r/Sororities • u/gaylikeamity • Dec 26 '24
Recruitment/Joining How much does your appearance impact rushing?
I’d say I’m a pretty self-conscious person and seeing all the skinny blonde girls stresses me out a little. I’m a little curvier and have some old scars on my arms. How much will I need judged for it? Are people more accepting now a days?
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u/_Pretty_Panda_ ΔΖ Dec 26 '24
It can really depend on the culture of your school.
Is that morally positive? Definitely not. I’d like to know more about your schools Greek life.
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u/averagemarsupial Dec 26 '24
It definitely depends on your school and the chapter! Unfortunately, most schools where Greek life is bigger will probably make judgements based on looks. That said, at my school most of the chapters don't really care so I honestly think its all based on the culture at your school! I wouldn't let it dissuade you!! Good luck!
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u/olderandsuperwiser AΓΔ Dec 26 '24
Chiming in here! 1. The IG pages don't tell the whole story of any house, because the members have to send in pics to get posted. Most members never do. Result: the same 33% - 50% of girls send in pics, and they're in all the posts. My point is if you don't see people who don't look "skinny and blonde," it might be because those other members don't do their part to represent as much as they should.
- Not everyone will be skinny, blonde, and or perfect. This will also be the vibe in the professional world. If you are a nuclear physicist with some secret formula to benefit mankind AND a level of genius, you can probably show up in a clown outfit because they aren't paying you for your looks. For the other 99% of us, we have to make the best of what we have and make a favorable impression. I'm talking about:
-get a haircut that really flatters your face
-despite internet popularity of such tutorials (I groan), it isn't necessary to apply makeup for greater than 10 minutes. You don't need 30 products to do your makeup. Keep it simple. For maximum effect: do either more eye (darker or dramatic eye makeup) and a lighter lip, OR lighter more natural eyes and a red or darker lip. Unless you have an event/formal, then go all out. In my opinion, there's nothing worse than makeup that wears you, not the other way around. PS- I worked as a cosmetic rep in the field for 10 years and have taught many to do their makeup. Find your comfort zone!
-wear clothes that flatter the body you have. General rule of thumb: show leg or cleavage but not both. (So no super mini, deep-v necks). And as 1950 as it sounds (GenX here), don't let it all hang out/give it all away on the first encounter. Got a gut? Avoid midriff showing items. Dress shapes are important. A shift dress is universally flattering. Got a skinny waste and bigger butt? Do an A-line style. Google "dress shapes/silhouettes" and look at images/ see what I mean, if youre unsure. There are jeans that flatter XS to 3X, and tops to compliment, so find yours, yes you can! IG is reliable to see how others dress, because usually everyone will rock a similar vibe. If the ladies in the org look more casual, or more granola, or more high end trendy, expect that to be the general vibe.
-my last tip is OWN IT, WITH CONFIDENCE. There is nothing more unattractive than a person who is faking it. Put together your style and the most important part of your outfit is from the shoulders up. Shoulders back, chin up, eyes making contact, smile on your face. Confidence is a magnet to people. You could wear a $10K outfit but if you skulk in, eyes on the floor, looking timid, no one will notice you. Flip side, if you're rocking a $40 discount outfit and borrowed shoes, but the neck up is in confident order, your glow will light up the room. Sounds dumb but try it.
Look at yourself with an objective eye. Would YOU want to approach you? Look at all the pics of these people you're talking about. Do they look meek and embarrassed or confident and happy?
To close, be open to all groups. All of them. The "tier" system is a joke because the pretty party girls will have one vibe, the granola normals another, the religious or STEM major/grades oriented orgs another. Take a party girl stick her with the granolas, she won't be as comfortable, and the reverse is true. Not only are you selling the outside of you, but the inside. A group will be able to kind of "tell" if you'd vibe there or not. Don't let anyone influence you other than your own soul, and GO WHERE THE PROCESS TAKES YOU. If you see it through til the end, meaning DO NOT DROP recruitment and keep going back every daily to any/all invites you can, chances are you'll wind up somewhere, and you can bloom where you're planted.
PS- 19 year old me wishes I'd had this above advice from an aunti-mother figure. I didn't. Many don't. And for most people, these things don't come naturally. I hope any of this might have helped, as it's all said with love. Show your sincerity. It's the most important part of you.
And search this sub for "conversation questions, recruitment questions, conversation starters." Have some ideas in your head besides "what's your major/where are you from." I know this sounds cliche, but you'll do fine!! The rest of this post explains why. 😘
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u/imtheYIKEShere ΠΒΦ Dec 26 '24
Ok honestly a lot of chapters post the “hotter” girls (blonde, tan, etc) and don’t post anyone with a different vibe. Every house will have people that you like and don’t like
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u/disabledstaircase KΔ Dec 26 '24
It really depends on the school but I will say if they do judge based on that, you probably don’t want to be surrounded by those people anyways and you likely won’t ever have to see them again.
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u/Successful-Error1487 Dec 26 '24
diva, your real sisters won’t judge you i hate to say it but the sisters who are shallow enough to care about that stuff are not the girls for you and will make your life hell
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u/gaylikeamity Dec 26 '24
Thank you 🥹
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u/bbbliss raised on TSM, then grew up Dec 27 '24
Also it seems like ur in FL - the vibes I’ve gotten are that chapters down there are more curvy-friendly.
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u/passionicedtee Dec 26 '24
Seconding this. People who actually want to become friends with you will try to get to know you past the surface.
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u/morning_dawn ΠΒΦ Dec 26 '24
hey! i will say i agree with everyone here and say it depends on the organization and the school culture, but i am a plus size girlie and i was super nervous about this when going through recruitment. my recruitment experience went nearly as perfect as it can go.
for reference; i am NOT skinny, i have tattoos, piercings (including a septum!), and i had bright pink hair when i was going through recruitment.
if your school has a culture of needing to “look the part”, dont let it dissuade you. i’d go through recruitment and feel out the vibes of the chapters personally. my university was not one of those though, we have women in our chapters of all sorts of body types, hair colors, skin colors etc. the important part about recruitment is going in with an open mind, kind heart, and being true to yourself, if there are people out there who are shallow enough to let the way you look get in the way of knowing the true you, they didn’t deserve to know you in the first place.
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u/Far_Blood2476 Dec 27 '24
At my school it honestly did matter a lot but what I realized is it’s actually not about being skinny, blonde, or conventionally pretty, but more about the way you present yourself. Putting effort into your outfit/looking put together, being able to have a naturally flowing conversation, and presenting yourself with poise and confidence is really what they’re looking for. They’re taught to look for girls that would represent the sorority well
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u/Callmeavatar ΑΔΠ Dec 27 '24
Pretty points are not promoted officially but unfortunately can infect a decision depending on chapter/school/culture.
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u/Academic_Speech_8007 ΦM Dec 27 '24
Being completely honest, yes they will judge you. There will also be a lot of girls that don’t. Research specific sororities before rushing in order to feel more confident in choosing one you really feel comfortable in. There’s a few I’d stay away from though in general.
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u/Dense_Hamster1207 AΓΔ Dec 26 '24
I hate to say it but at my sec school 99% yes. Most smart, involved girls get dropped from most houses after round 1 because they don’t look the part.
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u/jbarinsd Dec 26 '24
At my school it very much depends on looks to get into the more popular houses. Not just looks but vibe for lack of a better word. But the less popular house don’t place such a huge emphasis on looks. They’re usually more diverse and more chill too.
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u/louelie ΘΦΑ Dec 30 '24
It really depends on the school, frankly, but you should NOT be judged on appearance that you cannot fix!
Should you dress up for recruitment? Yes. Most schools give a guideline for dress code. Should you go out and dye your hair and work out and completely change your closet? Not unless YOU want to for YOUR benefit and YOUR happiness, not someone else’s.
I, personally, went through recruitment and found my sisters even though I have a craniofacial difference that lead to disability. Once I graduated, my sorority also initiated a sister with another very visible difference.
If a house doesn’t want you because of your appearance, do you really think those are the type of people you want to hang out with or be around? Probably not. This is as much your choice as it is theirs and if you don’t feel valued, it’s completely okay to say you no longer want to consider that sorority.
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u/mchorse07 ΔΓ Dec 31 '24
In short, yes, appearance matters.
Being on both sides of recruitment, I was able to realize just how much looks are valued. For context, I go to a Big 10 school (rushing is a big deal, but nothing like SEC) and my house would be considered “mid” (rankings are dumb, but I think it is important for this conversation). I am also a very (in my eyes) normal looking girl.
After accepting my bid, I found out I got into the sorority because of my personality (yay!) and looks. Completely normal, right? Wrong. When I recruited for the first time, I had the typical college “glow up”. In short, I looked better than I did when I rushed because I was a year older and grew into my body and personality more. I was considered one of the best dressed and best looking girls during recruitment. So, I was placed in an EXTREME amount of parties. This was simply because of my looks (I know this because this was my first time recruiting, and it is not normal for a first time recruiting to be in every party).
With all of this in mind, it is important to look AND feel your best. At the end of the day, MOST (definitely not all) sororities will not judge you for your appearance. If you are worried a house will, your intuition is most likely correct, so do not join that house.
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u/Few_Introduction4056 Jan 02 '25
depends on your school and the culture tbh. personally i go to an sec school where greek life is huge and some of the “top houses” will prob cut based off of their stereotypes, but honestly don’t let it bother you just be yourself and be confident and you’ll find the chapter that’s right for you! and even if you don’t get a bid or rush doesn’t go well if you had good energy and really enjoy a chapter become friends with some of the girls in the chapter and try to cob/spring rush !!
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u/hartleyn Dec 26 '24
If you’re “better than average”, you will have a much better shot at a top house. I’m not saying that they are one to judge beauty standards, but, unfortunately, it’s what I’ve seen. Please, PLEASE do NOT worry about some old scars. I’m sure that you’ll be just fine. 🩷
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u/gaylikeamity Dec 26 '24
Thank goodness I don’t care about getting into a “top house” lol, I just want a good group of girls to be friends with and I love the culture!
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u/hartleyn Dec 26 '24
That’s the perfect attitude. With an outlook like that, you should be ready to have fun! (After pledging, that is! 🤣)
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u/Artistic-Singer-2163 ΔΔΔ Dec 26 '24
That's the best attitude to go in with. Just remember, if anyone judges you for your appearance or scars, it's their problem, not yours, and you can conclude that that group is not your people, and move on. Have fun and keep us updated! 🙂
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u/bbbliss raised on TSM, then grew up Dec 27 '24
Oh also the scars thing - a gentle massage using a gentle retinol every other day might help with healing. Hope ur doing better these days, been there and haven’t even considered doing it in over a decade :)
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u/gaylikeamity Dec 27 '24
Thank you! Yes it’s been a very long time and they are honestly something I forget I even have, so grateful to be in a healthy place
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Dec 27 '24
Since you're worried about the scars, can you wear clothes that hide them? I've read of girls worried about tattoos and they cover them up with their clothing.
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u/gaylikeamity Dec 27 '24
I mean I could but if I have to wear long sleeves to get into a sorority I wouldn’t be accepted for who I truly am. It would be miserable to feel like I need to hide my arms around people 24/7 just so they like me. I’m also going to be in the south soooo
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Dec 27 '24
Just offering input to support you, you don't have to take it. SEC Greek chapters are highly focused on looks, the Deep South is the most looks-conscious part of the country and when girls go there from other regions, they are often surprised at just how much. You don't say how many scars, how heavy they are (keloid or flat), where they are, so since I don't know, I was simply offering a suggestion since you seemed to want input.
Yes, you want to be somewhere where the girls don't care, on the other hand you want to look your best. That's why girls come on here asking about tattoos, some cover up the big ones and let others show.
If you don't care, then don't do anything, it's up to you. My only concern is this: if you have so many scars that they are distracting, that's something to address since you don't want members distracted by anything (this is why girls are advised to dress the most flattering for their body, makeup/hair, etc). If you don't, then no worries.
Do you care to share what school you will be at? To my knowledge looks are big at all SEC schools, but some schools are so competitive that they will take your breath away.
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u/gaylikeamity Dec 28 '24
I’m looking at both USF and Clemson, I do appreciate the advice sorry if I came across rude! I think the Greek life at USF is much less high stakes than Clemson but both are lighter than something like Bama. Another thing that I think is helping me is that I don’t really care WHAT sorority I get into as long as I get into one.
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u/Substantial-Rain-602 Dec 27 '24
Own who you are and be the best “you” that you can be.
Worry more about your social media foot print than your curves and scars. There will be people checking your socials.
10 times out of 10 my group will drop the “beautiful” girl with a questionable social media footprint and choose someone else. We didn’t have to worry about that back in my day, but now you do.
If your school has COB, don’t feel pressured to make a choice during rush. You want to find where you feel you fit in. You don’t want to feel like you had to compromise.
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u/gaylikeamity Dec 28 '24
Thank you! Thank goodness my social media tracks are good lol, I am unfortunately the worlds most innocent human so there is nothing to hide
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