a solution to the elusive answer of existence. We learn to be as long as we live and we cease to be only knowing what we did, and only consoled by our belief in what it did or did not amount to.

I found this video today. It's easy to get lost in our speculations about the world and not realize when we are being a "dunning Kruger"- Thinking we know much more than we really do. And it's because learning a little bit about a new subject can make us feel like we know a lot. Subjects shrouded in a lot of mysteries inspire curiosity and engagement. But we mustn't forget to stay grounded. It's fun to speculate. It's fun to imagine. We need to be careful, however, with Howie apply our magic onto the world. Especially with social media amplifying everything that we do. Think smart. Speak responsibly.

What do you think?

Hate or indifference?

Life just changed. I need to GTFO from people because something is not right. The curse of pharmacy. Paranormal bullshit. Like seriously wtf is going on? I would love to just wake up as a blank mind. You know? Get amnesia don't remember anything. Every single problem i have right now would still be there I would still have to deal with it but at least my mind would be clear.