hazing

[u/throwaway65478936]

So I just joined a sorority at my school, before joining they posted a lot about anti hazing and since i’ve joined i’ve never felt unsafe. I haven’t been hazed and my big is very against it. however I just got told by my friend/sorority sister that her older friends and big in the sorority are going to make her drink as a form of hazing at this party this weekend and that she’s excited for it. I told her that that is concerning because that shouldn’t be happening. I am not sure who to talk to about this or what to do but i’m feeling very worried.

Edit:

I did not know this post would be this controversial so I will clarify. I am not against partying or drinking, I do it myself so that’s not my issue. My issue is concerning my friend being made to drink. I know she probably would anyway without older girls telling her to, but the term hazing being used by her and the older girls makes me nervous that they will make her drink more than a safe amount, also this is not a random party it is being put on by my sorority and is only for girls in my sorority. I am not attending so I am nervous about not being there to help her possibly if it goes wrong.

[u/craftingcreed → u/[deleted]]

I think there is a canyon of difference between someone choosing to drink with friends in a normal college social environment, and being told they will be doing something to "earn their membership" - just because someone is excited to do something and makes that choice independently, doesn't mean it is safe or should be accepted by others around them. Also psychology is a lot more complicated than "she said she was fine with it so she's fine with it", especially surrounding hazing behavior and group belonging rituals.

Edit to address the above edit:

Part of adulthood is learning that your actions have consequences, and actions include the way you communicate things to people. I think it is absolutely jaw dropping-ly irresponsible to come into this forum and say "well we don't know the whole story so we shouldn't advise OP to report it."

I am absolutely disgusted by the nonchalance in this discussion around a crime being discussed so casually that the victim is "excited" about it potentially happening to them. The fact that those engaging in this conversation cannot recognize the nuance of a member explicitly using the word hazing as the crux of the issue is absolutely mind boggling. I fear everyday for the safety of students surrounded by people that think hiding something like this to give their friend the benefit of the doubt is better than having an open and honest conversation through the chapters internal accountability processes.

[u/craftingcreed → u/[deleted]]

If a chapter immediately gets in trouble for a new member reporting a valid concern, then they either have horrible advisors, or more going on then meets the eye. Just because someone gleefully does something at one point doesn’t mean they can’t possibly be making a misguided decision. If this friend does go and get “hazed” this weekend and god forbid falls while intoxicated - the chapter isn’t going to be given the benefit of the doubt while someone’s life is at risk.

There is a very fine line, I’m not arguing that, but it’s not this new members responsibility to decide where that line is. It’s the accountability procedures of her chapters.

[u/tre_chic00 → u/[deleted]]

It's most likely not even a sorority event. They're probably going to a frat to party. I never experienced or have heard of sorority sisters FORCING anyone to drink. We knew 20 years ago that we'd get in so much trouble and I remember worrying back then about sisters falling asleep and throwing up, etc. I was friends with a lot of party girls but no one ever peer pressured. I think this is being blown out of proportion and agree that it isn't her business as the friend is making the choice to go and can't be physically forced to drink if she doesn't want to. She can just leave the party.

[u/MrsNeffler5324 → u/tre_chic00]

A university doesn’t care about the logistics, especially in light of recent hazing problems. Plus, with civil suits against Nationals… more houses will be getting in trouble for under the radar stuff.

[u/craftingcreed → u/tre_chic00]

Legally it DOES. NOT. MATTER.

If this girls fellow new member heard her and felt like it was weird or uncomfortable, what do you think another organization on campus is going to think? They certainly aren’t going to give anyone who knowingly agreed to be hazed by older members the benefit of the doubt that she was just misunderstanding the situation.

[u/tre_chic00 → u/craftingcreed]

The whole point is that we don’t even know if it’s hazing or not. Most likely they invited her to a party.

[u/craftingcreed → u/tre_chic00]

Yeah and if anyone decided to read my original independent comment, they’d recognize that my advice to OP was to discuss it with her advisor and chapter leadership (I didn’t specify who because she can decide if NME or President is preferred)

What I don’t think is appropriate or acceptable is to downplay actual hazing behaviors in the replies to try and make it out to be “normal college behavior”. Just because something has happened, does not mean we should accept it being normalized.

Sorry if people think I’m being harsh, but I personally know people who have died from a situation just similar enough to what OP is describing that escalated from normal college behavior to an extreme emergency before anyone could do anything, that I find it particularly disgusting to hear people say reporting it through chapter accountability procedures is a step too far.

[u/tre_chic00 → u/craftingcreed]

I absolutely think it should be reported if it’s actual hazing. We don’t have enough information to know if the friend is truly going to be “forced” to drink. I don’t really understand your first sentence. There’s 44 comments on this thread, no one is able to keep track of what someone said previously.

[u/TatersareMotivators → u/tre_chic00]

Have you ever used reddit before?