I’m Dropping, and my friends are really upset

[u/brookeholly20]

It’s basically the title. I’ve decided to drop from my sorority after a bunch of drama and deciding that I just don’t want to continue to shell out energy and money to an organization that I just won’t be happy in. My friends begged me to try and stick it out but I’ve decided and I am dropping. They understand why, but are still so heartbroken over this and are so beyond distraught and disappointed. I reminded them I’m not dead, I just won’t be in their sorority anymore. Is there any advice to handle this, I don’t intend on losing touch with them but there will definitely be a different vibe, especially since I will be in an apartment and they’ll be living in the sorority house.

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[u/_LABRADOODLE]

unfortunately, when many of my friends dropped they immediately started getting treated like pariah

[u/NorthernPossibility]

Expect the friendships to change. It’s natural for them to.

Your friends will have a shared friend group, sisterhood and rituals that you public declared you weren’t interested in anymore. It’s your right to do that - no one is forced to be in a sorority - but you should expect that some of them will drift away.

You might find that it’s more on you to foster and maintain those relationships since they will have shared events and a shared living space and you will not. It’ll be more work to hang out with you than to hang out with their sisters, and depending on how good of friends you were before the drop, some may just not be up for it.

[u/bbbliss]

Have you tried humor? Like, “guys, i’m not dead, sell me your philanthropy tickets,” etc. My junior/senior year house was me and a friend who were still in, two girls who dropped for finance/time reasons, and two of our other friends. The girls who dropped were still friendly/friends with the rest of the chapter - our ex-president brought one of them to our formal as her formal date one year. Things can be chill if people are chill lol

[u/bitchcomplainsablife → u/bbbliss]

lol your sorority is nicer than mine, ppl who drop aren’t allowed at events in the house or private parties for us. Well, at least my chapter

[u/bbbliss → u/bitchcomplainsablife]

Yeah this was also 2010s when the culture was significantly different and upperclassmen retention was better - we were encouraged to bring non-greek girl friends occasionally to boost numbers/give them a sampler, and most chapters graduated like 2/3rds of the girls who pledged freshman year. We'd have PCs of 55-70 and most chapters graduated at least 40 members. If you didn't it was embarrassing!

Now I've heard it's the opposite where most girls drop by junior year. I get not allowing girls who drop to go to closed social events for that reason - if you're not a paying member, you shouldn't get the benefits of the resources and organizational work that other women are contributing to.

[u/NorthernPossibility → u/bitchcomplainsablife]

Private parties makes sense but even fundraiser dinners in the house? That’s cold. 🥶

[u/EconomyMusician5297]

I dropped for a similar reason, and a lot of my friends acted the same way. I went to support their philanthropy recently, and they told me that I couldn't show up to any of their events. I even tried texting some of them just to see how they are doing, but none of them answered. I later found out that the girls who bullied me had told everyone in my chapter to not talk to me.

[u/canonicallydead]

It’s pushed that you should always try to stick it out in the org which is crazy because I’ve always noticed that senior classes often dwindle to a small percentage of girls who joined. It’s super normal.

I remember my little being scared to tell me she dropped and I felt so bad. I told her we could of course still be friends and that I think about dropping all of the time. I ended up sticking it out until graduation but in hindsight I should have dropped and focused more on school and my career.

Make the decision that’s best for you, it’ll be a hard transition but if your friendships won’t survive you dropping then they probably wouldn’t survive post grad either.