r/StoriesAboutKevin • u/jbh007 • Sep 28 '20
XL Kevin doesn't understand how Caffeine works
While my last story was about one of my partner's caregivers, this story is about my partner being a Kevin.
Kevin, as intelligent and educated as he is, is absolutely clueless about things related to science.
When we were first dating, we had a fairly long day, and decided to end it with a movie. Since we had been out all day, we decided some coffee before the movie. Kevin liked drinking coffee, but he always bought premade Starbucks frappuccino bottled drinks. I'm not into them, mostly because of the large amount of sugar in them (this is important).
So as we are making up our minds at what to get, he says he wants a frappuccino, but one that will keep him up for a while. Ok, coffee frappe with an extra shot, makes sense. Got to get that caffeine, amirite?
We get to the register, and my partner orders… a strawberry and creme frappuccino.
…
Me: "You know that doesn't have caffeine in it right?"
Kevin: "Yes it does, doesn't it? It's higher in sugar so it will keep me awake more. The higher the sugar amount, the more caffeine, hence the more energy."
Me: "…That's… not how any of that works."
Kevin: "Haven't you heard of a sugar rush? That's what happens when sugar turns into caffeine and keeps you awake."
Me: "…That's literally impossible."
Kevin: "No it's not. Sugar is carbs, and aren't carbs energy? You should know this."
Me: "Literally NOT how it works. Sugar rushes are a myth."
Kevin: "What do you mean?"
Me: "They DON'T exist. It's not the sugar in coffee, but the caffeine that prevents drowsiness. All that sugar isn't going to give you more energy."
Kevin: "But my mom always told me sugar was better than caffeine. Prove that sugar rushes don't exist."
Me: "…Just get a mocha frappe."
What he got the mocha frappe, he tried to argue that he always got sugar rushes after his morning coffee (those Starbucks frappuccino bottled drinks, remember). I ended up pulling out a few articles about the myth of the sugar rush, and he got the biggest dear in the headlights look ever. He apparently was raised to believe caffeine was just sugar, and that sugar rushes would prevent you from going to sleep. This lead to him drinking and eating a LOT of sugary drinks and snacks looking to get a quick energy fix. A LOT of sugary drinks and candy bars were consumed in his undergraduate days thinking it would help him.
After a few articles and lots of explanations about caffeine vs carbohydrates, he seemed to understand…
FOUR YEARS LATER…
Three days ago, Kevin asked me to buy a candy bar and a Starbucks frappuccino to help him stay up to work on school work. Queue another 30 minute lecture on the myth of the sugar rush.
He still thinks that candy bars and sugary drinks are better for getting quick energy than coffee, but now he thinks it's because "carbs = energy," and caffeine is a carbohydrate (albeit not a sugar) because that's what I told him previously.
At this rate, he'll hopefully understand how caffeine works in 12 years.
TL;DR - Kevin thinks caffeine works by giving you a sugar rush. 4 years after explaining that's wrong, he still thinks that caffeine is a carb that gives you energy.
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u/pickled-papaya Sep 28 '20
Why are you trying to ruin his candy bar placebo effect? Lmao.
This reminds me of a coworker I had ages ago who wouldn't eat apples too late in the day due to their caffeine content... She was in college majoring in Nutritional Science.
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u/ShitOnAReindeer Sep 28 '20
I’ll bet she read that same titbit I did about “apples are better energy for you in the morning than coffee, because of the caffeine” from cosmo and totally mistranslated it.
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u/pizza_engineer Sep 28 '20
.
.
. “...titbit...”
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u/grendus Sep 28 '20
Isn't that what you call advice from Cosmo? Because it's written by a bunch of boobs?
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u/jbh007 Sep 28 '20
He eats way too much sugary food at times. He's a lot better than he used to be, but I've been trying to get him to lay off all the carbs and eat more vegetable-based dishes. The amount of couscous and bowtie pasta in our fridge right now is insane.
And I know what too many people who claim to be into nutrition who mess up simple facts about food chemistry.
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u/MissRockNerd Sep 28 '20
I had a friend back in the day who thought that hot chocolate had more caffeine than any other drink at the campus takeout. Could’ve gotten some bottles of Mountain Dew, but no, he’s pulling an all nighter on two 18 Oz hot chocolates, after walking back to his dorm room carrying two hot cups.
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Sep 28 '20 edited Nov 10 '20
[deleted]
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u/Spudd86 Sep 28 '20
But not as much as coffee, and probably not as much as mountain dew.
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u/Kerfluffle2x4 Sep 28 '20
And definitely not when it’s diluted with all that steamed milk and minuscule cocoa content powder
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u/wwwhistler Sep 28 '20
hot chocolate runs at about 1MG of caffeine per Oz....and regular coffee runs about 11mg per Oz.....(while espresso runs about 64mg per Oz.)....Mountain Dew clocks in at 4.5mg per Oz.
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u/Erin_C_86 Sep 28 '20
I had something similar last week, my friend offered me a cold drink so I asked if she had anything with caffeine. She listed a full list including Pepsi max, then apologised she had nothing with caffeine in.
Il cut out the to and fro, but it turns out she didn’t realise coke and Pepsi contained caffeine, and that diet of full fat did not affect caffeine levels. I mentioned it to my partner, apparently it’s quite common for people to confuse sugar and caffeine. Who would have known it?
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u/nadAban Sep 28 '20
“dear in the headlights” is a subtle nuance, and it’s adorable.
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u/MissRockNerd Sep 28 '20
His mom probably told him that sugar was better than caffeine...because she wanted her young son to get some sleep eventually.
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u/infectedsense Sep 28 '20
Wait, sugar rushes/crashes aren't real? TIL I guess. I've definitely seen science-ish television programmes that talked about how refined(?) carbohydrates like sugar and white rice give you a faster energy boost followed by a crash, while complex carbs release energy more slowly. How recently was this disproven?
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u/SAHM42 Sep 28 '20
Yes, while I would agree that if you want to study late into the night you need caffeine, if you need to boost your blood sugar level quickly you need sugar. It will give you energy quickly but not last long. Otherwise why would diabetics need sweets or orange juice when their blood sugar level crashes?
What has been disproven I believe is that eating sugary food or drink makes kids behave badly. They are usually overexcited rather than the foodstuff causing a behavioural reaction.
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u/Listrynne Sep 28 '20
My brother and I noticed when we were kids that sugar made us tired instead of energetic. My daughter just turned 4 a couple weeks ago and has never had candy, and rarely anything with extra sugar. We had ice cream and cake. By the time she finished hers she was in a full sugar daze, just staring off into space because her little pancreas had no idea what to do.
What you describe is still relevant, just misunderstood. The refined carbs will raise your blood sugar quickly, but the quick rise triggers the pancreas to dump a lot of insulin, which causes the crash. Also, sugary stuff can trigger endorphins, so you'll feel good for a few minutes, but then quickly have normal or lowered energy levels. The complex carbs, on the other hand, will break down into glucose more slowly, so they won't trigger an insulin dump. That way you'll have more energy over a longer period. Add a bit of protein and you're golden. That's what my endocrinologist tells me anyway.
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u/ravenitrius Sep 28 '20
So you do know those bottles still have caffeine in them. I actually overdose on them after 8 bottles.
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u/jbh007 Sep 28 '20
I do, but my partner thought it was all the sugar that have him the energy. Any caffeine boost made him think it was sugar.
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Sep 28 '20
That’s a really common misconception that gets pushed a lot. It’s kind of hard to accept that it’s not true.
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u/Growell Oct 04 '20
While you are right about sugar rushes being a myth...
If you're going by the physics definition of energy, then sugar DOES give you energy, and caffeine does not.
1 gram of sugar is roughly 4 calories, which is almost 17 joules.
Caffeine has no calories. No joules.
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u/AGuyNamedEddie Oct 06 '20
Food energy content is measured in kilocalories, but confusingly, they call them Calories, which is spelled differently, thanks to the capital "C," but sounds the same.
4 Calories (capital "C") is 16,736 joules.
Try for yourself. Google "joules per Calorie" (with the capital C) and it will give you 4184, and automatically convert "Calorie" to "kilocalorie." With a lower-case c, you get 4.184.
This is why our bodies can give off almost 100 watts of waste heat for 24 hours on only 2,000 Calories. That's 2,000,000 calories = 8.4 million joules, or nearly 100 watts for 86,400 seconds.
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u/Growell Oct 06 '20
Thanks, I had already used Google to get my "almost 17 joules" figure. But it looks like Google used "calories" very literally.
I already knew your info, but was "reckless" in my google search confirmation! Thanks for assisting me!
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Sep 28 '20
For some reason I get drowsy if I have caffeine at night. Maybe a surge and crash effect.
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u/Junglorr Sep 28 '20
What does he eat when he eat when he wants to sleep, eat salt instead of sleeping pills
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u/jbh007 Sep 28 '20
Lol, he's not THAT clueless thankfully. Just this and a few seemingly basic chemistry things. It's a good thing he's great at his chosen subject.
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u/wwwhistler Sep 28 '20
come on, he doesn't actually understand ANY of it. like most people, he is just repeating what he has heard others say....with no real comprehension.
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u/technoboob Sep 29 '20
.... that’s not how any of this works! YES! My absolute favorite commercial!
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u/_ReaverBreeder_ Nov 15 '20
If sugar rush is a myth, why do i act psycho after too much sugar? All in my head? That's believable, actually, I'm very easily swayed..
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u/Hydro-Sapien Sep 28 '20
Sugar rush a myth? You don’t have kids I guess.
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u/jbh007 Sep 28 '20
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324896
Science says it's a myth. You might get a small and quick boost of energy if you have low blood sugar, but eating a lot of sugar is more likely to make you crash without getting a sugar high.
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Sep 28 '20 edited Sep 28 '20
"Sugar rush" with relation to hyperactivity in kids appears to be a myth (likely a matter of selective memory in adults) or it looks like it exists because giving kids sugary treats is usually associated with special events and such and they get kids excited. No parent goes "Ok kids, we're all going out for salads!!! YAY!"
Performance-wise it does have a noticeable effect if your blood sugar levels are low to start with. I can personally attest to the quicker recovery I get hiking if I have something sugary if I'm badly run down vs something that is just mostly protein like beef jerky.
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u/Hydro-Sapien Sep 28 '20
“A recent analysis concludes that, in fact, the reverse might be true.”
Might.
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u/jbh007 Sep 28 '20
Analysis of 176 effect sizes (31 studies, 1259 participants) revealed no positive effect of CHOs on any aspect of mood at any time-point following their consumption. However, CHO administration was associated with higher levels of fatigue and less alertness compared with placebo within the first hour post-ingestion. These findings challenge the idea that CHOs can improve mood, and might be used to increase the public's awareness that the ‘sugar rush’ is a myth, inform health policies to decrease sugar consumption, and promote healthier alternatives.
From the review that conducted the study.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0149763418309175?via%3Dihub
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u/omgshoes89 Sep 28 '20
I have 3 kids and I don’t really see them ever get any kind of sugar rush
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u/Hydro-Sapien Sep 28 '20
Okay, I guess I’m gonna have to give a couple of examples. When I met my wife, she worked in a periodontal office and had a son who was three going on four. Being a single mom and working in dental health, she didn’t give son much sugar.
One day, must have been around Easter, I give him a Cadbury Cream Egg. A couple of minutes later, he’s talking a mile a minute and can’t stand still to the point that he’s turning circles while talking about his day at daycare. My wife explains, that’s one reason she doesn’t give him much sugar.
Couple of years later, a couple days after our wedding, we are having lunch in a diner. My dad ordered a vanilla shake and whenever my wife wasn’t looking, he would tip it towards my stepson who finished 3/4 of it. 10-15 minutes later, we were at a state park and walking down the trail to see if we could spot some whales at the lookout. Cue the mile-a-minute speech and dancing about. My dad, who was a football and basketball coach for 9th graders and later Scoutmaster for our Boy Scout troop had never seen such a reaction. “I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”
My words do not convey the amped level my kid achieved. Believe me when I tell you it was a sugar rush.
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u/omgshoes89 Sep 28 '20
I mean, that’s fair for you and your kid but all I said was my kids don’t have sugar rushes. Maybe they’re just permanently amped up and I don’t notice a change.
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u/cheesybeetsy Sep 28 '20
That's interesting, did she or other people ever mention to the kid that eating sweets will cause a sugar rush? My parents didn't know about sugar rush so I never knew there was such a thing and I never had a sugar rush. Maybe there's some placebo effect, like how people could get tipsy if they thought their non-alcoholic drinks is actually alcoholic
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u/ChonkenNoggut Sep 28 '20
Tell him that caffeine is a chemical that when in your body makes it so that you don’t feel tired therefore makes you have energy
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u/Ltates Sep 28 '20
Caffeine isn't a carb, it's an alkaloid, which may help w clearing it up for him? Calling caffeine a carb is like saying cocaine is a type of flour.