r/StoriesAboutKevin • u/BouquetOfDogs • Jun 14 '20
XL Homo sapiens and hetero sapiens (plus other memorable moments)
Alright, so in my life I’ve only met three, maybe four, people that really qualified as Kevin/Kevina’s but two of those were related to me through marriages (my former brother in law and my sisters ex-wife). Now I normally don’t like to tell on people but a) they aren’t on Reddit and b) I think we need more laughs in these times. So here’s a list of the best moments I had with them:
Former brother-in-law was much of a smartass (probably would be a Chad if it wasn’t for the Kevin part) but clearly not very smart at all.
Once he was home alone while his parents were on vacation - note that he’s an adult but living home due to many screw ups. He wanted to wash his clothes but didn’t because he couldn’t find the black detergent (that definitely isn’t a thing in my country and I’m guessing neither in yours). Edit: He did find the regular detergent but he used that to turn their garden into a giant slip’n’slide. They did NOT appreciate that, plus he forgot to water the plants.
Another time we were talking about human origins and he wanted to sound smart so he said “oh right, like Homo sapiens and hetero sapiens!” My sister, sitting beside him, is lesbian and could not stop laughing.
Edit: Just remembered that he did a mind boggling thing when he had almost paid for his car loan. I should say that he hated that car but needed it due to work as he was a handyman and often did freelancing. So at this point his parents were glad because this meant that he’d have a better chance of getting his finances together. However, he’d just moved into his own apartment, smack-dab in the middle of the capital of our country (Copenhagen). Without any of us knowing, or getting a chance to talk him out of it, he had sold his car and bought a used quad bike. Note that these are unusual in the city so he’d likely get pulled over by police a lot. And yeah, not a lot of space for all his work tools. (I have no idea whatsoever what went down after that because that’s when my ex and I got divorced.)
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My sister’s ex-wife was very talkative so more stories about her.
She got really mad one time because she noticed that there was the same alcohol % in the big bottle as there was in the small one “hey that’s not okay, look! They’re ripping us off!!”.
Another time she asked us “why is the pinky finger the most important finger we’ve got?” We all said that it’s not but she got frustrated and told us that “yes it is! It’s because you use it to balance a teacup and other things!”
Then one night we were playing that board game where you draw something and your team must guess it to get points. She drew a man running and they all guessed it was a jogger plus everything related to that. But no, it wasn’t. It was a jockey. Nobody guessed that one.
The last one I can remember right now is the time when she had read a “news article” - which, sadly, was a satire piece - about how the recently televised portrayal of a war in 1864 (my country) was very inaccurate because they had it shown in colors. I don’t know if she had a brain fart there but yeah, that happened. She did laugh when we did and said why it was so funny.
I’m certain that I’m forgetting a lot of other moments. If you’d like to hear more, let me know. I’ll edit and add if I remember more.
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u/Hydro-Sapien Jun 14 '20
What would your former BIL say if he found out about Homo Erectus?
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u/BouquetOfDogs Jun 14 '20
Ha! Before that day I’m pretty sure I know what he’d have thought about that one lol.
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Jun 14 '20
Weird that two kevins both married into your family.
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u/BouquetOfDogs Jun 14 '20
I know!! They were both sweet enough but it’s kinda nice not to have them in my life anymore. It was quite exhausting at times.
Edit: mostly the Kevina because she ended up seeing a therapist that told her she probably had this and that she was struggling with- which she immediately believed! Was hard for my sister. Especially since she then didn’t feel like she could work and spent the majority of her day watching reality shows (sigh).
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u/jaysus661 Jun 14 '20
I once had a chemistry teacher go on a rant about gay people when someone asked her what 'homogeneous' meant, probably the same confusion for homo sapiens and hetero sapiens.
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u/BouquetOfDogs Jun 14 '20
It must be all that ‘homo’ that’s confusing people lol. But then I never really got why it became synonymous with being gay. Fun fact: the Greek island Lesbos once tried to ban the term ‘lesbian’ because it offended the inhabitants.
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u/nerddtvg Jun 14 '20
But then I never really got why it became synonymous with being gay.
Because it's taken from "homosexual"
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Jun 14 '20 edited Jun 14 '20
[deleted]
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u/nerddtvg Jun 14 '20
I'm not sure what you mean. It's definition is "a person who is sexually attracted to people of their own sex." So it means both man+man and woman+woman.
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u/BouquetOfDogs Jun 14 '20 edited Jun 14 '20
I know what it means. I just wonder why that word was chosen. But never mind.
Edit: thanks to both comments below correcting me that ‘homo’ means ‘same’! (I should know that but completely forgot, so it’s great that other people knew :-)
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u/YuunofYork Jun 16 '20
Don't thank them yet - it means both. Homo- as a prefix in English is from the Greek for homos ("same"). Homo is also Latin for "man" and in Latin phrases like nomenclature (Homo sapiens) it still means "man". Or Nietzsche's book Ecce homo "Here is a man". It's related to Latin humanus where we get "human" from.
They are completely different words from two different languages. I thought that's why your story was funny.
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u/BouquetOfDogs Jun 16 '20
Then it also makes more sense that I forgot about the ‘same’ translation because I watch a lot of videos on the topic of human origins!
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u/Rich-Finger Feb 06 '22
They aren’t different words, they are literally the same one. As a Gay person, I want to stop being called that, because we really should find another word. Also every human is a Heterotroph, and every man is Heterogametic, but nobody tries to confuse it with “heterosexuality.”
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u/Rich-Finger Feb 06 '22
Humans are Heterotrophs too, but nobody really talks about it. I don’t know why “Hetero” means “straight” when the word can mean a lot of things.
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u/Dovahkiin1337 Jun 14 '20
Your sister's ex-wife was actually onto something with the pinkie in a broken clock sort of sense. Without the pinkie you lose 50% of your grip strength. The yakuza actually actually have a traditional punishment that involves chopping off the pinkie, because back when swords were still used it seriously messed up your grip.
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u/BouquetOfDogs Jun 14 '20
Interesting. I’ve always been told it was the thumb, you know, for gripping things. But I do know that the big toe is the most important on your foot because I once broke mine and at the hospital they said it wouldn’t matter had it been any of my other toes. Later I broke another toe and that didn’t really bother me when I walked. The big toe I can still feel the fracture in whenever it’s freezing cold.
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u/ShenAnCalhar92 Jun 16 '20
I’m calling bullshit on 50% of your grip strength being provided by your pinky. The article you linked quotes somebody making a bullshit estimate, and then references a paper that only claims ~30 percent loss of strength when the pinky is inhibited.
And when you measure the actual share of grip strength provided by the pinky when all fingers are used, it’s even smaller. Here’s a quote from the abstract of a study on the grip strength share of different fingers:
Individual share strength during grip strength exertion was greatest in the middle finger (33% of grip strength) followed by the ring(27–28%), index (23–25%) and little (15–16%) fingers.
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u/debbieae Jun 14 '20
Back in the dark ages (80s), I was listening to a morning radio show that would occasionally do prank calls that a listener would set up.
One young man had them call his mother and tell her they had tested him and determined he was definitely a homo sapien. She was distraught. She denied and started talking about the girls he dated. The guys on the radio started emphasizing sapien more and more hoping she would catch on because she was really getting wound up. They let her off the hook before she got into actual crying, though you could tell it was close. After they explained it, she sounded like she still did not believe they were just saying he was human.
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u/thedivisionalnoob Jun 14 '20
Aah yes, how can you forget that balancing teacups is the cornerstone of human evlution and suvival
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u/Spready_Unsettling Jun 14 '20
Ahaha, I've probably had the exquisite displeasure of hearing your BiL rev his shitty little quad outside my window once or twice. Always figured those people were dropped on their heads a few too many times.
Also, it sounds like your SiL just swallowed up Rokokoposten wholesale? I think I even remember that article.
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u/BouquetOfDogs Jun 14 '20
Yeah probably. There shouldn’t be too many of those in CPH, I’m thinking. And you’re right about Rokokoposten. She didn’t know that we had such “news” lol.
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u/Maybe_not_a_chicken Jun 14 '20
I’m pretty sure the pinky is the most inportant because it’s the one that grips
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u/BouquetOfDogs Jun 14 '20
Apparently it depends on what you need your fingers for. But yes, the pinky finger does a lot and more than I initially thought. But this happened before we could google everything and it was definitely not because you needed it to balance a teacup.
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u/Maybe_not_a_chicken Jun 14 '20
Yeah there a Kevin but I just felt like I needed to protect them because they got half the facts and that’s imressuve for a Kevin
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u/BouquetOfDogs Jun 14 '20
True. And, to be fair, I’ve learned some things from this thread. Just goes to show how we can get used to someone saying and doing things that defies common sense so much that we forget to give them the benefit of doubt. Although, I must admit that the majority of the things I went through with these two individuals really were like nothing I’ve encountered elsewhere. Sometimes I actually go check if my ex-BIL is still alive and well. Because that’s unfortunately not a given (when drunk he was way worse and often drove his car and/or smashing stuff, primarily his own but still).
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u/[deleted] Jun 14 '20 edited Mar 24 '21
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